I don't own FMA at all... Hiromu Arakawa and Square does... Woot for them!

Notes of Doom: Ok so this is another little spur of the moment fic... It's got a lot of RoyxRiza in it but I'm not saying much, cause I don't want to spoil anything. Yes yes... Ed and Al are there too... don't worry... and there's a special appearance as well...

Oh and I make a joke that was inspired by Van Von Hunter... those who have read it... you'll know what the joke is...and those who haven't read it... WHAT ARE YOU THINKING! READ IT!

And I must say, Thank you Zerosystem for encouraging me to post this one...

And thank you to everyone who reviews my fics, you're all so sweet! thank you thank you! you all keep me going!

ok, now on to the fic...

Flame Alchemist

FullMetal Alchemist Fan Fic

by dragonnova

It was a dark and stormy night, one of those kinds of nights where you wish you were in the comfort of your own home, away from the cold troubles of the dark. For it's during the night that things begin to stir, that's when the dark creatures begin to move out and make my job harder. Yet I suppose I should be thankful in a way, it's the petty thugs and criminals in this world that give me a job. If it weren't for them I'd be out of work. But it would be nice if the rain would stop, at least.

I pulled the collar of my trench coat up closer around my neck as I fumbled for the key to the door. Finally I found what I was seeking and quickly turned the key in the lock to let myself in to the warmth of my office. I pulled my coat off and flung it to the couch that sat near by, letting the door quickly slam shut behind me. The glass rattled, the fogged window in the door that had my name neatly printed across with 'Private Eye' subtitled below. That's what I am, a detective, protector of the peace, enemy of the 'bad guys', and stalker of cheating spouses. I snorted as I stopped in front of the mirror I had hanging on my wall.

"That's all you are lately, ol' boy" I said to the dark haired man who stared back at me. "A spy for suspicious husbands and jealous wives."

I fell to my chair and threw one foot up on my desk, the phone on my desk blinked with messages that I knew I didn't want to hear. Didn't have to hear, I knew what they were already and I was tired of all that. But then something caught my eye, there was a shadow outside my door. I waited for the knock that never came, whoever it was just simply flung open the door. It hit the chair to the side and the glass rattled again. I just watched as they walked in and stopped in the middle of the room. True beauty.

She was standing there before my desk, the complete picture of beauty. She was dressed in white from her high healed shoes to her fur trimmed trench coat. Her hair was done up in a twist that allowed only a few blond stands to fall neatly across her beautiful face. Those amber eyes caught my attention, such determination and sadness mixed into one, a man could get lost in those eyes.

She took a few more steps and stood before my desk, "I need your help." her voice was calm, like music.

"Really, so what is it?" I paused, "cheating husband?"

"No, I'm not married..."

"I see..." I knew I had a relieved tone, but I couldn't have helped it. Who could have.

"I think someone has killed my brother..." she leaned closer, over my desk, instinctively I pulled my foot down and sat up strait.

"So what makes you think that, ma'am?" I leaned closer to meet her gaze.

"He's been missing for a few days now..." she whispered, so I leaned closer until we were only inches apart.

"I see, maybe I can look into this for you..." I gave her my suave smile, " so what's his name?"

I didn't think it was possible but she managed to lean even closer, until she was only an inch from my ear, "Edward Elric..."

"What..."

"Edward...Elric... sir..."

"What?"

"FULL METAL IS HERE SIR!" Riza snapped her fingers between the book and Roy's nose.

"Oh... yeah... sorry..." He straitened back into his chair and flung the book to the side.

Riza sighed as she picked up some paperwork, "I'm not exactly sure those books are good for you if you get THAT lost in them..."

Roy was staring at her, "yeah..." he half sighed, he was gone again.

"Sir..." Riza tilted her head to one side.

"Yeah..." he sighed again while admiring how beautiful she looked today, as she always did.

One hand moved from the paper work she had previously been holding with both and slowly fell for the gun at her hip. Roy caught the movement and then realized he was two seconds away from staring down her gun barrel. "Send him in!" he quickly ordered and she dropped her hand back by her side.

