Will You Always Be There?
Chapter 35
Disclaimers: I don't own any of these characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or person living or dead are purely coincidental.
Spoilers: Anything up to and including 'Whole New Ballgame' Any spoilers may or may not be referred to.
A/N Thanks to Aerogirl for her input and beta reading and to all who have encouraged me with your posts, Thank you so much!
0715
Friday
Harm's Apartment
Harm sat on the side of his bed with the phone to his ear. Mac had gotten up and out of the room to give him a little privacy. Frank had called. He was discussing getting Trish back home and the details of what she wanted to happen upon her death.
"She wanted to be laid to rest in Pennsylvania at the farm." The Rabbs had a family cemetery that had been there for over 100 years.
Harm sat forward with his head down. He was rubbing his forehead, still trying to take it all in. Harm sat up straighter and said, "The farm? I just assumed she would want to be in California since she spent so much of her life there."
"This is what she wanted, Harm."
"What about you?" He heard Franks voice starting to waver.
"I already have arrangements to be buried near my first wife and child."
"What?" He was stunned.
"I'm sorry; I guess we never discussed this with you. We thought we had a lot of time before that would be necessary. As you know, I'm nearly 15 years older than Trish. I lost my first wife and child in 1955. She died in childbirth. She had pre-eclampsia. There was not a lot known about how to control it then… anyway, I had already arranged this long before Trish and I married."
Harm was silent. He didn't know what to say.
"I think your mother always hoped that somehow your father's body would be found and brought home."
Harm sat listening. A single tear rolled down his cheek. This was confusing as hell. He thought his mother had put aside all her feelings for his father; she had said she was able to get closure after he told her that he had died in Russia.
"Harm, are you there?"
"Yes. I'm sorry, Frank."
"It's a lot to take in. I think if I weren't handling all these details here I would lose my mind….I've spoken with your grandmother. We have been given permission to use the little church your grandmother attends for Trish's funeral. She wanted to keep things informal – just family and friends. I will have a service for her in California for our friends there."
"I understand. Are you going to be alright?" Frank suddenly sounded so tired.
"I think so; I think I'm still in shock. I never expected to live longer than she did. I would be lying if I said I knew what I was going to do. One day at a time, I suppose. I'll be flying into Baltimore and then to Philadelphia. I'll get a rental and drive to the farm. I should be there late tonight."
"Take care, Frank. I'll see you then."
1600
Friday
Rabb Farm
Belleville, Pennsylvania
Harm and Mac drove up the driveway to the house. The trip had been quiet, with Harm holding Mac's hand from time to time but saying nothing. Mac did not press him to talk. She knew too well what it was like to lose a parent; even when a person was prepared; it was a life altering experience. She was learning that Harm spoke his heart at times when she least expected and usually when they weren't face to face. Whatever got him through this, it didn't matter to her how or when he talked about it as long as he always let her be there for him.
They walked up the steps to Mrs. Rabb's house. She opened the door and immediately embraced Harm. "Oh, son, I'm so sorry." She looked over his shoulder and saw Mac looking as though she felt out of place. She held out a hand to her and Mac took it. They gave each other a small smile through their tears.
They went into the house and sat down in the kitchen. Mrs. Rabb made them coffee and insisted they eat something. She had made them her famous chicken soup and they did as they were told. Mrs. Rabb still gave the orders, even in a crisis. She stood beside Harm and placed her hand on his shoulder. She thought he looked like a lost little boy. Mrs. Rabb believed that when a person lost a parent, no matter what age that person was, the loss was soul deep.
"Are you going to be alright, Harm?"
Mac started to stand up and let Harm and Mrs. Rabb talk. Harm reached for her arm and she settled back in her seat.
"Stay, Mac, please." He took her hand and brought it closer to him on top of the table.
He seemed to be studying it intently as he closed his other hand over it.
"I am really confused about a lot of things, Grandma. I don't understand why she wanted to be here instead of California. I'm not angry about it – I just didn't expect it. It makes me see her in a way I hadn't before."
He had not looked up in all the time he was talking. He turned her palm and rubbed it with his thumb, continuing to study her hand as if he had never seen it before. Mac nearly pulled her hand away, his intensity made her uncomfortable. She did not, though. She knew Harm needed to open up, and if this was what he was going to do to distract himself, so be it. He continued.
