Disclaimer: I do not own Tara, Ellie, or Sean. Tim and Adrienne based on friends of mine.
Author's Note: Sorry it's taking forever! I won't stop this fic, I promise. Good lord! It's been almost 3 months since I updated? See, the thing is, I write in a notebook then copy that onto the computer, that's where the hold up is.
September: 1995
The buzz of Tara's alarm clock sounded off with an annoying blare. A new day was here and school was going to start for her. She was now in 11th grade, a new year, she was now a junior.
Not two seconds passed before Tara turned off her alarm, yet she didn't make a move to get up. Through the covers, she rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. There was a faint crack that Tara began to study. It was thin and not very noticeable. Her eyes began to follow it one way. Soon it just disappeared, so she back trailed on the crack, following it. The crack went to the wall and down, hiding behind her dresser.
'What a waste of a minute,' Tara thought as she removed the covers and swung around the bed, her feet landing on the floor. For a moment, Tara just sat there. Today was the start of a new grade, but someone important to her wouldn't be there.
Tara blinked a few times, her eyes beginning to sting slightly. Quickly she stood up and walked to her closet and took out a dark brown skirt and her combat style boots. She put the skirt and boots on her bed and then went to her dresser. The first drawer she opened was a dark green peasant top, a gift she had gotten for a birthday. She decided to wear it. Together, the outfit was purely earth toned.
Slowly Tara walked out her door and into the bathroom. The face staring back at her in the mirror was so pale and depressing. With a sigh, Tara began to brush her hair and continued her bathroom needs.
Before she finished brushing her teeth, there was a knock at the door. The door opened and Amber walked in, "Good morning. Aren't you late for Marching Band?"
Tara shook her head, "I'm not in it anymore." She put her tooth brush away.
"Why not?"
"None of m-my friends are in it."
"Neither Tim or Ellie?"
"No." Tara simply answered, the word giving an end to the conversation.
With nothing else to say, Tara walked back to her bedroom and began to dress. The pajamas came off and the street clothes came on. Putting on the boots took a little while longer than the clothes, but once everything was on, Tara looked at herself in the mirror and didn't really see herself.
She was looking through the wall.
Enough was enough. Time to get going. Tara grabbed her book bag and walked out of her room and down the stairs, stopping by the kitchen. She leaned and looked in, staring at her mother. It must've been a few seconds before Amber turned and saw her daughter.
"Tara?" Amber asked, a bit concerned.
"I'm fine. Sorry. Um... I'm going to s-skip breakfast." She began to move toward the front door and walked through.
The walk to school was much the same as the years before. However, the walk itself didn't seem as refreshing as it once was. Each step she took seemed almost hollow. The air seemed a bit stale. It wasn't as fresh as it should be.
Tara looked at the trees as she walked. The leaves becoming a warmer color, the sign that autumn was coming. She'd always loved the color of the trees right before autumn, they were always so beautiful.
Once Tara got to school, there were kids scattered about, running mad. She noticed a freshmen hurrying through the hall, bumping into an upperclassmen. The frightened freshmen apologized and hurried away.
It was strange how life worked. Survival of the fittest. Social Darwinism. The strong overpowering the weak.
Tara shook her head and went to her new locker. Finally, a top locker. No more bending down, having the person above getting mad. Tara opened her locker and arranged her books, pulling out the ones she'd need. She almost regretted dropping band, but she couldn't stand being there without Adrienne. However, she did stay in orchestra. Again she had honors English, only this time, she was by herself. US History, Algebra 2, Art Structure, and Latin.
For the morning, all she has was History and English, so she got out her books for those classes and made her way to English, the first class of the day. In that class, Ms. Drucker, a smart, outgoing, hippie-like teacher taught the class. Tara liked her. No one she cared about was in the class, but the teacher was awesome, very cheery.
After that was History, and much to Tara's surprise, she found Ellie in that class.
"Tara!" Ellie called, "Over here!"
With a smile and a nod, Tara made her way to the far corner where Ellie was, sitting on the desk next to her. "Hey."
"What's new?" Ellie asked.
"Nothing really."
"Alright class!" Mr. Thomson, an energetic man, exclaimed. "Welcome to US History! Here we will be covering... US History!" he brought up his hands and shook them.
"His enthusiasm isn't contagious." Ellie said, making Tara giggle.
The rest of the day was slow for Tara. In her art class, she was alone as well as the rest of her classes. She stayed with Laurel Hill as her art teacher someone Tara was able to connect with. She really enjoyed that class, her favorite activity, which was Laurel's to, was sketching; random doodles.
Soon, however, school was over and the grounds of the streets near it began to fill with students eager to get home. All hurried around, crossing streets and jumping into cars as they rudely held back traffic.
