Will You Always Be There?
Chapter 30
Spoilers: Any spoilers written about on or anywhere else are fair game. Anything up to and including "Retrial' is also fair game. This story is "loosely' based on them all
Disclaimers: I don't own any of these JAG characters they belong to Belasarius Productions. I wish I could borrow them for a season but such is life. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.
A/N: Many thanks to Aerogirl for her beta reading and help with my remedial computer skills. Thanks again to all of you who are reading.
1300
Friday
Green zone
Baghdad, Iraq
Major Mike McBurney knocked on the open door of Harm's quarters. "General Watson would like to see us ASAP'"
Harm looked up and nodded. He had been expecting this. After doing a little digging Harm was able to find out that this was not the first time that Mr. Kanin had some difficulty with military personnel trying to accompany him on any mission. When his preliminary report was given to General Watson, the involuntary manslaughter charges against Sergeant Walden were dropped. He was awarded a non-judicial punishment. However, scuttlebutt was that Mr. Kanin was well connected in Washington and to the House Armed Services Committee. So Harm assumed that this was what the meeting with the general would be about.
Harm knocked and General Watson told him and McBurney to enter. They came to attention after entering the room.
"Commander Rabb, Major McBurney," the general nodded toward them. "Stand at ease. We will have a conference call in a few moments with the SecNav and Congressman Bolton. I will warn you both that the congressman is not happy about our findings in this matter."
He buzzed his yeoman and told him to put the call through. "Commander Rabb, since you are lead counsel in this matter, we will primarily address our questions to you. Congressman Bolton of the House Armed Services Committee is also present and may also ask some questions. Shall we proceed?"
Harm and McBurney both answered, "Yes, sir."
The general walked from behind his desk and around to the back of the room. Harm and McBurney stood near the speaker phone. They each answered the Secretary and the congressman in turn, supporting their argument that Mr. Kanin had a documented history of leaving military personnel who were accompanying him on a number of occasions in Afghanistan as well as Iraq.
Congressman Bolton seemed to be more and more angry with every question answered. He said, "I don't suppose Mr. Kanin's political affiliation has anything to do with what your findings were."
Harm and McBurney looked at each other and Harm said to the SecNav, "Permission to speak freely, sir?"
The congressman started to speak again, but Secretary Sheffield said "Granted" loudly and peered at the congressman over his spectacles.
"In answer to your question, congressman, I am not aware of what Mr. Kanin's political affiliation is. As far as what I may or may not believe politically is not important, I serve at the pleasure of the President of the United States and duly elected officials who represent the nation as a whole. My decisions must and always have been apolitical."
Congressman Bolton interrupted and said, "Someone is responsible for this."
Harm answered him, "Sir, we cannot charge a man who was in fact trying to save Mr. Kanin and was wounded in the process. Mr. Kanin refused to be protected or guided by anyone. He is responsible for his own death, not Sergeant Walden."
The congressman started to speak again, but the SecNav cut him off. "That will be all, gentlemen." With that he signed off.
The congressman walked up to the SecNav and said, "This is not over, Sheffield." The Secretary knew that it was not. He also understood that Commander Rabb had made a very powerful enemy.
The general, out of sight of Harm and McBurney, had been smiling. "Thank you, Commander, Major. That will be all."
Both men came to attention and said "Yes, Sir."
McBurney followed Harm down the hallway toward their quarters. 'He has more balls than I thought,' he raised his eyebrows and thought maybe it was a good thing they wouldn't be in Washington for awhile.
1630
Friday
Rabb Farm
Belleville, Pennsylvania
Mac was returning from her walk. Mrs. Rabb could see her from the kitchen window. She knew Mac had been brooding for a couple of days now. She appeared to be getting stronger but quieter. Mrs. Rabb had no doubt she was ready to be on her own. She had gradually backed away from Mac over the last couple of days, giving her what she thought she needed – some space to work this change in her life through.
They had been lucky today. It was a beautiful sunny day and it had gotten into the 60's. The air smelled of burning leaves. Fall was still in her glory. Mac thought it was her favorite time of year. She came in the door and there was coffee brewing.
"Smells great."
Mrs. Rabb invited her into the kitchen and made her a cup. She sat down with her and asked, "How are you today, Mac?"
She said that she was feeling better. She knew Mrs. Rabb could see a difference in how she had been. She was closing herself off again. She needed to talk this out and she knew Harm wasn't an option, not now. "I've had a lot on my mind. I guess you can tell."
