-Chapter 15-

Nico watched his Mama-Afi pace the nearly bare room he shared with her.  He knew something was bothering her.  Was it story-man Medren?  Didn't she like stories? 

Afiona stopped next to him.  "I can hear you thinking, sweetie."

:Mama-Afi not happy?:

:I am happy to be with you.:  She assured him.  He felt a glow of pleasure knowing he had made her happy. 

:Play?:  Nico struggled to his feet, his ears perked up happily.

:Mama needs to think for a little while.:

:Boring.:  Nico said with disgust.

:Even if I am thinking up new stories for you?:  She asked.

Nico cocked his head to the side and eyed her for a moment.  :Stories is good.  Stories about Nico?:

:Perhaps one.:  Afiona chuckled.  :Just for you.:

:One about Nico and the barn cat?:

:What would Nico do with the Barn cat?:  Afiona prodded.

:I would pretend to be a little mouse so the cat would try and catch me.:  Nico scurried around the room in an imitation of a mouse.  :And then, as she jumps, I go 'boo' and she see I am not a mouse.:

Afiona laughed.  :Not a very smart cat, is she?:

:No.  She would think I am a mouse.:  Nico's nose wrinkled in amusement.

Afiona laughed and scratched his ears just how he liked.  :A very white mouse.:

Standing she resumed her pacing.

:Nico, are you coming out?:  A young, female voice beckoned.  :We can play Chase.:

:Mama-Afi!  Can I go play with Aria?:  Nico asked eagerly.

Afiona opened the door for him.  Outside a filly about a year older than Nico was waiting.  Aria had taken to playing with Nico at least once a day.  Afiona knew she could count on Aria's mother to watch both foals while they played.

:Stay away from the river.  The water is cold.:  Afiona warned.  :And be back before dark!:

The white figures ignored her as they took off running.

:Ah, to be a child again.:  Daric commented, making her jump.

"Is something wrong?"  She asked.

:No.  I was just coming to see if you needed a break from Nico.  And to hear how your outing with Lance went.:

Afiona sighed and leaned against the doorway.  "It was nice.  We talked until closing.  I am going to miss him."

:He will miss you too.:  Daric pointed out.

Afiona rested her head against the door jam.  "At least I will have time to get my head straight before facing him again."

:Oh, how so?:  Daric asked, obviously confused.

"Yesterday I turned into a bloody watering pot on Medren.  Hardly the welcome he deserved.  The Healers expected me to resume full duty by now and have been hinting that I am taking advantage of the situation.  Lance keeps trying to get closer and I am not sure if I want him too.  All told, I think I need to have a seat and examine my priorities."

:So Healing, Nico, and Lance?:

"And everything else."  Afiona rubbed her forehead trying to easy the headache that had taken up residence behind her eyes.  "It keeps feeling like it is going to drag me under."

Daric brushed her arm with his nose in a gesture of reassurance.  :What is the worst of the problems?  Perhaps a fresh perspective will help.:

"The Healers."  Afiona answered promptly.  "Since before I got my Greens they have been trying to convince me to work on humans.  At first they kept saying I would find it more rewarding to have patients that can thank me.  Then they started saying I was wasting my potential.  Now some say, and feel, I am a disgrace to the uniform and selfish."

:So what can you do?:  Daric prodded.

"I disregard their preferences and take a post in Baires-Lineas where they are short of Healers.  I could surrender my greens and find some other way to live.  However, there is a war coming."

:It is hard for a Healer to stop Healing.:  Daric commented.

"I was also offered a position at the Rethwellan court caring for the royal menagerie."  Afiona said quietly.

:When was this?:  Daric stared at her, surprised.

"A few months after I got my Greens I received a letter with the Rethwellan Royal seal promising a fortune to come care for Queen Lythiaren's exotic animals.  Apparently her ambassador heard of me."  Afiona explained.

:Does anyone else know this?:  Daric said, alarmed at this bit of information.

"Daric, I am hardly a social butterfly, who would I tell?"  Afiona pointed out, a slight touch of bitterness coloured her voice.

The Companion looked thoughtful for a moment.  :Perhaps if they thought you were going to leave they would back off.:

"Or shove me out the gate."  Afiona grumbled.

Daric snorted in derision.  :The Heralds would not allow that.  You are the best at caring for Companions.  If we had our way you would be assigned permanently to us.:

Afiona looked thoughtful for a moment.  "I think I may have a solution then."

~ * ~

Afiona did not sit as she waited for a chance to see Geina.  She wore her best robes with her hair pulled back in a tight knot, only a few tendrils escaped to trail down the nape of her neck.