"Tara!" Ellie called from behind, running up to the blonde, "Hey. How was your first day?"
"Um, it was okay."
"No band huh?"
"No. Dad's probably not going to... Like that."
"Hey sexy ladies!" a voice called from a car, the voice belonging to Tim, who was inside of Sean's car. "Want a ride?"
Ellie turned to Tara and smiled, "Sure!" she grabbed onto Tara's arm and pulled her to the car and both girls crawled into the back seat sitting next to each other.
"Buckle up." Sean called from the driver's side as the car began to move.
Throughout the drive, Sean and Tim continued their guy talk about cars and whatever else boys liked to talk about while Tara and Ellie sat quietly in the back seat. Neither girl spoke, however, every so often, both girl's arm would softly touch the other's and that touch would be gentle and comforting.
"Turn here." Tara instructed.
The car turned as Sean maneuvered the wheel; her house was coming up.
"Right here." Tara spoke; Sean brought the car to a stop. She begun to make her way out of the back seat, having to crawl over Ellie, both girls blushing. Once she was out, she straightened her shirt and her jeans and looked to Sean, "Th-thanks for the ride."
"No problem." he replied.
Everyone else said their goodbyes as Tara walked up the pathway to her front door; it was unlocked. As soon as she entered, she noticed Dale hurrying around the house, gathering papers and his briefcase. She knew he was running late for work. "Goddammit! Amber! Where are my keys?" he spotted them, "Nevermind!" he grabbed and went right past Tara without ever acknowledging she was there.
Tara began to go upstairs when she started to hear noise coming from her room. She timidly peaked in and saw Donny looking through her sketch book, "Hey..." she said as she opened the door. "Wh-what are you doing?"
Donny closed the sketch book and looked to his sister, "This is some nasty shit, Tara. It's horrible." He laughed, "Wait till Dad sees it."
"No!" she exclaimed, a bit too much with excitement.
"What?" his face became dark.
"Umm..." Words would not form in her head or her mouth.
Slowly, like a giant, Donny walked to Tara, towering over her. "Did you just raise your voice?"
Her body began to shake.
Very quickly, Donny grabbed Tara's arm hard with one hand. He tightened his grip. The pressure made Tara wince and whimper, which became more abundant as he tightened his grip.
"Dad is way to easy on you. But me, no. I'm gunna make sure you know how to speak to us." he growled as he let go and punched her in the ribs. All the air in her body was forced out as she fell to the ground. "Look at me."
She obeyed.
Without any heart, he opened her sketch book and tore out a drawing. It was of a faery, which Adrienne and Ellie had really liked. He held it up and ripped it in two.
Tara tried to protest, but she was unable, still on the ground, barely breathing.
He grinned as she looked up at him and he looked down. Without warning, he struck her across the face, sending her back to the ground.
"Such stupid shit," he mumbled as he left the room, never letting go of her sketch book.
It took several minutes before Tara made her way to the two pieces of paper that layed lifeless on the floor. Tears fell from her eyes as she picked up the two pieces, trying to fit them together again. The breathing was still not normal and the pain in her sides was not going away. Nothing was right and proper.
Meanwhile, at Adrienne's house, Sean had made a surprise visit. He was a perfect boyfriend to Adrienne. The entire night, Sean dedicated it to her.
"Sean, you didn't have to do all this," Adrienne said as she looked up at him lovingly, as he placed a pan of vegetarian lasagna on the table and took a seat.
"It was no trouble. I wanted to do something special for you." Sean had the tiniest blush as he began to cut through the lasagna. He had taken much time to prepare for this night. Everything had so far landed right on time.
Both teens had enjoyed their night as they ate and drank, all the while, Andrea had stayed in her own room, knowing full well what Sean was up to.
When dinner was finished, Adrienne and Sean had moved over to the couch in the living room and watched television. All Adrienne had the strength to do was to lead her head against Sean's chest, while his solid arms were wrapped around her, never wanting to let go.
Once their time in front of the television was done, Sean lead Adrienne outside to her backyard, giving her his jacket, covering her up. What awaited them outside was a blanket, pillows, and the night sky. The teens settled on the blanket looking up at the stars. Adrienne pointed out constellations, "There's Cassiopeia... And Orion. They're all so beautiful."
Throughout all his star gazing nights, Sean was never able to see the shapes the consolations made, but he still was astonished by the cosmos, though because of his "Mr. Tough Guy" status, he'd never admit it. He smiled at her comments, "Yeah they are... But not nearly as much as you."
A blush crept onto Adrienne's extremely pale face, "Sean..."
