Disclaimer—All this time and I don't own anything but my newly acquired driver's license! I got my license on Monday!
Author's Note—I'm so sorry! A million times I'm sorry! First I had finals, then I went out of town for 3 days, then I came back, then I went out of town for a week (Christian camp in the mountains with no computer access!), then I came back, and 3 days ago I got my driver's license so I've been practicing. The next chapter is pretty much done, so that'll go up the day after tomorrow. I swear it will. Thanks for all your patience, everyone! My biggest problem with this chapter was that all I had to go by was that I had to include Glee Club, Quidditch practice, and end with a fight where James says that he'll never need Lily's help with anything.
Moggy-is-cool—Hehe, thanks. I can't wait to torture James. It's so much fun.
Rowan the Green Eyed Cat—That's a good idea. I think somebody is going to figure it out, but I haven't decided who yet. I like the idea of using Remus though. Thanks.
Gryffspopgurl—hehe, thanks. Of course! I can't pass up making James go through every woman's monthly torture. Where would the fun in that be if he missed it?
FlamezFlyer—Thanks so much. I'm sorry this chapter's taken so long. It's been fighting me tooth and nail the whole way.
Briana Marie—I'm sorry. I'm trying to keep it clear, but it's getting trickier when it's not just the two of them alone. I'll have to go back and fix that. I think the handwriting didn't change. Even with Lily's brain/heart/whatever in it, James's hand still does it usual handwriting and the same goes for the other way around. Except maybe James always signs a start after his name or something weird like that, then maybe he'd do that still even in Lily's body. I don't know if I'm making any sense or not. Don't worry, there's plenty of spying in this chapter!
DOJ—That was one of my favorite lines in the whole chapter. Glad you liked it.
BrokenSkye—Hehe. The torture will be the chapter after this, though I suppose everyone has trouble in this chapter anyway. James's mind in Lily's body for next chapter. He reads some, but this story rather scared him. I don't if he'll veer read anything again.
Agloechen—I pity James a little bit. I had some much trouble with this chapter because I couldn't get him to start a fight about not needing Lily's help. Don't worry, Lily will have some problems too, but I can't resist what's going to happen to James. It just has to happen.
Frankie Beeblebrox—hehe, they're really childish. I read one FanFic about them called "Seventeen going on Seven". It was good, really funny.
Katie Lupin Black—It should be a good chapter. But that's going to be 14, I can't promise this one is great. I had issues with it and wanted to just scrap the whole story. Thanks for reviewing.
Harryandginnyforever—James is so much fun to torture!
Allie—Thanks. I'm glad you like it!
Diana Wiccan—Brazil? Cool! I'm so glad you like the story so much! :-)
Chocolate Monkey—Sorry it's been so long since the last update. I went out of town for a week to my church camp with no computer and when I got back the chapter kept fighting me. And winning.
Marauders3—Aw, thanks!
Feline-go-meow—Thanks. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update. There's been so many problems with this chapter and I went out of town for a week.
Certified-weirdo—Glad you liked it. I couldn't help adding that little jibe at Sirius like that. Thanks for reviewing.
Squidluvr4eva—hehe. Maybe she'll play along and maybe she won't. They will have a lot of explaining to do.
PeRkieGuRL—Indeed it is! Full-House is awesome.
SunfflestheInsane—Thanks. I'm so sorry it's been so long since I've updated. This chapter was fighting me the whole time. I swear it tried to strangle me in my sleep!
ApsyconamedRachel—I'm glad you like it so much. I survived sophomore year without too much pain. Pranx sounds awesome. I'll have to read it soon.
Mrs.shigwa.cobain—Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. I'm sorry it's been so long since I've updated.
-ron-lover-for-life—Good to hear you still like it. Sorry it's been ages since I've updated.
Oxi-Nu—Okay, Lily's body still does Lily's handwriting even though her brain isn't in it. James's body still has the handwriting look like James's even though James's brain isn't in it. Wow that was confusing. Did I make any sense?