She walked over and opened the door, almost not quite fast enough for the enraged vertically challenged alchemist that stormed inside, "Colonel we had a deal!" he didn't even bother waiting until he was in front of the desk.

"Deal?" Roy leaned back and rested his cheek on his hand.

Ed gritted his teeth, "You said that I could search for the philosopher's stone in between missions. Well, I just finished your stupid mission and I've turned in all the paper work! So why can't I leave!"

"You can," Roy sighed.

Ed was startled, it was that easy, it was NEVER that easy. Before he could even help it a small smile of relief began to work it's way across his face.

"After... you go pick up our coffee..." Roy reached out and thumbed through some paper work.

"WHAT! I AM NOT YOUR ERRAND BOY!" Ed yelled.

"Then consider it a mission... Bring it back without spilling would you?" Roy was now pretending to read the paper work.

"I AM NOT..." Ed was cut off suddenly.

"Keep it up and I'll make you write a mission report on it as well..." Roy's gaze locked with Ed's, his face was stern; serious to the core.

Ed realized the fight was useless, so he reluctantly turned and grumbled curses under his breath about the injustice that was bestowed on him all the time, "Fine... Jerk...get your stupid coffee... BUT THEN YOU BETTER LET ME GET BACK TO MY OWN BUSINESS!" and with that the door slammed shut behind the small alchemist, the glass window rattled within it's frame in the door.

Roy smiled, "I think I'll have them put my name on the office door... Colonel Roy Mustang: Flame Alchemist... I like the sound of that..." he glanced at Riza , "What do you think?"

Riza glanced back at him with a slightly disappointed expression on her lovely face, "Sir, did you really have to torment him like that?"

His smile faded, "change the subject why don't ya..." he sighed.

"You're going to give the kid a mental break down one of these days you know that don't you." She was always his voice of reason, if only he'd listen to the many times she had said this to him.

"Ah, builds character." he muttered the usual answer as he picked back up his book.

"Uh huh... and after making him so angry you trust him to bring you coffee?" Riza fought the smile that was starting to tug at the corner of her mouth.

"And what's he going to do..." Roy chuckled.

"Spit in it... sir." she snorted.

Roy jerked his attention from his book to his companion, a twisted, sickened look came across him as he pondered the possibility. He then gagged.

IOIOIOIOIOI

There was the sound of clanking metal coming a little ways down the street from the small coffee shop. The armored figure poked his head into the shop door, scanning for someone, then stopping on the small figure in the red coat near the counter. "Brother?" he sweet voice echoed in the armor.

Ed glanced over his shoulder at his little brother, "Just a minute Al..." he waived and then turned back to the clerk in time to take two large steaming cups. "Thanks" he muttered and then turned to leave.

"Brother, what's going on? I thought you said we were going to follow up that lead on the stone?" Al questioned as they stopped at a little table out side the shop.

"Colonel Pain-in-the-Butt ordered me to fetch his coffee..." Ed snorted, "then we'll go" he finished as he set the coffee down on the table. One cup had 'Riza' printed across it, the other 'Roy'. Ed picked up the one that said 'Roy'.

Al was looking down the street, it really was a beautiful morning, "strange, he never had you do that before..." he said as he watched a kitten dart across the street to some bushes on the other side.

There was a strange pop noise that came from Ed's direction, snapping Al out of the almost daydream state he had entered. He turned and stared at his brother's back. Then Al heard that disgusting snorting noise of someone getting ready to hock a good one.

"BROTHER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

Ed turned slightly so that Roy's lidless cup was visible, "what?"

"EEEW! Ed! Don't! Colonel Mustang will kill you for sure.." Al shuddered.

"What he doesn't know won't hurt me..." Ed snickered.

"NO! Brother, that's just... disgusting...GIVE ME THAT!" Al commanded as he yanked the cup away from Ed before he could sabotage the colonel's coffee.

"Ah, fine... I'll get him back some other way then..." Ed finally sighed in frustration.