"You have gotten quieter." Mac sighed and struggled for the words to begin. Mrs. Rabb said, "Mac, if you don't feel comfortable talking about it, don't do it. I don't want you to be uncomfortable with me."
"No, it's okay, I need to talk about this. I have had a lot on my mind since I talked with Sturgis. I have made a few mistakes in my past. Those mistakes seem to be following me. I..."
Mrs. Rabb interrupted her, wanting to put her at ease. "Remember, Mac, you don't have to give me details."
"I know – it's just this. The new JAG knows some things about my personal life … some things that happened many years ago when I wasn't making very good decisions. I am not concerned about my work at JAG. I know I've done a good job there. But the general may hold my past against me. Harm knows everything there is to know about me. I haven't discussed this with him, though. I think he has enough to deal with right now. I just want to leave this behind me and it just keeps coming up in my face when I least expect it."
Mrs. Rabb thought for a long moment. "Mac, you have to make a choice. You can leave the past behind and move on, or you can live in the past and be miserable."
She looked up quickly at Mrs. Rabb.
"I'm sorry to sound so blunt, Mac, but happiness truly is a choice. Sometimes circumstances just are what they are. The difference is how you handle them. I know it sounds simple, Mac, but it really isn't complicated. You chose to change your life a long time ago. You built a career and overcame your alcoholism; did you choose to be happy, too?"
Mac smiled at Mrs. Rabb, and she covered her hand with hers. Mac said, "I never really thought about it."
Mrs. Rabb said, "Mac, both of our parents made choices that could have ruined our lives. I had the luck to find the Rabbs and then my David. I lost him, but I was able to come back here to those wonderful people and make a home for my baby and me."
Mac shook her head. It was a different time. Things were so much different then.
Mrs. Rabb seemed to sense what she was thinking and said, "Circumstances may not be exactly the same, but they are similar enough. I have lived without a husband since I was 19 years old but I was not always alone. I didn't marry because in my time if a woman married she was very limited in what she did. A career was almost out of the question. That choice caused a lot of talk at work and at home. If I had let what some people thought about me stop me, I'd never have done anything. David's parents were wonderful; they helped make it all possible. I was able to have a meaningful career and raise my son
You've made some good choices too, Mac. You have nothing to be ashamed of."
"Thank you, Sarah," Mac said. They both stood and Mrs. Rabb refilled their cups. The sun was starting to set and they decided to walk out to the porch and watch it. It was only a little after 5 but it was getting dark.
They quietly watched the sunset and Mrs. Rabb asked, "Have you talked to Harmon about this yet?"
Mac answered "No, not yet. He has enough on his mind."
Mrs. Rabb thought for a while, "I don't want to overstep, Mac, but I will say this. You both obviously have what it takes to make each other happy, but part of being a couple is bearing each other's burdens. I have no doubt he is under a lot of pressure."
Mac spoke up, "I know I probably need to talk to him about it, but I want to be sure I have this straight in my own mind before I do that. I don't want him to worry anymore about me than he already does."
Mrs. Rabb raised her eyebrows and considered what she said. She walked over to her and hugged her. "Do what you think is best." She leaned back and looked at her. "You know, you are looking better, Mac. I think I've put a least a couple of pounds on you since you've been here."
They both laughed and went back in the house.
2230
Friday
Rabb Farm
Belleville, Pennsylvania
Mac slowly paced the room. Harm had told her he would call tonight. It would be nearly 0700 Saturday morning there. She walked to the bureau that held the pictures of his parents and grandparents. She felt as though she knew all of them. Harm's grandfather David, and even Harm senior. She had felt she known Harm's dad for a long time, since Harm had told her so much about him. She studied the picture of him and Trish. She thought, 'Oh, Harm, I want this too.' To be pregnant with Harm's child, with his arms around her, laughing, looking forward to the future.
Just then the phone rang and Mac picked it up quickly. "Hey, you're getting fast, Marine," Harm said, laughing.
"I didn't want to wake your grandmother," Mac answered. "Don't get cocky, Navy."
Harm laughed again. "Oh, come on, Mac, you know you miss me."
Mac shook her head, smiling. "Hey, stop rubbing it in. You sound good this time. Did you get your beauty sleep, Harmon?"
Harm told her he how he was doing and that he was feeling pretty good, all things considered.
"Getting along any better with McBurney?"
"Well, let's just say we're not getting on each other's nerves as much, but the day is young."
