Disclaimer
(Just so I won't get sued…)
All related characters and settings found below are strictly based on the TV series Hey Arnold! created by Craig Bartlett as seen on Nickelodeon.

8: Helga's Maneuver

Vic tightened his fist and took a punching stance as he lifted Arnold's feet half his own height above the ground with his other hand.

"We'll get your king dad's empire before we bring you back to him… DEAD! SAY YOUR PRAYERS, BLONDIE!"

"UNHAND THAT BLONDIE, YOU TEN-TON, THICK-SKULLED THUG!"

Helga! Arnold turned to the direction of the yell.

Without warning, the door to the outside cracked apart and in marched ten fourth grade kids, a girl sporting a carnation-pink dress and bow in the lead and pointing at Arnold's assailant threateningly.

"ARNOLD!" Exclaimed nine of them in unison.

More pluckily than ever, Helga marched towards Arnold and his opponents, her fists fully set at her sides. Arnold pinched the hand on his neck and threw his dangling legs about as his toughest classmate drew closer.

"No! Helga, don't come any closer! HELGA!"

Helga tramped on, pounding her fists on her palms. She glared at Arnold and his captors. "Not a word from you, Arnuldo!"

Stinky, who stood stiffly at the back of the group, whispered to the rest. "Gawrsh. Helga sure is tough."

The others, standing just as stiffly, simply nodded off in dread.

The girl with the one eyebrow cracked her knuckles. "It's time for these dimwitted brutes to know the truth, Arnold my not-relative!"

Phoebe's companions murmured amongst themselves.

"What—?"

"Arnold's not Helga's relative! Is he?"

"What's she talkin' about?"

"Helga's lost her marbles!"

Phoebe calmed the group as Helga advanced further. "You're all about to find out."

Overwrought in her own right, with her eyes Phoebe followed her best friend Helga, who braved to right the wrong that had been ceded to the one boy she loved.

"HELGA! STOP!" Arnold thrashed about more violently.

His classmates save Phoebe, who clasped her hands together in fear, traded oblivious looks. "What's goin' on?"

Morrie staggered back as the gutsy little blond girl imposed herself before him and seized him by the collar.

"I told you to unhand that blondie! You blockheads got the wrong one!"

The eight unknowing grade school kids gasped. Seven of them turned to look at Nadine, who shrugged. Phoebe cleared her throat and pointed to Helga. The eight said their ohhh-s and ahhh-s and turned to look at Helga again.

"No! I'm the one you want! I'm Arnold Pataki!" Arnold cringed as Vic strangled him tighter.

Saying that in front of the guys was a really bad idea…

The eight unknowing grade school kids gasped once more.

"Arnold said he's a Pataki!" Pointed Harold.

The fourth graders spare Phoebe doubled over.

Slapping his knee, Curly added, "Arnold married Helga and got her last name!"

The hysterical laughter resumed.

Phoebe tried to call her classmates' attention. "You don't understand…"

"You dunno who you're messin' with, buddy! Oh no!" Said Gerald.

"That's right, you klutzy kidnappers." Helga tugged Morrie's lapel to level his face with hers. "I'm Helga G. Pataki, only child of Big Bob 'The Beeper King' Pataki—"

The class corrected her intentional mistake. "Hey! What about Olga?"

"Thanks for nothing, ya snitchin' weasels!" Helga snapped back and then faced the man again, pointing to Arnold. "—So leave that football-headed freak alone 'cause he's got absolutely nothing to do with me!"

Smirking, Morrie pushed himself away from the hardhearted girl. "Wide blond hair, yeah… P.S. 118? Fourth grader? What's your G.?"

"HELGA!" Arnold cried as Helga folded her arms across her chest.

"Yeah—What's it to ya—and Geraldine."

The eight unknowing grade school kids gasped one more time.

"What? Ya losers didn't know that?"

Arnold and Phoebe sighed.

Morrie's brows knitted as he blinked and gave Helga the once-over. Then he exchanged glances with Vic. "Yeah, that's 'er! She's got The Beeper King's eyebrow! GET 'ER!"

Vic released Arnold from his clutches and dashed towards Helga. Arnold landed on the floor with a thud and stretched his arm towards the scene of the chase.

"NO!"

The other fourth graders cowered in terror—some hugged each other, and Harold lay sideways on the floor and sucked his thumb—as both gangsters hurled themselves at Helga.

The girl backed up into a wall and, as she glanced at her classmates, Vic and Morrie moved in. Helga bobbed her head down and the two men ended up punching—and cracking—the wall… and their knuckles.

"Ha!" Mocked Helga as she edged away. "One go and you've got your knuckles all sore an' black-and-blue! Why don'tcha let your mommy kiss your boo-boo? But mommy's not here, so just try suckin' your thumbs!"

"Hey! Stop that, Madam Fortress Mommy!" Bawled Harold, still curled up—and doing just what Helga said—alongside their classmates' feet.

Helga cast a furious look at him as she dodged the men's attacks. "Well, no offense meant to you, Harold!"

When Vic thrust his arm back to punch her, she ducked in time, and his blow was so strong that he pummeled his own cheek.

"Why don'tcha quit your childish game now before you get yourself more hurt than you already have, ya dopey mama's boy?"

"HEY!"

Losing her temper completely, Helga shirked Vic's offense, paid no heed to Morrie taking a revolver, and sauntered right before the deathly frightened Harold. The other fourth graders separated sides to give way to her and stared at her, even more terrified than they were of the kidnappers.

Helga slapped Harold on the face. Harold's thumb popped out of his mouth and he gawked at the girl who was towering over him.

"I wasn't talking to you, Harold Berman!" Shrieked Helga, pointing to the enemy. "I was insulting them!"

"Which y' can't do anymore, little lady!"

Helga and the others whirled and found Morrie pointing a gun at all of them. They gasped, and Harold began sucking his thumb again and rolled back and forth across the floor.

Vic took out his own revolver. "Yeah, we got ya right where we want ya!"

"All of ya! One false move and we'll shoot!"

Helga staggered rearward as she stretched her arms back and enclosed the others.

As he embraced Sid in fright, Stinky frowned. "How do ya make a 'false move'?"

"Silence!" Cried Morrie. "The whole lot of ya aren't going anywhere till we tell ya! Are we on the same page here?"

As he spoke, Arnold, who was holding fire until the perfect moment, tiptoed closer to the back of the two men.

His ten classmates all saw him moving in for the kill. Most of them were about to gasp, scream, cheer, and expose other revealing reactions to the hoodlums when Helga made herself lose her footing and tripped over her classmates behind her, knocking all of them down and—ultimately—cutting their reactions short.

"Whoops. Clumsy me." She said insincerely, firing a fierce look at Arnold.

Arnold nodded at her and rammed himself into Vic's torso with all his weight, using his head and elbow as battering ram. As the kids hooted and cheered for him, Vic collapsed upon Morrie, who before he got entirely squashed pulled the trigger of his rifle.

The gunshot sent nine kids screaming in a mad run for cover.

"Get off me, you good-for-nothing beast!" Yelled Morrie.

When Vic got up, the determined Morrie aimed his revolver precisely on Helga's heart.

End of 8: Helga's Maneuver

I love Arnold. I love Helga. I love Arnold and Helga. I love their tacit teamwork. I love the way they pick on—and unconsciously pick—each other! There's chemistry between them. You'll see more in chapter nine (my favorite chapter).

Since you got this far, why don't you Submit a Review? The next chapter won't fly away or something! Here's what to expect…
The Rescue Team from Sunset Arms lurks in the limelight in chapter 9: Of Loincloths and Wrecking Balls. (You could already guess who will show up, I believe.)