Dawn On A Funeral Day Chapter 6: Drifting, a degrassi fanfic

Hey guys…I'm so sorry that I haven't posted in a long time…I've been so busy with my MLA paper, syllabus project, and tower project that I just haven't had time. but I promise when I'm done with projects there will be a lot more chapters…anyway this is the funeral from Ellie's point of view…I tried to make it a bit longer but I'm sorry if it sucks…thanks for all the reviews…and the song in this chapter is "Drifting" by Sarah Mclachlan.

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of the characters…even though I do wish I owned Mike Lobel…lol j/k…

You've been gone so long all that you know
has been shuffled aside as you bask in the glow
of the beautiful strangers who whisper your name
do they fill up the emptiness?

(Ellie's Point of View)

The moment I woke up I remembered what day it was…I had been dreading the thought of going through with the funeral for the past couple days but I knew that it was inevitable that it was going to happen. As quickly as I could for a pregnant girl, I got dressed in a plain black skirt and black shirt. On the other side of the bed Sean was also getting dressed. He gave me a half smile to try and calm me down because he knew that this was hard for me.

"It's okay babe…" he walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me…I cried a little on his shoulder but he didn't care he just held me tighter and let me cry. After a few moments I was able to control myself and finish getting ready. Today was going to be so hard but I knew that I had to stay strong because what Jay was going through was probably ten times worse. At about 10:30 we all got into the car and started to make our way to the church…I stayed strong though and didn't break down in front of Jay. He to looked like he was trying to hold all of it in. When we got to the church he walked right in with Layla and I knew that he was probably going in there to go see Alex and I just let him go in by himself.

"So Patty how are you doing?" I asked her.

"I'm doing okay...the best I can. So how's Jay doing? Is he doing okay with the baby?" From the sound of her voice I knew that she was concerned about Jay…Who wasn't? Ever since the baby has been born he spends all his time with her, he hasn't been to school except when he went there to clean out Alex's locker.

"He's doing alright. He spends all his time with Layla though." We made idle chit chat for a little more and the next thing we knew, it was 11:30 and people were starting to arrive a little early. "I'll go and get Jay" I volunteered. I quickly walked in and noticed Jay standing there above the casket, holding Layla close to him. For a moment I was almost in a trance just watching how he seemed to be whispering to Alex…when I walked over to him and placed my hand on his shoulder he jumped a little.

"Hold her for a minute. I have to go to the bathroom first." He handed me Layla and I cradled her in my arms. She looked so fragile and tiny.

"Hey there little girl…I know that you don't understand anything now but when you grow up we'll be sure to tell you all about your mom. She would love you so much if she was still here…." I heard the bathroom door open so I figured Jay was coming out. He silently walked over to me and took Layla back.

Larger than life is your fiction
In a universe made up of one
You have been drifting for so long
I know you don't want to come down
Somewhere below you, there's people who love you
And they're ready for you to come home
Please come home

We all stood in a row listening to everyone's pathetic ways of saying that they were sorry for our loss. I pretended to act like I cared what they said but in reality I didn't give a shit what anyone said to me, none of it would change anything anyway. When almost everyone was in the room I noticed Marco, Ashley, Hazel and Paige walk in…the only one who had to balls to come over and say anything to us was Paige. She pulled me a off to the side a little so no one could hear us…

"I know that I was never close to Alex and that we never really did get along but I still thought she was an awesome girl. And she would always stand up for what she believed in, she never let anyone push her around…and I know you're sick of people saying that they're sorry when they didn't know Alex so I'm not going to say that, I'm going to say that I wish you all the best of luck and I hope that you will remember her fondly." That actually meant a lot to me coming from Paige…she knew that everyone standing there was tired of hearing the same thing…

"Paige…thanks for coming today…and thanks for not saying what ever else said." She gave me a hug and walked back to her friends and I walked back to Sean and slipped my hand back into his. He gave me a little smile that helped me relax a little, and I let Paige's words sink in. She was right, we need to move on and not dwell on this, we need to remember Alex but not become stuck on it. The rest of the people said the same things that they usually do, and after about 20 more minutes of having to stand there and hear bullshit, the doors closed and the service began.

"I know that most of you already know why you're here today. But sadly a life has ended, way to soon might I add. Alex was an amazing person. She might have had a criminal record and had been a bit tough but when I did see her she was usually some what polite…seeing as to the fact that I didn't really know her to well I would like to invite Ellie up here to talk to you guys some more" I had been dreading having to get up and talk in front of all these people from the beginning. For one I never did like being in front of everyone but to have to talk about my best friend was going to make it even worse.

"Umm…Hi you guys…I'm not very good in front of people so I'm sorry if I get a little bit nervous" Just wonderful I haven't even gotten a whole two sentences out and I'm already crying. I quickly wiped at my eyes, trying to stop the tears a little bit. "I remember the night that Alex had come to me six months ago, she had needed a place to stay so I let her stay with me. Soon enough we became best friends, I guess you could say that we understood what the other one was going through because we were both pregnant. Alex was the type of person who never really cared what anyone thought of her, she was an individual." No…I'm not going to cry…I am going to get through the whole thing that I wrote…I cant. "I'm sorry…" I walked down the stairs on the stage and let the tears fall. I was never one who was good at holding that sort of stuff in…but I wish that I cold have done it just this once. I watched as Sean walked on to the stage and to the podium. He had exchanged his hoody and jeans for a black work shirt and a pair of black pants, although he did look different he looked really nice.