"We really had a good talk when she was in Washington. I think we talked about things in a way we never had before. She did tell me that she had been thinking about Dad a lot lately. We went to the Wall, and she seemed to forget that I was even standing there for a few moments. I hadn't seen her do that – you know, focus on Dad like that, since I was a kid."
Mrs. Rabb had seated herself beside Harm at the table. "When she and Frank were here last, she walked the farm alone a couple of times. She had always loved it here, but I am as taken aback as you are about her wish to be buried here."
"Frank said that Mom hoped that Dad's body would be found and brought home."
Mrs. Rabb's heart still ached for her son. She had not been able to bring David or her son home to rest here with their family. David's body had never been recovered. Her Harmon was resting in the taiga of Russia.
Harm looked at Mac and realized what he had been doing and released her hand. He felt self conscious and decided to change the subject. "Mac, are you doing okay? Do you need to lie down for awhile?"
Mac was tired and she thought maybe Harm needed a little while to regroup. "I think I will." She stood and kissed his cheek, smiling at Mrs. Rabb as she left the room.
Harm stood and placed his coffee cup in the sink, looking out at the drive winding toward the house. He felt drawn to walk it, even though it would soon be dark. He took his jacket from the hook on the wall and went out the door.
Mrs. Rabb followed him out of the kitchen thinking, 'He's doing what he always does.'
Oscar followed Harm down the drive. He wasn't playful; he slowly walked behind him as if watching over him. Harm followed the familiar path, and because the wind had blown the leaves from most of the trees it was not as dark as Harm had expected. It had been a clear day and now low clouds were gathering far on the horizon. They were gray to blue against the lighter blue of the sky. The sun warmed the sky pale yellow to the west as it was beginning to descend. Harm had climbed up to the rock and stood looking up as if the answers to his questions were written there. His mind was full of questions and his heart full of pain. He wished he could talk to someone who understood his mother better than he did. 'Did anyone really know her?' Frank seemed to be as unable to understand her as he. 'Did Dad feel that way too? Did he understand what she wanted, what her strengths were?'
As the sun was beginning to set, he started to walk up the drive toward the house. 'There it is,' Harm thought, that feeling of coming home; even in all this turmoil he felt it. It occurred to him then that he had not read the letters his grandmother gave him. Letters his father had written her. He had left them here when he had brought Mac to the farm after she was discharged from Bethesda. He walked back to the house and found them in the room he had slept in when he had visited last. Oscar again followed along behind, keeping his watch.
Harm sat down on the bed and untied the ribbon on the stack of letters. He hoped he could find some comfort and wisdom in his father's words. He removed the first letter from the stack. It was written while he was still in the Academy.
Mom,
How are you? I'm great. I'll be out of here in one more month. I can't wait. I hope I get jets. I want to fly. I'll make you proud, Mom, you know I will. My father will be proud too, wherever he is. Don't worry, Mom – I haven't gone agnostic on you. It was just an expression. Tell Uncle Jack I went fishing out on the Bay with one of my classmates and his father. Tell him I've got a 'fish' story for him. (ha ha)
I met a girl today. I know this sounds stupid, but already I think I really like her. She's beautiful (of course) and she's smart; she's a senior at Brown. Art Major. Go figure. I think she was a little impressed with the old Rabb charm (ha) She's fun but she's not silly or giggly like some girls are. Remember Dora Smith? (no thanks) Anyway, her name is Patricia Harris, but her friends call her 'Trish'. I'll be seeing her again this Friday. Got to go – Thanks for the package.
Your son
Harmon
Harm sat looking at the page. He placed it beside him and opened another letter. They were like milestones. The next letter was short and had been written just before graduation week. He had written, "I think she's the one, Mom."
He read the letter that announced their engagement a year later. It appeared that he had brought her to the farm and that grandma had met her at that time. "I'm so glad you like her," he had written.
The next letter was written after they were married. "Well, Mom, we may have another aviator on the way. Trish is due in October. I hope I can be here. Trish is fine, a little morning sickness but she's not complaining. Sorry we can't call, but we're saving to furnish the nursery. You should come out here if you can. You haven't seen the Pacific since Pearl." Harm smiled to himself. He could hear his father's voice as he read the words on the page.
Harm saw a letter from Miramar that was written in his mother's flowing script. "Harmon is still out. He swears he will be back in time for the baby. I hope so. I'm doing alright. As well as any other military wife right now. Living on base helps, since everyone's husband is out or getting ready to go. I don't want you to worry, Sarah, I really am alright. I seem to feel stronger all the time. It is almost as if I'm drawing strength from this child as it grows. I told Harmon, and he laughed and told me it was the Rabb genes."