She was staring out the window, her hands clasped behind her back when the door opened.

"Afiona, please come in."  Geina invited.  Her shrewd gaze taking in the care Afiona had used in preparing for this interview and felt a sense of dread.

"Thank you."  Afiona stepped past her into the cramped office and waited for Geina to take a seat before she sat.

"I assume you want to resume your duties."

"No, actually."  Afiona said confidently.  "These past few months have made it clear to me that as a group we are failing to serve all our patients to the best of our abilities."

"We have told you many times that you have been wasting your talents on just working with animals."  Geina started.

"That isn't what I meant.  I meant that you and those above you have been assigning Healers with very little power to the Companions who treat them like they are horses, which has been resulting in a higher mortality rate and more permanent injuries.  I am requesting to be assigned to the Companions full time and if I am denied I am willing to surrender my greens and serve them as a civilian."

Geina gaped at the confidant young woman who refused to look away.  "You can't quit!"

Afiona leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees.  "I sure as hell can.  You do not own me and neither does the House of Healing.  Companions need someone who is very familiar with their physiology and if the only way I can fill that need is by giving up my Greens, so be it.  I have made it clear since the moment I was accepted for training that I would not work with humans unless it was an emergency.  When the Heralds go south, I will go with them."

"You can't just choose your posting!"  Geina sputtered.

Afiona stood and flicked the hidden clasp holding up her robes and shed them like a snake shedding a skin.  "If that is how you feel, I quit."  She left the robes on the desk and stalked out.  Her heart was pounding so hard she could hear it.  Daric and Nico were waiting in the courtyard when she emerged.

:I assume it didn't go well.:  Daric commented on her lack of robes.

Afiona shrugged.  "Depends on how you look at it.  Now I will have more time to devote to the Companions and Nico."

:We never wanted you to sacrifice being a Healer to help us.:  Daric looked genuinely remorseful.

"Let's face, I was never completely a Healer in the first place."  Afiona untied the ribbon holding her hair in place and let it fall down her back.  "Nico, do you mind staying with Papa for a little bit?  I want to take Whisper out for a ride."

:I come too!:  Nico offered.

:We could ask Tavers for a story.:  Daric pointed out.

:I go with papa.:  Nico changed his mind quickly.

Afiona watched them for a moment as they made their way to the field.  Daric was one of the most confusing creatures she had ever met, and for an empath that was saying a lot.  He was actually happy she was no longer a Healer but felt guilty for being happy.

In the stable a chorus of neighs greeted her.  Whisper waited patiently as she returned the greetings.  When she finally reached the warhorse the mare eyed her for one long moment.

:No Colt?:

:He is with the Stud.:  Afiona explained.

:Stud, with Colt?:  Whisper had met Daric and knew Nico quite well but she always thought of them as the Stud and the Colt.  :Stud hurt Colt.:  The mare warned.

:No, this stud won't.:  Afiona opened her door and let her follow as she made her way to the tack room to gather Whisper's tack.  Despite the horse's massive strength Afiona used only a mild bit on the mare and a light saddle.  She was also trying to train the mare to lie down on command and allow her to haul an injured person up onto her back.  So far, if the person was conscious, she could do it from the saddle it just seconds and Whisper could carry them to safety.  She doubted Medren actually thought she would ride the mare into the heart of the battle.  But she had no intention of just sitting on the side waiting.

Would she even be near the front now?

Afiona saddled the mare briskly and led her outside.  The weak autumn sun did not warm the day and the wind cut through her clothes like a sword through butter but she didn't want to go inside to collect a cloak.

She wanted to feel the wind on her skin as Whisper ran.  For just one moment for their to be nothing but sky, ground, horse, and rider.

Instead of turning the mare towards the field she headed towards the Palace Gate.  Lance was right, she had been spending all her time on the palace grounds.  The Guards nodded to her and waved her past.  She only knew one route out of the city and followed it until she reached the outer gates.  Whisper was tossing her head and scenting the wind with each step.  Her desire to run was infectious.

Afiona held her to a trot for a moment before she leaned forward and gave the mare her head.

Whisper was focused completely on her run, her heart pounding in time with her hooves.

Afiona allowed the horse's euphoria to engulf her, relying on Whisper to keep them safe.

She was shivering from the cold wind when the mare finally slowed, horse sweat stained her clothing and the mare's sides were heaving. 

:Good run?:  Afiona stroked her neck and turned her back towards Haven. 

