Will You Always Be There?
Chapters 28 and 29
Disclaimers as previously stated.
Chapter 28
0400
Sunday
Rabb Farm
Belleville, Pennsylvania
Mac woke at 0400 exactly. Harm was still wrapped around her and he had shifted his weight more on his back and brought her with him. Her head resting entirely on his arm and his head back on the pillow but rolled toward her. He was breathing softly into her ear and down her neck.
'What I wouldn't give to be feeling better now,' she thought. "Harm." He roused slightly and rolled them both to their sides and nuzzled her neck, breathing her name. "It's after 0400, Harm. You have to get going,"
Harm didn't want to let her go; she was so warm. "Five more minutes, Mac…Five more minutes won't make any difference."
Mac smiled, loving the way he held her, she would miss him greatly. They had both slept a full 8 hours. She was glad for Harm's sake. It would be a long trip over and not a lot of opportunity for a good night's sleep once he got there. She lay there trying to memorize the way his body felt tucked in behind her. She wanted to remember the sound of his breathing and the low husky sound of his voice when he was sleepy. God, she hated being left behind. She wanted to go too. Be there for him, help him with the case, and make sure he got back here in one piece.
Just then Harm took a deep breath and said, "Okay, I'm up. I can hear you thinking all the way over here."
"Oh, really, what am I thinking?" she asked.
"That I better get my six in gear or I'll have to deal with Sturgis, and I do not want to deal with Sturgis and a trip to Iraq on the same day."
Harm got up to get ready to leave, and after he had left the room Mac got up very carefully from the bed. She raised her eyebrows and thought, 'Not too bad.' She was sore but did not need anything for pain. She made her way to the kitchen to make coffee after freshening up a little. Mrs. Rabb came downstairs and made her way to the cupboard. She took down 3 cups and a container which held her pastries. "Oh, those aren't what I think they are, are they?" Mac asked.
Mrs. Rabb smiled as she filled the cups with coffee. "Help yourself, Mac," Mrs. Rabb filled an insulated cup and placed an apple fritter in a Ziploc for Harm's trip back.
Harm came into the room just then, leaving his bag by the door. Mrs. Rabb made her way directly to him. She said, "I'll say my goodbye now, Harmon." She patted his shoulder and kissed his cheek. "I'll take good care of Mac. You just get back here as soon as you can, alright?"
"I will, Grandma, and don't worry, I'll be fine."
She smiled at him and placed her hand on his cheek. "I don't have any doubt that you will be, Harmon." And with that she left the room.
Mac stood at the kitchen sink in her pajamas and robe. She said, "What a picture I must make for you to take with you to Iraq."
Harm walked over to her and took her hand and kissed her forehead. "You look beautiful to me."
Mac looked at him, and she saw that soft look on his face that melted her heart. She wanted him to miss her. She wanted him to remember that the 'well' Mac was still in here waiting for her body to heal so she could be with him as his partner, his friend or anything else for that matter. Especially the anything else. She reached up and ran the tips of her fingers lightly through his hair and down the nape of his neck. She leaned in and kissed him with all the love and passion she could muster. She loved him; she didn't want him to forget it.
If she only knew what she did to him when she did that. Just the touch of her fingers in his hair… He held her by her shoulders and pulled her as close to him as he could without hurting her. There was such desperation in her kiss; she was afraid he would forget her, he could feel it. 'I won't forget you, Mac,' he thought. When they broke the kiss he said,
"I'll miss you." He kissed her again lightly and said, "If we don't stop this, I'll never get out of here."
"I know," Mac said and they both walked toward the door. Mac picked up the cup and Ziploc his grandmother had prepared for him. She walked him out to the SUV and waited for him to load up and get in. He rolled the window down. It was cool but Mac wanted every second.
She leaned in and kissed him goodbye. They both said "I love you" at the same time. They both laughed softly, and then Mac backed away from the vehicle. Harm started the engine and Mac continued to back away, and then she turned to walk up to the house. Harm turned the vehicle around and drove down the drive.
Mac turned to look as she went in the front door. It was predawn and she could see the taillights of his SUV as he was leaving. She watched until he was out of sight.
