Ok this is part 2 of a day in the life of Master Hand…only to keep this story going I have to do something…he's decided to take a permanent break.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the stuff mentioned in this story and I definitely do not own SSBM.
Master Hand woke up on another morning on Tuesday. He had enjoyed his day off but he had wished it lasted longer…
Master Hand: I think I need a vacation!(he said a few minutes after he woke up) Wait…no I need a long permanent vacation! I think I'm going to retire! I mean I am 34 and I've worked like everyday since SSB and SSBM came out.
Though he'd have to have a conference and a big after party! He'd invite all of those bastards that made his life a living hell…the smashers….. He'd invite tons of reporters and people would cry on that day and bring him gifts! It would be great! Then to make matters worse for them and better for him he'd have Crazy Hand become his replacement!...maybe everyone would feel so bad they'd put a statue of him in the villain's hall of fame!
So Master Hand called the local newspaper and the smashers and every other big villain and hero in history and said he's going to throw a big party and share something important about himself…..in 3 days
3 days later
Master Hand: Wow, he thought 3 days had sure passed by fast and here he was about to make a big speech to all of videogames greatest stars
Master Hand: Eh-hem! Excuse me….ladies and gentlemen…boys and girls….pokemon(I hate pokemon)….inanimate objects…members of the press….my brother….people reading this fanfic (everyone looked around strangely at that last thing he said)… I have called you all here today to tell you 2 very important things….one is good news and the other is bad news… First for the bad news….I am retiring from my position as evil villain-
Tons of people erupted in yells and gasps that were quite appropriate given the current situation…then one woman from the press held up her microphone and asked "so what is the good news?"
Master hand: o yes of course…. I just saved 15 on car insurance by switching to geico!
More yells and gasps were heard and one particular face was seen smiling…the gecko.
Master hand: anyway…..are there any questions?
Reporter: So….whose going to take over your position?
Master Hand: Well of course I think the next best option will be my brother Crazy Hand(poor fools he thought they don't know how nutty Crazy hand is)
Reporter#2: What are you going to do about Event 50 and other things that require the both of you?
Master hand: well I'm going to leave that up to Crazy hand to decide
Reporter#3:..Don't you think 34 is a really low age to retire?
Master Hand(dreading this question): Uhh well you see….umm(trying to think quick on his feet)…I err suffer from excelerated aging?...like in Metal Gear?
All heads turned to look at solid snake
Solid Snake: Sure it seems err probable.
All heads turned back to Master Hand
Master Hand: So I may look young and extremely attractive but I'm actually around like 84…..
Report #:…So… does this mean you need to take things like viagara?
Master hand's…hand nearly turned bright red: Err no…..umm ENOUGH QUESTIONS! WHAT DO YOU SAY TO A PARTY!
So Master hand had started a party with dancing, songs, food, and mingling, and he was currently entertaining a small group of tetris blocks and mrs. Pac man….who had, had her eye on him the whole night….her and pacman had started having lots of arguments about how he had been unemployed for the last like 10 years and how she had now had to support the family.
Then Master Hand left them and was going around greeting the guests and giving them drinks and overall being a good host. He noticed many things he'd rather he never seen such as Marth wearing a hot pink dress and hitting on donkey kong
Marth:…So you like bananas? Well if you come back to my house I have a ton of healthy bananas…..that are so big and juicy you just wanna-……so wanna come back to my place for bannas
DK: Err sure….there ripe right?
Marth: O ya so ripe you just wanna- ok I'll take you back.
Master Hand also noticed Bowser kissing princess peach….wow what an unlikely pair….I bet Mario would be pissed if he wasn't in rehab said Master Hand(see last chapter)
Then he took a stroll out by the all you can eat buffet where he saw Kirby feasting himself on anything he could find…napkins……ham…..the tablecloth….the candles…and even pichu who was unfortunately stupid enough to be in the path of the hungry pink ball.
Then Master Hand noticed Zelda Link and Young Link and the cameraman from Mario 64(the lakitu who followed you around) were all hanging out in a circle… though this had made Master Hand jealous for he always had a crush on Zelda…though he soon realized from one of her friends that she had a split personality called "Shiek" which sounded a little creepy….but master hand wasn't very picky…after all he was a hand and he had never been laid before so just about anyone but Marth would do. Master Hand took a stroll up and began a conversation…so how are you guys enjoying the party?
Neither Link nor Young Link spoke because they were mute….Master Hand felt sorry for them…they had saved the world countless times and all but they could never make full sentences apart from the yes and no and the options the creator of Zelda had given them.
Zelda: O it's really fun thanks for inviting me.
Master Hand:No problem…how about you mr. lakitu?
Lakitu:o it's swell…hey is there a motel or anything around here? I'm shooting a video today
Master Hand:uhh right across the street actually(he had heard rumors that this lakitu owned a multi-million dollar adult film industry which bowser had helped start and which he brought many films such as Peach plucking turnips or Super Mario 69, he assumed Lakitu was going to make a new film or something)….well anyway I'm going to go entertain some other guests have fun you guys.
A few minutes later Zelda approached him
Zelda: Hey Master…..maybe do you want go over to that motel or something?...sorry this is kinda out of the blue and all
Master Hand's heart lept(which is strange because after all he's a hand and he doesn't have a heart):wh-wh-what?...uhh sure…..
