A/N: This is just a random one-shot that was in my head for a while and on my computer for a longer while. I don't think it's too bad but you be the judge. Read and review :smile: Thanks.
Disclaimer: I don't own HP or the characters with in it.
This closet is actually quite comfortable. Trust Hogwarts to have comfortable closets. I've been in one for several years, but that's not exactly the same as what I'm talking about now. I'm sure you won't find me here either. At least I hope not. I'm not sure I'm up for another fight today.
Sitting here, thinking back on the events that led up to this moment, I can honestly conclude that this mess is entirely my fault. Well, of course it is, as I'm the one who likes you, not the other way around. I sincerely doubt it at any rate.
I remember it started before fourth year. I invited you to come see the world cup. I could have told you at any time during that trip. I think it could have always been explained away as getting caught up in the heat of the moment. But I didn't. And when you asked me what was wrong, I lied and said nothing, staring at the fire.
Another lovely opportunity presented itself in fourth year. I could have asked you to the dance. If you had said no or freaked out I could have told you it was a joke. But no, I went with Lavender I think. Or maybe you went with her and I went with Pavaratti. I wasn't really paying much attention; I was staring at you and your date. Not that you noticed.
You didn't even pay much attention to me when the stupid thing was over. All you could go on about was how it was fun and blah and you snogged her and whatnot. I remember thinking that was one of the worst moments in my life. Later I would find out it wasn't.
All seemed to go alright until fifth year. I got into a fight with Harry. You didn't back me up on it. I'm pretty sure you thought I was wrong too. Heck, even I thought I was wrong, but it was my mum. I can insult her but no one else can. Not even you. Well, maybe you.
I found out later that year that you were going to those Dumbledore's Army meetings. It was fun but Malfoy, the git, went and ruined it all. He's not that bad once you get to know him, or so his dorm mates have told me, but that's another story involving way too much liquor and the room of requirement. I'm pretty sure Blaise still spikes my drinks once in a while.
That wasn't the only thing you kept from me that year though. No, I found out from Ginny herself that you two were dating. She didn't technically tell me, no one really tells me much. I overheard her on the way home. That did explain why you always refused my invitations over that summer. Not that you ever bloody told me why.
Sixth year was probably when my life reached a new low. Ron has chess and Hermione. Harry has Quidditch and the whole saving the world thing. Neville has Luna and Herbology. You have drawing and had Ginny at that point. What did I have? I had a reputation that I was Gryffindor's biggest playboy and most of the year alone.
Mum didn't want me to come back this year but I forced her to let me, just to be ignored by you. Yet I said nothing. I never complained when you got up and left me or when you'd either complain or praise that girl for hours. I cried myself to sleep sometimes, but you didn't notice.
It was nice for a while after you broke up with her. I didn't say anything about how you left me alone, I was too happy to have you back. I guess that's selfish, but I had a right to be. My best mate left me alone for over a year, abandoned me.
I whispered comforting words, tried to cheer you up when Harry kissed her. I helped you prank younger kids when he told you that you couldn't play on the team anymore. I don't think anything I did helped. I don't think you noticed how hard I was trying.
Then the unthinkable happened. Death Eaters attacked and Snape killed Dumbledore. I couldn't say I cared that much. I had bigger things on my mind. Like the fact that my life was an utter failure. Again, you didn't notice. You were too busy watching Ginny.
I know you wished they'd break up. I did too, if only so you'd be happy again. Right now, I don't think I wish that anymore. Because in order for you to be happy, I'm certain my hearts going to die.
My mother came to school one day. I had written her, screaming that I wasn't going to come home. Well not screaming, but writing with extreme feeling. I couldn't, and still can't, believe she came here! We started shouting in the hall. A large group was watching.
Flashback
"You're coming home!" She was nearly breathing fire. It would have been funny if not for the seriousness of the situation.
"No I'm not!" My hands were on my hips as I glared at her. I think she was surprised even if she didn't show it.
"What reason do you have for staying?" I was mad. That's the only reason I lost track of what I said. "Give me one good reason and you can stay." It was a tempting offer. And I did have a good reason.
"Because the bloke I love is here and I don't want to leave!" To say the silence was deafening was an extreme understatement. Not only had I revealed to my mother I was gay but that I actually liked someone.
She got all quiet, face still pale. "O-okay. You can stay until after Dumbledore's funeral. Then we're going home to have a talk." She left then, face still ashen. So many more people had massed in that hall by that point and my face flushed.