He saw the letter with his birth announcement enclosed; there was a small picture of him with the printed announcement. "Well, Mom, there is another good looking Rabb in the world."
Harm saw a letter postmarked just a couple of months before he was listed as missing. He read what his father had said about Trish getting on with her life. Harm remembered that his mother had given him a tape that he had sent to her about that subject. He had never listened to it. After he and Mac had come home from Russia he could not bear it. He'd tried to move on. He put away his MIA bracelet and some of the pictures of his father that he had in his office. Mac had tried to tell him then not to bury everything from his past with his father. He should have listened to her. It might have saved him and his mother a lot of heartache. His father had said that he loved her and he trusted her to do the right thing for herself and for him. And she had done exactly as his father had wanted her to. She had been strong enough to do as she and his father had planned, in spite of everything else she was going through. She had done right by his father and by him. He knew now there were all kinds ways of showing strength, some more obvious than others.
Harm walked into the room where Mac was sleeping. It was still early in the evening. He lay down on the other side of the bed and then scooted in behind Mac. She lay covered with a quilt. She rolled back into him and stirred awake. "Hello."
Harm kissed her hair. "Hey."
"What have you been up to?" Mac placed his arm around her, caressing his forearm as she held it.
"Reading my father's letters."
"The ones your grandmother gave you?" She turned her head to see him more clearly.
Harm nodded the affirmative.
"Did they help?"
"I think they did." He pulled her a bit closer to him, taking comfort in her sleepy warmth.
The aroma of coffee and something delicious floated up the stairs into the room they were resting in. Mac sat up slightly. "Oh, is that what I think it is?"
Harm gave her an indulgent look. Mac's appetite was definitely coming back. "Come on, Marine." He nudged her toward the side of the bed.
They went downstairs and Mrs. Rabb had apple pie and coffee waiting. She looked at Harm as he walked into the room. He seemed less troubled than he had before. He was still hurting, no doubt, but he wasn't as distracted as he had been before. She placed a cup in front of Harm and filled his coffee cup. She placed her hand on his back and he looked up at her. 'He's going to be alright,' she thought. She sighed with relief.
"Hey, I read some of those letters you gave me," he said. "Thank you for keeping them for me Grandma."
She looked at him still trying to assess his state of mind. "You're welcome son, I was wondering if you would remember them. I just put them upstairs, hoping you'd come back and get them. Did they help you with some of the confusion you have about your mother's wishes?"
Harm took a drink of his coffee and then said, "I can't say it answered every question, but I think I understand a little more than I did before."
1000
Saturday
Rabb Farm
Belleville, Pennsylvania
It was an overcast day. The sun would peek from behind the clouds and then quickly be obscured. Blue sky, gray clouds and bright sun alternated. The wind was up but it was not uncomfortable. The trees were mostly bare now with brown and yellow gold leaves on the ground.
Harm walked to Mac, and she took his arm. She looked up into his face and tried to reassure him with a look. He gave her a sad smile and they walked into the church. He was trying to steel himself to get through this day. Frank had arranged to have the pastor of their church come and speak. Harm was not sure someone from the church they attended in La Jolla would be comfortable in a little country church. He needn't have worried. The man spoke eloquently and as someone who knew his mother well. He was not uncomfortable there and it was obvious he had been made welcome.
There were no uniforms; somehow wearing them today seemed wrong. Her life had been about her family and now this day would be about her.
Harm did not see all the people who gathered in the chapel behind him. Bud and Harriet came; Harriet's mother and father stayed in Washington with the children. Sturgis and his father came. Chaplain Turner remembered Harmon's visits while he and Sturgis were in the Academy. He had seen then that he carried a lot of the pain of the loss of his father. He hoped Harm could allow his friends to help him weather this. Tom Boone had come up from Norfolk. He sat alone at the back of the sanctuary. A black Mercedes made its way into the church parking lot. The door opened, and AJ Chegwidden emerged and helped an elegant woman with beautiful black hair out of the passenger's side of the car. The back door opened and Francesca Paretti emerged and waited for her father. Not far behind him, a Chrysler 300 parked and Jack Keeter got out and walked toward the church.
An unfamiliar vehicle came up the driveway. It was an SUV, an Expedition. A tall lanky young man got out the vehicle. Annie Pendry got out of the passenger side. Tom Johnson drove his pick up into the parking lot, and he, Mattie and Jennifer Coates got out and walked across the parking lot to the church. Victor Galindez and Jason Tiner also walked up the steps into the church. Jack O'Reilly and his son Sam came, along with his wife Kathie.