Mac laughed and thought that he was sounding more and more like an old salt dealing with a boot camp, and she told him so.
"Hey, I'm not that old," Harm said, sounding wounded.
"Oh, I was just kidding, Sailor...don't be so sensitive."
Harm told her all about his encounter with Congressman Bolton the day before.
"Sounds like you're just making new friends everywhere, Harm," Mac teased.
"Yeah, I know. I couldn't believe the nerve of that congressman, though. 'Political affiliation.' What was that? I haven't had to deal with that since… I don't know when."
Mac remembered. "It was around the time you made commander."
"Oh yeah, the Washington Globe, how could I forget?"
Mac told him about her day. She told him about the talk she had with his grandmother. The new JAG was a big concern for her and she was going to have to face it. It loomed too large for Harm not to know about it.
"Mac, that's ancient history."
Mac was quiet for a moment. "It was a huge mistake, Harm. Even if we didn't see each other until I was no longer in his chain of command. I just feel responsible for ruining his career – and he really did help me, Harm. I might not have gotten into law school without his recommendation. You said it yourself."
Harm cringed; he remembered what he had said. It was one of a number of conversations with Mac he would love to take back.
"You want the truth, Mac? I acted like an ass and I know it. I wanted you to want me and I didn't think you gave me a second thought. I knew how to get under your skin and I did. I'm sorry."
Mac said, "Yeah, like my comment about Sergei and Mattie last spring. Words that I would love to take back if I could." They were both silent for a moment. Then Mac said,
"You know, Harm, if we get as busy doing the right things in this relationship as we did the wrong things, we might just be unstoppable."
They both laughed at that, and Harm said,
"I want you to do something for me, Mac."
He made his very detailed request and she agreed. They talked for a few minutes more. She heard McBurney come in and he said, "Well, I have to go..."
Mac smiled and decided to give him a hard time just one more time before she hung up. In her sexiest voice she murmured into the phone,
"Baby, I love you," and then laughed, her laugh eliciting an automatic blush from Harm.
'Oh, he was going to get her for that.' Harm couldn't keep the smile from his face.
"Ah...you too." He heard her laughing as he hung up the phone.
McBurney looked at Harm and said, "Colonel MacKenzie?"
Harm stood and busied himself with some papers on the table. "Are you ready to get started?"
Harm had asked her if she had brought her walkman with her. She had. He told her to get a CD he had left in the room he had slept in when he was there the last time. He hadn't left the cover; it was on the dresser.
She looked at the CD. Stevie Ray Vaughan He had told her to listen to the fourth song. It was called 'Pride and Joy.' She put on her head phones. She heard blues guitar… of course. Mac thought, 'definitely Harm music.'
Then she heard the words: "she's my sweet little thing, she's my pride and joy, she's my sweet little baby I'm her little lover boy' She started laughing out loud. She covered her mouth so she wouldn't wake Mrs. Rabb. She thought 'God, I love that man.' She literally laughed until she cried.
Chapter 31
Disclaimers: As previously stated
1845
Saturday
Rabb Farm
Belleville, Pennsylvania
Jack Keeter slid from behind the wheel of his Chrysler 300. He had just bought it. This trip was the perfect opportunity to see what this baby would do. She did not disappoint. He made excellent time from Washington.
He walked up the steps, thinking how this place had not changed since the last time he was here. What had it been…10 years? He had come after Diane had been killed. He had heard through the grapevine about her murder and he hadn't hesitated.
As he approached the door, Mrs. Rabb opened it. "Jack Keeter! Get in here!" she exclaimed. Jack scooped her up into his arms and swung her around as she pounded him on the back.
"Sarah Rabb, you haven't changed a bit since the last time I saw you." Jack put her back down on her feet.
Mrs. Rabb laughed and said, "Stop lying, you rascal. Come on in."
Mac heard the commotion downstairs and came out of her room.
Jack looked up at Mac and he hoped he did not show his surprise at the difference in her appearance. He had not seen her since their return from Iran at least 5 years ago. She was still beautiful, no doubt about that, but she was so much thinner. Mac had never looked fragile before, not to him.
When she saw him she called to him, "Jack!"
He bowed at the waist and said "At your service, ma'am."
She walked down the stairs and carefully hugged him. "Don't get carried away there, Keeter, I'm still healing."
He chuckled and said, "Never fear, ma'am."
They went into the kitchen, and since they had all eaten dinner, Mrs. Rabb made coffee and served apple pie she had made that afternoon.
