Title: Past into Present - Part 2

Author: Secret Art

Date: 8th August 2004

Rating: PG

Category: romance, not quite angst more like very emotional

Pairings: Sam/Jack,

Spoilers: knowledge of who Cassie is,

Summary: Sam has to decide whether she can risk telling her biggest secret.

Archive: where ever you want, I'm not fussy

Feedback: can only make me better

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

Author's note: This started off heading in one direction then seemed to change all of its own accord. Hopefully it still makes sense and is ok. It's not quite angst, it's just not the happiest fic either, if anyone can describe it let me know.

Sam walked down a corridor of the SGC, her mind preoccupied with Emma.

It had been a week since the get together, and at first they had asked questions, wanting to know the details about how she knew Cassie's new friend but Sam had changed the subject every time and it hadn't taken them long to stop asking.

She hadn't yet managed to sum up enough courage to tell Jack the truth, and she knew their relationship was suffering, he still wanted to tell everyone about their engagement.

Pausing outside her lab, she could hear movement inside and entering found Jack, busy taking apart one of her pens.

"Morning Colonel."

"Carter."

She walked past him, switching on machines, trying not to feel uncomfortable under his piercing stare. "Sam, I know something is going on, I just wish you'd tell what."

She stopped, sitting down in her chair. "I wish I could."

"Why can't you?"

"I'm afraid. I know, your going to ask me what of. I'm afraid that if I tell you, you won't understand, it'll change how we get along, and most of all I'm afraid that if I tell you, that we will never get married."

He stared at her, not sure whether to be afraid or angry that she was keeping something from him, something that she considered very important.

"Sam, please tell me, let me worry about how I'll react."

She sighed, smiling slightly. Standing up she kissed him briefly on the cheek, the most amount of affection they could show whilst keeping up the act of being friends. "I will, I promise, but there is something I have to sort out first. I've got a day off tomorrow and I promise you, by tomorrow evening I will have told you everything, well, as much as you need to know. Is that ok?"

He smiled, grabbing her hand and gently squeezing it before moving to the doorway. "I trust you."

-----------------------------------------

Taking a deep breath Sam picked up the phone, dialling Emma's mobile.

"Hello?"

"Hi Emma, it's me."

"Sam, what's up?"

"Nothing much. I just thought that seeing as we've met up so to speak, I thought we should spend some time together."

"Who do you want to tell?"

"Excuse me?"

"I know you, well I don't know you, but I know what you're like. You want to tell someone the truth but want to make sure it's ok with me first."

"Emma please, I don't want to do this over the phone."

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a few seconds, in which Sam considered holding her breath, not sure if the tentative relationship they had begun to build had already been damaged.

"Ok, when?"

"What are you doing tonight?"

"Nothing important. How about I come over to yours?"

"Ok, 7 o'clock?"

"Yeah, sure. Bye."

"Bye."

Sam slowly put the phone down, her hands shaking.

Her and Emma had never really been close, Sam only able to visit during holidays whenever she could, enough so that Emma knew about her, but not enough so that they knew each other well.

Taking a deep breath to calm herself down, she wondered if there was anything edible in her house.

Opening the fridge she realised that there wasn't, so she tried to remember what Emma liked, memories of the few meals she had shared with her daughter not helping her much.

Laughing to herself, she realised that she was overreacting, that she should treat Emma like a friend or a friend's daughter, as that was all she could treat her as, Sam having given up the option of mentally being Emma's mother a long time ago, no matter what was biologically true.

Shaking her head to clear her mind of those thoughts, Sam busied herself getting herself and her house presentable, like she would do with any other guest.

-------------------------------------------

Hearing a knock on the door Sam took another deep breath, her nerves even worse than during the phone call.

"Hi Emma, you look nice, come in."

Emma smiled at the older woman, amused at her nerves.

Surprised at how easy she was finding it, being in her real mother's house, Emma slowly looked around, taking her time looking at all the pictures, smiling at the ones of the group she had met at Cassie's house. She was surprised to find a few of her, with her family though, not alone, although she understood, as pictures of her alone might raise unwanted questions, especially as, as far as everyone else was concerned, they weren't even related.

One picture in particular grabbed her attention. Picking it up she saw that it was of Sam and a man, one she recognised from Cassie's. They were stood together, laughing at someone off camera, but it was something less obvious that had made her interested. Their hands were behind their backs, and from how close together they were stood, it appeared that they were holding hands.