"Adrienne," Sean whispered as he rolled onto his side to face Adrienne, "I love you. Love you more than you can count stars in the sky."
She was speechless.
"Will you... Marry me?"
An enormous smile, so big and so happy, appeared on Adrienne's face.
It was several hours before Dale had came home from work and Donny wasted no time in showing Dale his sister's sketchbook. "Tara! Come down here right now!" Dale shouted.
Fear began to build in Tara as she rose from her bed. Holding onto her side, she made her way out of the room and down the stairs. Each step seemed like a cliff. Waiting for Tara in the living room was Dale. Walking in, Tara hid behind her hair, her long sleeves passing her hands.
The fireplace was lit and Dale was standing in front of it, looking at the closed sketchbook. When he heard Tara enter, he straighten his posture and turned to face his daughter. "What have I been telling you? Is this why you quite band? To do this 'art'?"
The only reply from Tara was her head tilted toward the ground, speechless.
"Dammit Tara!" he shouted and threw the sketchbook onto the couch.
Tara shut her eyes tightly.
"I've told you over and over about how evil magic is and about how art can make your mind weaker, but you don't listen." he walked closer, "How much money do you spend on art stuff? How much good money is wasted on that crap?"
Finally Tara's eyes opened as she looked at her father, however, she did not answer him.
"Your money could be spent on better things! That paper isn't even fit to be used as firewood!"
A smile grew on Donny's face, "Heck yeah!" he shouted as he grabbed the sketch book, "I'll take care of it." Without any other thought, Donny tossed Tara's sketch book into the fire.
"NO!" Tara shouted as she ran for it. Donny quickly grabbed her and pushed her back hard enough to knock her to the floor.
"Dammit Donald!" Dale shouted, "Why'd you do that!"
"Thought you wanted me to." Donny was dumbfounded, his eyes wide and stupid.
"You moron!"
Tara managed to crawl right in front of the fire, close enough to feel heat and see the pictures burning into ashes. She couldn't help but cry as memories were being destroyed.
"No wonder you can't keep a job. You can't even wait for directions. Get out of my sight you disgrace. I'll talk to you later."
Glaring at Tara, Donny finally turned and walked out of the living room fuming.
Dale turned to Tara as soon as Donny was out of the room, "Stand up, Tara."
Slowly she began to rise, wincing in pain.
"Why are you holding your side?" he questioned.
"I, um, fell... In gym class... Today." she stuttered.
Nodding, Dale looked at the fireplace. "That's what happens when you go behind my back. I wasn't going to throw it in right away, but next time, I will. So there had better not be a next time."
"Yes sir."
"Good. Now go upstairs."
She obeyed.
Once she got into her room, Tara went straight to her bed and hugged one of her pillows. Tears began to fall down her cheeks as the event that had just happened not five minutes before, continued to replay in her mind over and over again.
The door began to open slowly, revealing Donny in the door way. Tara could tell by his aura that he was enraged. Very slowly, he walked in, closing the door, clenching his fists. Terror ran cold through Tara's veins, "P-please, Donny."
"Please nothing..." he said in a very low voice. At first, his speed of walking was slow, then it increased and suddenly, Tara was on the floor and Donny was beating her, making sure not to hit her in the face, to not leave evidence.
Suddenly, Tara's world was consumed by darkness.
October
"So he asked and I said yes!" Adrienne exclaimed, full of excitment and joy as she told the story of Sean proposing to her.
"Wow," Ellie smiled, "That's so awesome."
Everyone noticed how skinny and pale Adrienne had gotten since she started her chemotherapy; the doctors have started giving her medicinal marijuana for physical pain. But now, after Sean proposed to her, she seemed to come alive more.
"And he was so romantic about it to. I mean, we were star gazing and talking and he asked me."
"Damn... Why'd we break up?" Ellie joked, "You hooked one of the few good guys out there."
"I know." Adrienne smiled happily.
"Hey girls," Andrea called out, "I'm off to work. No parties!"
"Don't worry, Sissy! We'll be good!" Adrienne called back.
Once Andrea left, the girls continued their girly chit chat, "Hey, guys... I'll b-be right back. Going to the bathroom." Tara announced.
When Tara was gone, Adrienne noticed how Ellie was looking after Tara as she walked out of the room. "What are you doing?" Adrienne asked with a grin on her face.
Quickly, Ellie turned to Adrienne, "What?"
"You... You were looking at Tara."
"So? I always look at people."
"Ellie, that wasn't just any kind of look."
"Whatever you want to think." A small blush was growing on Ellie's cheeks.
"Oh... You like her, don't you?"
At first, Ellie was dumbfounded, words couldn't form in her mouth. Her eyes averted themselves to the carpet then back to Adrienne, "You're crazy."
