Will You Always Be There?
Chapter 57
Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters they belong to Belasarius productions. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or person living or dead are purely coincidental.
Spoilers: Anything up to an including 'The Sixth Juror' any spoilers floating around out there are fair game.
1020
Sunday
30 January
Belleville Community Church
Belleville, Pennsylvania
Mac and Mattie sat on the pew with Mrs. Rabb. Mattie sat between her and Mac. Mrs. Rabb glanced at Mattie as the pastor spoke. She was such a lovely girl. She was so glad to be here with them both. The pastor's words brought her out of her thoughts.
"Let us remember to pray for safety and success of our service men and women who are serving overseas. Today of all days in Iraq." He gestured toward Mrs. Rabb. "Let's remember Mrs. Rabb's grandson Harmon, that God will grant him a safe return to his family." The congregation spoke a soft 'amen'.
Mac felt a lump forming in her throat. She had heard those words spoken before in various types of church services, but this time it touched her heart so deeply. It was her husband they were speaking of and she sat in a place where he was remembered and loved. She felt so close to him at that moment that she nearly dissolved into tears. She missed him so much. Mac remembered the first time she had come here, Harm's reassuring smile and his hand clasped in hers. Mattie turned to look at her and reached for her hand. They gave each other a watery smile before the pastor led the congregation in prayer.
After services Mac and Mattie had lunch with Mrs. Rabb. Mac wanted to start back early enough to get Mattie back to Blacksburg and then have plenty of time to get back to Washington. Mattie was gathering her things to go and Mrs. Rabb and Mac sat at the kitchen table finishing their coffee.
"I never thanked you for our Christmas gift, Sarah." Mac had loved the small scrapbook she had made. She had made copies of the pictures of Harm's great grandparents and of her and David. There were some of Harm senior and Harm as a baby. She had even included some of Harm's school pictures. There was one in particular she liked to tease Harm about. He couldn't have been more than eight years old. He was beaming at the camera with the beginnings of his beautiful smile. His two front teeth were larger because he still had a lot of his baby teeth. This gave him a slightly 'rabbity' look. Mac had teased him and called him 'Bugs', short for Bugs Bunny. He was adorable, though, even at eight years old. She hoped their baby would have his smile.
"You got such a kick out of those pictures when you were staying with me that I thought it might be time to pass some of them on. I made copies, though; I'm not ready to part with the originals yet." Mrs. Rabb looked wistful.
"That's quite all right. It was perfect the way you did it. Besides, I think Mattie enjoyed going over the originals this weekend too."
Mrs. Rabb wanted to ask Mac all weekend if she was all right. She did not want to pry into their lives, but Mac had been more emotional than she had been for sometime. She felt she was holding something back, but barely. She decided to just ask and get it over with.
"Mac, you can tell me I'm a nosy old lady if you want to, but I have to ask you something."
Mac looked at her, questioning. "What? I don't have a problem with you asking me anything, Sarah. You're my friend."
Mrs. Rabb heaved a sigh of relief. "You have something on your mind, Mac, something that's troubling you. I'd like to help if I can."
Mac's eyes welled up immediately. "Oh for heaven's sake, I cry at the drop of a hat lately. I know that a lot of this is hormones, and to be honest I don't know where to begin. Harm and I had just found out about my being pregnant before he left and I didn't handle things well. I didn't discuss anything with him – I made decisions without asking his opinion of anything. We fought but we were able to resolve things before he left."
Mac continued to wipe tears from her face with her bare hand. She didn't want to give too much detail. "I don't know... it's not something I can explain. Harm hasn't done anything wrong at all. I know this is stupid."
Mrs. Rabb got up and got a paper towel and handed it to Mac. "You're just not a Kleenex person are you, Mac?" She grinned and patted her back.
Mac laughed through her tears. "No, I guess not."
"And this is not stupid. Sometimes when we speak our fears out loud, it takes the teeth out of them. They can't hurt us anymore." She winked at Mac.
Mac nodded. "I'm just afraid this will come between us – we've been so happy. I don't know, I just feel Harm holding back, when we talk and I mention anything about being pregnant, he asks me if I'm feeling all right. He doesn't want to talk about it. I can tell."