0830
Sunday
Interstate 76 West
Somewhere near the Maryland state line
Harm dialed Jen and Mattie's apartment. They talked about his assignment and hammered out details of managing Mattie. Tom would be available to help while Mattie was off for teacher conferences. He would also be attending Mattie's parent teacher conference. Jen would cover Mattie's basketball practice.
"Hey, tell Mattie when she gets in tonight that I'm sorry about this," Harm said.
Jen answered, "She is doing a lot better with the separations now, sir. She seems to be doing very well with her life as it is now."
"Yeah I think so too…and Jen –"
Coates interrupted him. "I know, sir, what would you do without me?"
He laughed. "Hey… enough of that, having the colonel reading my mind is enough. I can't be that be that much of an open book, can I?"
"Not at all, sir. By the way, how is the colonel doing?"
"She's great and I left her in good hands," They ended the call, and with Mattie handled temporarily, he focused on getting back to JAG and the case at hand.
1800
Sunday
Somewhere over the Atlantic
Harm settled back in his seat. He would be flying commercial to Germany, so he still had some time to get a little rest before taking a C-130 for the rest of the journey into Iraq. He wasn't even sure of what stops would be made until he reached his final destination. Baghdad. He missed Mac already, but he had to admit his adrenaline was pumping. He was ready to get started doing what he did.
This was the other place in the world where he belonged. Home wasn't always a place, though Belleville was that; it was being in uniform and doing his job. It connected him to his father and grandfather. It was as real as any place with a zip code
Major Mike McBurney sat across the aisle opposite Harm with headphones on, listening to something entirely too loud. 'God… to be 28,' Harm thought. He considered that for a moment and decided, 'No thanks'.
McBurney was accomplished, no doubt: a tour in Afghanistan with 2nd Battalion headquarters, 5th Marines. His fit reps were glowing. He was definitely on the fast track. He'd damn near landed him in Leavenworth, although he knew now his own stubbornness and stupidity had helped McBurney a great deal. He was an arrogant SOB though; he had to admit too that he reminded him a bit of himself at a much younger age. 'God…I'm getting old,' he thought with a lopsided grin.
McBurney picked that moment to look at him, lifted the earpieces away from his ears and said, "Sir? Did you say something?"
Harm was a bit embarrassed and said, "No…by the way, what are you listening to?"
He handed him the cover of his 'Los Lonely Boys' CD. "Their sound is bit like Santana or Stevie Ray Vaughan."
Harm looked at the CD and gave McBurney a smirk. "My ward has this CD and while its good there is no comparison to Vaughan. 'Heaven' compared to 'Texas Flood'? Hmmpf."
Mc Burney took the CD back and shrugged. 'Whatever'. He replaced his headphones and leaned his head back on the seat. 'Commander Rabb is a purist….big surprise,' he thought.
0430
Baghdad time
Tuesday
Green zone
Baghdad, Iraq
Harm and McBurney checked into their quarters. They decided to get some rack time before they started interviews later today at 1000. They had come in during the night, but Harm could still see the huge difference in Baghdad since the last time he had been there in 95'.
Saddam was gone and the smell of fear was out of the air. The eerie quiet that falls over a place when the slightest indiscretion could be punished by death or dismemberment, where whole families disappeared in the night never to be seen again, was gone.
The atmosphere was nowhere near peaceful, though. He saw nearly no one out on their ride from the airport due to curfews. It was not completely quiet. Something unsettled hung in the air. The Marines pulling escort duty to get them to the green zone were hyper vigilant. You had to respect them…all the Marine jokes go away when you see the level of readiness and professionalism they demonstrated, and most of the Marines on this escort were younger than McBurney.
They had been given a small office for interviews. They decided to start at the top and work their way down. First was Marine Major Matt Anderson. When he was asked to give his take on the story, he said,
"We were asked to bring Mr. Kanin along with us on patrol."
"By whom?" Harm asked.
The major answered, "General Watson, sir. We attempted to give Mr. Kanin a bit of training in how he should proceed if he were to accompany us. The word from senior enlisted was that he was less than cooperative. We met on one occasion."
When he was asked what, if anything, he did about the senior enlisted concerns about Kanin's level of cooperation, the major reported that he was not aware until after the incident. They spoke with a Staff Sergeant Timothy Mallory and Corporal Mike Salazaar. They all supported the major's report that Kanin had been difficult. It was nearly 1700 Baghdad time. They still needed to interview Sergeant Brendan Walters, the person apparently bearing the brunt of this.
