A/N: (This is the whole summary that I forgot to put in the first chapter.) Fool for Love with a different ending. Buffy and Spike try to come to terms with what's going on between them and what's going on in the world, while hiding their entire bond from the ones they are close to. To make matters worse Angel revisits and sparks something else between the two, a mutual hate for the brooding vampire. Buffy must choose between what she's told is right and what her heart tells her is right. And Spike must make the most difficult choice yet, whether or not to give into the chip and his feelings. Neither knows that their choice will have an effect on the people around them. Warning character deaths. Spuffy, X/A, W/T.
Also I am terribly sorry that it has taken me this long to update.
Chapter 2- Confused
Mindlessly wondering back to his crypt, Spike cast a sideways glance at every bush that moved and every noise he heard. After a night spent with Buffy he always made sure that no vampire was lurking in the shadows with a handy stake. He swung the door open and slammed it shut. Harmony was sitting on the bed, waiting for him. "Where have you been? I've been waiting all night."
Spike almost cringed at the sound of her whiny voice and would give anything to be back with Buffy. "I told you that I had to get something."
"Where is it?"
"Where's what pet?" He asked as he looked in the fridge for a beer.
"The thing you were going to get. Where is it?" Harmony said innocently.
"Bollocks." Spike said. He had left the bag in the graveyard. "I got into a fight. Must have left it out there. No need to go get it, doesn't matter."
"Are you cheating on me?" Spike didn't answer her. Spike didn't know.
A cliff-
Rather then returning to the Magic shop, since the hour was still fairly early, she walked aimlessly around Sunnydale. And after and hour or so, she had seen the entire town. She stopped on the top of a cliff, somewhere near that outskirts of the town and as far away from the Magic Shop that she could get. With the distance between herself and Riley, she began to think more clearly. Surrounded by nothing that could be linked to him, with no reminders of how much of a 'good guy' he was, she began to think. Rethink is more like it. Unlike with Angel, Buffy never truly needed Riley. There was never time that she had to turn to him. It was a good thing, that she had been come more dependent on herself. But she was constantly having to be the person that Riley turned to. When Professor Walsh died, he turned to her. When the Initiative had fallen, he turned to her. More and more she found herself having to care for him and protect him. With Angel it was both of them that turned to the other. Each one needed the other in a certain way.
"Buffy?" The voice broke through her thoughts. It was Riley, the one man she didn't want to deal with.
"Hi." She said. He sat next to her and she looked at him. He was dressed in all black, a little like what the Initiative had assigned him to wear.
"Hi." He said in reply. "What are you doing up here?"
"Thinking." She said. She turned to him. "About the way things have been with us lately."
"I was looking for you." He said, the kicked puppy expression back. "I have something to tell you."
She looked at him strangely. It had been a while since he had been serious like he was now. The last time he was like this was when she had found out that he was a solider. "What is it?"
"The Initiative wants me back. They've started a recon in South America and they want me to join them."
"And you're going to go?" Buffy asked, trying to be hurt by it and maybe she was. Yet another guy was leaving her.
"Unless you can give me a reason to stay." He stood up as the helicopter landed. "Do you love me?" He asked her.
She looked him. It was chance in a life time to be back in the Initiative. Riley himself had said that it was all he knew how to do. And she knew there was no point in telling him she loved him is she didn't. "No." She said. He hugged her and ran towards the helicopter.
Buffy's House-
She would have slept better that night, had she not ran into Spike on her way home. Neither one said anything, both keeping the act up. Even in the quiet of the night they knew that the night's earlier events had crossed a line that they shouldn't have crossed. They knew that some thing was happening between them and it was better to stay away. But when she tried to sleep that night, all she could think about was the cheeky vampire. And their conversation. All she could think about was the feeling of disappointment that she had when he said 'Yes. There's no other choice' to her question. Something about that made her feel as if she had lost something or would lose something if she didn't fight harder. But as of now her opponent was invisible and she was unsure of how to fight it. She felt so... lost.
When Buffy woke up in the morning she felt a sense of peace. With Riley gone she was free. She had no interest in dating anyone else, she liked being free. She didn't have to hide or pretend if she was single. And she didn't need anyone else that she had to care for. Buffy walked into her bathroom and let the water run over her, washing away her problems.