"Something that doesn't involve spit, please..." Al gagged.

"Aaaah! I still say he would have never known" Ed grabbed up Riza's cup and shuffled back toward the office.

"Eeeew... I mean EEEEEW, ED! That's just... EEEEEW!" Al couldn't get the image of what his brother was about to do out of his head.

IOIOIOIOIOI

"Sir... are you sure you want to do this?" Riza's eye twitched a little as she stared at the window on the office door.

"Of course, what's wrong with it?" Roy smiled.

"You read way too many detective novels, Colonel..." she sighed and returned to her seat.

Roy watched her for a second then turned back to Havoc, "eh," he shrugged, "So you can do that then?"

"No problem, sir, I'll go get some of those vinyl letters and it'll be done in just a little while." He said as he started to turn and leave, pausing a moment and looking back over his shoulder, the tooth pick hanging from his mouth twitched a little, "course, you should keep in mind that these things are PERMANENT..."

"Wouldn't want it any other way..." Roy smiled and took his seat again behind his desk.

The door slowly swung shut, glass rattled again. For some strange reason Roy liked that sound, and Riza of course knew why. Recently the colonel had become obsessed with this series of detective novels with a hero that strangely resembled a certain flame alchemist. She swivelled in her seat, watching him after he had sat back down and was back to reading the newest installment. He couldn't put it down even at work. There was a slight smile that played across his lips as he read, and every so often a sparkle of amusement would flash across his dark eyes. She couldn't help but watch him, it was subtle little expressions she rarely got to see, they were cute. Different than when he was tormenting Full Metal, these where honest while the others had a tint of maliciousness. Not that she thought Roy would ever really be mean to anyone, he just liked to keep up that gruff exterior. Yes that was it, these little expressions she was observing were his true emotions, unhindered glimpses at his true nature rather than the image he tried to hold up. She looked forward to his little true feelings that would shine through every so often.

Every once in while, she would see those expressions when he wasn't reading, they only lasted a second, and they always managed to startle her. There were times when she would glance around the room, and he'd be sitting there behind the desk, smiling faintly, lost in something, and all the while watching her. But of course this was a fleeting thing, either he would catch himself and quickly look away or she would be so startled she'd pull her gun on him. It was a reflex she was beginning to hate.

Roy was still reading, but the expression had faded, he felt something heavy upon him, he glanced to the side at his Lieutenant. She was leaning back in her chair, slightly turned toward him, watching him. She seemed to be pondering his very being, or so it felt. She didn't notice his shy glance at her that then turned into a full wonder. He was now pondering what she was thinking, why she was watching him with such a thoughtful expression. It was almost... almost... loving?

Riza was still lost for a while, then realization swept over her. She noticed he was watching her back now. There was a brief moment of them just staring each other down questioningly. Then Roy broke the mood with a sly wink and a cocky grin. Riza's cheeks tinted rosy as she quickly swivelled back and thumbed through her paper work.

Roy opened his mouth getting ready to say something to her, but there was the sound of something hitting the floor with a muffled 'thud' outside and then he could see the foggy figure of Havoc cleaning the glass window before he applied the lettering. Roy frowned slightly, he knew it was too risky to pursue this strange occurrence with Havoc right outside the door. The rumors would spread like wildfire across a dried-out wheat field. So he reluctantly let it slide, but still pondered the idea of Riza actually having feelings for him beyond that of him being her superior officer.

He returned to his book, she returned to her paperwork. Nothing was said, as though they hadn't even noticed the strange occurrence. A few minutes had passed before Roy set the book to the side. Havoc poked his head through the door, "Short-stuff is here..."

"HEY!" Ed hissed and threatened to toss the boiling coffee in Havoc's face instead of going on with his who you calling... line.

"Ah, good..." Roy motioned for him to let him in.

Ed didn't say word as he set one cup in front of Riza and then the other in front Roy. "Can I go now?" He finally sighed irritation and hatred clearly etched across his face.