Frank sat on the pew next to Harm. He thought Frank suddenly seemed so small and frail.
The pastor began to speak. He quoted from Proverbs 31:
"Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts in her:
So he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life….."
Harm closed his eyes and remembered his father's words written to his grandmother. "I trust her, Mom." He remembered the look on her face when she handed him the taped message from his father, the one that he had never listened to. He thought of the last conversation he had with his mother and how comfortable he had felt. He really couldn't remember the last time he had felt that way with her.
"Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
She watches over her household
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her;
'Many daughters have done well but
you exceed them all'."
Mac folded her hand into Harm's and gave it a squeeze. 'You can do this, Harm,' she thought, hoping she could somehow telegraph the thought to him.
The pastor spoke of Trish's life and of the charities to which she contributed. He spoke of her obvious love of her husband and son. He even addressed her perseverance when Harm's father was missing in action and the daunting task of having to move on with her life. He spoke of courage, a trait Harm had never given his mother credit for having. When the pastor finished speaking, it was Harm's time to speak. He and Frank looked at each other and Frank said quietly, "You can do this, son."
Harm walked to the pulpit and looked to the back of the sanctuary. He knew that if he looked at anyone in the congregation he would not be able to keep himself composed.
He stood straight and braced his hands on the top of the pulpit. He had no notes; he intended to speak from his heart, the way his mother always had.
"Thank you all for coming today and honoring my mother.
I honor her today. I hope she knew that I always did. It has been said that military wives are closer to their children than most mothers are. I know that Mom did everything she could when my father went out to sea. It seemed as if it were her and I against the
world while we waited for my father. She made the wait short by keeping me busy
and never letting me feel the absence too acutely while my father was gone.
When Dad was missing, she helped me think about it in a way that gave me hope.
She honored my father, and whether I believed it or not at the time, she kept her word to him. She married a good man who has been a good father to me and a good husband to her."
Harm paused a moment, gathering his control and then he continued.
"We go through our lives and never realize the gravity of all the things we do and say.
We are so busy living our lives that we can't see what is right in front of us."
He looked at Mac then. Their eyes locked, and his chin trembled slightly. He looked up quickly and continued.
"I was given a gift the last time I saw her. We were able to talk about things in a way we never had before. I hope she knew that I loved her and that I was proud to be her son."
He looked at Frank and he nodded with a reassuring smile. Harm walked back to his seat, and Frank looked at him and whispered, "Thank you, son."
Harm looked at Frank and said, "Thank you, Frank."
Chapter 36
Disclaimers: I don't own any of these characters they belong to Belasarius Productions. (dn it!) I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story.
1400
Rabb family Cemetery
Rabb Farm
Belleville, Pennsylvania
The cemetery was small but well kept. The grass was still green, with fallen leaves scattered sparsely on the ground. There were a couple of dozen tombstones with the name Rabb carved on their faces and dated as early as the 1700's. The more recent markers for Mary and Andrew Rabb were nearby.
A small group stood at the graveside. There were no chairs. The sun was hidden deeply behind the clouds. The day seemed gray and the wind cool. Harm and Mac stood closely together, Mac was slightly behind Harm with her hand resting lightly on his back. Mrs. Rabb and Jack stood with them. On the other side of the grave were their friends. The pastor began.
"Ashes to ashes…"
Harm looked across to AJ. He did not look at Harm with pity but with a look that both reassured and challenged. It seemed to Harm that his look asked a question. 'What's it going to be, Rabb?' He had seen him chase the ghost of his father through hell and high water…literally sometimes. How would he handle this? He looked at AJ directly and stood little straighter. He would not fly blindly into an all-out hunt for who was responsible for the car bomb that killed his mother, but he would know, if anyone did, who was responsible. He would see them brought to justice.
"Let us pray…
Heavenly Father, thank you for the life of Patricia Rabb Burnett.
Thank you for her kind heart and the love she gave her family and friends.
Bless those who grieve her and comfort them.
In Jesus' name,
Amen."
1445
Rabb Farm
Belleville, Pennsylvania
Everyone who had attended the funeral had come to Mrs.Rabb's afterward. People from her church had brought food for the family, slipping in the back door. They helped in the kitchen, quietly serving the guests and helping Mrs. Rabb cleanup. Some of the older parishioners had known Harm senior; some had met Trish when they had visited as a young family. The Rabbs had deep roots in this community, but they also seemed to be people of the world. They were the talk of the town, but not in a bad way.
AJ stood in the living room with his elegant companion. Harm approached him and they shook hands. The woman spoke. "I am Marcella".
"Paretti?" Harm said.
AJ and his companion both spoke at once. "Chegwidden."
Harm could not help smiling. "Congratulations, sir."
"Drop the 'sir,' Rabb; I'm retired."
Mac and Gunny were standing near the fireplace "So, Gunny, I understand you had quite an injury when you were in Iraq."
"Yes, ma'am."
"You really don't have to call me 'ma'am' anymore, and I suppose I should call you Victor."
"Well, ma'am, I may be calling you that for a little while longer. I go before a medical review board next week and I may be back at JAG in about two weeks."
"That's great, Gunny. How did you manage that?"
"Well, I had been trying to get this going for months now. I think, though, that with the new JAG's appointment I may have a better chance of getting back where I belong."
"How so?"
"You may know that I had some pretty extensive rehab after I got this knee replaced. I met a Marine colonel there who had a knee injury during a helo crash."
"Not the now Major General Creswell?"
"The very one." Gunny nodded his head slowly and smiled. "I'm not asking for any special favors from anyone and he seems like someone who is a real straight shooter. I thought if he were familiar with who I am and what I can do, maybe I've got a chance. We had a lot of conversations about JAG and he knows that I'm going before this board. I'm sure he had no idea at the time he'd be the President's pick for JAG. I don't know if he'll remember me, but hey, you never know."
"Well, Gunny, I hope you get what you want, it would be great to have you. I'll be with the judiciary when I get back. I have to take it easy for a while, until I know what's really going on with me. Harm has told you a bit, I'm sure."
"He just said you had some health problems, but that was it."
"Well, that's enough for now. I'm feeling better." She smiled and said, "Good seeing you, Gunny." She walked into the kitchen to speak with Mrs. Rabb.
"Are you doing alright, Mac?" Mrs. Rabb asked as she placed slices of cake onto small plates.
"I am." She began helping her with her task.
They looked across the room to see Jack and Harm in conversation. Jack was being his usual animated self and Harm was smiling slightly.
"He was always so good for Harm, from the very beginning. He really helped Harm come out of himself when they became friends at the Academy."
"Harm told me that he had kept him from leaving when he was going through a particularly hard time." Mac turned to take plates from the cupboard.
Mrs. Rabb nodded. "He was there for him after Diane was killed. He seemed to materialize out of nowhere. I hadn't called him – I don't know how he knew. He came and helped Harm work on 'Sarah,' too."
Jack was walking toward them, and Mrs. Rabb smirked. "I'm not sure how much help he was with that, though," she finished, patting his shoulder and walking back into the living room.
Mac couldn't help smiling; she covered her mouth to stifle her laughter.
"What?" Jack said, picking up a plate with a piece of pie and digging in.
Harm had walked up to Annie to speak to her and the tall lanky young man turned to face him. Harm was stunned. "Josh?"
"Yes, sir." He looked almost grown, yet he still had a boyish look about him.
They shook hands. "I can't believe it. Has it been that long?"
Mac saw the interaction between Harm and Annie. She could not place the young man they were talking with. She decided not to interrupt. She felt a pang of jealousy. She knew Harm loved her and they were together, but she also remembered how Harm had looked at Annie long ago. 'Don't go there, Mackenzie,' she thought. 'Neither of us needs that nonsense now.'
"How are you, ma'am?" Lt.(jg) Jason Tiner stood before her.
"Hello… when are you going to come back and give us a hand, Lieutenant?" Mac said, smiling. He looked so proud and nervous at the same time. Typical Jason Tiner.
"Not for a while yet, ma'am. Things are still pretty much up in the air until the new JAG makes some decisions about his staff."
"I hope to see you back with us, Lieutenant. I'm sure I can speak for Harm when I say it was kind of you to come all this way."
She smiled and turned toward Harm.
Josh recognized her and said, "Major Mackenzie?"
Mac was startled and then recognition dawned. "Josh?" She walked toward him.
Harm smiled. "That's Colonel Mackenzie now, Josh."
Mac was so stunned she didn't even acknowledge Annie. "My God, the last time I saw you, you were a little boy."
Josh stood a little straighter and said, "I'll be 18 next month."
Annie spoke up. "How are you, Mac?"