"Am I?"
Ellie nodded.
"Whatever, Eleanor."
"Whatever, Emma."
"Hey! You know I hate that name!"
"Hmm, wonder why I called you that... Well it is your legal name."
"So? I hate it." Both girls smiled and giggled to each other, "Point taken. Oh, and by the way, my name is legally Adrienne now. No more Emma."
"Afraid to be confused with Emma Nelson?"
Adrienne shot a glare at Ellie.
"Did I miss something?" Tara asked, standing at the doorway.
"I don't know, did she, Ellie?" Adrienne turned to Ellie with a smirk.
"No."
Tara became confused. It wasn't like them to be giggly like this. She shook it off and took her spot on the floor.
She couldn't help but notice how pale Adrienne looked, and how much weight she lost. It was a depressing sight, yet Adrienne still managed to continually keep a smile on her face, never wanting anyone to worry.
It was quite a sight, three friends, complete misfits, fitting several stereotypes, yet all individual from those labels.
Adrienne took the role of the morbid goth chick, Ellie was the punk rocker, and Tara was the tree-hugging hippie. A groups of misfits according to the social norms. Even Sean and Tim were misfits, Tim being the head banger and Sean the soon to be criminal. Despite all their differences, all had each other, as long as they had each other, it was all okay.
"So, who's the maid of honor?" Ellie asked Adrienne.
"Huh? Oh, my sister, duh!" She giggled, "What? You guys thought you were all special or something?"
"Just a tad bit."
The girls laughed.
"I guess she doesn't love us like we thought, huh Tara?" Ellie touched Tara on her side.
At Ellie's playful touch, Tara winced. The bruises on her torso still hadn't healed and they were still bothering her.
"Oh my god, Tara, I'm sorry. I didn't know I hit you that hard."
"No, y-you didn't. I just... I have to go. M-my dad's probably waiting." She struggled but did eventually stand, holding onto her side. "See you guys later?"
Ellie nodded wanting her to know how sorry she was. Adrienne also nodded, giving Tara a knowing look.
Embarrassment and shame could be seen on Tara's face. now wasn't a time she wanted to discuss this issue so she quickly left the room and made her way to the front door and out of the house.
"I-I didn't think I poked her that hard." Ellie stated to Adrienne.
"You didn't," she replied, "She's probably got a bruise."
"What?"
"It's not my place to say this but, Tara's brother hits her... A lot."
"What!" Ellie was beginning to get angry.
"Yeah, and her dad isn't too nice to her either."
"Why does she stay? What about her mom?"
"Her mom also gets it from her dad. And I don't know why they stay."
As Adrienne and Ellie continued their conversation, Tara was making her way home. With each step she took, pain traveled through her still sore body.
It didn't take long for Tara to get home. Once she walked through the door, she immediately made her way up the stairs and into her room. As soon as she was inside her room, she closed the door and leaned against the door, looking around the room.
Her mother's health didn't seem to change, her father was ignoring her more and more, and Donny just seemed to harass her every chance he got. Feelings of dread engulfed her constantly, and she was always afraid; of what, she didn't know. Some darkness fell upon her and it frightened her more than anything. It was almost as if she could tell that some kind of darkness was coming and she wouldn't be able to stop it.
After a few days had passed, she learned to push the dread aside; knowing she couldn't do anything about it, that it would reveal itself eventually.
The days seemed long and grey. During lunch, Tara sat with her friends on the bleachers. She would look over the field and watch the other students going about their days.
"I've got to finish my auto project." Sean said as he stood.
"Do you always think about cars?" Ellie asked with a smirk.
"No," Sean replied, "I think about food to." He smiled.
"McCarthy said the projects are due Thursday, so we only have two days. Such a random day." Tim announced as he also stood.
"Which is why we're going now. Later girls." Sean said as he made his way down the bleachers with Tim following him.
"Boys love to play with their cars." Ellie said as she turned to Tara.
Tara looked at Ellie and couldn't help but notice small changes in Ellie's appearance. She no longer had her hair dyed or up and wild. Seldom did she put it in a side pony tail or braids anymore. It was always straight down. However, she still wore her eye liner, but now all black rather than a bright purple or red.
Of course, Tara began to change herself. Her hair was still in front of her face and her clothes still covered her entire body, but now, she wore earth tones, rather than bland colors. it made her feel more attuned with the Earth. However, she dared not wear makeup. No way in hell would her father allow for that to happen.
"Hey! who are you thinking about?" Ellie asked, waking Tara from her thoughts.
"Huh?"
"Who are you thinking about that's making you day dream so much? Was it Steve?"
"Oh... Steve? No. No one. I was j-just zoning... I guess."
