Disclaimer: I still don't own this. No, really, I don't.
Author's Note: Here's the chapter! Read the warning if you think you may be uncomfortable with the chapter material. If you're not uncomfortable then this ought to be pretty funny.
Warning—warning if you don't want to read about the monthly torture of females, ignore this chapter. All you need to know is that James has to go to Lily for help even though they just fought. This probably helps them grow somewhat closer together. Otherwise, let the James torment begin!
Replies:
I'm not the weakest link—Thanks.
Marie14—Glad you like it! Sorry it's a little confusing when I'm trying to narrate.
Gwendolyn James—Thanks. We think Remus knows. Maybe he guessed wrong…probably knows though. He's a pretty smart guy.
Miss Lady Padfoot—Yes, you are making me smile. Thanks!
Agloechen—Remus is so much fun to write. You'll see in this chapter why the fight had to be about him not needing Lily's help. Hope you like this chapter!
ClanKorval—I'm sorry it took so long for the last chapter. Something tells me our buddy Sirius is going to be a day late and a Galleon short as usual. But maybe not. Maybe he'll torture them.
Nikki—Glad you liked it. Yeah, it's kinda ironic how close friends Peter and Sirius are in this, isn't it? Evil Pettigrew.
Professor Drusilla W.L.Silvers—I don't know what Remus is going to do yet. It'll be interesting when I decide though..
Frankie Beeblebrox—Thanks, Frankie. Hehe. Queen rocks! Personally, I'm a fan of "Don't stop me now." Glad you liked it so much!
Moggy-is-cool—Thanks. Chapter 14 is pretty evil funny. Time to cue the evil laughter.
DOJ—They'll switch back on the seventh day, whether they get along or not. That's the way the spell works. Remus has a few more brain cells than Sirius and Peter. He's a little bit smarter in this. Right now Sirius and Pete are way confused. Maybe I'll put in somewhere a conversation about them trying to figure out what Lily and James were talking about in the last chapter. Thanks!
PeRkieGuRL—Thanks, you're too kind. :-D
Marina89—Thanks. Glad you like it. :-)
Chapter 14: A Woman
James lounged in the chair, watching the fire sullenly. Gryffindor would lose the Quidditch match to Hufflepuff on Saturday; there was absolutely know way. Lily hated him. There's was something going on with Lily and Remus that Remus had neglected to tell him about. Things didn't seem as though they could really get any worse. As soon as Lily and he had gotten up here ¾ of an hour ago, he'd bullied somebody out of one of the chairs near the fire and she'd taken a seat on the other side of the room (as far from him as possible). Life was not good. He squirmed. Something didn't feel right. He shifted again. Definitely not right. It was more like…damp. He got up and went to the bathroom for the seventh year girls' dormitory, glaring at Lily on his way out. She was talking to Frank about Charms homework.
He got in the bathroom and locked the door, sitting down. There was a large red blotch on his underwear, or rather, Lily's underwear. Blood? Well, that's what it looked like, but he didn't see how it could possibly have gotten there. Or why it would be there. He wasn't really in any pain that would signify some sort of injury.
Whatever it was, he certainly wouldn't find out by just sitting there. This wasn't his body. It was a girl's. Lily's to be exact. If anyone knew what was going on it would be her. But he wasn't exactly certain that she would know what was going on. Maybe this had never happened before. Maybe she had some new sort of disease or something. Whatever it was, he needed to talk to her and he needed her help.
She was going to taunt him; he knew it. After all, hadn't they just gotten in a fight not more than an hour ago when he said he would never need her help at anything? Just great, he though to himself sarcastically.
He went back down to the common room and approached Lily, who was sitting with Frank and comparing notes.
"Potter," James said.
"What is it, Evans?" asked Lily, coolly.
"We need to talk."
"What about? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something?"
"I think it's something we'd better discuss in private," he said, through gritted teeth.
Lily was going to tell him to just buzz off but there was something in his voice that told her they'd better talk. "Sure. Follow me." She got up languidly and led him out of the common room.
They walked down the hallway a ways and Lily asked, "What is it, Potter?"
"I don't want to talk here," he said uncomfortably. Definitely damp.
"Well then, where do you want to talk?"
"Somewhere where nobody's going to hear us."
She stared at him. "Fine. Pick a place and lead the way."
After a moment's thought, he led her to the room of requirement.
"I've never been here before," she said after they entered. There were two dark couches, a roaring fire, and some refreshments.
"The room of requirement. If you wish for something when you're in the room, it comes. I don't think we'll be disturbed."
"What did you want to talk about?" she asked.
"Have you ever bled before?" he asked, sitting on the couch.
She stood next to him, confused. "You mean like falling and cutting my arm on something? Yeah, I've bled, Potter."
"No, I mean like, for no reason. I was in the bathroom…"
Lily was in shock for about 5 seconds, then she couldn't help but give a snort of laughter. "Potter, today, you are a woman."
"Huh?" he asked. "I don't understand what's going on."
"You will." She sank onto the couch and laughed weakly. "I hadn't thought I'd have to give anyone this talk for at least another fifteen years."
"What are you talking about?" he asked. "It's not funny. I need to know what's going on."
"Trust me, I find very little humor in this situation. You are at this very moment undergoing the monthly process that all women, no matter whether they are witches or Muggles, undergo."
He continued to stare at her blankly.
"Potter, you're going through your period," she said bluntly.
"My what?" he asked, taking a seat on the other couch.
"Your period. Your menstrual cycle."
That didn't seem to help at all. "Why? What is it?"
"Potter, has nobody ever told you about the facts of life?"
"Not the facts of a woman's life," he muttered, kneading his forehead.
"I won't give you the hows and whys about it, you can ask your mother those over the holiday if you like."
"What is it though?"
"Let's just suffice it to say that once a month, every woman has to bleed for a while."
"How long is this going to last?" he asked, squirming uncomfortably again. "An hour?"
"An hour? Get real, Potter. You're looking at five to seven days."
"How can someone live if they just keep losing blood for a week?" he asked, panicked.
"It's not like it's gushing, Potter. Have you ever seen an I.V. drip at a Muggle hospital? It's kinda like that, I guess."
"Why would I let one of those quack Muggle doctors touch me? I'll take the St. Mungos Healers any day."
"There goes my analogy."
"So I'm not going to die?"
"You'll live. But you'll be in much discomfort."
"More than I already am?" he asked, horrified.
"Yeah. Bloating and cramps. And you may get a headache or even just some general aches. It happens sometimes."
"What do I do to keep myself from leaking blood all over the place then?"
"Do you remember the little plastic-wrapped pink packages you found your first morning in my bathroom?"
He nodded.
"That's what those are for." Lily suddenly wished she had some of them so she could explain more properly. Then she noticed something out of the corner of her eye. She was sure it hadn't been there a moment ago but now there was a two foot high pile of pads and tampons. Next to the pile was a bathroom stall. Perfect. "Come over here." She grabbed his arm and dragged him over.
"So, what are those?"
"Pads."
"Like Quiditch safety pads?"
"Er…no. You see, you put this inside you underwear and it catches everything. At least it should. There have been leaks but you should change them more often than that."
"Wait, leaks? You make it sound like plumbing."
"It kind of is. Here." She handed one to him and watched as he opened it.
He peeled the wrappings off, hesitantly. "The bottom part is sticky."
"That's so it sticks."
"Oh."
"You might want to put it on. As it is you'll have to rinse out those underwear in cold water or tag them for the house-elves to get the stains out since you didn't realize what was going on before now."
James reluctantly went into the stall.
"Where are you going?" she asked, trying not to think about just what he was doing.
"I don't want you seeing me," he said blushing.
She scoffed, "Were you born yesterday or something? That's my body. I already know what I look like."
"I know but still…"
"Fine, just go in there." She rolled her eyes and waited for him to come out.
He came out not long after, shifting uncomfortably and walking with his legs spread a little further apart and usual. "This feels like…"
"Like you've got a mattress between your legs?"
"Yeah, actually. How'd you know?"
"Every month, James. Every month." She handed him the book that had been with the pile of pads and tampons.
He took it and looked at the title. He read it, "You and Your Period: A Guide to Womanhood. What is this?"
"Look, this book should answer any questions you might have."
"Oh."
"Just don't let anybody else see you with it."
"Why?"
"Well, somebody who's had to deal with this for five years is a little beyond that book," she said. "Not many seventh years would have it with them."
He gaped at her, mouth flopping open like a fish. "Five years? Since you were twelve? You've had to put up with this since second year?"
"Yeah, James. Me and a lot of other girls. Don't act so surprised."
He just stared at the book.
"Were you really that clueless? It hits all ages. I've heard of younger."
He just nodded.
She just shook her head.
"Well, it's not something that would come up in ordinary conversation now, is it?" he asked irately. He squirmed again. "Isn't there anything else I could possibly use? This is really uncomfortable."
"Don't I know it," she muttered. "There is another option, but you won't like it."
"Well, what is it?"
"This." She picked up one of the other plastic wrapped packages. One of the longer, thinner ones.
"What's that?" he asked warily.
"A tampon."
He stared at her uncomprehendingly. He'd never heard the word before in his life.
"You've never seen one of these before?"
"No. What do I do with it?"
She told him and his face paled visibly.
"I've got to stick that up…?"
"Yes."
He shuddered. "No, no, no, no, no, no!"
"I told you that you wouldn't like it," she said grimly.
"Thanks very much but all the same I think I'll stick to this stupid mattress," he muttered.
"Suit yourself, but you can't walk like that. You've got to walk normally."
"But it's uncomfortable! You have to go through this every month?"
"James, half the population goes through this every month."
"I swear I'll never look at girls the same way again. Every time I'll see them I'll be wondering are they going through this. How can they go through this without massive discomfort written all over their face?"
She shrugged. "You get used to it."
"How do you possibly get used to it?"
"About 12 times year for several decades. Don't really have a choice but to get used to it."
"Wow."
"Come on, Potter. Let's go get some ice cream."
"You mean you know where the kitchen is?" he asked.
"No. But your friends squealed. I know you raid the kitchens, so obviously you know where they are."
"You've got a point there. And I am hungry."
"So, lead on!"
He put the book in his pocket and offered his arm. She put her arm through his. They walked out of the room of requirement and down to the kitchens.
Hope you liked that chapter! If you did and I made you laugh, review please. I love making people laugh. There isn't enough laughing in this world. Poor James. I almost feel bad for him. Almost. Not quite. In fact, the world might be more sympathetic if every man had to take a walk in a lady's shoes, so to speak. I realize witches probably have some other way to deal with their time of the month (maybe a spell or something?) but I couldn't think of anything and Lily's a Muggle-born anyway. I hope you enjoyed it!