Mac looked at her and offered her hand. "I'm fine, Annie. It's good to see you."
Harm leaned toward Mac and said in a low voice, "Josh starts the Academy next year."
Mac looked quickly at Harm and said, "That's…great."
Annie chuckled a bit and said, "It's alright, Mac. I'm okay with it. I'm afraid you met me at a very bad time in my life. I was still grieving terribly for Luke. I'm afraid I must have seemed awfully neurotic."
Mac colored a bit, "Oh no, not at all." She felt terrible for having judged Annie so harshly. Just then Tom Boone got Harm's attention, and he excused himself and walked toward him. Mac thought, 'Harm, don't you leave me after I have placed my foot squarely in my mouth…'
"So I understand you and Harm are seeing each other now."
Mac blushed, "Yes, we are." Why was she blushing so much about this? There she had been, not 10 minutes ago, feeling jealous and remembering things long forgotten by Harm and Annie. If Annie's beautiful wedding rings were any indication, she had moved on long ago.
Annie saw Mac looking at her rings. "I got married nearly 5 years ago. He's an orthopedic surgeon. He's at Johns Hopkins. I'm Annie Stanton now."
"Congratulations." Mac still felt tongue-tied and a bit ashamed of herself. Annie was being so nice.
"I'm so happy for you and Harm. Luke and I always wondered if Harm would ever settle down." She smiled. "I wish you both well, Mac, I really do."
"Thank you." Mac looked toward the kitchen to see a very pregnant Harriet lumbering into the kitchen. "Excuse me, Annie; it was great to see you."
Harm stood talking to Tom Boone.
"Any ideas about who is responsible for the car bomb?"
Harm looked across the room, making sure he knew where Mac was. He did not want her to overhear this conversation. "No, not yet. I intend to make a few calls when I get back."
Tom frowned. "Youre not thinking of the Company are you?"
AJ stepped over to them, having heard the last thing that Tom said. Harm stopped speaking. "Well…are you?"
"If you're thinking Webb…Hell no." He looked at Mac helping Harriet into the wing-backed chair near the fireplace.
"What about Keeter?" AJ asked.
"What about me?" Jack walked up to the group of men as they stood near the back of the room.
Harm looked at his friend knowing exactly what he would say: 'Stay out of this.'
Tom Boone answered the question. "We were discussing the incident at Trafalgar Square." The injustice of it all sickened him. He would know; he had the time and the resources to look into it himself if he had to.
Jack looked at Harm and said just what he thought he would. "Harm, you need to stay out of this. You have enough to deal with. You have a new boss who may not have the tolerance to allow you to go chasing off to find out who is responsible for this."
AJ cleared his throat. "Unlike some people I know."
Harm looked at his feet and crossed his arms across his chest. "I'm not going to do anything stupid, but I'm not going to let this go, either. Christ, what would any of you do?"
AJ spoke up. "I would not throw away my future to get involved in something that is being handled by Scotland Yard, MI-5 and more than likely the Company at the international level. Hell, Harm, it could have been any of a number of terror groups from the IRA to Al Qaeda."
Tom cleared his throat. "Do you think you'll honor Trish by throwing away your career in the Navy or by getting yourself killed?"
Harm looked up quickly. That had stung him and Tom knew it. He admonished him again. "You are making a mistake if you try to take this on alone."
"I'll see what I can find out, but you go back to Washington and get on with your life." Jack nodded across the room to where Mac still sat talking with Harriet.
Harm was silent and then he said. "I will for now, but this is not over." He paused a moment and then looked at them all. "I appreciate that you all came here today." With that he walked into the kitchen.
Tom and AJ looked at each other and Jack watched Harm walk away. He started to follow him, and Tom said firmly, "You'll keep me posted?"
"How would I reach you?"
"I'll find you," Tom said.
"So will I," AJ added and walked back toward Marcella and his daughter talking with Bud.
1645
Rabb Farm
Belleville, Pennsylvania
Mac stood on the porch, looking at her friends gathered around Harm. They were all getting ready to leave. Harm stood in the yard talking to Tom Boone. She remembered what Dr. McCool had said about family; the idea that there were all kinds of families. They were surrounded today by a family of sorts. Mattie walked up to Harm then and hugged him, and Harm shook Tom Johnson's hand. They turned began to make their way along with Jennifer toward the pickup truck.
Harm looked back toward her and he seemed to call her to him with his eyes. She walked down the steps toward him. She tucked herself under his arm and he drew her to him.
