Something Special
Author: Lil-Hellraiser
Disclaimer: I own THEM ALL! MUAHAHA!
Police: We have you surrounded! Come out with the Lord of the Rings cast and your hands up!
Me: Shit!
Author's Note: PLEASE READ. I apologize for making you all wait, but I had to go to Washington D.C. on a trip, then I had dance team tryouts for high school next year (I made it; w00t!).
ALSO something funny happened in band on Friday. I play the oboe, so when we weren't playing, everyone in the flute and MY section (I'm the only oboe) had to kind of move our hands on the keys, but didn't actually play anything…it was like practicing. For those of you who play instruments, you know what I mean. For those who don't…I think you have to be in the dark for this.
Well anyway, our band director said to 'finger our part' and like half the class busted out laughing. We're all perverted, I know. And what's worse, MY section and the flute section are basically all girls. That made us all laugh harder. Yeah, lock us all up. We deserve to be stuck in some kind of institution because of our sick minds.
Our band teacher also sweats, so whenever he raises his arms, big yellow sweat stains are on his white shirt. EWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Okay, now that I've grossed you all out, here's the next chapter! Thank you all for being so patient!
***
There are many things I would like to cover about Middle Earth, kay? The first thing is that bathing is considered a delicacy. What the hell?
Here's an example.
After about three days of living in Imaldris, I asked Lord Elrond if he could spare some water that I could bathe in. He said I could, so I had a pretty warm bath in my room with nice scents and flower petals and all kinds of nice crap that made me smell nice. I usually took showers every other day, so two days later I asked Lord Elrond for more bath water.
Lord Elrond looked puzzled.
"You bathed two days ago." He stated. Well duh.
"I know." I said. "But now I need another one."
"You do not need another one." He said sharply. "You want another one."
"Yeah. Well where do I find some bath water around here?"
"If you require cleanliness you may find a nice brook a few meters away from the palace." He said, his eyes dancing with amusement as my face contorted with horror.
"Take a bath in a dirty pond?" I said, "Do you even know what grows in there? What lives in there?" I imagined some big lake monster like the one at the mines of Moria breaking the waters surface and gobbling me up. All anyone would find would be my hair. Because it would be so gross that it would just get spit out.
Elrond just shrugged his shoulders and smiled with mirth as I grumbled. So basically, my bathing days consisted of one hot bath every month and a half while I took a cold bath in a brook every other day. Ew.
Next lesson: Legolas isn't just a hot elf. He's a hot elf stalker.
I cannot count the times I have looked over my shoulder to find him watching or passing me in some manner. Breakfast is exceptional, cause everyone's at breakfast and there's really not much to do but eat and watch everyone else eat. But sometimes he's just plain scary.
I mean, sometimes I'll have come back to my room and I'll go out onto the balcony for a breath of fresh air. I still can't get over how beautiful Rivendell really is. But anyway, there he'll be, innocently standing below me, a buttercup or something in his hand.
Third lesson: I now know why woman wear dresses that go past their feet and have sleeves that practically cover their hands.
They don't shave their hair off! Talk about nasty! I didn't think they did that, but when I asked for a razor to shave off my stubs, the chambermaid asked me what a razor was. So I asked for a sharp knife, and she got all scared that I was gonna use it as some mass murder weapon. I explained to her about shaving off your pit and leg hair; she looked at me like I was some kind of schizophrenic victim. But she gave it to me anyway. So now my legs are smooth again and my pit hair is gone (for the most part…shaving your armpits with a knife is kind of hard to do).
The good thing is that I have dresses tailored for me that have no sleeves, and DO NOT go to my feet. I still have nice, wholesome, tasteful dresses though, for dinner parties and the like.
Thank you for watching Lessons in Middle Earth. Class dismissed!
***
I was wondering what to do with my life after I came to Middle Earth. Should I have taken up a profession or something? Like a butcher, a baker, or a candlestick maker? I laughed at the thought of the old forgotten nursery rhyme. I sat back in a gilded chair in my room and thought quickly. What do most girl's do when they fall into Middle Earth?
Well dur. They join the Fellowship.
That wasn't gonna work for me. Nope, it would be how many years until then? Let's see, in the DVD, Aragorn said he was like eighty-seven years old and Eowyn freaked out a little. Okay, well if he was six now that would mean that I had eighty-one years to go before all this happened. Eighty-one plus seventeen is…dadada! I'd be ninety-eight. I huffed in annoyance. If I were lucky I'd be pushing up daisies at fifty. Middle Earth was dangerous.
Which gave me plenty of reason to at least build up on fighting skills. On a crisp summer morning I embarked on a journey no female ever dare went. The training barracks, which were deserted because of breakfast, which I skipped. There were all sorts of swords and bows and whips and some things that looked like they were tossed into Hell and spit back out because they were so evil and wicked looking. No axes, though. I pouted. Could've had a lot of fun with an axe.
My first weapon was a bow and arrow. I grinned, running my hands over the smooth hardwood, imagining shooting an arrow straight into the bullseye and seeing Legolas watching me with fascination and awe. I picked up an arrow and moved it into the little notch, trying to remember how we were supposed to hold it in gym. When I thought I had it right, I pulled back my arm and let the arrow fly. It went up and up…
And hit the ground about four feet to my left. I stuck my lip out and plucked it from the ground, intent on at least getting it to reach a ring on the target. I positioned it again, preparing to let it sing through the air when I heard Estel's laugher at being chased by his mother on a balcony. The sudden noise made me jerk the arrow and it flew into the air, hitting a tree branch and ricocheted back at me with too much speed and force. It embedded itself in my shoulder.
Pain. Pain. PAIN.
It was running up and down my left arm. There wasn't any blood yet, but I was sure that as soon as the arrow was out, there would be a helluva lot of it. My heart sank. How would I get it out? It hurt like hell; like someone was dousing my shoulder in some kind of liquid fire. Tears pricked my eyes in pain and panic. Humiliation added to the mix when I thought of how it would look if I approached all these beautiful people and told them I was practicing and shot myself. I was mortified at the thought.
I knew that I had to do SOMETHING about the arrow because my arm was beginning to numb up now, and eventually pride won out. I was NOT going to go and run for help like some baby. I was stronger than that. I could take it out myself…right?
I carefully sat myself on the ground and reached behind me to the back of my shoulder to examine the extent of the damage. I hissed sharply upon realizing that the goddamn arrowhead and pierced my flesh back there. My head swam. I would have to tug OFF the arrowhead and then remove the arrow shaft from my front.
Tears running down my face, I allowed a soft cry to leave me as I snapped off the arrowhead, causing it to jolt the shaft around in my shoulder a bit. I bit down on my tongue and tasted blood in my mouth from my tongue as I moved my hand around to my front and onto the shaft of the arrow.
One…
Two…
Three.
I didn't move. I was too scared. The pain would be immense…
Without warning I pulled the shaft from my numbing shoulder and felt nothing for the first three seconds or so. Then a wave of pain hit me so hard I thought I would pass out from the nausea and extent. My vision blurred but I willed myself to stay awake to view my shoulder. I gagged almost instantly. The blood was so dark that it looked nearly black and the skin was puffy and red and swelling. I could tell that if I didn't find something to cover it up and stop the bleeding soon, I would risk a huge infection…my eyes widened in fear. What if my arm got all black and useless and I was a crippled victim for life? Or worse, what if they had to cut my arm off? I needed my arm! What if –
SMACK.
I used my right hand to deliver a hard slap to the side of my face. Get a grip! I yelled at myself. I was only making the situation worse by panicking…
With more pain in my shoulder I ripped off some of my dress and gingerly wrapped the sleek chiffon over my wound. I set down the wretched bow and arrow in their rightful places and took off running to the brook…only to come back for the broken arrow shaft and the arrowhead. I was NOT going to have someone find them and wonder why they were all blood soaked and nasty.
I went over to my little brook and unwrapped my wound, wincing every so often at the pain and at how just plain sickly it looked. I really hoped I wouldn't have to see anyone about it. After I had carefully washed the wound over I ripped off a new section of my dress and pressed it to the gash, effectively stopping the slowing blood flow. I then buried the arrow remains in the dirt, uttering a silent prayer that no one would find it and in a few days it would rain and turn to some sort of compost for the icky worms to feast on.
I scurried back to the palace, hiding in bushes and such to avoid any questions from passersby, all the while aware of my throbbing shoulder. When I got inside, I sprinted to my room and didn't stop or look back until I made it. I locked the door behind me and let out a HUGE breath of air. Then I gulped some in. I changed out of my bloody dress and stuck on a nightgown, as I didn't plan to go anywhere for the rest of the day. I sat pressing the cloth to my self-inflicted-on-accident wound and prayed that no one would notice. I fell into a very uneasy slumber.
***
I awoke to a knock on the door. Hurrying to my wardrobe I pulled on a long robe to cover up with and shouted for the visitor to enter. It was a maid.
"Greetings, milady." She said cheerily and walked into my room with a dinner tray. "You missed dinner and Lord Elrond was worried for you. He took the liberty of having food sent up."
Unfortunately, I didn't feel like eating too much when I spotted my still bloody dress laying on the floor. Following my train of sight, the maid frowned.
"What's this?" She lifted it up and examined it with her elven eyes. I took a chance at keeping my dignity.
"Uh…I'm on the rag?" I tried. Okay, maybe dignity was the wrong word. The maid must have not understood because she rose her eyebrows and masked her face in confusion.
"You know…my monthly bleeding cycle and all…"
"Ah." The maid nodded, but stopped as she noticed that the blood was all over the shoulder part of the dress. She glanced at me questioningly. I laughed nervously.
"Well…I'm hungry now…yeah." She took the hint and threw me a suspicious look as she left the room, my food tray on the dresser. I let out a relieved sigh. Living in middle earth was damn hard! I couldn't do that again…I sighed. I guess impressing the elven prince with drop-dead archery skills just wasn't gonna happen.
Yeah, drop-dead literally. I thought wryly. I promised myself then and there that if I ever shot myself with an arrow again, I'd lay off archery forever.
***
Legolas had been gone for six months when he suddenly returned as I was in the gardens. I hadn't had too much of a chance to speak to him when I had first dropped into middle earth, but now here he was! I thought he looked so damn hot, sitting next to me, dripping with sweat from a long day's horseback ride, his weapons hanging from dirty riding clothes and his face smeared with dirt. It gave him a surreal rugged look that I thought only Aragorn could achieve. I peered over at the little tot I was supposed to be watching and shook my head. How could that sweet, innocent little kid grow into someone as hot as that? I'd have to watch him as he grew…if I lived that long. I was still trying to get over the fact that I probably wasn't gonna be able to join the fellowship…a very sucky revelation.
"So, Legolas, where ya been these last few months?" I asked as Estel splashed in a puddle. Legolas smiled at me.
"I had duties to tend to back in Mirkwood." He said, staring into the trees. "One has a need to be where one was raised." He paused. "May I ask you a personal question, Jolie?"
I raised my eyebrows. "Sure, Legolas. What's on your mind?" I asked quizzically.
"Where did you come from?"
I hesitated slightly, letting my gaze fall onto Estel as he drew a face in the mud with his pudgy little finger. Should I tell him? Maybe I could get away with that whole "From my mother, Legs, where'd YOU come from?" bit. But I decided against it.
"Well…" I started slowly. "I come from a place that's very far from here."
"Is it anywhere up north, or further to the south?" He asked eagerly. I focused my eyes on his forehead instead of his bright orbs.
"Well…it's kind of…up." I said lamely.
"Up?" He asked, confused. I shook my head.
"No wait…it's difficult to explain. Why don't I just tell you what home is like?"
So I explained things to him that I'm in sure he didn't understand. Like electricity.
"So, you capture the lightning and harness it through wire?" He asked, obviously lost. I nodded.
"I'm not even sure that's right. But that's how we use the phone." And I explained phones. He looked positively delighted at the idea.
"You mean you have ways of communicating from around the country without needing to travel at all?" He said, shaking his head. "I cannot see how that works."
"I'm not even sure how that works." I said, laughing. "All I know is that I've been using phones since I could talk." I also told him about cars.
"Chunks of hollow metal that move?"
"Uh huh. That's the best I can explain it." He looked horrified at the thought of the pollution in the air. I proceeded to scare him with mental pictures of skyscrapers next.
"I live in a place where there is hardly any green." I started. "Concrete and metal buildings as high as these trees rise up over the hills and wipe out all the beauty in the world." I motioned around me. "This beautiful place that you live in…you have no idea how lucky you are to live in this kind of place, Legolas. To see this everyday, to wake up to this every morning…I could write songs about this."
By the time I finished, Legolas actually looked sort of mad. "How can you live in that sort of place?" He asked me with sad eyes. "To be surrounded by stone all the time…do you not feel trapped? Where DO you live, Jolie?"
Back to that. I swallowed, trying to think of a plausible excuse. To keep him busy, at the least.
"I can't tell you." I said, looking away. He took my hands.
"Please." He pleaded. I inhaled his musky scent, and noticed Estel watching us closely.
I turned to Legolas with a smile. "I promise, Legolas…I will tell you when I have no other choice. For now I do not like to speak of home. I would rather consider THIS all my new home." I stared deeply into his blue eyes, feeling at peace. It was like he was hypnotizing me. I could feel his breath on my cheek…
A giggle.
I turned to see little Estel sitting down in front of us, smiling like a loon.
"Auntie Jolie?"
I could feel my face burn as I tore my face away from Legolas'. "Hmm?" I murmured, very frustrated.
"Uncle Legolas looked like he was going to…" He made kissing noises and puckered his lips, enjoying me flush with embarrassment. I glanced at Legolas to see him looking at the ground, finding the small black ants very fascinating. He suddenly stood up and I went right up with him, considering the fact that he was still holding my hands. He looked at me with wide elven eyes and had a dust of a blush tinge his pale cheekbones. He released my hands.
"I must wash up, I've been traveling all day and most of the night." He announced. "Good afternoon, Jolie." He looked down. "Estel." He said to the child, and bounded off out of the gardens to the palace. I looked down at the grinning kid.
"Estel…" I warned. Who knew ARAGORN could have such horrible timing?
***
That's chapter 5. Sorry if this chapter is a little bland, I don't particularly like it too much. Just review to let me know what you think! Love ya, byee!!!