Roy eyed the cup suspiciously and then set it to the side. "Be my guest... just be sure to check in about a week from now. Until then feel free to search for leads on the stone." Roy glanced again at the coffee, a strange almost disgusted look started to cross his face.

Ed eyed him, then his gaze fell to the cup, a twisted smile spread across his face as he realized Roy was suspecting what he had almost done. It was almost as good as if he actually had. "Fine I'm going then." then he turned with a grin plastered on his face"enjoy they coffee, Colonel, they said it was...special." Ed snickered as he left the office.

Roy watched him leave, the door shut again and he still watched as the two foggy figures of Ed and Havoc outside the door must have been talking. He then stared at the coffee again, fighting the gag reflex. Riza sipped her own, and smiled as she watched him stare down the drink.

"You're afraid aren't you?" she chuckled.

"How can you drink that?" He answered and nodded at the cup she held.

"Why would he do anything to mine... it's you he hates." she fought a chuckle.

"ugh" Roy pushed it further away.

There was once again only one shadow outside the door window again, and they continued with applying the title. Roy watched for a moment, he could make out Colonel Roy Mustang: Flam... but it ended there. He glanced at Riza, she was stretching and then let her hand fall behind her head to the collar of her uniform. She scratched her neck a little where the tag was obviously bothering her a little subconsciously. These were little motions she did every morning, he knew everyone of them. His thoughts went back again to her watching him. Did she do that often? Did she watch him the way he always watched her? He wanted to ask, wanted to see if she had any sort of feelings for him at all beyond the fellow officer. He stood up, and before he could even stop himself, before he could remeber that Havoc was right outside the door he walked over to her and stood quietly behind her.

Riza hadn't noticed, she was intently reading her paper work now, however she felt the shift in the air. Her senses came back to her and she was then aware of the presence behind her chair. She started to turn and see what was wrong, but she stopped when she felt his hand gently brush the back of her neck. She felt her face flush hot, yet she still turned and stared up into Roy's face. She was questioning him with out words, and he just smiled down at her for a second before he finally ticked something behind her jacket collar.

"Your tag was out..." he said quietly and then started to return to his seat.

She blinked at him, startled yet strangely tickled that he had noticed something so small and then actually fixed it for her. "Thank you..." was all she managed to say.

Havoc flung open the door as Roy was about to sit down, stopping midway to stare at the other. "What is it?" Roy growled rather disgruntled and yet relieved it was two seconds after his little caring gesture toward Riza.

Havoc was pale, his jaw was dropped and he started to mouth something, but it only came out as a squeak. He was clinging to the door, like a scared little kid.

"Havoc?" Riza was turned in her seat and now staring at him as well.

"I...um... well...uuuuuh...well..." He shot a glance at Roy, "I'll be right back."

Roy had finally sat down, he turned slightly and glanced at Riza out of the corner of his eye, "what was that all about?"

She was still staring at the now closed door, "I haven't a clue..." she paused, "I'll go see, maybe something is going on in the offices." She stood from her desk.

Riza walked to the door, glancing at the now finished, backwards version of Roy's title on the door. She pulled the door open and started to step out into the hallway. Stopping suddenly. Everyone was out there, Havoc, Fuery, Falman... EVERYONE. She stood there and blinked at them expressionless, yet in the back of her mind she wondered if Roy's polite gesture had in fact been seen and taken the wrong way. "What... why aren't you working?" she questioned, her face was expressionless.

"I didn't do it..." Havoc squeaked, very out of character for him.

Riza's face now screwed up, "didn't do what?" she was still holding the door and noticed something out of the corner of her eye.

There was a stifled laughter that was beginning to grow from the crowd outside the Colonel's office. Roy was now leaning to one side trying to see past Riza at what was going on. She suddenly slammed the door shut, leaving him in the room alone.

"Havoc! WHAT THIS!" she pointed at the window.

"I don't... I didn't do it!" he yelped.

"Then what happened!" she growled trying to lower her voice so Roy wouldn't hear.

"I left for a minute! and when I got back... eh...there it was..." he stumbled.