"I see." There was a pause, "What do you want to do after high school?"
"Um…" Tara thought for a moment, "I love art. I'm thinking… Art teacher?"
"That's cool."
"What about you?
Ellie smiled, "A director who writes her own screenplays."
A couple of days passed and Tara and Ellie were in the library, along with the rest of their history class, doing research for their project on prohibition in the US. The day was a bit too bleak for Tara's taste.
"Ellie," Tara called, "This book has a p-picture of Al Capone and his crew."
Making her way to Tara, Ellie looked at the book, "Awesome. We're doing good on pictures and information." She took the book an walked back to the table they occupied, setting the book on it along with the others they collected. She began to turn back around, "So, we're probably going to have to get together to… Tara?"
Something bad was happening and it was hurting Tara. She felt dizzy, weak, and nauseous. It was hard for her to focus, everything was blurry and grey.
"Tara? You okay? Do you need to sit down?"
"I…" her knees gave out and she went for the ground. Without thinking, Ellie moved and grabbed Tara's arms before she fell.
"Mr. Thomson!" Ellie shouted.
Hearing the shout, the teacher hurried across the library, "What happened?"
"It's Tara!" Ellie frantically said, "She passed out or something. I don't know what happened!"
Turning to another student, Mr. Thomson said, "Kate, go get Nurse Sylvia. Hurry!" he turned back to Ellie, taking off his coat, rolling it, "Make her comfortable. Put this under her head on your lap."
Carefully, Ellie did what she was told. She was scared something may be wrong with Tara. Her lips began to tremble as she closed her eyes and whispered, "Please be okay."
The nurse came in barely 5 minutes after the student, Kate, had gone; with her hair in a bun and wearing her pale brown sweater. Quickly she knelt next to Tara and Ellie and did her nurse-type routine; checking for a pulse, breathing rhythms, etc. Everything seemed normal. The nurse took out a bottle and opened it, moving it near Tara's nose.
Soon enough, the girl began to stir and she quickly woke. "Wh-what happened?" she asked.
"You passed out." Ellie replied, relieved that her friend was now awake.
"I-I did?"
"Tara, has this happened before?" The nurse asked.
"No."
"Can you stand?"
Tara began to move, Ellie helping her, not realizing she had been holding Tara's hand during the entire ordeal. With Ellie's help, Tara stood, however, she held onto Ellie, also holding her hand and not realizing it.
"Ellie, go with Nurse Sylvia and help take Tara to her office."
"Okay." Ellie put and arm around Tara and begun walking behind the nurse.
Tara felt incredibly weak and needed to lean on Ellie for support. 'What's going on?' she thought to herself. Something like this never happened before. It was almost as if something was draining her, leaving her very weak.
Once they were at the Nurse's office, Nurse Sylvia took the girls to the back and settled Tara on one of the beds. "Tara, I'm going to call your parents to take you home."
All Tara could do was nod. As the nurse left, it hit Tara that her father or brother would be home and hear about this. It would not make them happy. "Ellie…"
"Yeah?" Ellie stayed right next to her, holding her hand.
"She can't… Call m-my dad."
"Why?" she gently squeezed Tara's hand.
"H-he won't like this." Her breathing slowed.
"Tara, his daughter fainted and seems to be really ill… I don't think he'll mind."
"Don't l-let her call. Please."
But it was too late, Nurse Sylvia came in, "I got a hold of your father, Tara. He's coming, along with your mother."
Ellie stayed with Tara until her parents came and picked her up. It was the first time Ellie had met her parents. Right away she liked Amber; Dale on the other hand, she didn't like so much. He reminded her a lot of her own mother, only not so drunk.
"Thank you for staying with her." Amber said.
"No problem. I was really worried."
"she'll be back in school tomorrow." Dale said as he walked out the door.
When the Maclays got home, Dale went straight to his desk in the den, not saying a word to Tara. Amber helped her daughter up the stairs and into her room. Gently she laid Tara down on her bed and sat next to her. "What are you feeling, Sweetheart?"
"Like s-something's draining me. Mom, something's going to h-happen. And I don't know what, but I can feel it."
Amber was silent as she placed a hand on her daughter's forehead and released much calming energy, it just about knocked Tara out, it relaxed her so much. It was a great way to calm one's nerves.
Truth was, Amber could feel what Tara was feeling; sensing something was going to happen. She didn't know what, but she knew that whatever it was, it was going to hurt Tara a lot.
After school was out, Ellie was giving a ride home by Sean and Tim. The ride was silent on her part because she spent the entire time thinking about Tara. Once she got home, she thanked her male friends and went inside. After about an hour or so of not doing her homework, she picked up the phone and called Adrienne. It didn't take long before the subject was switched to Tara.