Queen of Zan—so glad you like it! It's been impossible writing this chapter, sorry it's been so long since I updated.
J.E.A.R.K.Potter—We must be insane to take such pleasure in reading/writing people in pain, but that's okay. It's just so much fun! Thanks for reviewing.
Gwendolyn James—Yay! You like it. It's so much fun to torture James!
Starborn—Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I'm glad your exam went well!
Iluvschool—I'm sorry I haven't updated! Bad author, bad author! In my defense I was in the mountains, singing Christian songs, and exiled from the computer for a week.
Black-in-low—Sorry it's been so long since the last update! The next chapter will be posted in 2 days, I promise. It's just about done.
Hekate101—Thanks for reviewing. Sorry I haven't updated. There's been problems.
Michelle—You really like it? Thanks so much! I'm sorry it's been forever since I've updated.
Professor Drusilla W.L.Silvers—Glad you like it so much. For chapter 14, I think James is the only one who ends up miserable, though you're right about what happens to him.
WildMustang—Thanks! It's so much fun torturing book characters!
Orlandosgirlfriend—Sorry about the long time since the update. I've had a lot of trouble with this chapter. The next update will be the day after tomorrow.
I'm not the weakest link—Sorry I hadn't updated in a while. Glad you like it!
Iloveit—Thanks. Sorry it's been so long since I've updated.
Smoosebob—Thanks, I'm so glad you like it! That's exactly what's going to happen to James. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost but not quite. I kind of made Lily a little bit like me in not caring what she looks like.
Ss—sorry it's taken so long for me to get this next chapter up!
Chapter 13: I don't Need Your Help
Sirius and Peter had taken James's invisibility cloak; it was a risky movie, but necessary. Unfortunately for them, Lily and James were so mad at each other that they weren't talking and Sirius and Peter weren't able to learn anything following them to the meting.
James and Lily walked into the Glee Club meeting just as Trevor was passing out song sheets. "Glad you could make it. It's Queen night."
One of the girls whose name James couldn't remember said with a grin, "Yeah, a whole night of Freddie Mercury."
Sirius was very annoyed as he sat there and listened to all of them sing. It wasn't that the songs were bad; it was just that he wasn't finding anything out. He'd hoped that by coming under the invisibility cloak, Lily and James might talk more freely.
Lily rather enjoyed the songs. She knew all of them; a few were Bohemian Rhapsody was of course played (Sirius thought it would never end), then there was Killer Queen Lily's absolute favorite, Don't Stop Me Now (which was Trevor's all time favorite), and Bicycle (which really got on James's nerves).
As they'd done Monday night, after the singing, they stuck around and chatted (Sirius and Peter had to quietly move from the couch so the others could sit down without sitting on them.
The talking didn't go so well this time since Lily and James were still being cold as ice toward each other. When the girls were gone, Trevor said to Lily and James, "Well, it looks like your time prescribed here by Dumbledore is over. It's been great having you with us. Hopefully you'll come back sometime. You've both got really good voices. It'll be interesting to see your performance on Monday. How's coming?"
"Pretty good," Lily said, wondering exactly where she'd left the song sheet she'd been given.
"In fact, it's coming along great," James added, hoping his copy of the song sheet was still under Lily's bed somewhere.
"So you're not mad that it's a little old school?"
"No, it's great. I love that song," James said.
"Okay, good, good. The Bearded One just wanted me to check. Like I said, it's been great having you here, and I hope you come back." He shook hands with "James" and gave "Lily" a hug.
James said, "Potter here has to get going. He's got Quidditch practice in less than 20 minutes."
"Yeah. I've got to be in top form by the match against Hufflepuff on Saturday," added Lily.
"Well, good luck. I'll see you then probably. I'm the reserve Chaser, and McMillan has been sick off and on this week. He wasn't looking too good earlier," Trevor said.
"Alright. See you Saturday then. Come on, Potter," James said.
"'Bye, Trevor. Good luck at the match," Lily said.