Anyone who saw the gesture could not keep from the smile from their faces, even on this sad day.
It had been gray most of the day, but when the sun started to set, the clouds were afire with yellow orange and purple against the blue gray. It warmed the cool air for a few moments before everyone went their own way, and Harm and Mac returned to the house with Mrs. Rabb.
Chapter 37
Disclaimers: As previously stated
2346
Saturday
Rabb Farm
Belleville, Pennsylvania
Mac lay quietly on her side, listening to Harm's soft snoring. He was exhausted but Mac was wide awake. It seemed that she was unable to turn off all the thoughts in her head. This day had been both painful and heartwarming. Harm had not said very much to her all day, but she felt so connected to him that it didn't seem necessary. She lay in the curve of his body; he was nestled snugly behind her, his arms encircling her. He shifted and moved closer to her. He said her name but it had been in his sleep. He was out, his arms heavy with sleep as he held her.
She lay there in his arms for a long while. She turned in his arms onto her stomach. He lay sleeping in the same position, his face in full view. Mac's heart ached with love for him. She had yet another way to see him, another side to the many sides of Harmon Rabb. Mac finally knew for sure – she knew that he loved her. It was in the way he looked at her and in his touch. It was in the way she always came first in all the ways that really counted. When she finally understood that, he was more hers than he had ever been. She remembered Harm's words at Trish's funeral. 'We're so busy living our lives that we don't see what is right in front of us.' He didn't say 'I love you' all the time, but he did say it, in a way she could not doubt ever again. Fear didn't accompany the love she felt for him anymore, and so reassurance wasn't necessary.
She leaned over and kissed his cheek lightly, and he smiled a small smile. Fear was something she had always battled, not in her job but in her personal life. Now it seemed foolish to invest that much time and energy into something so trivial. Staying alive, living her life long and happily with Harm, doing what she loved, without fear of the past. The future was all that mattered now.
Mac studied his face. He looked younger in sleep. He would hate that she thought this, but there was just no way around it. He was a beautiful man. His black lashes fanned thick over his skin. True, he was showing some age, but she loved every line on his face. His features were strong. His brow was relaxed in sleep with his proud profile and his full kissable lips. The thought made her mouth water. No lover had ever been able to reach her the way Harm had. She had never let anyone into her heart, not really. She had tried, with Mic and with Webb, but it never really seemed right. Harm was always there in her heart, although back then she would have died before she admitted it.
She still wanted a child that belonged to her and Harm biologically. She wanted it more than she ever had before. Meeting his grandmother and knowing what she did about his family made her want to weave herself into the fabric of his family and make it her own.
She by no means wanted to disappear and not bring the best of who she was with her.
'Our children would definitely be 'children of the world',' she thought. They would have a strong tradition of service on both sides. She remembered her paternal grandmother's Iranian heritage and the Cherokee ancestry on her mother's side. Then there was Harm's family with its roots so deep in this country, for centuries really. Sarah Rabb's good strong heart with all her determination and perseverance. What a heritage their children would have, conceived and raised in love. To Mac it would be like breaking a curse that had hovered over her and her family since before she was born. The drinking, the destructive behavior would be consigned to the past, where it belonged.
Harm stirred a little and he opened his eyes slightly. The moonlight shining in the window illuminated the room so that Mac could see his eyes go dark immediately.
"Mac."
He reached to touch her cheek and pulled her close, rolled her to her back and immediately rolled on top of her. He kissed her neck with warm open-mouthed kisses, taking Mac's breath away. She wasn't sure he was completely awake, but he was definitely in control. He slid his hands down to her lower back and then pulled her body down and closer to him. Everything was moving fast, but Mac's body reacted quickly as Harm began kissing her.
Mac came up for air. "Harm…"
He whispered, "Shhhh…" and as he plunged himself inside her, he smothered her reaction with a deep penetrating kiss. She wrapped herself around him and they made the sweetest, quietest and most intense love they had ever made. Afterward they lay side by side, both breathing deeply to catch their breath.
"Hey….why did you wake me up, anyway?" Harm whispered.
"Me?" Mac hit him with a pillow and they both stifled the laughter bubbling up inside them.
"Hey, knock it off – we're going to wake someone up."
They did eventually fall asleep. Harm woke with the sunrise and got up and crept to the bathroom to get cleaned up and dressed. He wasn't ready to have his grandmother knock on the door to wake them for breakfast while he was still wrapped around Mac, naked.
