The Spaces in Between

"Please understand. We can't do this. The situation we are in right now... it's too dangerous!" It was difficult to keep his voice low, controlled. But if he didn't, he would defeat the purpose of his own words. And the boy-- Edward-- had to see.

Fullmetal only blinked back at him, his expression clouded. "What do you mean, Colonel?"

"I mean..."

Their relationship is unlike any Roy has ever experienced, and sometimes he thinks it will be the death of him. There is always that careful distance-- no words of love at all. Only thoughts that somehow slip in between the spaces of what they dare to say out loud.

And even then, caution is the key.

Roy looked regretful. "I mean, Edward, that if we get caught... it would be all over. Everything. And make no mistake of it, we are being watched. We both have too many enemies, and our ambitions are far too transparent, it seems." He sighed, wishing he dared reach over to take Ed's hand-- make this rejection hurt less.

However, the younger alchemist didn't look upset, instead he looked thoughtful. He had that gleam in his eyes, a gleam Roy had learned to recognize with trepidation. Fullmetal was scheming.

"I have an idea."

Their only acts of love are ones that can fit in between the spaces of what they dare not do. They never touch. In fact, since that one day, they have never dared to lay a hand on each other. There are no sweet words, no presents, no dates, no kissing, no sex, and therefore--

"...What if we make it so we are safe... but still 'together'?"

--Nothing that can be pinned on the pair. The Fuhrer, Hakuro, the Homunculi... they can dig all they want, and still never find any proof that the Flame Alchemist and Fullmetal feel anything for each other except a strange friendship tinted with no small amount of rivalry.

The actions might be crimes according to the law but the feelings are not.

It is painful, though. To have someone he wants and cares for so very close, and to still have them slip away from his hands. He had forced his hands to do just that. Knowing it is for the best does not help either.

Not when Roy has to bite his tongue and keep his hands at his sides when Edward has that dejected and lonely look on his face. Or when he struggles to keep his fretfulness invisible after the younger alchemist goes for days before reporting his progress.

A wise man would put a stop to this. It is masochistic and painful. A normal person never would have been lured into this situation to begin with.

But he can't stop.

For the first time in years he feels something. A passion so strong and real it hurts... perhaps even more than the pain caused by the distance they have forced between each other.

He had sighed then. "It won't be easy, you know. We can't slip up. Not one little bit. And you and I don't have a single clue as to how long a wait it will be. In fact, it might very well never be safe for us."

"I know." The boy looked serious, leaning over the side of his desk with shadowed eyes. "But I'm willing to go through that. I can wait..." An automail hand furtively sneaked under his desk to take Roy's, "...for this. Can you?"

How ironic, the first time he fell in love with someone, that person turned out to be not only a male, but also a boy he dared not touch. After all the unbridled sensuality of his affairs with women. The contact--

Somehow, it is fitting.

Edward stood back suddenly, gesturing for Roy to do the same. "Okay then, we won't do anything." He waited for Roy to nod back before making his move.

Strong hands took Roy's shoulders and gently pulled him down for a far-too-quick kiss. The first and last they had shared. When it was over, the boy smiled at him sadly.

"It's a promise then."

Amazingly, they have been able to keep that promise for several years now. In his better moods, Roy can even admit it is rather funny. The Great Roy Mustang, Womanizer Extraordinaire, taken off the market by a teenage boy. If it hadn't been a secret, he could have won several long-standing office betting pools.

Of course, if it hadn't been a secret, there would not be any long-standing office betting pools to begin with. Roy still has to take out women occasionally, to keep up appearances. His dates are a comical dance of frustration for his feminine admirers.

Leather creaks as his lover's body shifts on the soft couch in Roy's office, briefly capturing his attention, then he slips back into his musings, idly filling out some more of his paperwork as he does so.

It is a strange relationship, of that there is no doubt. If they consummate it, many would be aghast at them, at the way the couple has again thumbed their nose at social mores. If the two continue without touching, with only little bits of tenderness that slip their way in, they are fools. Heartsick idiots who obviously like suffering a bit too much.

His lover coughs, and this time Roy recognizes the signal. Catching his eyes, Edward smiles up at him, quickly, audaciously. The man boldly meets the boy's eyes for one ardent moment. It is strange. He knew the boy was there, but he didn't feel him as a separate presence.

In the end, this is the thing that lets him know it is worth all the torment. He has found someone who can slip into his life with absolutely no effort at all. Edward belongs here, with him and within him.

They can wait, and they would.

Together.