She placed her hand on Mrs. Rabb's forearm. "I don't want you to misunderstand. Harm has been wonderful. I know he loves me. I just don't want this to change what we have."
Mrs. Rabb placed her hand over hers. "Oh, honey…do you really think that is possible?" She gave her an indulgent smile.
Mrs. Rabb had once again done what she had when she first met her. She drew her out and made her laugh at herself without making her feel foolish. That was a gift, Mac decided. She chuckled, still wiping tears.
"I guess not."
"Give him time, Mac. He has lost a lot in his lifetime. It would be only natural for him to feel some apprehension about you now. This year has been a doozy for both of you. He'll come around – give him time, honey." She gave her forearm a squeeze.
They both stood. Mrs. Rabb gathered Mac into her arms and hugged her. She knew there was a part of Mac, however small, that needed to lean on someone. A small part of her that still needed a mother. She leaned back and looked at Mac.
"On your twentieth anniversary, you two should write a book." Mac nodded and they both laughed and turned to walk toward the front door.
Mattie bounced into the room and came to abrupt halt. "Mac, are you all right?"
Mac waved her off. "Oh I'm fine…just hormonal."
Mattie saw an opportunity. "Do you want me to drive, Mac?" Her eyebrows slightly rose with hope, her eyes twinkling with mischief.
"I'm not that hormonal, Ms. Grace." She linked her arm around her neck and they walked the rest of the way to the door.
2330
Baghdad time
30 January
Green zone
Baghdad, Iraq
Harm sat in his office. He thought if he called now he would catch Mac after church services, but before she left to take Mattie back to Blacksburg. He hoped so, because he wanted to talk to them all. Harm hadn't seen Mattie in a long time. He wished so much to be there with them. It had been a long day. Iraq voted. It had not been a perfect process but it had not been deterred by the insurgents. No matter what was said or done, from now on they were moving forward. Harm shook himself out of his thoughts and dialed his grandmother's number.
Mrs. Rabb answered the phone. "Hello?"
"Grandma?"
"Harmon? Is that you, son?"
"Hello…How is the love of my life?"
She had heard the smile in voice when he spoke. "Don't you try to charm me, Harmon Rabb. I know all your tricks."
"Where is my wife?" He still got butterflies sometimes when he thought about talking to her. It had been nearly two weeks. He needed to reconnect with his lifeline.
"Oh, honey, you missed them. They left about a half an hour ago. Mac was worried about snow being forecast out near Blacksburg this evening. She wanted to be sure she missed it."
Harms heart sank. He had been looking forward to this all day. "Oh, well, that was probably a good idea." The disappointment was apparent in his voice.
"I know she'll be sorry she missed you." Given Mac's frame of mind it may have helped, or maybe not. 'Those two,' she thought.
"Did she seem all right to you?"
"She was fine, Harm. In fact, I have never seen her look better. She doesn't look as though she's been sick a day in her life."
Harm could see her in his mind's eye: standing in the kitchen, cleaning up and talking to him about his day. She did look more healthy; strong and very feminine at the same time – one of the things that had attracted him to her in the first place. He had never met anyone like her. "She is beautiful, isn't she, Grandma?"
"She's lovely, Harmon, and I understand congratulations are in order."
"Oh…yeah, we found out just before I left."
"It's wonderful news."
Silence on the line
"Harmon?"
"Yes, I'm here."
"I have a question for you, son. Are you all right?"
"Yes, I'm fine. I am a bit worried about Mac. I'd be lying if I said otherwise." Sometimes it was terrible to have someone know you so well.
"That's understandable."
"I don't want to lose her, Grandma. We came so close last fall."
"I know, son, and I know what you fear. I don't think anyone knows better than Mac what she has to lose, but you need to see the joy in this for Mac's sake."
"I know….it doesn't even seem real to me yet. It's just that the risk is so great."
"It's in your nature to want to protect her, Harmon, but she has a perspective on this that you don't and I pray you never will. I've never known you to afraid of anything, Harm. Don't be afraid to trust this…enjoy this time, celebrate it. You both deserve it."