"WHAT? Why did you leave!" she stared at the window.

"I was talkin' with FullMetal for a second and then went to get more letters 'cause I only had one 'E' left...I needed two more... one for FLAME the other for ALCHEMIST." He was rambling now.

"Wait... FullMetal was still here?" the pieces were coming together for here.

Havoc blinked at her a second and then he realized what had happened, "THAT LITTLE SHORT PUNK!"

Roy was staring at the door from his desk, his elbows resting on the surface and his chin setting on his fists. He was straining to hear what was being said, Riza's loud words were starting to make him nervous, she never yelled, hardly ever. He wondered what could possibly upset her so. He watched her foggy figure moving out side the window, then he noticed something. The reversed words of his title were finished, but something looked off. He stared at them. Finally he pieced it together.

He blinked, simultaneously standing and making his way to the door. He placed his hand on the knob, still running over the backwards words on the glass. He yanked it open and held it there so he could confirm the actual title that now graced his door.

"Colonel Roy Mustang:

Flaming Alchemist"

The door trembled slightly as he still held a death grip on the handle, he didn't move. The group stood like deer in the headlights of an on coming semi, waiting for what unimaginable thing would happen next. Havoc looked like he was about to pass out at any moment. Roy glanced at them out of the corner of his eye.

"FULL METAL!" they chorused in unison like a twisted choir of stool-pigeons.

IOIOIOIOIOI

"Brother, how could you do that?" Al voice wavered.

"Easy, I waited for Havoc to leave and then did him a favor by finishing it..." Ed said as they walked down the main street.

"Brother! that's just..." Al sighed.

"WHAT? he deserved it!" Ed defended his rash actions, there was no arguing with him about it now.

"But that's something he'll have to be stuck with until he gets a new sheet of glass for the door!" Al said, a little louder than he meant to. People that had been shopping now started turning their heads to see why the brothers were yelling.

"HE DESERVED...it..." Ed's voice trailed off as he stared down the street. He face began to pale.

"Brother..." Al then met his gaze and the words he was about to say froze.

A few yards away, standing amidst the people shopping was a familiar figure, one they hoped they wouldn't meet anytime soon. He flexed the muscles in his right hand, causing the joints in his knuckles to crack. He carefully pushed his dark sunglasses up a little as his yellow jacket shifted slightly in the cool breeze.

"Scar..." Al whispered.

Both were frozen where they stood, not sure what to do, when a familiar voice was heard shattering the scene from behind them.

"FULL METAL!" Roy's voice echoed through the streets.

Ed glanced behind him, back up the road from which they had walked, Roy suddenly appeared from around a corner. He skidded to a stop in the middle of the street coat tails blowing back from the force of the speed he had been running. He caught sight of the short one and in one swift movement, slid his glove on, flicked his wrist, and then

'SNAP'

Fire bombs exploded everywhere, people were screaming, running into shops, and ducking under fruit stands, as all chaos fell upon the once peaceful shopping center.

"RUN AL! RUN!" Ed yelled as he hoped around like a cat on a hot tin roof.

They managed to pick a direction and blindly ran, Ed collided with Scar, sending them both sprawling across the road. Ed just rolled, finding his feet again and then set into a dead run like a scalded cat. Ignoring the alchemist killer he had just taken out in his blind panic.

The brothers disappeared round a corner, with Roy hot on their heels, "I'LL GET YOU FULL METAL! YOU CAN'T RUN FOREVER! I'LL SHOW YOU FLAMING!" There was once again the sound of explosions and screaming.

Scar slowly sat up from the sprawled flat on his back position he was in, his dark sunglasses were bent, the lense cracked and popped out of one side, revealing his crimson eyes. He reached up and rubbed the sore spot on the back of his head and stared down the direction of the screams and explosions.

He finally sighed, "Maybe they'll kill each other and make my job easier..."

Ok... Von Von Hunter sorta inspired this flaming alchemist thing with the whole Flaming Prince of Decay ... my fave character! such a wonderful manga... you must go read the on-line manga and their book from tokyopop...