:Fast run.  Good run.:  Whisper agreed.  She was not as tired as most horses would be from the run.  She curvetted and pranced occasionally, sensing her rider's dark mood.

Afiona kept her hands lax on the reins and stared at the slowly approaching city.  Was she a fool?  Had she made the right choice?  As the doubts filled her she took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"I am making the right choice.  I am doing the right thing."  She repeated quietly to herself.  Hopefully she would eventually believe it.

A white horse galloped towards her with preternatural speed covering the ground they had just run in a fraction of the time.

Daric slowed to a stop before her, obviously able to run three or four times that distance with out tiring.

"What's wrong?  Is it Nico?"  Afiona asked, panic already creeping up on her.

:No, everything was alright.  Nico is with Carmia.:  Daric assured her. 

"Then why are you out here?"  Afiona swung to the ground and surveyed the stallion.  He was obviously in perfect health.  "You have to be careful about galloping on hard surfaces, you don't have a Herald to nurse you back to health."

:Afiona,:  His supernaturally blue eyes seemed to grow to fill her vision.  :I choose you.  I have waited knowing a Healer would be in more demand than a Herald when the war does start, but now, I Choose you.:  An incredible sense of love and welcome flowed into her, pushing her fears and doubts out of her mind.

Afiona was shivering when she finally broke the trance, caused both by the cold of the wind and the unreal experience.  Whisper was nudging her back, asking what was wrong.  She spoke the first thing that came to mind, "Why?"

:Because despite everything you have seen and experienced your soul has remained unbowed.  Because you have cared for all of us as if we were your own flesh and blood, even when it endangered you.  Because you are everything that a Herald should be.  Because I love you.:

Tears started pouring down her cheeks at the heart felt words. 

She wiped away the tears with her sleeve and flung her arms around his neck. 

:Another comes.:  Whisper warned as the sound of chiming hoof beats reached her.

Even from this distance she didn't need to be told that it was Jisa and Taver approaching.  His speed put Daric's to shame.

"I guess he didn't have time to tell Nico a story."  Afiona swung back on to Whisper and urged her forward.  She sensed Daric's disappointment in not swinging on to his back.

"Afiona, I'm glad I found you, we thought you might have decided to head to Baires-Lineas."  Jisa and Taver stopped next to her.  

"Why would I do that?"  Afiona asked in genuine confusion.  "I needed to blow some cobwebs out of my head."

"Healer Geina said you just handed over your Greens and took off.  The Healers are worried you are going to do something irrational."

"So they sent you to check on me?"  Afiona asked, she was already getting annoyed with the Healers again.  "I told them I would tend Companions primarily and they didn't approve of my choice so I gave up my greens, I planned on tending them still though."

"They refused your resignation."  Jisa warned.  "I will make certain they allow you to tend Companions, Taver tells me that the Companions agree you should."

Afiona opened her mouth to protest that she was now Chosen and it didn't matter and looked down at Daric.

:Don't, all Healers are going to be needed.:  Daric stopped her.

:Just because I am a Herald doesn't mean I will stop being a Healer.:  Afiona insisted. 

Jisa watched her, sensing the silent struggle.

:I am not giving you up.  If they know you are a Herald they will send you to the front where you will be expected to fight, remain a Healer and you can do more good.:  Daric urged.

:So long as I don't lose you.:  Afiona agreed.  "They will stop trying to get me to heal Humans?  And I can keep the room among the Heralds?"

"I'll see to it personally.  I can tell there is some darkness connected to humans for you."  Jisa studied her face intently.  "Care to tell me why?"

Afiona started to shake her head.

:She won't tell a soul, not even Treven.:  Daric assured her.

Afiona pulled up her sleeve and turned her arm face up.  Among the scattering of other scars were nearly fifty tiny lines, barely the width of her thumb on her lower arm.  They were in ten rows and obviously caused deliberately.  "I was three when I got those.  My father need to raise some power for some arcane purpose and as along I didn't die and the wounds weren't visible my mothers family didn't care what happened to me."

Jisa took her wrist and examined the old scars.  "Oh, gods, who was your father?"

"I'd rather not discuss it."  Afiona pulled her arm free and pulled her sleeve down.

Jisa's eyes filled with pity.  "And you still can't bear to be close to humans?"

"I am trying."  Afiona stared at her arm.  "That happened two decades ago but I still remember it like it was yesterday."

"The early wounds are the hardest to heal from."  Jisa agreed.  "If you ever need to talk, come to me.  I won't tell anyone about your father."

Afiona met her gaze for a moment before nodding.  "I might do that someday."