"Hey everyone…and like El I'm not very good in front of people so please forgive me if I start rambling. But anyway…Alex was an awesome person. I know that we might now have been very nice to each other but I guess you could say that we were like brother and sister. She was there for El when I wasn't and when I came back she was extremely protective. I can still remember the day she came over to Jay's and kicked me, possibly, the hardest I've ever been kicked where the sun don't shine…I don't think I'm ever going to forget that either." I silently laughed to myself as I remembered hearing all about that. "Alex made Jay happy and I know that he made her happy…now they have a beautiful daughter that I know Jay loves." He wiped at his eyes and walked back down to his seat next to me. I know that him and Alex never got along very well but deep down they really did care about the other. Patty was up next and she was already almost in tears.

"I know you've already heard it twice but I'm not good in front of people either. Alex was my daughter…I know I wasn't that good of a mother but I tried. When Alex was born I was only 15…I was so scared that I was going to mess up and I guess that in the end I did." She was basically crying her eyes out and I wanted to go up there and tell her everything was going to be okay but I knew that I couldn't. "But I loved Alex…I'm sorry" With that she walked down and took her seat. And next up was Jay…I think that doing this was going to be the hardest on him.

"As many of you may know I'm Jay…Lexxi was one of the best people I knew." He looked so sad and depressed… "You know all of you sitting here say that you're sorry about our loss…but do you even know what we lost? Did you ever take the time to get to actually know Alex without putting some sort of label on her?" what was Jay doing? I wasn't expecting him to say anything like that. But then again it's Jay we're talking about and we all know he's full of surprises. I heard the door open and close and there stood Emma Nelson… "What do you think you're doing here?" Jay had fire in his eyes and it looked like he was about to kill Emma.

"I'm here for the funeral…" I swear to god if I wasn't pregnant I would want to break her in half….she was tiny enough to. "What am I not allowed in a public place?" Jay suddenly hopped off the stage and started to make his way toward her. Sean gave me a look as to what we should do and I nodded at Jay, Sean took my clue and ran over and blocked Jay's way.

"Get the hell out of here Emma! No one wants you here…" The sudden screaming woke Layla who was sleeping in her car seat on the bench, I gently picked her up and tried to shush her. But mostly I was trying to focus on what was going on with Jay.

"Oh really Jay? Didn't you want me a week ago?" Emma has some nerve to come to Alex's funeral and say something like that…I really cannot wait until I have my baby…Emma is going to regret ever doing anything to my friends.

"You're the reason she's dead Emma…You're the fucking reason that my kid doesn't have a mom now…Are you happy Emma? Does it make you happy to know that you fucking killed her?" Jay let out all of his emotions that he had been holding in ever since Alex died and it looked like he was directing all of his anger at Emma.

"but now that she's dead we can be together Jay…I can be your daughters mom…you don't need Alex…I'm better than her…" I swear if it wasn't for Sean Jay would have punched Emma right then and there. Jay was never one to hit a girl but I think that he would have done it this once.

"I don't want you Emma you are nothing but a slut. I will never let you even near my daughter. You think you're better than Alex? You are seriously funny if you think that. Just get the hell out of here…I think you've already done enough damage" Without saying anything else Jay turned and walked back up to the stage. When he got back up there all eyes were back on him and Emma left.

You walk in a room and the world stops to stare
Mesmerize all who are caught in the glare
Of the spotlight that follows wherever you go
Does it light up the emptiness?

"I'm sorry about that…but anyway as I was saying Alex was a great friend and a great girlfriend. I loved her with all my heart and I know that I made some huge mistakes in the past…I realize that now…I should have never chosen someone else over her. I guess you could say that the fact that she's dead is mainly my fault…the reason she was attacked in the hallway at school was because of me. It was my fault for breaking up with Emma and telling her that I loved someone else. Everyone knew that I still loved Alex and she used that to her advantage. Part of me wishes that it would have been me in there instead of Alex. She would definitely be a better parent to our daughter and she deserved to live more than I do." I know that it took everything Jay had in him to go up there and say that. But the truth was it wasn't his fault.

"I would like to thank you all for coming today…" The pallbearers, which included Jay, Sean, and Towerz, brought the coffin out to the hearse and many of the people followed in their cars to see the casket being placed in the ground. When we got there they had everything set up and we all had picked a flower off the table to throw in. They gently lowered it in the ground and it really hit me then that she was gone. Once it was in the ground and everyone had thrown their flowers in except me, everyone else left. Leaving me, Jay, Sean, and Patty standing there.

"I think I'm going to head back now" Jay, Sean, and Patty all said at the same time.

"I think I want to stick around for a little longer, you guys go ahead. I can call a cab to come get me in a little while." I hugged everyone and gave Sean a quick kiss goodbye. When I was sure that they were completely out of sight I knelt down on the ground next to the hole. They were suppose to come back and fill it in later…

"Hey Alex…" I tossed my flower in and just stared down at the others. "I miss you…you know that? I don't think I'll ever find a best friend as good as you. I'm going to miss all the times at the house before Sean was back…I still remember our pancake fight we had the second day you were there. It took me days to get the smell out of my hair…but I wouldn't trade that in for anything." I didn't even care that I was crying anymore. "I don't know how I'm going to do it…two babies in one household…but I think we'll manage somehow. Jay really misses you too…he won't let Layla out of his sight for more than five minutes…I think he's scared of losing her too. I have to go for now Lexxi but I'll be back soon…I'm gonna have to vent to someone…even if you're not here I know that you'll be listening…"

Ok now you guys should go review…please?

…Taryn…