They were to report to General Watson once they had completed their interviews and made their recommendations. Their interview would take place tomorrow at 0800. Rabb and McBurney settled into their makeshift office and discussed the interviews. "This can't be as open and shut as it looks," Harm said.
"So they're all lying, sir?" McBurney said, clearly taking some offense.
"No, Major, that is not what I meant at all. We just don't have the whole picture. It can't be this simple, and the SecNav wouldn't be involved if this didn't go a little deeper than we have been able to assess today."
Because Harm was the senior officer on the case, he instructed Major McBurney to have a preliminary report ready by 0630 the next morning and he was dismissed.
Harm had settled in at his desk and was e-mailing Coates to get some junior officers going on getting him some more background on Mr. Kanin. He also got an update on how Mattie was doing. Coates had been a God send once again.
Mattie and her father were going to take a long weekend in Blacksburg after her teacher conference. He had not heard anymore from her or Tom about their reopening Grace Aviation. He knew, though, that it was just a matter of time. Harm would also able to get an update on her progress at school. Her home room teacher had been kind enough to offer to e-mail a summary after their conference.
Harm had been at his computer for some time when he decided to get a little more coffee. It was definitely Marine coffee. One step above the SEAL coffee the admiral had made for Master Chief Boesch when he paid a visit to JAG. 'What was it with these guys, anyway,' he thought, shaking his head. He returned to his computer. He noticed that he had an e-mail; thinking that it was something on Kanin, he opened it. It was from Mac. It read:
"Hey sailor….just thought I'd drop you a line and let you know I'm thinking about you. Your grandmother is walking my legs off. LOL. I think I've covered this farm 10 times. I'm feeling better. I miss you though. I miss my spooning partner (smile) I know you're really busy and I won't be mad if I don't hear form you. Just hurry and get that case over with so you can get back here, sailor. I'm badly in need of your company (big wide grin).
I love you
Mac
Harm had only sent one e mail as soon as he got in. Short and sweet and to the point:
Hey…I made it over here in one piece. Very different from my last visit. Miss you.
Love, Harm
He felt bad that he hadn't sent more but he also knew Mac understood. He wanted no room for error. He wanted the hell out of here and back to her ASAP. He was focused only on this investigation, and getting to the bottom of what appeared to be a more complicated case than he had imagined.
Mac crept into his thoughts, though; but then she always did. The problem now was that he didn't have to fantasize about her. The real thing was a hell of a lot harder to push out of his mind. He would never lie down in bed at night without wanting to hold her. He'd never hear rain on the roof and not remember her soft sexy laughter at their private joke about what he thought she ought to know.
He sent her a quick e-mail and told her just that. He smiled, thinking of her and then decided that was as far as he should go if he wanted to get anything else done tonight.
Chapter 29
Disclaimers: As previously stated. The people and situations written about in this story are purely fictitious and are not meant to represent any person or event.
Spoilers: Anything from may be 'loosely' referred to and any episode up to Retrial may be referred to.
0800
Green zone
Naval Brig
Baghdad, Iraq
Sergeant Brendan Walden was brought to the small room used for attorney/client conferences. He had a bandage over his right eye, and his left arm was in a cast and rested in a sling. He had numerous healing cuts on both hands and some on his face. The sergeant stood at attention and said "Sirs." Harm told him to stand at ease and then to be seated.
Major McBurney said, "How were you injured, Sergeant?"
Harm looked quickly at McBurney as the sergeant replied. "During the ambush in which Mr. Kanin was killed."
Harm said, "We'd like you to tell us exactly what happened as you saw it."
The sergeant told them that Mr. Kanin, the DOD 'advisor,' was to accompany them on their patrol on the day in question. It was explained to the advisor respectfully that he had to complete a training session in addition to the briefing he received from the senior DOD officials when he arrived. He reported that Mr. Kanin was less than cooperative.