"And she just about passed out. It was pretty scary." Ellie said.
"I'm sure she'll be okay. Tara's a lot stronger than she looks." Adrienne replied.
"I know."
There was a pause.
"You need to tell her… How you feel."
"What?"
"Tara. How you feel. It's obvious."
"What are you talking about?"
"Ellie… Whoa…" Adrienne began to feel strange.
"Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Ellie said as she began to worry.
"I don't… know." Then it was silent and then a thump.
"Adrienne!" Ellie yelled into the phone, "Adrienne!" She clicked the phone off and re-dialed; she got a busy signal. "Oh God…" She was getting frantic, very frantic and she had no idea what to do. Thoughts were racing through her mind so fast she didn't have time to comprehend them. Quickly she stood, then sat and dialed Adrienne's number again; still busy. "Shit!" she shouted as she jumped up from her desk and darted out of her room. "Mom!" No answer, "Goddammit!" Her mother was either not home or passed out, but Ellie didn't care either way. Instead, Ellie blew out the front door slamming it closed as she jumped off the porch and ran as fast as her legs could carry her; running towards Adrienne's home.
Good thing for her, she wasn't wearing anything heavy or her usual boots that weighed about 7 pounds each. This made it easier for her to run.
As she ran, people looked at her as if she was a mad woman; she didn't care how many people watched, she just blew passed them, 'Let them watch,' she thought. There was only one thing on Ellie's mind: Adrienne.
Out of breath and light headed, when Ellie finally got to Adrienne's house, she thought and was hoping, she was hallucinating what she saw… But she wasn't, "No…"
The next day stood out from the others; eerily calm. The night before, Tara was physically drained and ill. The whole night she could barely lift a hand she was so weak. But now, this day, the world was still. Everyone that passed her seemed somewhat lively, then some seem to lack color. Even the trees seemed to lack color, almost as if they were mourning. 'But of what?' Tara wondered.
All day her classes seemed to take forever, each time she'd look at the clock, the second hand would freeze. 'But that can't be, could it?' That, Tara wasn't sure. She'd seen a lot of things out of the ordinary many times, but this was too much.
Tara hadn't seen any of her friends all day, not Ellie, Tim, or Sean. It was almost as if they all ditched school together, but why would they? They all were together, all there for each other as well as Adrienne.
Finally the end of the school day came; math class. It was long awaited, but now, Tara only had 50 more minutes before she could go home and be with her mother.
The outside seemed to bright, but once Tara got inside the classroom, she took a look around and everyone was still. Confused, Tara walked to her desk on the opposite end of the room. As she walked to the desk, Tara couldn't help overhear someone say "passed away." At those words, Tara froze, her blood ran cold.
'No, it can't be her. Don't think it,' she said to herself, turning toward her classmate. "Wh-who passed away?" Tara asked with fear in her voice. She wouldn't let her thoughts go into her conscious. She refused to let them come to the surface of realization, but it was there, in the back of her head. In her unconcious it was waiting, 'Please no...'
"Adrienne Wilson. Last night." said the girl, her eyes glazed, her voice weak. Then she walked away, rubbing her eyes.
Those words, that name, it rang in Tara's head over and over again. Everything went grey. Nothing had color whatsoever. Suddenly, Tara wasn't in the class room any longer, she was back in 7th grade, in the gym sitting all alone. Deep in her own thoughts when Adrienne came and sat next to her. She seemed so healthy, so lively back then. Not a care in the world, never dreaming that she'd get cancer.
Then reality had its way of coming back, no matter how hard anyone tries. At first, she couldn't believe it. Adrienne had been doing better! Ellie and Sean had both seen her the last week and said she looked better. Then Tim and Sean saw her only a few days earlier, both said she was beaming. This wasn't happening, it couldn't happen. Adrienne was suppose to make it, not die! Her light was suppose to bless the world, it wasn't suppose to be taken away!
If only she could have seen her before, just for a second. Tara grew angry with herself for not having gone to visit Adrienne the passed few weeks, sure she had phoned but that was not enough. It did not make up for physically being there in front of the girl who saved her life all those years ago. With each passing second, Tara couldn't help but grow more angry at herself. Yet, the actual thought of Adrienne being dead had not sunk into Tara's conscious. No. She still grew angry, almost as angry as she had been with her father each time he drank or verbally abused her.
Several minutes passed and she made no movement. Slowly the anger was being replaced by shock. Slowly Tara sat down at her desk, fearing she may faint or fall or both. The world begun to turn on it's own, leaving her behind.