The graveyard-
Dracula had called it killing. Buffy had called it destiny. Spike called it dancing. No matter what you called it, Buffy still love doing it. She'd never admit it to her friends, they were still under the impression that she saw it as a job she couldn't quit. But Buffy knew that she loved it, maybe not all of her loved it but the Slayer loved it. Buffy had come along way, being able to separate the Slayer and herself into two separate people. Buffy was a girl, young and naive, able to be walked over and hurt. But the Slayer, she was powerful and wise. She was able to kill most that came in her path and she was able to bring upon death. It was a power that Buffy felt, even when not fighting. She knew that she was different, she felt the power in her at all times. But during a fight she let all things go. She left her baggage and her problems at the gate of the graveyard, she fought each vampire like it was her last fight (thanks in part to Spike) and she felt alive. Buffy had encountered three vampires since coming to the graveyard, each one easy to bet and not worth the effort. They would have most likely stayed out past dawn and fried had she not come along. Vampires varied, some where smart and others were dumb. But Buffy defeated all that came near her. Once she thought she knew the secret, that she had finally become the most powerful slayer and unbeatable. Instead she found that she had weaknesses and a supposed death wish. If she hadn't of gone to Spike that night, if he hadn't of told her his story, she could be dead. She would have gone on thinking that she was invincible and eventually she would have slipped up. Then that would have been the end of her, the death she had brought for so long would finally consume her. If it hadn't been for Spike. Spike. I can't understand why I don't hate him like I should. I guess I never did hate him. Somehow I think I've always know that it was nothing but an act.
"Watch it slayer."
Buffy woke from there thoughts to see Spike in front of her. She had walked into him. "Sorry." She said below her breath. She was tired from the fight, from the thoughts of Spike, and all her friends' under-their-breath comments about another guy leaving her. All she cared to do was sleep for days. She kept walking past him without another look. Since the night he told her there was nothing they could do but act, she didn't care to talk to him. She had practically told him that she didn't hate him, and he had turned her away.
"Where you going slayer?"
She turned to face him and saw that he was closer to her then she thought. "Home. I'm tired and upset."
"I heard Captain Cardboard left. Sorry to hear. Makes any difference you tow didn't seem right together."
"I didn't ask your opinion."
"You were all fed up with him. What's got you so upset about his leavin'? I say it's about time he learned there was nothing for him here."
Buffy watched Spike sit down on the ground, back propped up against a tombstone. She hast across from him. "It's isn't who's leaving. It's that he is leaving."
"Don't get you love."
"I'm sick of people leaving me when things get tough." She stood up and walked away. "I don't want to talk about this."
Spike ran and cut her off, staring into her eyes. She went to side step him but he grabbed her arms and pulled her closer to them. "They can't handle ya slayer. Peaches couldn't resist you, Captain Cardboard couldn't handle you. They don't deserve ya if they could leave."
Buffy stared at him with a little bit of shock in her eyes. But she broke away from him just the same. "Goodnight Spike." She said coldly. She walked out of the graveyard, leaving him to stand there. After a while he walked a way, still thinking about his own words to Buffy. He opened the crypt door and looked around. Harmony and all her things where gone. Spike feel onto the bed and stared at the ceiling, thinking about the slayer.
Buffy's House-
Several weeks had passed since Buffy had last talk to Spike. But her life was changing and she knew it. Buffy had this feeling, somewhere in the pit of her stomach, that something bad was about to happen. It was only a matter of time. Until that happened, Sunnydale had become rather dull. Buffy hardly had to patrol. In Buffy's personal opinion when things were dull it usually meant that something bad was out there and was bad enough to scare the little creatures of the night away. Giles had insisted that Buffy patrol instead of hanging out at the Bronze. Buffy walked into the graveyard with a little bit of fear. She couldn't focus on anything except for Spike. Although it had been several weeks since the two had talked or seen each other, she still thought about him. Now, here in the graveyard, she feared running into him. Of feeling confused and mixed up around him. He said all the right things, he got inside her head and made her feel better. And that was one of the things that made her so nervous around him. Her state of confusion only grew when she was around him. But Spike was no where to be seen and neither was any other vampire. Buffy decided that if she hurried she make it back to the Bronze. She walked towards the exit of the graveyard where she was cut off by Spike.