"Permission to speak freely, sir?" the sergeant asked. Permission was granted. "Sirs, this was a mistake from the beginning. We are always prepared, we train everyday and we wouldn't allow ourselves to become complacent. Mr. Kanin had a hostile attitude toward all of us. He seemed to feel we didn't know anything and stated that he thought we 'obviously' didn't know what we were doing or the job would be done. I couldn't believe he was from the DOD. He just walked away from us. Said he would see for himself how this 'mess' was going. I followed him with the rest staying on the planned course. I saw the insurgents on the rooftop but by the time I got to him it was too late."
Harm and the major finished up the interview, informing the sergeant when asked that he would be apprised of their findings soon.
1100
Wednesday
Rabb Farm
Belleville, Pennsylvania
Mac and Mrs. Rabb walked up the drive, finishing up her morning exercise. She continued to feel stronger every day. She did not feel 100 but she was definitely improving.
She was now one week and one day post surgery. October would soon be over and she looked forward to having Harm back as soon as this weekend.
Mrs. Rabb asked, "Had enough for now, Mac?"
Mac said she was okay but that she was ready for some rest.
They went into the kitchen and sat down, each with a cup of coffee. "You're looking better, Mac."
"I'm feeling better. I wish I could just get back to work so I can feel like me again. It's strange how greedy we are with our lives. Before my surgery I just wanted to live, for my tumor not to have spread. As I begin to feel better I want more – I want my life back. I want it all. I want the doctors to tell me I'm cured."
"One step at a time," Mrs. Rabb reassured her.
Just then the phone rang and Mrs. Rabb answered it. It was Sturgis for Mac. "Mac, how are you?" he said.
"I'm fine, getting better all the time. What's up, Sturgis?'
"Two things. One, we have a new JAG starting Monday the 1st of November, and second, a bit of bad news, I'm afraid. I'm passing this on in case Harm doesn't get time to let you know. He is going to have to stay in Baghdad for at least another 3 weeks."
Mac was silent; she was disappointed but changes like this were par for the course for them in many situations. "Thanks for the call, Sturgis. Who is the new JAG, anyway?"
Sturgis answered, "General Gordon Creswell, USMC."
Mac was stunned into silence. "Mac?" Sturgis asked.
"I'm here, Sturgis."
"He wants to see you when you come in for your follow up at Bethesda. I'll transfer you to Coates to set something up." Mac set up her appointment for the following Tuesday immediately following her appointment.
Mac told Mrs. Rabb that she wanted to lie down for a while. She had moved back up to the guest room now. She went to the room and shut the door. She went to the window and looked out on the gray sky and felt as bleak as the sky looked. Suddenly every bad moment of her past had followed her to this peaceful place. Would she ever stop paying for that foolish choice? General Gordon Creswell had been a very close friend of John Farrow's. The man who was responsible for helping her get where she was today. A man whose military career was destroyed and it was because of her.
2200
Wednesday
Green Zone
Baghdad, Iraq
"What?' Harm said into the phone on his desk. He had just come into their small makeshift office to gather some additional information for his report. Sturgis was calling with Harm's new assignment.
"Sorry, buddy, you are needed there for at least another 3 weeks. You and Major McBurney will both be staying. We've got a bit of a situation there. It seems a British news magazine on the BBZ) has some footage of a Marine lt. colonel dressing down a junior enlisted man. There was a bit of chest thumping and I don't mean the lt. colonel's. The SecNav wants you involved because you're – "
"—the most experienced," they both said at once. "Great," Harm said.
"I took the liberty of letting Mac know," Sturgis said. Harm thanked him and Sturgis told him about the new JAG starting the following Monday.
"So you'll be Chief of Staff starting Monday," Harm said.
"Yes, and I have to say I'm more than ready to hand this off to the general."
They ended the call. Harm walked back toward his quarters. He passed Major McBurney's quarters on the way and told him about their extended time here. The major appeared unfazed. There was something about this kid that rubbed him the wrong way and he could not put his finger on it. It may have been his speaking out of turn this morning with Sergeant Walden. Harm was lead counsel after all. He had headphones on again.
He looked at Harm and said, "Hoobastank." Harm could hear 'The Reason' playing on the headphones from across the room.
"I know who it is, major. Goodnight." 'I know what it is,' he thought with a sarcastic smile. 'He's a smartass.'