He knew she was right. He was trying to let the fear go, and if he were honest, the anger too. He thought that over time it would go. He loved Mac; nothing would change that. Maybe he was afraid of losing her so much that he didn't want to think about the reality of the baby. He didn't know.
"I really am lecturing you, aren't I, Harmon?"
"That's okay, Grandma. I don't mind, really. I haven't really been able to tell anyone how worried I am about this. It's nice to be able to talk to someone about it."
They continued to talk but about other things. They talked about Mattie and her adjustment to living with Tom. They talked about how things were going there in Belleville. He told her he was doing fine, no problems there. He expected to be home in a few weeks. When they ended the call, Harm did feel better, but he didn't feel that things in his own heart were resolved. He knew that what his grandmother had said made sense; he just wasn't there yet. There was no way around it.
1930
Friday
4 February
TJ's
San Diego, California
Mike McBurney entered the bar and scanned the room, looking for Faith. They had agreed to meet here after they wrapped up their investigation of an incident involving a destroyer that had run aground near North Island. They wouldn't be getting back to Washington until tomorrow and one more day of warm weather and no humidity were fine with him. As he looked around the room he overheard two young ladies at a table talking, rather loudly.
"Hey, who's this?" They weren't shy, if the way they were looking at him was any indication.
One of the girls, who appeared to be much more intoxicated than the other, said, "Oh…hey…maybe he's here to see the 'iceberg' at the bar." She looked over her shoulder.
"Hmmmm?" Her companion looked at Faith, who was sitting at the bar. "Coleman? Not hardly…I can't believe she's even out of uniform…that's enough excitement for her for the night." They both broke up laughing. "I really think she's an android…Ha ha ha."
Mike looked toward the bar and saw Faith's posture stiffen; she had heard them. She turned on the barstool and was going to slip down to her feet and walk out of the bar. Michael came into her line of vision, and when their eyes locked, she knew he had heard them too. He stood a bit straighter and gave her a conspiratorial wink. The pain was evident in her eyes, but as he walked toward her she began to smile at him. She watched him pass the girls at the table, and as he passed them he said,
"Excuse me, ladies," and flashed a flirty smile.
They both answered at once. "Oh, that's okay." Both girls sounded just a little too eager to engage him in conversation.
Mike strode quickly by, not acknowledging the girls at all after he passed them. He walked toward her and gave her another one of those charming smiles. As he neared her, she realized he wasn't slowing down; instead he was getting closer and closer. He walked up close to her side and slipped his arms around her, locking them low on her waist as though it were a natural action that he did every day.
"Let's give those 'cats' at the table a show," he whispered in her ear. He leaned back slightly, waggling his eyebrows. The hurt was still evident in her eyes. "Come on, Faith…..the hell with them." His face was close to hers and kissed her cheek lightly. He could feel her heart pounding in her back.
She looked back at him, considering the possibilities and fighting the urge to run from the room. However uncomfortable she was, Michael was drawing her in and she loved the idea of showing them they were wrong about her, so she took him up on his invitation.
He kissed her lips gently and pulled back a bit and looked into her eyes. "Come on….." He kissed her again, more deeply this time, and to his pleasant surprise she kissed him back.
Faith allowed one arm to slip around his waist and the other came to rest on his chest. As Michael deepened the kiss further, she clutched his shirt in her fist. How long had it been since she had been held by anyone? It had literally been years since she allowed anyone to kiss her. This felt so good. She was losing herself in this. She had to come back to earth before she made a fool of herself.
Mike broke the kiss and lightly kissed her cheek again before whispering, "Smile, Faith….pretend you enjoyed it." He certainly had. He could tell it had been a long time for her. She was a little awkward...for a half a second. When she gave herself over to the kiss he had to remind himself that this was an act. This was payback for a couple of assholes who were making her uncomfortable.
Faith found her voice though it cracked slightly. "I do…I did….okay." She looked at him, and they both began to laugh. Faith laughed at herself and Mike at the situation. She leaned closer to him. "It's not funny."
