Hey guys…okay this is definitely my favorite chapter that I've written…I hope you guys enjoy it…and loving-rat-in-red feel free to make a future fic…okay guys…oh yea and the song in this is "Answer" by Sarah Mclachlan…

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of the characters…even though I do wish I owned Mike Lobel…lol j/k…

4 Days Later

I will be the answer
At the end of the line
I will be there for you
While you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty
I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance
If you can't look down

(Jay's Point Of View)

Today is the day. Today is the Funeral. Patty planned everything since she figured that I was still to upset to do it, which was basically true. I woke up dreading the whole thing. But I got up and dressed in a white polo shirt and a simple pair of black pants. I had wanted to look nice today…for Alex. I walked over to the bassinet that had bought for Layla. She was sleeping soundly, like usual. I picked her up and quickly changed her diaper (by now I was used to the smell) and got her dressed. It was only 9:30 and the funeral didn't start until twelve but I had to get there early along with Ellie, Patty, and Sean to make sure that everything was going as planned.

By 10:30 I was getting Layla into her car seat and Ellie and Sean climbed into the civic. When we got to the church Patty was outside and Ellie and Sean started talking to her. I walked into the church and my eyes fell on the open casket. Slowly I walked over to it and looked down at her. She looked the same as I remembered, and just as beautiful. The one thing I did make sure they did was dress her like she would have wanted, in her baggy guy's pants and a white wife beater.

"Why did you have to die Lexxi? I don't know how to raise a baby…god I hope I don't mess up and end up having Layla hating me. I'm so sorry Alex…I'm sorry for everything that I put you through. I'm sorry about that night four months ago when I told you that I could get a girl better than you…that wasn't true. I don't think there is a girl out there better than you." I held Layla closer to my body and sort of moved more over the casket. "See Layla that's your mommy. I'm sure that if she was still here then she would love you just as much as I do. Lexxi I wish you could have lived a little longer then you would be able to see how beautiful she is, she's just like you, she's got your black hair and dark eyes. I don't even think there's a little bit of me in there."

If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all gone out
You'll still be burning so bright

I stood there staring at Alex's frail form for a long time, until I was interrupted by Ellie coming in and telling me that service was starting soon and people were starting to arrive. I handed her Layla and said that I was going to the bathroom. I splashed some water on my face and looked at my reflection. It didn't look like I had been crying to badly so I walked out and stood by Ellie. She handed Layla back to me and offered a little smile to try and comfort me. Everyone was pouring in now and we stood up at the front greeting people, in a line it was me (holding Layla), Ellie, Sean, Patty, and Chad (I had to fight every single urge in my body to punch him). I heard a lot of "I'm so sorry for your loss", "She was a great person" and "I hope you and your daughter the best"…all it coming from people who never gave a damn about either of us.

The only people there that were friends of Alex were Ellie, Sean, some people from the Montreal Crew and me. There were people from school there that hadn't said more then two words to any of us before. I hate how fake people can be, the only reason they probably came here was to see if it was true that Alex had died.

"Hey man I'm sorry…Alex was an awesome chick" My one friend Trevor said to me, I knew that him and Alex had been close before and I could see it in his eyes when said it that he meant it. "I'm guessing this is your little girl…" I nodded. "She's beautiful…and I can tell she's Alex's…" I shook his hand and I turned my attention to the people coming in. Within twenty minutes everyone was in and the service had started.

Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a
Place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight

"I know that most of you already know why you're here today. But sadly a life has ended, way to soon might I add. Alex was an amazing person. She might have had a criminal record and had been a bit tough but when I did see her she was usually some what polite…seeing as to the fact that I didn't really know her to well I would like to invite Ellie up here to talk to you guys some more" I watched as Ellie gave Sean's hand a squeeze before she walked up on the little stage and started her speech.

"Umm…Hi you guys…I'm not very good in front of people so I'm sorry if I get a little bit nervous" She wiped at her eyes some and I could tell that she was trying to not cry. "I remember the night that Alex had come to me six months ago, she had needed a place to stay so I let her stay with me. Soon enough we became best friends, I guess you could say that we understood what the other one was going through because we were both pregnant. Alex was the type of person who never really cared what anyone thought of her, she was an individual." Again she wiped at her eyes and I realized how hard this was for her. "I'm sorry…" she couldn't stop the tears from coming now…she walked down the stairs and the next person up was Sean.

"Hey everyone…and like El I'm not very good in front of people so please forgive me if I start rambling. But anyway…Alex was an awesome person. I know that we might now have been very nice to each other but I guess you could say that we were like brother and sister. She was there for El when I wasn't and when I came back she was extremely protective. I can still remember the day she came over to Jay's and kicked me, possibly, the hardest I've ever been kicked where the sun don't shine…I don't think I'm ever going to forget that either. Alex made Jay happy and I know that he made her happy…now they have a beautiful daughter that I know Jay loves." He walked down and Patty walked up next.

"I know you've already heard it twice but I'm not good in front of people either." She dabbed at her eyes just like Ellie and continued. "Alex was my daughter…I know I wasn't that good of a mother but I tried. When Alex was born I was only 15…I was so scared that I was going to mess up and I guess that in the end I did. But I loved Alex…I'm sorry" With that she walked down and took her seat again, bawling her eyes out. I guess I was up next.

If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
'Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all burned out
You'll still be burning so bright

I had spent all last night writing a speech for today. "As many of you may know I'm Jay…Lexxi was one of the best people I knew." I looked up from my paper and looked around the room, none of the people here really knew Alex. I set the paper down and looked around at everyone. "You know all of you sitting here say that you're sorry about our loss…but do you even know what we lost? Did you ever take the time to get to actually know Alex without putting some sort of label on her?" I looked back down at my paper and was about to finish reading it when I heard the door lightly open and close. My eyes came in contact with someone that I did not want to see here. Suddenly I was full of rage…how dare she come here…how dare she even think of it. "What do you think you're doing here?" She gave me a little fake smile…

"I'm here for the funeral…" she gave me that attitude. I cannot believe that she would even think of coming here. "What am I not allowed in a public place?" I started to walk down the main aisle of the church right at her. Sean ran up and stood in front of me…

"Get the hell out of here Emma! No one wants you here…" All my attention was on her, Sean kept telling me to calm down but I ignored him and was only focusing on her.

"Oh really Jay? Didn't you want me a week ago?"

"You're the reason she's dead Emma…You're the fucking reason that my kid doesn't have a mom now…Are you happy Emma? Does it make you happy to know that you fucking killed her?" All of my anger boiled over and I couldn't control it anymore.

"but now that she's dead we can be together Jay…I can be your daughters mom…you don't need Alex…I'm better than her…" I would never ever punch a girl but right now I would make an exception if it wasn't for Sean holding me back.

"I don't want you Emma you are nothing but a slut. I will never let you even near my daughter. You think you're better than Alex? You are seriously funny if you think that. Just get the hell out of here…I think you've already done enough damage" I turned on my heel and walked away…It wasn't worth it…Emma wasn't worth it…When I got back up on the little stage I realized that Emma had walked out and all eyes were back on me.

"I'm sorry about that…but anyway as I was saying Alex was a great friend and a great girlfriend. I loved her with all my heart and I know that I made some huge mistakes in the past…I realize that now…"


Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind

Alright there it is…now go review…

…Taryn…