"Please help us eat this pie, before I eat another piece," Mac said, laughing.
Keeter looked at her and said, "You could use a few pounds anyway, Mac."
Mac looked at him directly and said, "I'm okay, Jack. I'm getting better all the time."
Jack smiled. "I'm glad to hear it."
"Thanks for helping us out on this, Jack, and thanks for the use of that cabin the other weekend. We had a great time."
They talked about the cabin and about Dogwood Harbor, and Jack laughed out loud at the story Mac told about Harm meeting Secretary of Defense in a bookshop.
0545
Sunday
Green zone
Baghdad, Iraq
Harm lay awake on his rack. He had been asleep and a dream had brought him wide awake. He had been required to take an anti-malarial medication and had been warned about nightmares. This one was a doozy.
He was walking through a room; everything seemed to be blue and hazy. There were people in the room; they all looked sad and seemed to pity him. He looked back at them. Bud and Harriet were there, the admiral, Admiral Boone and Gunny. He was walking toward something, an open area, and then he saw it. It was a casket. It was open but he could not distinguish who was in it. It couldn't be Mac. No!
He woke up in a cold sweat. He had been lying there for some time, trying to calm himself down. He decided that he needed to call Mac. He rose from his bed and dressed and walked down to their office.
Mac answered and he inwardly heaved a sigh of relief.
"Hey," he said, trying to sound casual.
"Well, hello. I didn't expect to hear from you so soon, Sailor. You and Jack Keeter in one day. I don't know if I'm up to that."
Harm laughed a bit though he was still feeling uneasy as a result of his nightmare. "Hey, great. I'm glad he made it. Can you put him on for a moment?"
"He's asleep right now. I can hear him snoring from here." Mac took the portable phone out in the upstairs hall and held it out. Harm could hear Keeter snoring through the phone line. He laughed and told Mac it was not important.
"You're up pretty early on Sunday morning, Harm."
Harm told her about the medication and that he had a nightmare. He did not tell her what it was about, though.
"You sound tired," she said.
"I'm okay, I'll just be glad to be home. Tell me about your day, Mac. I think I just want to hear your voice. Read the phone book to me…anything. I just miss you."
Mac was genuinely touched and she did talk until Harm seemed to sound more like himself again. They talked about Monday; it would be a busy day. She would follow up with Captain Morrison, see Commander McCool and then see the new JAG, General Creswell.
"Hey…uh… Mac, I know you're ready to get back to your apartment, but I really need your help with something. Do you think you could stay at my place and keep an eye on Mattie for me?"
Mac was silent for a moment. He prayed she hadn't figured out that what he really wanted was for Jen and Mattie to look after her.
"I really feel bad about leaning so heavily on Coates."
Mac had been ready to get back to her own apartment, but at the same time she wasn't ready to be completely alone yet. The surgery had left her feeling vulnerable in a way she never had before.
"I can do that, Harm. Maybe chauffeuring around a teenager will make me appreciate all my paperwork at JAG," she said, chuckling.
Harm was so relieved he let go of a breath that he didn't realize he was holding.
Mac knew what he was up to. "You know, sailor, you're not that slick,"
"What?" he said innocently.
"I know what you're doing, Harm, and it's okay. I think I need to transition into being completely on my own. Your grandmother has given me a lot of space here. I will be on my own at your place but Coates and Mattie will be right next door. It will work, Harm. By the time you get back I'll be fine."
Harm was quiet, and then he said, "Mac, I really do need your help with Mattie."
He could hear the smile in her voice when she said, "I know. Yeah, Harm, I'll be sleeping in that nice big bed….all by myself."
"Ha ha, just wait – I'll be back and you…"
Mac interrupted, "What, Harmon?"
"Hey, I owe you one anyway, Mackenzie."
Mac knew he meant their last phone call. "I don't understand, Harm, didn't you want me to tell you that I love you before I hung up?" she said laughingly.
"You know very well what you did," he said. Mac laughed in earnest. She loved to mess with him, and if he were honest he would say he loved it too.
They ended the call not long after with Harm wishing her sweet dreams. He had nearly forgotten his nightmare, damn that stupid medication.
1300
Sunday
Interstate 76 east
Somewhere in Pennsylvania
Jack decided that since he had 'precious cargo' he had better drive at the speed limit. Mac had told him about her phone call from Harm. He was sorry he had missed him. He looked over at her, expecting to see her sleeping. She was looking at him, smiling.