…..He was not a prude, either.
0830
Sunday
Rabb Farm
Belleville, Pennsylvania
Harm and Frank stood on the porch drinking coffee. Harm had helped him load his luggage into the car and he was preparing to leave. He looked to the west side of the property where the cemetery lay. Harm knew he did not want to leave her here, but he would because she had asked him to.
"Time goes by so quickly when you're not paying attention. It seems like only yesterday I met her. She was so young and beautiful and she needed me. There you were, an angry little boy, so protective of her but never realizing how badly you needed to be protected yourself. Trish used to say you were an old soul…." His voice began to break up.
"Frank –"
"It's alright, Harm. I understand more than you know. Trish was a wonderful wife, and while you may not have been an easy child to raise, I have always been proud to call you my son."
Harm shook his hand and they embraced.
"Take care of yourself, Frank."
"I will" He could see the concern in Harm's face. "I'm going to stay with my brother for a while. He has a place there in La Jolla. I won't be alone, Harm."
He walked down the path toward his rental car, a Crown Victoria of dark midnight blue. He opened the door and turned to Harm. "Stay in touch."
"You know I will."
Harm stood and watched him drive away. Mrs. Rabb and Mac walked out onto the porch.
"Do you think he'll be okay?"
Mrs. Rabb took a drink of her coffee "You know I really do."
"He's a good man." Mac walked up beside him and placed her hand in the middle of his back.
"Are you all ready to go?" Harm was ready to get back to Washington, and he also wanted Mac to have time to relax a little before she got back to JAG tomorrow.
They loaded Harm's SUV and said their goodbyes to Mrs. Rabb. "Will you still be coming back around Christmas time?"
"That's the plan." He hugged his grandmother and kissed her cheek. "Thanks, grandma, for everything."
"Anytime," she said, smiling. Then she turned to Mac and hugged her and patted her back. "I'm so glad to see that you're doing so much better."
"Thank you, Mrs. Ra…Sarah." She chuckled.
They got in and drove down the drive. Mrs. Rabb crossed her arms and thought, 'If those two aren't married before spring I'll eat my hat.' She turned and walked up the path toward the house. Just then a gust of wind blew across the yard and a hat, apparently lost by someone yesterday, was caught up in the wind and rolled across the path to her feet.
Mrs. Rabb looked down in surprise and then laughed out loud, clapping her hands.
"That was a good one," she said aloud, "and nobody saw it." She walked the rest of the way into the house, shaking her head and chuckling to herself.
1400
Sunday
Capital Beltway
Washington D.C.
Harm had been quiet once again for most of the trip. Mac had not wanted to press him to talk. They were alike in that they seemed to clam up even more when they felt pressured to open up. She had been looking at him, and Harm looked over at her and smiled. "Hey, sleepyhead. It's about time you woke up and kept me company."
"I didn't get as much sleep as some people I know."
"Now whose fault do you think that is?" Harm was chuckling. He was bracing himself; she was going to let him have it.
Mac was sleepy, but she gave his arm a good punch. The loss of sleep had been well worth it, she thought, smiling smugly.
"Penny for your thoughts." He thought he did know, but he wanted to tease her a bit.
"I'm not telling."
They were in front of Harm's apartment very shortly. They both had to get ready for Monday. They had left in such a hurry that a lot of everyday things had been left undone: Laundry, getting Mattie squared away for the week. He and Mac worked together, and in a couple of hours they were ready to relax again.
"Are you going to stay with me, Mac?"
Mac had been debating this in her mind nearly all day. It had been over a month since she last stayed alone in her apartment. She felt fine; it wasn't a matter of not being well or even vulnerability now. She just didn't want to spend another night away from Harm.
"Do you really want me to?"
"Of course I do."
"I'm just going to come out with it. I don't want to spend another night without you, Harm."
A slow wide smile spread across Harm's face.
"I know we need to discuss the practicality of each of us maintaining an apartment, but I don't want to go there now. I just want to be with you."
"My thoughts exactly." With that, Harm scooped her up into his arms and kissed her soundly.
They heard a knock at the door, and then Mattie came bounding in.
"Hey, you guys! What's up?" She had the most mischievous look on her face..
They loosened their embrace but did not let go. "Hey yourself," they both said at once.
"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" Mattie looked at them, raising her brows and trying unsuccessfully to look innocent.
"No, young lady, you're not." Harm was beginning to see that he was going to have to have a talk with her.
TBC