Will You Always Be There?
Chapters 17 through 18
Disclaimers as previously stated.
Chapter 170730
Saturday
Tilghman Island, Maryland
Harm and Mac decided to go down to Dogwood Harbor and do some sightseeing. They would explore Black Walnut Point tomorrow before they went back to Washington D.C.
They explored the 'Rebecca,' the oldest working skipjack. It was a National Historic Landmark. They took a two hour tour. The boats skipper held forth on anything from the boat's history to environmental issues. Some passengers took turns stepping into positions of crewmen. Harm and Mac just quietly observed. They were civilians on vacation today... They held hands and took in the Chesapeake Bay. Harm had been raised in California, but he loved the Chesapeake. There was a sense of history here like no other place. Annapolis was close by. He felt he had become a sailor on this bay so it was special to him.
The tour was winding down and Mac was showing some signs of being tired. Harm pulled her close to his side, "Hey, are you okay, Marine?"
"Yeah, I'm alright. I'm getting a little tired and I think I could use something warm to drink,"
They found a light yellow Victorian building that housed the 'So Neat Café and Bakery.' "This looks nice," Mac said as she crossed the street with Harm. They went in and the smell of fresh bread baking and coffee brewing made Mac's mouth water. "Oh, Harm, this reminds me of your grandmother's house. I think I really am going to miss her."
Harm smiled to himself. He was so pleased that they had hit if off so well. He had known they would. He said, "You're still going back aren't you?...after your surgery, I mean."
"I plan to, but it will all depend on what I'm going to have to have done after, chemo or radiation. If it's chemo Harm, I don't want to put that much on her. I know she is very strong for someone her age, but I have no idea how much I'll be able to handle. I couldn't impose that much on her. She's done so much for me already."
Harm nodded and pulled out a chair for Mac. He touched her shoulder and asked her what he could get for her. She told him and he went to get her coffee and Danish. She watched him walk to the counter and thought, 'he's as afraid as I am.' He wasn't going to flinch, though, and she wouldn't either.
Harm brought Mac's order to her with a small bowl of soup. "Hey, is that for me?" Mac asked.
"You need to eat more than a Danish for lunch, Mac." He brought his soup and salad as well, and to his surprise Mac didn't argue with him. They quietly ate their lunch, each deep in thought about the upcoming week and what it would mean to both of them. Mac decided that they would not dwell on this now. She loved that they had been so happy together over the last week. She drew as much strength from their ability to have fun together as she did from their affection. Harm had been very affectionate from the time he came in at his grandmother's house late Thursday through today.
Harm had been thinking almost the same thing. He wanted to hear her laugh; he could not get enough of that. He also could not keep his hands off of her. He used to think she would never tolerate that. He reached for her hand as those thoughts ran through his mind, almost involuntarily.
Mac smiled at him, "What are you thinking about, Harm?"
"I was thinking about how much I like to hear you laugh," he said with a lopsided grin.
Mac smiled mischievously and said, "Even if the laugh's on you, Flyboy?"
"Yeah, yeah, okay …she's back. Are you ready to go? I want to have a look at this nautical book shop next door,"
She stood and said, "Okay, but I want to see the plants and wicker place across the street before we go back to the cabin. They have a little bit of everything in there. It seems so from the window anyway." They agreed and set off.
Harm was wandering around the bookshelves, pulling out one book after another. Mac watched from across the room. Harm in Wonderland, she thought. Just then she saw Harm stand a little straighter and extend his hand to shake hands with a man who stood where Mac could not see him. Harm looked a little stunned and had an almost comical look on his face. Mac had to get a closer look, so she walked toward him. The man was walking away from Harm and said over his shoulder, "Try and stay out of trouble, will ya, Rabb?"
Harm quickly answered, "Yes sir, I will, Mr. Secretary…ah, nice meeting you, sir." The man walking away raised his hand but did not look back.
Mac approached Harm, watching the man walk away and turn the corner toward the door. Recognition dawned and she said to Harm, "That's not…
"Yes, it was," he said.
"So he knows all about you, huh?" Mac laughed.
"Yeah, I guess so. I wonder what Sheffield told him?"
Harm still looked stunned. Mac continued to laugh and said, "You know, Harm, it could have been one of so many things." With that she took him by the hand and led him toward the door.
"Mac, I'm never going to make captain…..Do you think the Boss knows about me?"
Mac shook her head. "Come on, Harmon, it's time to take me antiquing." Harm focused on Mac, grinned sheepishly and followed her out the door.