Harm got back to his quarters and began getting things arranged for the next 3 weeks. Mattie was the priority. He spoke with Coates and Tom, and left a message for Mattie. He hadn't had an extended deployment like this since he was given her guardianship. He was once again leaning heavily on Coates. He didn't like the idea but didn't feel he had a choice. Mom and Frank were out of the country, and there was just no one else. 'Mac,' he thought. How would she get back for her follow up? He needed to talk to her and he didn't want to let her know about this by e-mail.
1530
Wednesday
Rabb Farm
Belleville, Pennsylvania
Mrs. Rabb answered the phone. "Harmon! How are you? Yes I'll get her. What time is it there, anyway? You sound tired … After midnight?..." She knocked on Mac's door.
Mac left her laptop on which she had been typing an e-mail to Harm. Mrs. Rabb said, "It's Harm." Mac sighed with relief; she really needed to hear his voice. Sunday seemed a million years ago. Mrs. Rabb said her goodbye and gave the phone to Mac.
"Hey, Sailor," she said with a smile.
"Hey, yourself."
"I wasn't sure I'd get to talk to you for a while. This is great."
Harm did not want to have to tell her that he wouldn't be home as soon as he'd planned. He wouldn't be there for her. "Mac, you may not think its great when I tell you this….I … uh; I've been extended here for at least another 3 weeks."
"Its okay, Harm. Sturgis told me earlier, and I know this happens so stop worrying about what I'm thinking." She meant to reassure him, though she had already been counting the days until he returned.
Harm had spoken with Jack Keeter, and when he heard the bind they were both in he offered to get Mac back to D.C. Mac didn't mind. 'Thank God.' He knew she couldn't be feeling too well. She never tolerated being managed before. Harm had heard the disappointment in her voice though and it reminded him of another time when he had let her down. He would never forget the expression on her face. It still pained him to think about it.
"Yeah, but now of all times. Unavoidable circumstances or not, I'm still not there for you now… This has happened before. I don't want you to think you can't count on me."
Mac laughed softly, "Harm, I'll never think that again. I want you with me but I do understand." Mac heard Harm let out a breath he seemed to have been holding. "If you're referring to that time when Mic left and Renee's father died, don't go there. You were doing the decent thing, Harm. Looking back, though I needed you, I wouldn't have very much respect for you if you had turned your back on her then. I wouldn't have trusted you."
Harm sat on the side of his rack, "I'm so glad you understand and it is so good to hear your voice." He lay down and rolled to his back.
Mac could hear him. "Getting comfortable there, flyboy?"
"Yeah, as comfortable as I can get without you… I miss you, you know?"
Mac thought he sounded so tired. She didn't have the heart to talk about the concerns she had about Creswell. It would wait. He had enough to deal with. "I wish I were there to help."
Harm could hear the smile in her voice. He cradled the phone on his ear. "Oh, so do I, Mac," he smiled slyly. "So do I."
She decided to change the subject. "How is the case going?"
"It's going okay. We've definitely got a few loose ends but I think I'll have it wrapped up soon," Harm said.
"How are you and the new kid on the block getting along?"
"Kid is right. He's an arrogant pain in the ass," he sounded completely irritated with him.
"Boys, boys … play nice," she said, chuckling.
"Yeah, I know. We have to get through this. He's extended too. This next case sounds like another political hot potato. I feel like the pc policeman, putting out fires."
"Gee, sounds like a lot of fun," Mac teased. "Sure wish I were there for that one."
Harm laughed. "Yeah yeah, your time is coming, and don't expect any sympathy from me, Marine." It seemed as though it had been such a long time since he laughed. A lot of the tension of the past 4 days started to leave him. "God, I love to hear you laugh. I haven't even asked you how you are doing?"
"I'm feeling better. We're over a week out and I really do feel a lot stronger. I don't feel like myself yet. I won't till I start outrunning you again."
Harm huffed. "You never out ran me Mac …We tied remember?"
Mac laughed at him and said, "Keep dreaming, flyboy."
Harm chuckled as he repeated a challenge made long ago. "Oh you don't want to be in my dreams, Colonel."
Mac laughed out loud and said, "Oh, yes I do."
"What, no red light, Marine?" he said.
"You'll just have to come home and find out, won't you?"
"I fully intend to."
They ended the call soon after and they both got the lift they needed.
TBC