Yes, I know I haven't updated for a while. I'm sure most of you thought I was dead. Well, I'm not. It's just that I have my GCSEs this year, and I've been alternately hiding under my bed praying for the Exam God to save me and learning. Learning desperately. And I still don't understand Physics.

And as always, thanks are due both to the reviewers and to Beta Daisy. Sorry, still no word on that Caribbean island. Is the Mediterranean okay?

-

There was a distinctly unromantic twang as they leapt into the greyness, then with a whoosh the world came rushing back. Pikachu nearly fell off Ash's shoulder. Ash himself didn't notice, instead running straight ahead with a look of determination on his face.

At least, he thought it was determination. Really he looked like one of those freakish Houndours that stick their heads out of car windows so that the wind blows doggy spittle over everyone. In short, he looked utterly stupid and rather as if a signpost ought to concuss him. But it's the thought that counts.

Another wrenching shift in the time-space continuum (which left Pikachu reeling, Vulpix throwing up behind a bush, and Togepi screaming derisively about Celandine's lack of skill with manipulating the very fabric of space and time) later, they were standing outside a cottage.

A hut, really. It wasn't big enough to be a cottage, though it did resemble one on every other way. Little gabled roof, small parlour windows, picturesque green door with a quaint green knocker.

Actually, it would be better to describe it as a strange hut. Because while it had the cute gabled roof, and the adorable little windows, and the picturesque green door, and the quaint green knocker, and even a dinky little flowerpot on one of the windowsills, it didn't have any walls. The windows and the roof, even the dinky little flowerpot, were apparently floating in midair.

This would have surprised anyone who hadn't already spent a week or so in Celandine's company. As it was, the Pokemon glanced at it with the air of connoisseurs inspecting a portrait and followed Ash, Brock and Misty inside. The door inexplicably fell off its hinges as they walked in, and nearly crushed Togepi, but luckily he 'accidentally' turned it into a flock of Pidgeys who flew through one of the imaginary walls - and away! Away, to freedom! Fly, my little feathered friends, fly!

Oh. Um. Anyway, Brock pointed dramatically at Butch and Cassidy and proclaimed, "Release my fair lady from your diabolic clutches, foul demons of the underworld!"

I wish I were joking. But no, Brock really had turned into a wannabe Shakespearean, and he evidently hadn't noticed that the fair lady in question was seated on a chair, looking very pleased with herself, and occasionally kicking the table. Though, in accordance with the rules of Looking Like A Damsel In Distress, she still had the net draped over her head.

Butch and Cassidy, however, in accordance with the rules of Being a Stupid Moron, promptly started to explain the Evil Plot (tm).

"As you know, Celandine carries with her the blueprints to a machine that emits a homing signal on a frequency that only Pokemon can hear, drawing them all towards the machine."

"At least, all the ones within hearing would. And it'd be very easy to work out who was doing it if all the Pokemon just up and walked towards you. And then you'd all be arrested and go to jail – actually, on second thought, continue with the evil plot. And kill Celandine while you're at it."

Celandine shot Pikachu a Super-Scary Glare of Death, which the tiny electric rodent did not look too impressed with, and waved to Butch to continue.

"So, we've captured Celandine and we're keeping her here in one of the Boss's holiday homes."

"A one-room cottage with no walls? Giovanni's fortunes must be sadly depleted." Vulpix commented. "I almost feel sorry for him."

Butch blithely ignored her. "So we're taking Celandine off to the Boss so he can build the machine-"

"Himself? Wow, Giovanni's more talented than I thought."

"-and then we can rule the world."

"Thanks, for the quick synopsis. I thought Butch and Cassidy were supposed to be the smart ones."

"And now we will defeat you!" Ash announced, somehow leaping to his feet despite the fact that he'd never sat down.

The Rocket elites drew their Pokeballs. Seriously. They pulled them out from hidden holsters. It was very strange and if I never have to see Butch reaching down his trousers for a Pokeball again I will die a happy author.

"How dare you threaten my friends!" Celandine leapt to her feet, still draped in the net. "I'm warning you! I know origami!"

There was silence for several seconds while the Pokemon tried to comprehend this, then they all burst out laughing.

"What's she going to do? Wave paper at them?"

"Look out! She's got a paper chrysanthemum and she's not afraid to use it!"

The Pokemon collapsed, laughing hysterically.

BANG! THWACK! DONGGGG! ZOOP! ZOWEE! THUMP!

"Okay, that was…unusual…"

"I don't think hitting people with a chair is an actual martial art. It's more of a pub-brawl technique."

"Well, it did knock them out."

Brock leapt forward to hug Celandine, with a squeal of delight. "My beautiful princess! Thou hath kicked the unholy ass of evil!"

Then he did something that scarred all the watching Pokemon for life. He got down on one knee and pulled out a tiny box that somehow managed to contain a ring with a diamond the size of a football. "Celandine, my love, light of my life and beacon of hope in these dark times, will you marry me?"

"SAY NO! SAY NO!"

"Brock! My handsome prince who hath come all that way to save me from the evil grip of Team Rocket! Of course I'll marry you! And we can have lots of cute babies, many of them twins or even triplets!" The Mary-Sue gushed, luminous tears standing out in her glowing violet eyes. Glowing. Like nuclear radiation.

There was a long silence as the two embraced (Brock was still on the floor, so his face wound up somewhere around her navel, but it's the thought that counts.)

Eventually, Pikachu voiced what all the still-rational Pokemon were thinking.

"Oh#."