-Chapter 24-
Afiona slowly opened her eyes to find Nico sprawled with his head on her chest. By the fire Mia and Medren occupied two of her new chairs. Daric stood next to her bed, his great blue eyes filled with worry.
:I saw your dream.: He said bluntly. :He was wrong. Nothing bad happens to those you touch. Something bad happened to those he touched.:
:He killed Demon just because Demon was protecting me. Demon should have stayed behind, he would have been safe.: Afiona protested mournfully.
Daric nuzzled her forehead. :Demon was obviously sent to protect you. What kind of protector would stand aside when the person he loves is in danger? Go back to sleep, I will keep watch.:
Afiona shook her head and sat up. Nico woke immediately and scrambled to his feet. Medren and Mia both abandoned their chairs and rushed to her.
"How are you feeling?" Medren asked.
"Worn out." Afiona admitted. "It wasn't another nightmare, was it?"
Mia shook her head. "I wish I could say it was. I am sorry about Demon. I know how much he meant to you."
Afiona nodded listlessly.
Medren picked up a tray from the hearth and crossed over to the edge of her bed. "You need to eat, you are too thin already."
Afiona felt a flash of annoyance at his tone but obliged him by drinking some of the tea.
"I can't believe those pig headed idiots." Mia fumed. "Quite frankly, they should all be drawn and quartered. Or at least receive a good hard kick in the—"
Medren shot a glare at her and she fell silent. "Would you like any books or anything? I could play some music."
Mia studied Afiona's face. "Actually, I think we should have the good grace to let her rest." She grabbed Medren by the arm. "She needs to work through this on her own."
Medren started to protest, which was cut short by Mia grabbing him by his ear and dragging him forcefully out of the room.
Nico watch them leave then turned back to Afiona. :I get Mama-Afi a surprise.: He said gleefully and pranced over to the basket of toys.
Afiona could feel his happy little thought-mutterings as he searched through his toys before finally choosing one very mauled blanket that rested at the bottom. Afiona had given him the blanket several months earlier in hopes that he would start sleeping standing up. Instead he had insisted on having it draped across his shoulders so he could change his color like Afiona did. He cherished the scrap of fabric and rarely let anyone handle it.
His ears were perked and his tail held high as he pranced back to Afiona and deposited the ragged blanket on her lap. :Blankie will make Mama-Afi happy.: Nico informed her happily. :Mama-Afi can have Blankie tonight.:
Afiona gathered the horse smelling blanket in her hands. It was liberally covered with Nico's and Demon's fur. Tears well up in her eyes and she blinked rapidly to clear her vision.
"Thank you." Afiona choked out.
Nico flopped down on her lap, making her gasp. His hooves left more bruises on her shins. He rested his chin on her shoulder, his soft breath tickling her ear. :I go find Demon now? Tell him wake up?:
Afiona lost the battle and the tears streamed down her cheeks. "I am sorry sweetie, by Demon can't wake up. He is gone."
:Gone where.: Nico demanded in confusion. :We go there too?:
:When someone goes there, they don't come back, but they wait for us to join them.: Daric explained.
Afiona sobbed and clutch Nico closer.
:Where is he?: Nico demanded.
:He is in the Havens now.: Daric tried to explain without scaring his son.
:We go too?: Nico asked, obviously wanting to be reunited with his friend.
Daric sighed, at a loss for what to say.
:We have to live our lives before we can go there.: Afiona explained unexpectedly. :You have a lot of life to live before you can go there, so does Papa and I.:
:But Demon waits? Will he miss us?: Nico obviously felt no fear about his parents leaving him.
:Of course he will. And we will miss him.: Daric assured him.
:Will Mama-Afi be sad for always?: Nico asked worried.
:Just for a little while.: Daric assured him.
Nico sighed. :Demon is sad too then. He likes Mama-Afi happy too.:
Afiona wiped tears from her eyes and tried to smile for Nico's sake.
:Hug, Mama-Afi.: He urged.
:Big hug.: Afiona agreed and gave him a big hug.
:Bigger hug!: Nico urged. :Then you go see the hurt.: He urged. His hard knee collided with her stomach, forcing the air from her body.
"Shoot! I forgot all about her!" Afiona gasped as she tried to reclaim her breath and gave Nico his 'bigger hug'. She was surprised to find she had been dressed in a nightgown but shrugged it off. She didn't even remember how she got into bed.
She grabbed a new uniform from the wardrobe and dressed quickly. Someone had returned her bag of supplies. A quick inspection revealed the contents were undamaged from being dropped in the snow. She bit her lip as she remembered Demon getting out of the tangle of mattresses and blankets that morning, his tail wagging but his steps stiff.
:Chosen?: Daric asked uncertainly.
:I never expected it so suddenly.: Afiona admitted. She wiped the tears off with one sleeve. :I'll be alright.:
Her cloak was missing, but it had probably been taken away with the bloodied uniform. Pulling her uniform tight around her she hurried out into the snow. Nico and Daric followed closely behind her. A detached part of her mind imagined they made a rather odd parade.