No movement. Tara made no movement as she sat there, the event, those words, playing over and over again in her head. All she could do was stare at the wall, to keep herself from passing out right then and there, in the middle of class. Staring at the blank, grey, ungrudging wall. The wall with no emotion, no movement, no anything, just a wall. Then it got blurry. 'Why is the wall getting blurry?' Tara thought.
Her eyes began to burn and sting, her mouth was as dry as a desert, and Tara didn't feel her tears running down her cheeks. Soon, however, the world caught up to Tara. Her mouth hung slightly opened, but felt so numb. There were now rivers flowing down her face that she fought against, but had no avail. When she made an attempt to move her hand, the tips of her fingers tingled, she always hated that feeling. She couldn't help but start tapping the tips of her fingers on her desk. Still, the tingle was there. It wouldn't stop and Tara hated it.
The tingle traveled up her arm and consumed her body. Everything tingled. She tried to fight it, but she was weak. Then, the urge to vomit came up on her. She swallowed the lump in her throat, which felt like it was ripping her inside, slowly and painfully it settled in her stomach quite heavily.
The lump began to rock slowly inside her, its jagged edges piercing her within. The urge to vomit growing stronger. Her eyes burning so much, she could barely keep them open, all the while, the tears still flowed with no sympathy. Her breathing slowed and became shallow, sharp and piercing breath. There wasn't enough oxygen getting into her lungs and they both began to burn and cry out.
'This isn't happening...'
Yet it was. The realization was becoming more and more real to Tara. Her eyes shut as tight as they could. So tight, her head began to ache with pain and pressure. So tight, she began to sweat above her brow. So tight, her head began to shake. Soon her entire body followed. Everything began to hurt. Her heart ached with each beat as it got louder and louder in her ears. Her jaw clenched tightly shut, causing her teeth ache.
It was all too much, Tara couldn't handle it. She stood and looked to her teacher, Miss Feiler, and said, "I'm s-sorry," then she hurried out the door closing it behind her. For a moment, she leaned against the door breathing in the fresh, yet stale, air. It felt like she was breathing in needles with each breath she took.
With a quick look at the grey sky, Tara ran. She ran as fast as her legs could take her, running across the campus. Then, she realized where she was running to; the nearest girl's restroom. She got into the nearest stall and fell to her knees and vomited. The lump was still there as she continued to vomit.
Soon, she just gagged as nothing came out. It was almost as if she was trying to get the lump out, but it would not go anywhere.
When she finished gagging, she flushed the toilet and stayed on the floor of the bathroom stall, smelling worse than she remembered. She hugged herself, her arms around her stomach as she breathed. Then her breathing quickened and her eyes began to blur her vision. Her lower lip quivered as she tried to contain her voice and her whimpers. But the pain was too much now and her whimpers and her cries would be heard to anyone who walked in. It finally hit her, Adrienne, her friend, her everything, was dead. She would never see her again, hear her voice, feel her warm hugs. Never again would Tara be able to stare into those beautiful eyes.
Once at home, Tara walked in, her eyes red and swollen from crying. Dale took one look at her and turned away from her. For some reason, this made Tara begin to cry again as she went up into her room, laid down on her bed, and hugged her pillow.
It was Tara's birthday that week and now there was more of a reason to dread it. Not only was it a reminder of the time she had left as a human but also a reminder of the time of Adrienne's death.
The next week was the memorial for Adrienne; Tara wasn't sure she wanted to go. It pained her too much to see her best friend, the girl who changed her life. Seeing her body in a coffin was not something she thought she could handle.
Slowly Amber peaked in and noticed Tara on her bed. She came in and gently sat down next to her hurting daughter. "What happened?" she asked as she rubbed Tara's shoulder.
Through her tears, Tara replied, "Adrienne… Sh-she… She…" then more tears fell and Tara buried her face in her pillow as she cried a bit harder.
It was as clear as crystal to Amber what Tara tried to say. Adrienne had died. 'That was it, why Tara felt so weak yesterday.' Amber concluded. She continued to rubbed Tara's shoulder.
When her tears finally calmed, Tara didn't move. "Mom… Th-they're having a memorial n-next week."
"Are you going?"
"I can't. I can't see her like that."
"Are you sure?"
"I don't know…" and again, the tears came.
For the rest of the night, Amber stayed with Tara until she finally fell asleep.
Throughout the entire weekend, Tara continued to cry silently, despite her father telling her stop and be strong. Crying was for the weak he always said. Donny didn't help much by constantly harassing Tara. It was shear hell.
At school, Tim nor Sean could be found, however, while Tara was at her locker, Ellie approached her. The girls just stared at each other with sullen faces before they finally hugged and cried on each other's shoulders.
