Chapter 21

Afiona sighed and rubbed her forehead.  Lunch had seemed to drag on for nearly eternity.  Now she wished she had called off the meal rather than sitting there trying to look happy while her mind kept circling one obvious fact, she was falling to pieces.

:It isn't that bad, love.:  Daric assured her, making her jump.

:Isn't it?:  Afiona asked sadly.  :I thought I had it under control.:

:You were never stressed like this.:  Daric pointed out logically.  :And you haven't broken, you have just faltered a little.  Why don't you come out and let Nico think happy thoughts at you?:

Afiona found herself smiling as she entered her room.  :I will in a little while.  Can you tell me where Medren is?:

:He is telling a story right now.  That is why you don't have Nico pounding down your door.:  Daric explained.  :Remember, you are not alone, you are surrounded by people who care deeply for you.:

:Thanks.:  Afiona said sincerely.  :I forgot that.:

:I know.:  Daric sent her a wave of love.

Afiona shivered in the chill air of her room.  The door was still propped up by her chair but the tub had been removed.  If it was still here she had no doubt it would be frozen solid.  Even Demon had resorted to curling up in the blankets to stay warm, only his nose was visible in the mounded blankets. 

She collected her serviceable, warm cloak and the mittens Tashir's wife had sent her the previous Midwinter, made from rabbit fur, before she left her room again.  She forced herself not to think about where she was going, no doubt she would lose her nerve if she did pause for a minute and reconsider.

She swung the cloak around her shoulders as she reached the door and stepped out into the biting wind.  Snow froze her ankles as she cursed herself for not thinking to change shoes.  Outside she could see the door of her goal, the salle.  

She hesitated at the doors before pushing them open and stepping inside.  Going from the white brightness to the darker interior blinded her for a moment.

"Afiona."  A voice she knew as belonging to Herald Rissa echoed slightly in the empty room.  "What brings you here?"

Afiona blinked to clear her vision and located the source of the voice.  "Am I disturbing you?"

Rissa glanced down at the torn practice armor in her hands, she always thought best when she was doing something.  "No, I was just waiting for my next student to appear.  Everyone else is still at lunch."

Afiona didn't relax and she walked hesitantly towards the older woman.  "I was hoping I could talk to you for a moment."

"About Lance?"  Rissa ventured and gestured for Afiona to sit next to her on the bench.

"No.  I was hoping you could find time to teach me.  If I am going to the front I will need to know how to fight to defend myself and my patients."  Afiona said as she remained standing.

:I wondered what excuse she would use to get some training.:  Rissa commented to her Companion.  "I can.  How about right before breakfast?  Almost no one comes down here at that time so we can have some privacy."

Afiona immediately relaxed.  "Oh, thank you."  She finally sat down.

Rissa set aside her mending.  "I don't know how good you will become, you are rather old."

"I just need to learn."  Afiona said vaguely.

Rissa leaned back against the wall.  "Since you are here and I don't see any of your defenders, mind if I ask about your feelings for my son?"

Afiona blushed and twined a bit of hair around one finger.  "I like him a great deal.  He is sweet."

"Sweet?"  Rissa chuckled.  "Your favorite desert should be sweet."

Afiona blushed.  "Fine, he is a little pushy and very stubborn but he is considerate, he helps out when he can, and I enjoy spending time with him but I am not ready for anything serious."  She said, not meeting Rissa's eyes.  "I just need some more time I guess."

Rissa patted her shoulder.  "You have time now.  I know he is hoping for a letter from you telling him all is forgiven.  He was actually going to delay leaving to hunt you down and tell you he was sorry."

"I have tried to write but nothing comes out right."  Afiona complained.  "It all seems so stiff.  And I know if he gets that he will worry more."

Rissa nodded in agreement.  "He would.  But he would appreciate it more than nothing until he returns.  Consider it a chance for more intimacy with less risk."

Afiona nodded slowly.  "I will write him tonight.  No guarantees that I don't toss it in the fire rather than send it though."

"Good enough."  Rissa said briskly.  "Is that everything?"

"Yes.  Now I am going to find someone to fix my door and some furniture.  Nico is careful enough now that I can afford a few pieces."  Afiona stood and straightened her gown.

"You should explain to Lance why he scared you.  He deserves to know."  Rissa said as she placed the damaged armor on her lap.  "I will see you later."

"Thank you again."  Afiona said as she left the way she came.

~ * ~

Dear Lance,

I am not certain if this is yet another letter I will toss in the fire rather than send.  I wish I had seen you off properly the other day.  Please believe me that none of it was your fault. 

Please be careful while you are down there, I hate patching up friends nearly as much as I hate burying them.