And so they went over to the motel and went up to the room(Zelda had already booked one) inside he didn't find anything exciting like candies on the pillows or a do not disturb sign or anything one would expect in a motel or a hotel….but what he did see was a lakitu, young link, and link.
Master Hand:wh-what are they doing here?
Zelda:there going to be in the movie!
Master Hand: Wh-what movie?
Zelda: Our movie
Master Hand(finally realizing):umm I think you got the wrong hand for this one…I think you should go ask someone whose into this stuff like Crazy or something
Zelda: Ppppppleeeease? For me?
Master Hand(thinking about it…well it was Zelda…and Young Link and Link are basically the same person….so….maybe hmm he thought…..then Lakitu said)
Lakitu(with his camera in his hand):Ok send in Epona! And the scantily clad Koopa Troopas
Master hand:….ok no I'm done
(and he quickly ran out the room leaving all of them behind)
Master hand(talking to himself):ok now that was just gross…
Master Hand went back into the party and enjoyed the rest of the night though to his sadness and disbelief no one approached him asking him to join the villain hall of fame.
The next morning Master Hand woke up a pounding headache in his room(probably because he drank about 15 bottles of lon-lon milk straight out of the cow)
Master Hand:dude man what did I do? Ughh I got a pounding head ache….(then he remembered)O ya! I'm retired!
The next few weeks past uneventfully until one afternoon Crazy Hand came up to him and gave him some exciting news
Crazy Hand:Brother! I've got some good news for me and some great news for you!
Master Hand:really? What is it?
Crazy Hand:first the news about you! I also saved 15 on car insurance by switching to Geico!
Master Hand:how is that good news for me?
Crazy hand: Well now I won't be late with our apartment's rent anymore because of the money I'm saving
Master Hand:…..o….so whats the good news about you?
Crazy Hand:o well it's no big deal but I got some letter saying I've been accepted into the Villain hall of fame…
Master Hand:What! You've only been doing it for a few weeks! I was doing it for years!
Crazy Hand:I dunno how it happened it said because of my wonderful contributions I've brought to the SSBM game
Master Hand:…what contributions? I left you instructions about how to fight them and stuff…you don't need to say anything to them except "muahahahaha!" when you meet them and then moan in pain when they beat you.
Crazy hand:…o well whatever I did seemed to have worked
Master Hand:….what did you do?
CrazyHand:….o you know…hey do you noticed about many of these littles dot are in his fic….like right there…err anyway. I didn't do anything totally different just-
Flash Back time!
Cpt. Falcon:Time to fight! Looks like I'm going to be the first to fight you! I'll be the one to start your career and then drop you back down like I did to Master Hand! (he then did his annoying taunt repeatedly)
Show your moves!
Show your moves!
Show your moves!
Show your-
Crazy Hand:muahahaha!...ha! welcome to my domain! Though if you wish to fight me…you must first answer 3 skill testing questions!
Cpt. Falcon:what?this isn't in the manual! Master Hand never did this
Crazy hand:SILENCE! For the first question!
1.How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Cpt.Falcon: I dunno….4?
Crazy Hand:off by a long shot! Now question 2.why should I "show my moves" as your taunt suggests?
Cpt. Falcon: I'm not sure it's just the taunt I was given.
Crazy Hand:wrong answer!
Crazy Hand: For the next question #3……how long would you recommend I leave an average bag of popcorn in the microwave for if I have an old microwave?
Cpt. Falcon:…..Maybe 4 minutes?
Crazy Hand: Wrong answer! The correct answer is that "it varies"….it varies….now since you failed to answer any questions correct I'm going to send you to a realm of darkness aka. The game over screen…come back when you know the answers.
End Flash Back
Master Hand:….and they liked that?
Crazy Hand: Apparently so.
Master Hand: So your going to be ranked what best villain #67 or something like that?
Crazy hand: Nope I'm going to be ranked like #4 just behind Bowser Ganondorf and Sephiroth.
Master Hand: What! This is un heard of! Just after I quit you get an award! What the hell! This damn game is going to be the death of me! I barely have any money! My car's been taken away!Geico is still billing me! I'm a 34 yeard old virgin! No one really even gave a rat's ass I quit! The worlds just out to screw me over!
Crazy Hand:….Master I think there's someone you should meet…he helped me get back on the diving board when I feel off the deep end
Master Hand:what the hell are you talking about?
Crazy hand:when I went crazy
Master hand:your still crazy!
Crazy Hand:actually no! I got my name changed
Master Hand:…to what?
Crazy:to Gonzales….he said the only reason I was crazy was because it was expected of me my whole life due to my name
Master Hand:….ok Gonzales err I don't need to see no shrink…I'm just gonna go find another job maybe get my own apartment or something
Gonzales:actually he's here right now
Master Hand:h-how?
Gonzales: Something called "author powers"
Master Hand: Who is this shrink?
Gonzales: He's not a shrink…he's a Dr. and he's based off of someone you know.
Zell: OK this chapter is done…much longer then I expected. Also please read and review and I thank you to both reviewers. Also this is my first fic(if no one has noticed) so wish me luck and I apologise if this one was not as good as the last or wasn't what you expected…..so I urge you to read and review if you wish for me to continue this fic. Also thanks for the idea to the second reviewer about the Zelda thing I didn't use your exact idea but the Zelda link and young link thing was based of your suggestion. Also if your wondering yes I did get Gonzales from Paper Mario and the thousand year door