"What are you doing?"

Emma jumped slightly, replacing the picture before turning around. "You two look good together."

She shrugged, her hand slipping into her pocket. "He's my boss."

"What's in your pocket?"

Sam froze, her fingers clasped tightly around the object in her pocket. She slowly took it out, silently holding her hand out in front of her, opening it to reveal the engagement ring.

"Wow! It's beautiful. I'm guessing this is the reason he was giving you looks all night at Cassie's, and the real reason why you invited me over."

"He knows something is going on. Doesn't know what yet, but I promised I'd explain it to him."

"It's not that difficult, I'm your daughter, you gave me away when I was a baby as you couldn't give me the life I deserved. We tried unsuccessfully to stay in contact, so it was a bit of a shock when I appeared as your friend's daughter's new best mate." She said it kindly, causing Sam to smile.

"Your mother brought you up incredibly well. Your dealing with it a lot better than most people would."

She shrugged. "There is nothing to deal with. I've always known the truth, that I was adopted, that you are my real mother. I've had it a lot easier than most adopted kids. They can spend their whole lives trying to find their real mother, where as mine has always been only a phone call away."

They shared a smile, Sam finally starting to relax. "So, what kind of takeaway do you want?"

"Pizza?"

"Sure."

They waited in silence for the pizza to arrive, Sam watching as Emma continued to look at the photographs.

Getting the pizza they ate in silence, Sam staring at Emma, trying to commit everything to memory, knowing that it could be years before they see each other again, it must have been three years since she had last seen her daughter.

"Worked out what you're going to tell him yet?"

Sam laughed slightly. "I've got no idea. What do you think I should tell him?"

Emma looked away, lost in thought for a few seconds before turning back. "If you tell him the truth he's probably going to have a lot of questions. I was trying to remember the reaction of the last person that we told, or my own reaction, but I've known for as long as I can remember, my questions answered as soon as I asked them; and I don't think we've told anyone in years. You're worried that if you tell him, it will change your relationship."

Sam smiled. "You are way too observant. To be honest I don't know if he will be able to deal with it. He had a son who died in an accident, it still affects him. I don't think he'd be able or want to understand how I could give you up." She took a deep breath, trying to halt the tears that were threatening to fall. "I guess I'm scared that he'll think that if I could do that to you, that I'll do it to any children we'll have in the future." She wiped at the tears that escaped, taking another deep breath to try and calm herself. "I've just realised, that's going to be so hard on you as well. If I have more children and keep them, it'll make you feel something, because I got rid of you but not them. I might loose any chance of seeing you again."

Emma moved around to hug the older woman, her own tears falling silently. "Yes, I might find it hard, but I never want to loose what we have. And it might hurt but I understand why you did what you did, and I know how much you care about me. Just that fact that you were willing to do this, find out how I feel about you telling him the truth shows me that."

They held each other, waiting for both to calm down before separating.

"I got the best deal anyway, I have two mums, both of whom love me."

"And they did an amazing job of bringing you up, I couldn't be prouder." She smiled, and Emma grinned back, blushing slightly.

"I don't want to sound depressing or anything, but is there anything fun to do in this house?"

"The cupboard over there, it's full of games. I started buying them when Cassie first arrived, as she used to stay over a lot. Now they're mainly used when people get a bit drunk, but they should be all right."

Emma laughed, opening the cupboard to find that the games were stacked up, some neatly, others looking like they had been thrown in there.

She turned her head. "Do you have a chess set?"

Sam raised an eyebrow, lifting out a box from the top shelf.

"What?"

Sam grinned. "Chess is one of Cassie's favourite games."

"I know, we play it all the time." She picked up the lid, "The Simpson's?"

Sam blushed slightly, grabbing the lid back. "It was a present."

"Oh, off that guy, Jack I think his name is."

"he's a big Simpson's fan."

Emma nodded. "That does explain why he mentioned them so much. Any other little quirks I should know about?"

"The Wizard of Oz."

"Really? And Murray, oh and by the way I know that that isn't his real name, he seems to have a thing about Star Wars."

They laughed, playing chess and chatting, content to leave their problems till later, enjoying their time together whilst it lasted.