After a few minutes, the girls parted from each other and rubbed their eyes. Ellie was grateful she decided against wearing her black eye makeup.
Once she composed herself, Ellie wrapped her arms around herself and asked Tara, "Are you coming tonight?"
Tara knew she was talking about the memorial. Even after thinking about it all weekend, Tara wasn't sure, "I don't… I don't know."
All Ellie did was nod. She herself almost didn't want to go. It would pain her too much to see one of her best friends dead. But she knew she would regret not going if she didn't and something told her, Tara would regret it to. "You should. I think it'll be good for you."
Deep down Tara knew Ellie was right. Still, at this moment, it was too much; she mearly nodded then asked, "Where's Tim and Sean?"
"They didn't show up."
"Oh."
And that was the end of their conversation. During the day, both girls were quiet, neither spoke more than 2 words at a time.
When it was time for the memorial, Amber had gone with Tara and they stood with Ellie, who was alone. Andrea had on a royal blue gown on, wearing it because blue was Adrienne's favorite color.
"Thank you everyone for showing," Andrea began, "Right now is not a time for mourning, but for remembering. It's not time for crying but to be happy about Adrienne's life and how she lived. We're going to have some of her friends come up and say a few words and then we're going to watch a video that John and I put together." There was a pause, "So, whoever wants to can come up."
The first person to go up was Tim. He was dressed in all black but this time, there was no band name on his shirt; it was just solid black. Sean stayed behind, everyone knew he was Adrienne's boyfriend, but they also knew he was not a speaker.
"Hey everyone," he began, after taking out a piece of paper, he continued, "I first met Adrienne in the 6th grade. I really don't know why we started talking, but I'm really glad we did. She became my best friend, she was like a sister to me. Every time a guy bothered her, I'd be there to defend her, but she'd tell me to stop trying to be macho or something." Then he paused, "She always saw the good in people, saw the potential. It didn't matter if you were the biggest loser, she'd still befriend you."
At those last words, Tara began to tear. It was true, Tara was indeed a "loser" and Adrienne still befriended her.
"She was probably the wisest soul I have ever met. There's no one like her. Thanks." he finished and stepped down as another student stepped up.
Tara wanted to share her experiences with Adrienne and say what she meant to her, but she couldn't. It was too hard.
A hand placed itself on Tara's shoulder, when she turned, she found it was Ellie's hand. She gave the punk girl a small smile and she returned it.
When the other student was finished, Ellie approached the podium, "Hey," she started, "I first met Adrienne in 9th grade. Besides Tim, her and I were the only 'Goths', as people called us, in band. It was great the way we'd mess around with people, making them think we were evil or whatever. But never did she mean any harm other than pure fun. What was so great about Adrienne was that, you could be so alone, so angry at the world, and she'd find some way to calm you, to make you feel it's all going to be okay." Ellie's voice started to break, "She'd find some way to make the pain stop…" she paused, "I'm sorry." She stepped off and walked around to the back. No one else stepped up.
Andrea stepped back up, "Thank you everyone for your kind words. Now we're going to show the video.
The video showed many pictures of Adrienne growing up. This made Tara really want to tear up. She noticed Ellie in one of the corners rubbing her eyes. Slowly Tara began to walk towards her.
"Hey." she said.
"Sorry. I don't usually cry like this." Ellie hugged herself trying to force herself not to cry.
"It's okay." Tara wanted to so badly bring Ellie into a hug, but something kept stopping her; perhaps her anxiousness.
"I don't cry." but that statement just made more tears fall down her cheeks as she closed her eyes tighter, the urge for bawling began to grow.
In that instant, Tara wrapped her arms around the red head and held her close and tight. Tara herself couldn't stop the tears that began to fall from her cheeks either. The girls just held each other and cried together.
The rest of the night was a typical memorial. Everyone got their chance to walk up to the casket and say a final goodbye.
When it was Tara's turn, she froze, seeing Adrienne burned an image forever into her memory. She looked so cold and stiff. Her skin had almost no color. The smell of being embalmed was so strong, it was making Tara's stomach turn and she was becoming dizzy very quick. So badly did Tara want to place a hand on her cheek and gently kiss her forehead, but she knew better. She just continued to stare at the shell, the body that was once her friend, Adrienne Wilson. So stiff and cold and colorless as Adrienne laid there, eyes and mouth closed, hands together, in her own little blue gown.
Author's Note: I am SOOO Sorry this took forever. Wow… Since March… It's been WAY too hectic and such. But seriously, this chapter was really hard for me to write. Adrienne is based solely on my own friend Adrienne. She really did die of liver cancer, only my friend died at 15 in the 10th grade. It was really hard on all of us. But I hope people still liked this chapter.