He pulled her in even closer. "Yes it is." He glanced over his shoulder. "We still have an audience…Lets dance." He took her hand and she followed him out to the dance floor. He pulled her into his embrace and they began to dance. Faith held onto his shoulder with one hand, holding herself slightly back from him while resting her hand on his chest.
"I'm not going to bite you, Faith," Mike whispered into her ear.
"I know." She leaned back slightly, looked at him and said sincerely, "Thank you for this, Michael. You're a good friend." She allowed him to pull her further into his embrace.
He returned her look. "You're welcome and yes…. I am your friend. How do those two 'ladies,' and I use the term loosely, know you?"
"I worked with them when I was stationed here at JAG San Diego. In all fairness, I'm not a friendly person." She looked him in the eye, smiling slightly. "You know how I am. I don't make a very good first impression."
"Still…I don't think what they did was….necessary." He looked over and saw that they were still watching, whispering behind their hands. 'Women,' he thought. They could be crueler to each other than any man could ever be. He was raised with five of them and he thought that made him an expert of sorts.
"Oh…I'm not going to let them get to me. I'm an android…remember?" She quirked an eyebrow at him, mocking the label her 'friends' had placed upon her.
Mike leaned in closer and whispered in her ear, for the benefit of their audience. "Oh...I don't know, Faith. You sure don't kiss like an android." Her response to his kiss, once the shock had worn off, had been anything but mechanical.
Faith blushed deeply, all the way down her neck. She could not help but laugh out loud. She may have even giggled. She was having so much fun and knowing the two 'ladies' who were watching. It would be all over JAG San Diego that she wasn't such an 'iceberg' after all.
1600
Baghdad time
7 February
Green zone
Baghdad, Iraq
Harm was using the interview room as a place to meet with Major Hanson. The major would be spearheading the implementation of the program once they got more of the details hammered out. They were finishing up for the day when they heard a knock at the door.
"Enter." Harm looked up from his case file.
"Excuse me sir, Major Hanson has an emergency phone call."
"Put it through, Gunny." Harm looked at the major and turned his phone toward him, so he could answer it more easily.
"Major Hanson….Sandy? Are you all right?"
Harm stood and walked toward the door. He heard the major say, "A girl…that's great. Is she all right? Oh, honey, I love you too."
Harm closed the door and walked down the hallway where Gunny waited.
"It looks as though someone just had a new baby." Harm raised his eyebrows.
"It happens." Gunny shrugged. "I understand this is their third, sir."
"Third? He can't be much older than 30. Three kids?" Harm couldn't imagine. He hadn't gotten his mind around one yet.
"Some guys are just family men. Look at Commander Roberts, sir; it suits him too, if I may say so."
"I don't think Bud would mind, Gunny, and I have to agree." Harm smiled at the memory of Bud holding his daughter while he spoke to him during their visit last month.
Gunny knew about Mac being pregnant. Jen had told him. He wasn't sure how she'd found out. Not a lot got by Jennifer Coates in that office. It was kind of curious to him that the commander hadn't mentioned it. He figured some people were private about things like that. He also knew the colonel had been pretty ill. He didn't really think it was appropriate to ask. He smirked to himself, thinking, 'That's not a problem Jen ever had.'
1730
Baghdad time
Green zone
Baghdad, Iraq
Harm glanced at the clock on the wall of their office. "Gunny, get General Creswell for me, will you?" The General was expecting an update today. It would be the first one he had given by phone.
"I'm going to step down the hall to my quarters for a moment. I'll be right back." He stood and walked out of the room.
Gunny punched the necessary numbers to place the call. Jennifer Coates answered. "General Creswell's office, this is Petty Officer Coates, can I help you?"
"Well, I don't know, Jennifer -- can you?" Gunny chuckled.
"You! What are you doing?" It was great to hear from him.
"I'm placing a call for the commander to General Creswell."
"Oh, and I thought you were just calling to see how I was doing," Jennifer teased.
"I could ask how you and Commander Coleman are getting along. Had any long conversations lately?" She had told him about speaking out of turn the day he left for Iraq. They were both laughing when Harm walked through the office door.
"Hey, Gunny, have you put that call through yet?" Harm frowned; a little curious as to whom Gunny was speaking. It couldn't have been the general.
Gunny was serious immediately. "Uh, Commander Rabb for General Creswell."
"Right away, Gunny." She put the call on hold and buzzed the general.
"Commander Rabb for you, sir."
"Very well, Petty Officer. Are you alone out there?"
"Yes sir. I'm putting the call through now, sir." He must have heard her laughing, Jen thought. She was thinking if she picked up the pace neither she nor Gunny would have to make any excuses for joking around on government time.
General Creswell picked up the phone and punched the button. "Commander Rabb?"
"I have him for you, sir." Gunny handed the phone to Harm.
"General Creswell?"
"Commander, put this on speaker. I want to hear what both of you have to say."
Harm looked at Gunny, who was starting to walk out of the office, and stopped him with a raised hand. Harm pushed the button for the speaker phone.
"Commander Rabb, what have you and Major Hanson been able to come up with to deal with the problem list you sent me last week?"
"Sir we are working on a program that will help build their non-commissioned officer corps. It has been virtually nonexistent and we think may have contributed to some of the officers' ability to retaliate to any infraction inappropriately with impunity. "
"Very well, go on."
"We will be helping implement the framework that will allow punishment with extra duty, cuts in pay, things of that nature. More severe infractions to be will be punishable by isolation versus physical punishment. We also believe building the ranks of non-commissioned officers will give the regular soldiers more incentive to do well."
"What's your assessment, Gunny?"
"I think it's a good plan, sir – I just don't think it's realistic to think it will happen overnight. Culturally these people have no problem getting in anyone's face if they see them doing something they think is wrong. Especially an older man when dealing with a younger person; it has been acceptable for a long time."
"What about the building up of the noncom ranks?"
"I agree, sir, completely."
"Very good. Has training begun, Commander Rabb?"
"Yes, sir – we will be traveling with Major Hanson next week to begin implementation in several locations, sir."
"Sounds like a good start, Commander. Let's finish this. It's your ticket home. Carry on."
The general ended the call. Gunny and Harm looked at each other.
"I wasn't disagreeing with you, sir." Gunny wasn't sure how the commander would take his assessment of their program.
"Don't worry about it, Gunny. I know this is a hell of a task. The general asked your honest assessment and you gave it. I wouldn't expect any less. We have to begin somewhere. I know there will be bumps in the road; we will learn as we go. I just know that if we back off using cultural differences as an excuse, then we could end up with a military every bit as ruthless as Saddam's." They heard a knock on the door.
"Enter." Harm turned toward the door.
"Would you like to see by beautiful daughter, sir?" Major Hanson was grinning from ear to ear.
He placed his briefcase on Harm's desk and opened it. He pulled out a file labeled 'Cassandra.' He opened it and handed a computer generated copy of a picture of a young woman holding a tiny baby.
"The nursing staff at the hospital sent this." He left the file open showing what looked like ultrasound pictures.
"Congratulations, Major." One of the pictures, labeled 'Cassandra 3 months,' caught Harm's eye. He thought that Mac might be nearly three months along. 'God this is really happening' he thought. They were going to have a baby.
"Thank you, sir." He took two cigars out of the pocket of his briefcase and handed them to Gunny and Harm. "I know you can't smoke these here. I just figured that if I can't be with my girls tonight, I can at least be the proud papa and pass out the cigars." He took back the picture and looked lovingly at the print. "If you'll excuse me, sir, I have some showing off to do."
"By all means, Major. Carry on."
The major nodded to Gunny and he and Harm were smiling, watching him leave the room. When they looked at each other they both looked quickly down, feeling a little embarrassed at their unguarded moment.
"Uh, I'll be in my quarters if you need anything, sir." Gunny quickly left the room.
Harm sat back down at his desk. He looked at his phone. 'What time is it in Washington?' he wondered. It couldn't be too much later than 0900. He dialed the numbers, praying she would answer her phone. No such luck. He could e mail, but what he needed was to hear her voice. You didn't get that from e mail.
TBC