"Thanks, James," Trevor said.
James practically dragged Lily out of there, with invisible Peter and Sirius close behind. "Why did you keep talking to him? If he's on the Hufflepuff team and he's playing on Saturday, he's the enemy."
Lily didn't answer.
James continued to glare at her.
Lily thought offhandedly, Is that how my eyes always look when I'm mad? I must be pretty scary looking.
"Come on, you'll be late for Quidditch practice," he muttered, he took her wrist and started trying to drag her again.
Lily decided she wasn't going to be taken anywhere and refused to budge. Being much bigger than him this week, he couldn't move her once she decided to resist. "I don't think I'm going to go to practice tonight. I don't feel like it."
"The match against Hufflepuff is in 3 days. You have to go to practice. You need the practice."
"I don't really think so. Maybe I'll just wing it on Saturday. Or I won't go at all."
"Don't do this to me, please don't do this to me," he muttered. "If you don't go to practice I'll…I'll get a year's worth of detention."
Lily smirked at him. "If you do that, I'll find a razor and get a buzz cut. Isn't baldness such a nice look?"
James stared. "No! Not the hair…" He reached over to her and ran his fingers through his hair. "You can't do that," he said faintly.
"Oh, I can and I will."
"If you do that I'll…I'll go on a date with Snivellus."
"You wouldn't."
"I can arrange it for next weekend."
"If you do that, I'll…" What else could she threaten him with? "I'll tell about the cloak."
"Cloak?"
"You know which one. It's all silvery," she said meaningfully.
"He already knows about it. I got it from my dad. I'll…" He needed something really good to threaten her with. "I'll show up to breakfast tomorrow starkers."
"You wouldn't." Lily paled.
"I would."
"You wouldn't."
"What are you, new? Of course I would." He didn't think he'd actually be able to bring himself to do such a thing, especially as it would disrespect Lily so much, but he managed to say it with a straight face.
Peter and Sirius had been following up until the cloak bit. Why was James telling Lily about the cloak? And why was Lily threatening to show up to breakfast naked?
"Fine. I'll go to practice. But you keep your clothes on and don't cause any trouble," Lily said.
"I won't cause any trouble. I'm coming to practice with you."
Lily rolled her eyes. "Fine. Let's go back to the tower so I can get the stupid broom. As it is, I'm going to be late anyway."
"You wouldn't be late if you didn't stop to argue."
"Well, that's not my problem. It's yours."
They settled into a moody silence.
Sirius and Peter figured they had nothing left to find out and took a short cut back to the tower. They had to get back and put the cloak in James's trunk. Then Sirius was going to have to hightail it down to the pitch before "James" got there.
Lily and James were still silent as they approached the portrait of the Fat Lady. James said the password and went in first, slamming the door in Lily's face.
The Fat Lady said, "My, she's in a mood tonight."
Lily rolled her eyes at the Fat Lady. "Don't I know it? Screaming ice cream."
The portrait hole opened again and Lily went inside. James had bullied somebody else out of one of the chairs near the fire. Peter Pettigrew was standing nearby; apparently he was the one who'd been bullied out of the chair.
"I'm going to Quidditch practice. Do you think you can stay out of trouble while I'm gone?"
"Shut up."
"Fine by me. You keep out of trouble." Lily stalked up to the boys' dormitory to get James's broom and ignored him as she left the common room, slamming the portrait behind her and getting a reprimand from the Fat Lady.
"I'm nearly 150 years old, you know. This frame won't last forever!" the painting called.
Lily ran into Sirius just as she was just exiting the Great Hall.
"Hey, Prongs, almost thought you weren't coming."
"Sorry, I'm late. Ja—Just that Lily was being unreasonable."
"What'd she do?"
"She wanted to come to practice with me."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
"Where is she then?" asked Sirius.
Lily rolled her eyes. "Last I saw she was in the common room. Maybe she changed her mind about coming."