She was shivering when she reached the warmth of the stable. Nico, who had been abnormally subdued, stayed at her side rather than hurry on to greet everyone.
The Companions eyed her as she passed, she could feel their pity but ignored it. She went immediately to the closed stalls at the end of the aisle. Daric stared near the outer door.
She knocked on the door before entering, the Companion, a sweet little mare, looked at her mournfully. Nico knew he was not allowed inside these stalls and stayed outside.
"Sorry." Afiona mumbled as she placed the medications off to the side. "I would have been here earlier but something came up."
The mare nodded.
Choosing the package of powders she had prepared earlier out of the bag she placed them into one of the two buckets of water she had ordered. "Drink some of this when you start to feel some pain." Afiona ordered. "It does contain a sedative so it will help you rest. If it gets to be more than you can bare just have Daric summon me." Afiona fell easily into the routine of tending her patients.
"I know this is going to be hard on you but you have to stay put until the burns recover enough to actually go outside." Afiona stroked an undamaged part of her neck.
The careful wall of calm and confidence she erected kept the grief at bay as she examined the Companion.
~*~
Daric watched Nico standing intently at the door, obviously trying to 'think happy thoughts' and Afiona. He knew Afiona had strengthened her shields to keep him out, either consciously or unconsciously.
:Hey gorgeous.: Lika greeted him as she sidled up to him. :How is she?:
:She is doing alright. She is doing better than Medren thought she would do. Speaking of Medren, does Mia know where he is?: Daric asked.
:She released him into Bardic. She says she will try to keep him distracted and will watch Nico tonight, if Afiona wants some time without fending off happy thoughts. Speaking of which, is our darling doing his happy thoughts right now?: Lika eyed the focused colt intently.
:Yes, regrettably. He likes Mama-Afi happy. He isn't doing it as strong as he could, which is an improvement. I will tell her about Mia's offer.: Daric assured her. :I think she may take her up on it.:
Lika remained silent for several moments. :It must be hard on you, to have Chosen and not have everyone know. I would hate to be in your place. And then for her to be so…burdened. She is a wonderful lady, she doesn't deserve everything she has survived.:
:She is incredible.: Daric agreed. :And that is my completely biased opinion. I dare those Healers to disagree.:
Lika bobbed her head in agreement. :But she is ours now, even if they don't know it yet. I was thinking, she has taken care of most the needs for the Companions, we don't need her as much right now, except the injured of course. We don't want her feeling useless, of course, so why don't you suggest she start helping out with the younglings, I mean the new Chosen. She is a mindhealer.:
:She may have the power but she does not enjoy wielding it.: Daric explained. :And certainly not on humans.:
:I wasn't suggesting she use it, the children don't need that. But their teachers are all on edge because of Karse and she could at least talk to the ones who are feeling it the most. Or is she not, uh, well enough for that?:
:She is well enough, but she is not comfortable around children. She has never had exposure to them. Maybe there is some other place she could help out.:
Lika tilted her head to the side as she considered the options. :Lance's father, the Dean, he is unassuming and nonthreatening. He is also running himself ragged, she could help him. I know he wants to get to know her better since his son is so interested in her. And Tashir should be here in a couple weeks so Leshya will be able to help with teaching our darling. Or should we just let her grieve in peace?:
Daric knew if left alone for too long she would start to dwell on Demon's loss. :I think it would be better if we kept her busy.:
:Why don't you suggest it when she is done here? Tell her that it would be wise to learn more about Companions and their history so she can teach Nico better.: Lika suggested.
:Excellent. Suggest she go to the Dean and try to learn what she can from him. If he needs help I know she will step in.: Daric felt better now that he had a plan for helping her cope. :Thank you, Lika.:
:No problem honey.: Lika said flirtatiously.
~ * ~
Afiona gave her patient one last reassuring pat before leaving. The mare was already sleeping, aided by the sedatives Afiona had put in the water. It was better that she sleep, it would allow her to heal faster and escape the pain without the use of the stronger drugs in Afiona's collection.
Nico whickered happily as she emerged and rubbed his head against her chest, nearly knocking her over.
Afiona reflexively scratched his ears.
:Afiona, I was thinking, you have a few candlemarks available right now, why don't you go talk to the Dean, he should have some books on the history of Companions and maybe their abilities.: Daric suggested. :Mia has volunteered to watch Nico and Medren tonight.:
"Thanks, but maybe another day." Afiona said with a shake of her head. "Right now I want to be alone."
:I'll take Nico to Mia then join you.: Daric conceded.
"I want to be alone." Afiona repeated and stepped out into the gathering dark.
She felt as frozen as the mounds of snow around her, like she had used all of her emotions and was completely tapped out. She pulled her robes tight about her as she made her solitary way back to her room.
Her room was dark, except for the small fire on her hearth that some one must have started for her. She shed her robes slowly, the fabric dampening as the snow it had gathered melted.