Afiona

Lance read the note again.  The careful, cramped writing betrayed some of the nervousness of the author. 

:Short and sweet?:  Carmia asked as she hung her head over his shoulder.

"Short but not very sweet."  Lance sighed.  "I don't know what I was expecting but I was hoping for more."

:It is obvious that she is nervous, and she wouldn't be nervous if she didn't care about how you felt.:  Carmia pointed out.  :She is sorry for worrying you like that.  Patience Chosen.:

Lance reached for the larger letter addressed with his mother's writing.  Breaking the seal he unfolded the letter.  Another letter, sealed with an anonymous seal, fell out.

:How interesting.:  Carmia commented.  :What does your mother have to say?:

:She says that I am to remember to duck when the rookies are practicing their archery.:  Lance related as he scanned the letter.  :She has spoken to Afiona and she suggests I be more patient with her.  She also suggests I court her.:

:Very good idea.:  Carmia agreed.  :And with you so far away there won't be as much pressure on her.:

Lance scratched Carmia's chin as her soft, grass scented breath caressed his cheek.  :Father sends his love to us both and is up to his ears in work again but promises to write at the first available opportunity.:

:What about that other one?:  Carmia prodded.

Picking up the folded paper he broke the seal.  His heart jumped when he saw the same careful writing from Afiona's letter.

Dear Lance and Carmia,

Nico misses you both dreadfully.  He was quite mad with both of you for leaving but Daric has explained to him why you had to leave, you had to go find more stories for him.  He is growing like a weed still and is still incredibly active.  Of course he wants his Mama-Afi to be active with him.  I have no idea where mothers find the energy!

"Poor Afiona."  Lance smiled, this was the type of letter he hoped for.  "Your grandson must be running her ragged.

:I imagine your mother could give her some tips for dealing with a precocious child.:  Carmia teased, she was five years his senior and remembered him playing in the field even when he was in leading strings.  He would get away from Rissa and be off in a flash, leaving his mother to trail after him, complaining about the unfairness of motherhood.  Carmia agreed that children should only have half the energy of their parents.

There has been six new Chosen in the past week, a record I am sure, so no doubt your father is busy.  The word is that they are tossing anyone who is ready for Whites into uniform.  I hate to think what that means.  According to a very reliable source, Jisa actually, they believe that the first sign of action will be this spring but they will not be ready for a full out assault until late fall, early winter.  I hope you have enough time.

In some happier news, and the Lord and Lady know we could use it, Medren has stopped playing matchmaker for a little while.  Herald Mia has taken a fancy to him.  Of course Mia goes directly for what she wants which means he is doing a charming impression of a hunted deer.  Stef thinks it is all in good fun.

Lance laughed.  As far as he was concerned it was very good news that Medren was involved with someone else.  And Mia was a good match for him.

I asked your mother to teach me how to fight.  I am starting to wonder if it was a mistake, every inch of me aches but she says I am improving.  Mia is teaching me some better techniques for riding and is helping me prepare Whisper.  In the first week I fell off so many times I was certain I had discovered every inch of that ring with my battered bottom. 

Lance reread the passage.  "Do you see this?"

:She asked your mother to teach her how to fight.  You did tell her you thought she should be able to fight.:  Carmia pointed out.  :It is all for the good.:

"What if mother is as hard on her as she is on her other students?"  Lance asked worriedly.  "I don't want her hurt."

Carmia heaved a sigh.  :Are you going to be like this the entire trip to the border?  Afiona does not need to be protected, she needs to learn to fight and your mother is the best candidate.  Besides, she is a healer so she can patch herself up.  I have no doubt that she could withstand much more pain than you could without breaking.:

Lance grumbled but didn't respond. 

 I know you were worried about me before you left, I want to tell you things are getting better and I don't want you to worry.  And Carmia, remind him to make certain you meet your dietary requirements and don't you neglect your hooves, a lame Companion is the last thing Valdemar needs!  I have to go, Nico is demanding a story, again.

Take care,

Afiona

Carmia snorted in amusement.  :I am glad she thought to write to both of us, not even other Heralds think of that.:

"She is special."  Lance agreed.

:You look like a love sick pup.:  Carmia observed.

Lance tucked all the letters in his saddlebag.  "Thanks for your unasked for opinion."

:Ah, Heartling.:  Carmia sighed.  :I think you two would make a lovely pairing, But you should be glad that it hasn't gone farther yet.  It is harder to leave behind a lover than a friend.:

Lance shot a glare at her.

Carmia shook her forelock out of her eyes and ignored his glare.  :Now, since you are done with the letters, grab a brush.  I am positively itchy.: