"So, You Want to be a Sue?"
There is a professional Sue in my neck of the woods. In fact, she just moved in to the house right next door...
I was getting the mail, minding my own business as I thought pleasepleaseplease let my Arwen doll have finally come...pleeeease...God, Ebay sellers are so LAZY...
...when along comes Aramintha Aurelia Elizabetta Wilhemina Mary-Sue.
Oh no, I thought. She looks like one of those sickeningly perfect THINGS...what do you call them, anyway? Mary-Janes? No, that's a shoe...
"Hello," she said, in Sue-ish musical tones. "I'm Aramintha Aurelia Elizabetta Wilhemina Mary-Sue! Who are you?"
"Uhhh..."
"Oh, you are overcome by my perfection...I understand, it was like that for me when I first met my... mentor... Speaking of which,"
This was not sounding promising.
"I am looking for an apprentice," the Sue breathed. "You are perfect... there is very little other influence on you...but then I knew that since I first began to trace you..."
Wack job..., I thought...This was REALLY not sounding good.
"So, you want to be a Sue?"
I thought her eyes were blue...they're glowing green...
"Uhhhh..." It was suddenly hard to think. (Notice that all I have said is "uhhhh...")
"I knew you'd say yes!"
Sue's face was the last thing I saw before I blacked out.