Just as the words left Lily's mouth, James (or rather "Lily") appeared around the corner, breathing a little heavily. "My…legs…are…too…short. I couldn't keep up."
Sirius looked at who he thought was Lily. "You legs look fine to me," he said with a smirk.
"Shut-up, Sirius, or I will personally see to it that you hang upside-down on the astronomy tower in nothing but your boxers and a tea cozy."
"Brave words, Evans. How you going to do that?" shot Sirius, opening the door.
"I have ways," James replied threateningly.
Lily glared at both of them, "Let's just get on with this or I'll see to it that you both get detentions. Now move it."
"That's harsh, James," Sirius said, looking a little hurt.
"Deal with it," growled Lily, shoving past Sirius.
Sirius started talking to James. "Since when did you start getting so interested in Quidditch, Evans?"
"I've got money riding on Saturday's game," James's said offhandedly.
"The Head Girl gambling? I never would have thought it," teased Sirius.
"Shut up now or I'll ram that broom so far up your—" started James.
"Watch your mouth," Lily said, turning and glaring at him.
Sirius mocked James. "Evans, you're so unladylike. I would have never expected it from you. It just breaks my heart."
James glowered at him and went to sit in the Quidditch stands. Lily and Sirius, brooms in hand, went to the locker room to change into their safety gear and joined the others on the field.
"What kept you two?" asked Gideon.
"We've been waiting for 15 minutes," added Fabian.
"James here had a Glee club meeting," Sirius said snidely.
The Prewette brothers howled with laughter, but Estelle was astute enough to ask, "And where have you been, Black?"
"Well, I…" started Sirius.
The brothers laughed again and Gideon asked, "Where were you tonight?"
"The Astronomy Tower or the Greenhouses?" added Fabian.
Sirius weighed his options. If he said he was in either place they'd ask who the girl was and whether or not she was a good kisser. He didn't have any name to pull out right now, so he just said with a shrug, "Detention."
Estelle looked at him. She knew he was lying. "Which teacher?"
"McGonagall," he said automatically.
"Why?" she asked.
"Pranked a Slytherin."
"Which one?"
"Some first year who ran into me earlier," he lied.
Estelle gave him a look that clearly said she didn't believe a word of what he said. "What'd you do to him?"
"Left him hanging from one of the torch brackets in the dungeon. James, aren't you going to start practice yet?"
Lily blinked. "Oh. Right. 5 warm up laps, everybody. Get up and go."
Toby was in the air first, and was quickly followed by the still laughing Prewettes. Estelle hung back for a moment. "I know you're lying, Black," she whispered.
"Stelle! Are you coming?" called Toby.
Estelle shot Sirius another dirty look and took off.
Sirius muttered darkly, "Women. They drive me nuts. We'd all be a lot better off if girls couldn't talk. They're just made for looking at anyway."
Lily was more than a bit offended. "Just get in the air."
"Somebody's moody tonight," Sirius muttered, kicking off.
Lily rolled her eyes. Most of the team was starting their second lap already. With a resigned sigh, she took off, determined to show James that she could bloody well fly. And she did. She actually flew pretty well. Her landing was a bit shaky though.
James watched in the stands. Unless Sirius and Remus were absolutely spectacular on Saturday, there was no way they'd win. Two Chasers just couldn't cut it. They needed three. Three good Chasers. Hufflepuff had a strong team this year. Lily's flying didn't seem too bad, but her landings were way off and she couldn't descend right.
Lily couldn't see James's face, but she knew he was watching her and it made her a nervous wreck. "What do you think we should do as the first drill, Sirius?" she asked.
"An E8, followed by a combination B14 and F12," he said.
"Alright," Lily said. "Why don't you start everybody? Evans is annoying me. I'm gonna go have a word with her."
"Fine by me."
Lily took off again and flew to where James was in the stands. "What is your problem?" she asked, through gritted teeth after landing with a small crash not far from him.
"My problem is that if you don't get your act together, Gryffindor is going to lose on Saturday."
"I can't practice with you staring at me."
James ran his hands absent-mindedly through his hair. "If you can't fly with me here, how are you going to manage on Saturday when all these stands are full of screaming people?"
"I'll manage."
"See that you do."
"Are you trying to tell me what to do?" she asked.
"Somebody needs to," he snarled.
"I can run my own life just fine, thanks."
"But this isn't your life! It's mine!"
"For this week it's mine! So just deal with it!"
James had had enough and was wondering just how much damage it would do if he pushed her out of the stands right then. He didn't get the chance.
Lily kicked off from the bench and went into the air. She needed to blow off some steam. She flew high circles around the pitch, getting higher and higher, she was nearing 200 feet.
Sirius and Remus watched worriedly; the rest of the team started running drills. "I'll go see what happened," said Sirius, getting ready to go after "James".
"Padfoot, we all love you, but you're tactless. Let me go talk to him."
"Moony, I'm his best friend."
"Fine, I'll go talk to Lily. You go talk to James. Lily's less likely to curse me anyhow."
Sirius turned to the rest of the team, who was still doing their drills as they watched their captain fly off. "Alright, everybody, keep working. We'll be back soon."
"Who come you three get to slack off?" asked Gideon.
"Because we don't need the practice. You do, Prewette. Get moving. If I get hit by a Bludger on Saturday I'm holding you personally responsible. Back to work, now!" Sirius kicked off from the ground to go after "James", and Remus flew to the stands to see "Lily".
"James! James! Prongs! James Potter, you slow that bloody twig down right now or I'll tell Lily Evans and the rest of the school that you took ballet lessons when you were seven and ball room dance when you were eight! I'll Owl your mum for the pictures to prove it!"
Lily blinked. Potter could dance? She would have never thought it. She'd have to talk to him about that later.
Sirius had finally pulled his broom up along side hers. "Glad I got your attention."
"What do you want?"
"What's your problem?"
"I don't have a problem."
"Yes, you do," he insisted. "And I want to know what it is." He grabbed the front of her broom to stop her from flying off.
"Ja—just Evans and I got in a fight is all."
"You always have fights. What happened this time?"
"Look, she's just getting on my nerves, so get out of my face, I need to be alone for a while."
Sirius's face softened just a little. He knew how that was. Sometimes you just needed to be left alone for a while to sort things out. "I understand. Go on. I'll make sure nobody bugs you or tries to follow you. Remus is back there, sorting things out with Lily."
Lily nodded.
Sirius let go of the broom and watched the person he thought was James speed away. Whatever mess James had gotten himself into with Lily, Sirius knew it must be pretty bad. He looked back and saw that Remus was still talking to "Lily". He decided to join the chat.
Remus flew up to where he saw Lily Evans and joined her on the bench. "Are you okay?" he asked.
"I'm fine. It's just that Li—Potter makes me so mad. He's an idiot. An absolute idiot. Honestly, I'd probably be a better Quidditch player."
Remus looked sideways at the person he thought was Lily. "I know you don't watch much Quidditch and that you only go to matches because you feel the Head Girl should be involved in school activities, but James is a great Quidditch player. He's been a little off this week, but normally he's great. What's really the matter?"
"Nothing."
Remus took a deep breath. "Lillers, how well do you know me?"
James blinked at the name. Lillers? He'd never heard that before. "Pretty well, I guess."
"I'd say we know each other a little better than pretty well."
James just shrugged.
"Look, Lillers, Sirius is coming over here, but I think you and I need to talk. Seven o'clock tomorrow night, we'll meet by the lake. I'll tell James and the others that we've got a Chess club meeting. Maybe say that we have to announce the tournament winners."
"Lying to James?"
"You're the one who wanted to keep this a secret. I'm just trying to help."
"Tomorrow then." Lily would have a lot of explaining to do when he found her.
Sirius landed.
"What's going on with James?" asked Remus.
"He just needs to be by himself for a while. I think he's gonna sit that the top of the Tower and do some thinking. What's wrong with you, Evans? What's the real reason you came out here tonight?"