I bolted upstairs, through the crowds and into my room. I was still pacing around when you and Neville came in. Harry and Ron were a bit too distracted to know more than I had a fight with my mum.
It would have been alright if I hadn't reacted the way I did. My face, which had cooled slightly, was a violent shade of red. It would have rivaled Ron's hair. I couldn't think clearly. They both wanted to know who it was that I liked. I didn't tell them, stuttering and choking over my words. I sprinted from that room after a while.
End flashback
So here I am, sitting in this closet. I think that I told them that the person I liked was a Gryffindor in our year. That didn't leave a lot of people. I still can't remember if I said you, but really, how can anyone be that dense?
Besides, this closet is roomy enough for one. I can just hide here until school ends. Then I'll go home and cry in my own bed. Oh crap. This closet was supposed to be hidden. No, no, go away!
I assume I made some sort of sound that gave me away as the door opened. You were standing there. I didn't have anywhere to run to this time as you were blocking my only exit. Actually, you were in the dorm too but I just ran over the beds. That was kind of fun, thinking back on it.
Why are you here? Why are you sitting down on the floor? It's my closet. No, see, locking the door is bad as I don't have a wand to unlock it. I left it in the dorm when I was running away from you. Okay, stop staring at me now. This really isn't helping me and my situation.
"Seamus." No, see, that's not really my name. Yes, that's it, I'm an imposter. I'm not really Seamus at all. Damn, my mouth's being a traitor again.
"Yeah?" That was weak. My voice cracked on 'yeah'. Merlin, if you didn't already know, I' sure you do now. Can't you just leave me to wallow alone?
"Why're you hiding in a closet? I thought we were past this stage?" He's making a joke. So maybe he doesn't hate me. I smiled weakly, more of a grimace. "I'm sorry."
Okay, now I'm confused. Maybe he's apologizing for hating me. Sorry because he can't be my friend anymore. "What for?" My voice really needs to drink more milk, be stronger. I sound like a bloody queer. Well…shut up.
"For ignoring you. For taking you for granted. For being a genuine prick." You're smiling again. I'm still in shock. That certainly wasn't what I was expecting. Maybe you are dense and don't realize that I love you. Yes, well, that certainly can be it.
"It's not your fault. Everyone's entitled to have a life." Now I'm sounding like a baby. Oh well, screw him. Wait, maybe that's not the best insult to use right now.
"No!" His tone was nearly frantic. "It's wasn't fair of me. I'm sorry. I didn't even consider how you felt at all. You're my best mate and I ignored you for a year." Oh, go him. It's only taken him how long to figure this out? Not that I've been dwelling on it. Because I don't dwell.
"It's fine Dean. Why're you here?" There, see my voice can learn. Now he looks nervous. Are we already back to telling me we can't be friends anymore? Well this was a short conversation.
"So…who do you like?"
I can feel my blood boil at this boy now. "Come here to mock me have you? Let's get on Seamus' good side and then laugh at him. Oh come on mate, tell me who you like! There're probably all out there listening to us! Prick."
Oh, now you're mad. Good. Now you have a clue as to how I've been feeling! "Damn it Shay, stop being so bloody dense!"
Hey, that wasn't fair. I'm not the dense one, that would be you. You're still glaring at me. Did you know your skin is like chocolate? I really like chocolate, but I don't think you taste like it. Maybe you do though, but I can't see you letting me find out.
"Hey, anyone in that overly empty head of yours?" you're asking, waving a hand in front of my face. I can't see your face. It's all blurry. Oh, that's because it's so close. Wait, why's it so close?
"Dean?" My breath hits your face. I really think you should back up a little. It's not right to get a fellow's hopes up like this. I'm also sounding weak again. I'm surprised you don't think I'm a girl. Maybe if I was I'd have more of a chance with you.
"Seamus?" you mocked. I don't think that was very nice of you at all. I know this closet is small, so leave or get back on your side. No, putting your hands on the sides of my face is not going back on your side. Neither is scooting closer! No, see, this is definitely not moving aw-.
That wasn't very fair, cutting my thoughts off like that. Wait, you just kissed me, didn't you? That wasn't a dream? No, in my dreams you don't look that uncertain and shy and your smile isn't so crooked.
Your face is too close again but I'm not caring this time. Your lips on mine feels right and who am I do argue with what's right? Maybe another time I'll ask about your sudden change of tastes. Your sudden recovery from your obsession of Ginny. Right now, I'm finding myself to be a bit busy.