The plant and wicker shop did turn out to have a little bit of everything, and they both enjoyed browsing through. Mac was in the plants and wicker and Harm found an old library table that he decided to have shipped to his apartment. Mac was still taking it all in when a petite woman with blonde hair spoke to her. "It's lovely isn't it?"
"Yes, it is," Mac answered. "There is so much to see for a shop so small."
"Yes, my husband and I get down here every chance we get." Mac turned to look at the woman and recognized her immediately. She noticed Secret Service men outside and one just inside the door. "Do you come here often?" the woman asked.
"Ah…no, this is my first visit," Mac said.
The woman smiled pleasantly and said, "Well, I'm sure you'll be back."
"Yes," Mac said awkwardly and walked toward the door. Harm joined her; oblivious as to whom Mac was speaking. Mac smiled a half smile at the foreboding Secret Service man at the door and Harm frowned at him as he passed him.
Harm glanced over his shoulder and was once again surprised by the person he saw. He walked up beside Mac and draped his arm around her shoulder. "I'm about ready to get back to the cabin….how about you?" Mac nodded the affirmative and they walked toward their vehicle.
They both noticed the half dozen or so Secret Service strategically stationed around the harbor. They got into Harm's SUV and Mac asked, "You don't suppose this is the undisclosed location…do you?" They both looked at each other and at the same time said "Nah."
They got back to the cabin at mid-afternoon. It was warm, with the fall color nearly at its peak and the smell and the sound of the ocean not far way. 'The best of both worlds,' Mac thought.
"Do you want anything?" Harm asked.
"Coffee would be great," Mac said, smiling at Harm. "I could get used to this."
Harm looked at her directly in the eye, "Good."
She sat down in the rocker on the porch and listened to the sounds of the leaves rustling on the trees. She heard Harm clattering around in the kitchen. She sighed contentedly and leaned her head back on the rocker and fell immediately asleep.
Harm walked back to the porch with her cup of coffee and said "Hey Mac…" and stopped short noticing that she had fallen asleep. He returned the cup of coffee to the kitchen and walked back to the porch. He carefully lifted her from the chair and carried her to the bedroom. He laid her gently on the bed and covered her with the blanket that was folded on the end of the bed. She smiled in her sleep and snuggled down in the blanket. Harm stood at the doorway and thought, 'we're going to be alright,…Jack, I owe you …big time.'
Chapter 18
1730
Saturday
Tilghman Island, Maryland
Mac woke slowly. She heard the sounds of guitar music. 'Harm,' she thought. She sat up and wiped her eyes. Harm must have carried her in here after she fell asleep, she thought. How was it that she fell asleep so soundly and so quickly? She shook her head and got out of bed. She stretched as she padded to the front door.
The sun was beginning to set and Harm sat on a chair playing his guitar, focusing intently on the chords. He did not see or hear her walk out on the porch. "Hey, Sailor," she said.
Harm was startled and they both laughed a bit when he almost lost his hold on his guitar. "I didn't wake you, did I?"
"No, I don't think so. I don't want to spend my whole time here sleeping, anyway. I don't want to miss anything,"
Harm smiled to himself and said, "Well, I don't think there is any chance of that happening." He set his guitar by the chair against the wall and got up. He walked to Mac and pulled her into an embrace. "Hello."
Mac slipped her arms around his neck, "Hello yourself. What smells so good? I'm starved."
Harm had made his Veggie Lasagna. Mac teased him about his no meat tendencies…except at his grandmother's. He had made a good dinner, though, and she ate everything on her plate. Harm built a fire, and Mac took a bath and got into her more comfortable clothes. She loved her jeans but she liked her lounging pj's. It was more comfortable to curl up on the couch with Harm. She smiled at the thought...
Harm was washing his hands in the kitchen and Mac walked into the living room and saw two mugs of tea sitting on the coffee table waiting for them.
"Harm, you are spoiling me so much. I'm going to expect this all the time, you know." There was a fire going in the fireplace. The wood scent filled the room. It was just cool enough to enjoy the fire. Harm walked through the doorway and rolled his sleeves back down. He could smell her shampoo and the scent she wore. It was not 'Warm Vanilla Brown Sugar" this time. It was a little more exotic.
She looked soft and sexy and warm and he wanted to pick her up and carry her to the bedroom. He didn't want to push too hard where that was concerned, though, not yet. She still seemed fragile to him. Last night was something he'd never forget as long as he lived, but he still knew he had better let her call the shots. He didn't want to risk ruining everything they had built up between them over the last week.
"Where are you, Harm?"
"Oh...just thinking," he said, smiling sheepishly.
"Come and sit down with me," she said, extending her hand. Harm walked toward her and took her hand and sat down. He lifted her feet onto his lap and gently began to rub them. "Nice fire,"
"Yeah," It was suddenly too quiet and a little awkward. 'No,' Mac thought, 'we're not going backward.'