"Nothing. No reason."
"C'mon, Evans. We all know there's something going on between you and James."
"Leave me alone."
"So you admit it!" Sirius said triumphantly.
"If you don't leave me alone this very second, I am going to push you off this bench, and it'll be 50 feet before you hit bottom."
"Fine, Evans. I know where I'm not wanted. C'mon Reem, let's get out of here. We've got practice to get to." Sirius shot "Lily" a last dirty look before taking off and going down to practice.
Remus patted "Lily" on the shoulder. "I'll see you later."
James stormed down the steps and back to the castle. What was going on? Had the whole world gone crazy?
Lily sat at the top of Gryffindor tower for a while and it started to rain. She spotted James walking back to the castle and saw minute figures practicing at the pitch, even in the rain. She watched James go inside the castle. She gave him a twenty-minute head start inside before flying down and landing in front of the Great Hall door not so gracefully. She went inside, trying to sort things out. Why did Potter make her so mad?
"Hell, Evans," said an icy voice.
"What do you want, Potter?" she replied. "Did you get lost and forget where the common room is?"
"No, I didn't 'get lost and forget where the common room is'. I think you and I need to have a chat."
"Why? Do you need some help learning to have a civil conversation?"
"For your information, I will never, ever, need your help with anything," he replied.
"Then why are you still here? I saw you walk through that door more than 20 minutes ago."
"You were watching me?"
"Trying to give you some time to be on your way and spare you the embarrassment of having to apologize until your cool off later."
"Me? Apologize? You've got to be joking."
"Do I look like I'm joking?"
James ignored Lily's last question. "Why on earth would I apologize to you? You owe me an apology."
"How can you possibly say that?"
"Because I'm right."
"You're never right. What could you possibly be right about?"
"I'm right about the whole thing that started the switch. My life is harder than yours."
"And what sort harebrained thought put that idea into your brain?"
"I have been able to stand up to every challenge as 'Lily Evans' without help, but you couldn't get through Quidditch practice today. That means I win."
"It does not! You've had years and years of practice at Quidditch and I've certainly done my best. I never asked you for help. You did get help from me with the Chess meeting. You didn't even remember me telling you about it. Not to mention that tutoring session you were supposed to give Nikki and Alex. They failed because you didn't help them. Being me isn't easy. You need serious help if anything of my life is going to survive."
"I'll straighten the thing with Nikki and Alex out on my own and handle everything else on my own too. I have never and will never need your help for anything, Lily Evans!"
She glared at him and gave a dry laugh.
"What's so funny?"
"Do you have any idea how odd it is to see my face and my voice saying they don't need me?"
"There's nothing funny about this. We're stuck this way until the end of the week."
"Remember, it was all your idea. You thought you were so smart."
"Just shut-up."
The stalked angrily up the stairs in moody silence, all the way to Gryffindor Tower.
Remus Lupin slipped in the door of the Great Hall. Fascinating. Things were starting to take shape. He'd told Sirius he was feeling queasy and left practice. Truth be told, all the tension between Lily and James this week (especially tonight) was making him queasy.
He hadn't heard the whole conversation. He'd come in somewhere in the middle and only caught bits and pieces through the thick door. He knew eavesdropping was an absolutely horrid habit, but he had to find out what was going on. Honestly, it was James and Sirius and Peter, they were a bad influence on him. He never used to do this sort of thing.
Now what should he do with this new information? He didn't have much to go by, but he had a hunch. He needed more information before he could check out his hunch, but he was reasonably sure of what was going on. He grinned to himself. Such decisions. Help them? Or make the rest of the week a nightmare? That is, assuming his guess was correct…if he were wrong, then he would be totally clueless. He gave them a little more time to get ahead of him by stopping at the kitchens for an ice cream sundae. He was hungry after all that spying.
Thanks for reading! Chapter 14 will go up on Saturday. Please review, it makes me smile.