Underneath she wore an old shirt that had stains that refused to be removed and breeches that had been repaired so often that they were held together with patches. Even these she removed until she stood naked in the center of her room. Picking up a blanket from her bed, which someone else had made in her absence, she curled up on the chair facing the flames.
A knock on her door didn't even make her jump.
"Come in." She called, not taking her eyes from the fire.
The door swung open revealing not Medren, who she expected, but Stefen.
"How are you holding up?" He asked as he entered and closed the door behind him.
"I'm fine." She shrugged.
"Liar." Stefen said succinctly. "You look like you are in shock." He pulled up one of her other chairs and sat next to her, staring at the flames.
"I just want to be alone." She repeated.
"I promised Lady Treesa I would come here and check on you. And half the Herald population is outside, worried about you." Stef ignored her. "Rissa sent a packet of letters that arrived today for you." He produced the letters he had been given from inside his tunic and set them on the arm of her chair. "Don't wait too long before talking to someone, alright?"
She didn't respond.
"I am not leaving until you promise." He warned.
"Very well, I promise." She conceded.
Stefen didn't move immediately. "You are the strongest, bravest woman I know. Don't you dare talk yourself into being fearful again."
She looked over at him doubtfully.
"I'll let you rest now. But may I suggest that before you invite someone else in you put something on?" He said without censure.
"I'll lock the door behind you." She assured him.
Stefen leaned over and placed a kiss on her temple before leaving. As soon as the door shut behind him she got up and locked both it and the external door then pulled the curtains shut on her little window. It felt almost as if she was in a cave.
Curling back up under her blankets she fiddled with the stack of letters before she finally opened one of the three. The top one was written in her cousin's familiar hand. Despite a similar background he seemed uncomfortable with her now. Break the seal she positioned herself so she could read by the light of the flames.
Dear Afiona,
Leshya and I have decided to come to Haven for a stay. We are looking forward to meeting your colt. I should be there a couple weeks after this letter arrives. I hope you are in good health.
Tashir
Afiona refolded the short letter and set it aside in favor of the second letter. This one was thicker and she could feel something shift about inside. Breaking the seal three small charms fell out. Ignoring them she read the letter.
My Dear Afiona,
You can't imagine how relieved I was to receive your letters. Carmia is very grateful that you wrote to her as well and hopes Nico is not running you ragged. I hope you ask for help when you need it.
How's my mother treating you? I hope there aren't too many bruises.
Is Nico sleeping standing up yet? Carmia says he should start soon. What does he think of the snow? Is he still ambushing you, demanding stories? Carmia has a thousand other questions she wants me to write but I only have so much paper and so little time.
Sorry, had to stop there for a bit, where was I? Right, Carmia's thousand questions. The most pertinent is how is everyone? Healthy we hope.
Have you had anymore nightmares? If so, feel free to visit until you have calmed down. Or just come and talk.
I don't know how much you know about what's going on down here but it does not look good. Every day more men are injured in little skirmishes. The Karsites have declared us demon users, like we would if we could! A fellow Herald thinks it is because they need some outside enemy to unite against.
I hate holy wars.
They captured a Healer a few weeks ago, we thought she was dead but we just found her this morning. They tell me she used her healing gifts until she was too drained and died. There have been reports of captured Healers being forced to use their gifts but we never suspected it was to such an extent.
We don't have many spies over the border right now, too dangerous; if they are caught they are burned, after being tortured.
I'm sorry, it is just really weighing on my mind right now.
I picked up a few gifts for the three of you. Most are too big to go back with a messenger so they will have to wait until we are sending a person up north. I will include the three charms I picked up. They are very popular down here. One is for Nico, so the grooms can tell him apart from the other colts and not lock him in a stall again, like they did shortly before I left, one is for you, and one is for Demon.
They are for guidance, luck hunting, and protection. The one for guidance is for Nico, of course. The hunting one is for Demon. And the protection one is for you.
I hope you all enjoy them.
Take care of yourself, I am eagerly awaiting your next letter.
Lance
Afiona's hands were trembling as she read the last two paragraphs and picked up the three charms. The one intended for Demon had two hunting dogs captured in mid run after unseen prey. Her eyes blurred with tears as her fingers caressed the warm metal. One of the dogs actually had Demon's shaggy look.
A sob burst out of her throat and whatever had kept her emotions at bay broke. Her entire body started to quake as more sobs were wrenched from her throat.
She clenched the charm so tightly that she could feel the dogs impressed on her fingers.
She buried her face in her arms, helpless to stop the flood of emotions.
:Afiona?: Daric asked gently.
:Not now.: She snapped.
She felt him withdraw.
It seemed hours before the flood ebbed, leaving her exhausted and lonelier than she had felt in years.
She pulled the blanket tight about her and rested her head against the side of the chair. The fire danced lazily in the hearth, she stared at it for several long minutes before taking a deep breath and began the process of entering a trance.