Muahahahaha! Oh...I'm evil... Thank you for reviewing, those who did!
Loz: I know. poor Kai. And it doesn't matter about the chatroom thing.
siliana blue: Well I'm glad you like it...and thank you for the compliment.
Canadians Generally Don't Live In Igloos: I prefer angst expert, but yes. I'm good at making horrible situations for the characters. It makes them deserve their happy ending! Well...if they get one, anyway...
Ellen: I think your statement summed it up accurately- Kai is a moron. And yeah, I think I'd freak a little if I thought I might have AIDS...well, a lot, actually...
Mei Kimari: You think that's sad? There's worse to come.
BloodyShadows: I'm glad you liked it, and it's okay about not reviewing.
Kiko cat: He -should- find somsone to talk to, but he's a stubborn git. Which is how he landed himself in the mess he's in. Silly, silly Kai.
animeobsession: He might...and he might not... you'll have to read on to see!
Echo in the Dark: I feel sorry for him too. But I know what comes next...
Ashley: Yeah, but Kai's a pig-headed idiot sometimes, isn't he? Well, probably all the time, but still…
Skimmie: Here it is!
And now, the chapter!
Rei woke up suddenly, hearing the doorbell ring. He wasn't expecting anyone, especially not at... He looked over at the clock. It was three am... "Rei?" The letterbox clattered. "Rei, please..." Rei slid out of bed and walked down the stairs, following the familiar voice.
"Kai? Is that you?"
"Yes. Rei, open the door...p-please..." Rei obliged, and found Kai there in tears. "I'm sorry Rei..."
"What? Kai, what's wrong?" Rei stood aside to let Kai in and flicked on the light in the hall.
"Rei...I...look, I don't know how else to say this, but...you know you warned me? About...about AIDS? Well I..."
"Oh no..." Rei didn't want to believe it but he knew what was coming.
"I didn't even know. I was drunk, Rei, and I...I got myself tested and retested...and I have AIDS. Heh..." Kai laughed humourlessly, and wiped his eyes. "Hard to think it was only a few months since I was here in Japan, isn't it?" Rei reached out to touch Kai's shoulder but the Russian moved away, sniffing. "No, don't touch me. I don't want to risk anything...infecting you..."
"Oh Kai..."
"It's my own fault...I'm such a whore...such a fucking whore!" Kai sobbed, following Rei into the kitchen. He sat down and then stood up again, pacing. "You were right. It was just sex. It didn't mean anything. Do you know how much money I've made in the past few years? About forty million pounds. Sterling, of course, not weight...and it's probably more than forty million anyway. Who have I got to give it to? Absolutely no-one. What have I got to go back to? A mansion in Russia? Alone? What have I -done-, Rei? What have I -done-?"
"Kai, I-" Rei reached out to touch Kai's shoulder but Kai moved away, shaking his head.
"Don't touch me, Rei. I would never forgive myself if...if you...I...I'm not staying. I just needed to tell you. You know, if I don't answer when you phone me or something..." Rei tried to reach out again and Kai growled.
"Don't touch me! Don't you understand? I have AIDS! My blood's full of disgusting little -things- and they're going to kill me Rei! They're going to make me weaker and weaker until I die of pneumonia or something!"
There was a yawn from the other side of the room and Lee appeared, looking sleepy and puzzled. "Kai? Rei? What's going on?" Kai shook his head, running a hand through his hair.
"I've got AIDS. That's pretty much what's going on. Yeah. I've got AIDS. I'm going to die. Nothing big, you know?" His voice cracked and he started to cry again, wiping away his tears with the back of one hand. Rei tried once again to reach out but Kai backed away, scratching himself on the edge of the worktop. A drop of blood welled up on the back of his hand and he whimpered, staring at it.
"Kai..." Rei whispered.
"I have to go...I can't...I can't stay here..."
"But...Kai-"
"Look at it, Rei...isn't it ironic that this blood could kill you? Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome. It doesn't sound that bad until you know you have it. I tried to tell myself I would be lucky. I was Kai Hiwatari, maker of millions. But a million millions can't stop you being a stupid slut and getting yourself landed with an incurable disease that means you'll end up coughing yourself to death with TB...can you see me in a hospital? I tried to imagine it and it just doesn't fit..."
"Hey, Kai..." Lee tried to cut in, but Kai just carried on talking.
"And the worst part is that it's my own fault. If I'd listened...if I'd listened to you, if I'd listened to -them-. I'm a horrible person...maybe I deserve this..."
"Kai...you're not horrible...and...you can get medicine...and-"
"Not horrible? Rei, I got people drunk and made them sleep with me! I seduced people who didn't want to be seduced! I preyed on them, Rei! I'm disgusting! I disgust myself and even worse now that..." Kai licked the blood off the back of his hand, smiling almost insanely. "It just proves how much of a dirty whore I am...and you know, I keep hoping for a miracle and it isn't coming...it isn't...it isn't ever coming...I'm never going to be able to get away from this, Rei...I can't pay off microbes, I can't bribe them, I can't run away as soon as I don't like the situation, no matter where I go I can't escape...because I'm what I want to get away from. I. Me. This body, this blood, this everything!"
He swallowed, shook his head and started to walk towards the door, and consequently Lee. "I have to go. I just...I just wanted you to know." Lee folded his arms and blocked the doorway.
"You can't keep running away, Kai..."
"Move out of my way, Lee. I'm going home."
"Where is your home, Kai?" Kai clenched his fists.
"I'm sorry, Lee, I'm not in the mood for philosophical discussions now. I know it's a big surprise and all, but I've just given myself a death sentence and I want to go home. To Russia. So I can spend the rest of my sad life in the snow. My parents died out in the snow. I can remember their blood...because it was the first time I'd ever seen the snow not being white. Hah, You've hardly ever seen snow, what difference would it make for you to see red snow? Red snow...maybe it's time for it to be red again..."
He looked up, glaring. "Move out of my way, Lee."
"Kai...please don't do anything stupid..." Kai turned to look at Rei, smiling.
"It's a bit late for that, isn't it? Besides, what's one more curse on the Hiwatari mansion? If I had the time or the inclination I could tell you about all the peopole who've died or killed themselves there. What's one more death? A little bit more blood, infected, diseased blood infecting the place?"
"No...Kai...you can't be serious...killing yourself isn't the answer..."
"So I should just let myself be carried away on the shoulders of disease, is that what you're saying? Are you saying you want to see me die by inches in a hospital bed? Is that what you want?"
Rei's eyes filled with tears. "No...b-but...I..."
"I'm going. Don't try and stop me, because I don't know what I might do. What have I got to lose? Not much really. I've got no-one...nothing...just money... And I don't even mean half of what I'm saying...I'm just so angry...angry with myself...angry with...everything..." Rei sobbed and ran to Kai, and before the Russian could protest he flung his arms around his waist, bursting into tears. Kai froze, deathly still. "Rei...get off me..."
"You only pass it on through blood and semen, Kai, I can hug you if I want to!" Rei snapped.
"But I..." Rei gave Kai one last squeeze and pulled away.
"Go if you have to. But don't...don't just give up on yourself like that. There might be some way of curing-"
"There isn't a way." Kai said flatly. He turned back to the door and Lee moved obligingly, letting Kai sweep out of the house and down the drive to a waiting taxi.
Kai rolled over and sighed heavily. He was back in the hotel where he'd met Andy, staying over for the night before he could catch a flight back to Russia. The trouble with hotels was that every room was the same. So even though he wasn't in the same room as before, he could look around and remember exactly where and when he'd done everything with Andy. Only...it had felt so fulfilling back then, and now it was just...hollow.
He'd ordered room service. A bottle of vodka and a bar of chocolate. Finest Belgian. Well what help was finest Belgian going to be when he was dead anyway? At the sound of a knock he sat up, with another sigh. "Come in." The door opened and Kai almost couldn't believe his eyes. There was Andy, in all his blonde glory, only...
"K-Kai?" Andy threw the tray onto the bed and collapsed onto Kai's lap, laughing. "I never thought you'd come back..."
"Andy...get off me..." Kai pushed Andy away, then looked away from the heartbroken look on the young man's face. "I've got AIDS. After I slept with you, so don't worry."
"Oh. But...I...I have something to tell you."
"What?"
"Well, it's going to sound strange whatever way I say it, so...well, a long time ago I was part of a government test to see if...well...to see if a man could get pregnant. I...um...I wasn't trying to tell you I was a virgin that night. I wanted to tell you that...that I could get pregnant if we slept together. And I did. I...I'm pregnant, Kai. About...seven months, now. I know it's hard to believe, but it's true...please believe me..."
Kai looked back at Andy, who was blushing profusely. When he'd come in Kai had thought he'd put on a bit of weight, but... "Are you serious?"
"Yeah. It's...it's a girl." With a soft laugh, Andy looked up. "I bet you never thought you'd be a father, did you?"
"I never thought I'd end up with AIDS, but I did. What are you going to call her?"
"Well...I like Mary...but what do you think?" Kai didn't reply for a while, just laid a hand over Andy's stomach. After a few seconds, he felt something hit his hand. Kicking. So he wasn't lying...or mad...
"Sofiya...but it doesn't matter what I think, I'll be dead soon. I'm leaving tomorrow anyway."
"But I..." Andy touched his shoulder. "You mean you're not staying?"
"No."
"Oh."
"Look...I can't stay. I couldn't bear it if I gave someone else AIDS."
"But..."
"Look, can you go? This really isn't what I need right now." Andy sniffed and stood up, turning and walking away. "Andy..."
"What?" Andy asked. Kai could hear the sob in his voice.
"What's your surname?"
"Gibson. Why?"
"Well I'll have to put you in my Will, won't I?"
Andy sniffed again and left, shutting the door quietly behind him. Kai let himself drop backwards onto the bed. A father? Him? No... It just didn't fit. Him with a child...him in a hospital bed...that wasn't how he wanted it all to be...
He sat up angrily and opened the bottle of vodka, throwing back his head and gulping down a few mouthfuls. He didn't want AIDS, he didn't want a child! Why did it have to be like that? Why had it happened? But he knew. He knew inside why it had happened. If he hadn't been such a whore...if he hadn't been such a desperate, disgusting whore none of it would have happened...
He didn't want to die in a hospital...he didn't want to be scared of touching everyone...he didn't want it...he didn't want any of it...
Next Chapter: Andy gets a nasty surprise and Rei gets a phone call... Actually, it's the last chapter! Tcha, I hadn't even noticed!
I know Kai believed Andy pretty quickly, but right now he'll believe anything. He still hasn't quite come to terms with everything, so he's kinda...on edge. Anyway, R&R please, all you lovely people who made it down to here!