"Well, hello, sleeping beauty" Jack teased her.
"Hey," Mac said.
"Ready to get back, Mac?"
She nodded, "Yeah, but I won't be back at JAG for about 4 more weeks. Getting back to my life in Washington is a good thing, though."
"Mrs. Rabb is a great lady, isn't she?"
"Yes, she is. It has made a lot of difference for me to be able to go out there and recuperate. It's almost a different world there on that farm."
Jack nodded. "Yeah, Harm goes out there almost every time he needs to get away. I can't say I haven't enjoyed my visits there. Mrs. Rabb made me feel as though I were a member of the family. She can be blunt, but when you know she genuinely likes you, you can't seem to feel insulted by it."
Keeter laughed and said, "She told me once, 'Jack, you are a lovable rogue. The kind of man that every woman loves and thanks God every day that he isn't her husband.'"
Mac laughed out loud. 'I'm sorry, Jack, but I think she's got you pegged."
Jack nodded, smiling. "I can imagine Harm is ready to get back. Iraq is a hell of a place to be right now."
Mac looked at him and asked, "Are you still flying for the Company, Jack?"
"Who told you I flew for the Company?" he answered and smiled slyly. "I am an independent agent. I work for myself as long as I want to and then I move on to something else."
Mac sighed. "Okay, Jack."
He wanted to change the subject so he thought he would begin on what he thought would be Mac's favorite subject. "So when are you two going to make honest people out of each other?"
"What?" Mac answered, incredulous.
"Oh, come on, Mac. Harm has been smitten since the first time he saw you. I can't believe you two have waited this long. I know it has to be some kind of record."
"Okay, Jack Keeter, just because you accompanied me across an Iranian desert doesn't mean I'm baring my soul to you – or Harm's either, for that matter."
He looked at her and huffed. "I was a perfect gentleman on that trip, if you remember."
She did and said, "Yeah, you knew I would hurt you, and if I didn't Harm would."
"Well now, Sarah, why do think that was?"
"Come on, Jack, we were best friends at that time, nothing more. It wasn't long after that Harm returned to flying,"
"Yes, I remember, and I also remember that he turned down a plum assignment on the west coast so that he could come back to JAG after he left the Seahawk."
Mac looked at Keeter and sat up straighter in her seat. "What did you say?"
Jack raised his eyebrows and thought typical Harm – he never told her. He shook his head. "Oh no, I'm not saying any more if Harm didn't tell you. I'm not saying anything else."
Mac adjusted her seat and sat up. She looked at Jack and gave him her most threatening stare. "I may be recovering from surgery, but I can still hurt you, Jack."
He did a double take and Mac laughed a little. "Had you there for a minute, didn't I?"
"Really, Mac, I don't know much more than that. I just know he came back to be near you,"
"He told you that?" she asked.
"No, Mac, he didn't. He just didn't deny it. I've known him since he was seventeen years old. He may be eloquent in the courtroom, but you know as well as I do he isn't the most direct person in the world when it comes to things like that."
She did know that now, but she hadn't then. If she had only known, so many things might have been different. She shook her head to clear it. Harm was right, no rehashing the past. They both decided it was time to lighten the conversation a bit and they did. It was a pleasant trip home with Jack Keeter his charming roguish best.
2140
Harm's apartment
North of Union Station
Mac had been tired and slightly sore from her trip back to Washington. Jack had been great helping her get everything into Harm's apartment. She had left a note on Mattie and Jen's door and let them know she was there. Mattie came in for a quick hello about 2000.
Mac took a shower after she left and made herself a cup of tea.
'This was a good idea,' she thought.
She had missed Harm so much. He was everywhere here in this apartment. She walked around the room and saw his leather jacket hanging near the door. She walked over to it and lifted it from the peg. She wrapped both arms around it and buried her nose into it, breathing in his scent. On impulse she wrapped herself in it. It was huge on her and she didn't consider herself a petite woman. How he would laugh if he could see her now.
She got ready for bed and slipped in, beneath the comforter. He had done such a good job with this place. She pulled one of the pillows down and into her arms. She loved his bed. She felt safe and warm, and though she missed him was so happy to be where she was.
She had a lot to face tomorrow but she was not worried. She would take everything as it came. No more borrowing trouble,' as Mrs Rabb had said. She was alone but she felt so close to Harm. Her eyelids were heavy and before she knew it, she fell into a deep sleep.
TBC