"Not going to stop by? Maybe talk a bit." Spike said with a smirk.
"No Spike. Not tonight." She walked by him.
He grabbed her by the arm and turned her around to face him. "I haven't seen you in months. Ya don't miss me any?"
"What do you want?" She said coldly.
Spike let her go and smirked. "Well I thought that was obvious." He said, moving closer to her. "I want to know what's going on with you."
"Its been quiet. There's nothing to come to the graveyard for."
Spike looked hurt that she didn't consider him someone to see. "Right slayer. Well head off to Bronze, there's nothing here for you." He turned away from her and walked into his crypt.
Buffy waited until he had closed the door. Then she walked over to the door and kicked it in. She grabbed him by the neck and held him up against the wall. "What the hell's your problem?"
"What do you mean?"
"What's your problem? You've been nothing but an ass to me since the day Riley left."
"I wasn't being an ass slayer. Just statin' a fact love. If they left you..." He looked into her eyes and smiled. "They didn't deserve you."
"Who are you to pass judgment in my life?"
He ripped away from her and glared at her. "Not judging love. Just sayin'. Trying to cheer you up was all. Sorry."
She sunk to the floor and started crying. "You think I don't think about it? Why they say that love me but they can just leave me. That I sudden realized that I have no one."
Spike walked over to her and sat next to her. "You've got your mum and your kid sister. You got the scoobies and that bloody watcher of yours."
"I know." She said. "And I love them all. But I have no guy that I love, no one that I can see myself loving for the rest of my life. No one that will love me for the rest of their life."
"You'll find him." Spike told her. "You're just not looking in the right place."
"What do you mean?" Buffy said.
Spike took his hand and wiped her tears away. "You aren't normal Buffy. Don't try to be."
he looked at him with a strange look. "What?"
"What'd Angelus say to ya when he left?" She looked at him strangely. "Told you he wanted to ya to have a normal life." She nodded. "You know you can't. A normal life isn't part of the job description."
He was close to her face, telling her everything that she wanted to hear. The thing was he wasn't saying it to make her feel better, he honestly meant it. "You're the first person..." She scooted closer to him and looked right in his eyes. "Who has ever called it a job." He smiled at her and she moved closer. "Everyone else calls it a destiny."
"I know." He said, his passion getting the best of him. He leaned in to kiss her. The last time he tried to kiss her she had pulled away. But now she let his lips touch hers. It didn't last very long before she pulled away. Spike almost couldn't believe that he had kissed her. Buffy watched him lean in, she knew he wanted to kiss her. But she made no attempt to pull away. Only after his lips had touched hers did it occur to her that this was wrong. She felt confused around him, he said all the right things, and she thought about him all the time. And she didn't hate him any where near as much as she pretended that she did. But kissing him was not okay. She felt something, but she didn't feel anything strong enough to kiss him. She pulled away and stood up in one quick movement. And with that she was headed to the door "Buffy!" Spike yelled after her. It was only an echo when it reached her, she was a long way away from him.
He let her go. There was no use in fighting to keep her somewhere that she didn't want to be. That's what he liked about her. He liked how strong she was. She didn't need him to tip-toe around her. He could be raw and honest around her. Sometimes he said things that would hurt her, sometimes she did the same. But both of them were strong enough to take it. Spike closed the door to his crypt and fell back onto his bed. Thoughts of the slayer were on his mind that night.
Buffy's House-
She fell into her bed and stared at the window. She was lost, confused, and a little turned on. She had been so close to Spike that she was no longer able to hide from herself how she felt. She wanted him. But she could never let him know that. To do that would open a door, a door that opened when Angel walked into her life and a door that closed when he walked away from her. She couldn't bare to think about what her friends or her family would think about her secret lust for Spike. She didn't even dare to be clean and tell them that she didn't hate him like she pretended. But Spike may have had a point. Neither one had a choice except for to hate each other. Things would get bad fast if they ever changed. Buffy fell into another fitful sleep, waking sometimes to think that Spike was actually there in her room. Buffy moaned as the dawn's rays hit her and she knew that morning had come all to soon. But as soon as she woke, a surprise waited for her in the chair in her room. Spike was sitting there, asleep.