Harm saw her frown and said "Does this hurt?"
"No," she sighed, "I guess it got a little quiet and I got worried….no... it's stupid."
"What?" he said.
"I'm just afraid of going back to the way we were before you took me to Belleville. I don't want to face this alone, Harm, but I'm not used to leaning on anyone or letting anyone close." She looked away from him. "This is all new to me."
Harm smiled at her and gave her foot a squeeze. "You're doing fine, Marine. What is it Grandma says?"
They both answered at the same time. "Sometimes you just have to take things minute by minute." They both laughed a little and relieved the small amount of tension in the air.
Mac looked at Harm, who was looking at the fire. There was so much she wanted to explain to him. 'Oh, well,' she thought, 'here we go.'
"Harm, I've had to be tough of heart to change my life. I had to be someone different than I was when I joined the Marines. I could not react the same way I did when things got hard. No more hiding in the bottle or blaming my father for everything. I took everything on myself and it worked for a long time. In this situation it doesn't work. When I hold things in, the fear and pain only seem to get harder to bear. When I first got my diagnosis I tried to do things the same way I always had. I tried to tough it out and lose myself in my work. It nearly drove me crazy. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't shown up that night and took me out to Belleville with you. I don't know what I would have done without your grandmother Harm. Getting through this takes a different kind of strength, one that I'm just beginning to understand."
Harm took Mac's hand and let her feet slip down to the floor. He pulled her into his arms and she snuggled up under his chin. He kissed her hair and thought for a long time. The quiet was not awkward this time. It was full of understanding. He remembered Mac breaking down at his grandmother's house, how lost she had sounded. It was all he could do not to cross the room and pull her into his arms right then. Grandma had been right, though. Mac wasn't ready to let him see her like that yet. He was so glad she trusted him enough to tell him this now, and he told her so.
Mac hugged him more tightly, "I'm just glad you never gave up on me completely. Cmdr. McCool says that I kept doing things that drove you away or kept you at arm's length because I didn't think I deserved you."
Harm shook his head and hugged her back. She was pouring her heart out again, with an intensity that nearly left him speechless.
"I thought I deserved men who lied to me or didn't really want the real me, the Marine and the woman."
Harm quietly said, "I don't think I know how to separate the two."
Mac lifted her head from his shoulder and looked him in the eye, "I know." She kissed him lightly on the lips then returned to her spot on his shoulder and began to talk again. "I was always so careful, or at least I tried to be. I never wanted anyone to think I couldn't do my job objectively. I know I fell on my face a couple of times, but I thought I had gotten back on my feet on my own. Now I fear that the career I've worked so hard to preserve will be taken away from me because of this…disease."
"You don't know that, Mac. Look at Bud. He had his moments but he came back and you will too. I know you, Mac, and I've always been proud of you, even when you were driving me crazy."
Mac smiled, remembering seeing Harm on ZNN carrying the little girl from the C-130 last year. "What?" Harm said.
"I was just remembering seeing you on TV last year after you landed that C-130 on that carrier. I remember thinking, only you, Rabb. I was proud of you then, and I would have died before I admitted it but I missed you so much. When I saw you, just for a moment, I felt I was there with you."
Harm interrupted, "You were, Mac. I may not have answered your messages, but the feelings I had for you would not go away."
Mac sat up and looked at him. "I'm sorry, Harm – for both of us, and what this terrible year did to our lives. I'm glad it's behind us."
"I am, too," Harm said.
They were quiet for a long time and then Mac asked, "Um, Harm, do you stay in touch with any of your old partners from the Company?"
Harm's smile spread slowly across his face and he thought, 'I was wondering if she was going to get around to that question.' Aloud he said, "Hey, let me up so I can put another log on the fire."
Mac thought, 'stupid stupid… I should never have asked.' She said "I'm sorry, Harm, it's none of my business."
Harm almost laughed while he had his back turned. She was trying so hard to be sweet, but she was dying of curiosity and he knew it. He stood and brushed the wood from his hands. "I'll, uh, be right back. I need to wash my hands."
Mac sat up on the edge of her seat and waited for him to return. She could see him from where she sat, washing his hands. 'God, I hope I didn't blow it,' she thought. He walked back, looking down, and then when he looked at her she looked so stricken that he almost felt sorry for teasing her. Almost…he still owed her for Sweet Thing.
He sat back on the couch and reached for her shoulders and turned her around and toward him. She was reclining across his lap and he held her loosely.
"I don't hear much from Beth O'Neil or Catherine Gale. They were friends, Mac, nothing more."
"Oh...well, I just assumed…I guess it's none of my business. I, I'm really making a mess of this aren't I?"
Harm just smiled at her, and she pretended to punch him in the chest.
"You…You're enjoying this just a little too much, flyboy. I just thought because Beth made it no secret when she was attracted to someone that...well you…are very, um well, very attractive."
Harm was laughing now. "Oh… thank you so much, Mac."
"Oh, stop it," she said.
"Mac, there was never anything going on there, really. There couldn't have been."
Mac was puzzled.
"Do you remember when you and Sturgis and Manetti and I were talking after her sexual harassment case was over, and you asked what our secret was? Do you remember what we said?"
Mac thought for a moment and said aloud "Don't ask." She looked at Harm and he raised an eyebrow. "Oh. Don't ask, don't tell…Really?" Harm nodded and Mac blushed.
"What are you blushing about, Marine?" Harm said.
"I don't know…I consider myself a pretty worldly person, but that one went right over my head."
Mac was totally dumbfounded and Harm couldn't help but laugh. He hugged her close and she pounded his back.
"Okay, okay… knock it off, sailor."
They both pulled back at the same time and looked at each other. They both eased in to kiss each other lightly on the lips. One kiss led to another, and before they knew it they became passionate. Harm leaned forward and pushed her back into his lap. He could not get close enough or enough of her taste. He felt a sense of possession of her. She was his no matter what happened. It was a fact. He also knew he'd better back off a bit or he'd lose some of that control Mac was so glad he had. He backed off and broke the kisses to shorter but sweeter ones. He would never let her feel rejected by him again. He had learned that over the last week anyway. How could she have ever thought he didn't think she was good enough for him?
Mac seemed to sense what he was doing and decided to start the conversation and lighten the mood.
"So, Harm, since we seem to be in the mood to tease, are you finally going to tell me what it is 'I ought to know'?" She gave him her best Cheshire cat smile. "No kidding, Harm, I've always wondered what was going on with you that day."
Harm shook his head and thought payback.
He said, "Okay, do you remember that I had fallen backward in the admiral's chair that day and really hit my head hard?"
Mac nodded the affirmative.
"Well… almost every time I saw you that day….let's just say you weren't in uniform and we weren't talking about JAG business."
Mac smiled mischievously. "Really?"
"Yeah… really," he said.
"So tell me, sailor….what was it I was supposed to know?"
Harm blushed profusely and said "Well, that particular time I saw you; ah… you came into the room in a beautiful evening gown and told me that it was supposed to rain that afternoon…and that it was perfect weather for making love."
Harm looked away. This was getting to him …big time and having her close with her body soft and pliable in his arms, even the easy laughter between them was about to set him on fire.
Mac gave him a slow sly smile and said "Oh."
"That wasn't the worst part. I…ah, called Renee Mac that next morning. I swear I saw you, wrapped in a towel, sitting on the side of my bed. I thought I was losing my mind."
"Oh, honey." Mac chuckled softly.
She reached up to caress his face. She ran the tips of her fingers through his hair from the side of his head to the back of his neck. She was killing him and she didn't even know it. Lighten this up, Rabb, he thought.
He had an evil thought then. He would get her. He would have her stammering in nothing flat.
"Okay, Mac…I get to ask you something now."
She smiled and said, "Alright."
He looked her directly in the eye and smiled. "Ah…you know last night when we were…. Well, you know when we were."
The look in her eyes sent his upper hand completely out of reach. 'Smooth Rabb…who is stammering now?' Harm berated himself.
"Making love?" Mac answered, finishing his sentence.
"Yeah, you, ah…said that you didn't think you could… and ….well, you didn't finish your sentence," Harm stammered. He could still hear the sound of her voice, saying his name, saying she loved him.
Mac looked at him through narrowed eyes and leaned in close and kissed him lightly on the lips. She drew back and looked him in the eye.
"Oh, I think you know….don't you Harm?"
Harm nodded the affirmative. He kissed her then; the fire was back and burning hotter than ever.
Harm broke the kiss and said, "God… Mac, I want you so much… but I'm afraid I'll hurt you."
Mac chuckled softly and shook her head. "Not you, Harmon, not with all your control." She nipped his bottom lip before he took control and kissed her deeply.
Sometime later…
The house was dark. The only sounds inside the house were coming from the bedroom. The sounds of soft laughter, pleasure and then rumbling thunder from outside and a cloudburst of rain.
Mac whispered into Harm's ear, "Oh, Harm….it's raining. I heard that someone said that it was perfect weather for…" Mac didn't finish the sentence. She was otherwise occupied.
TBC