...To draw out the timid wild one, to convince you it's all right. And I listen for the whisper of your sweet insanity while I formulate denials of your affect on me ...
A Stranger - A Perfect Circle-----
Sometime in the night Aerith pulled away from him. He could feel her withdraw in more ways than one, and though he wanted to reach out for her again he didn't. He watched, wordlessly, as she moved to the other side of the fire, face averted, eyes downcast. She sank down against a tree and closed her eyes, shutting the world out, shutting him out. With a noiseless sigh he turned his back to the fire and gazed upwards, to where the stars mapped out the constellations. There was so much within him now that he had never known before, and he felt as if any moment these alien emotions would overwhelm him as they had before. He didn't want this, didn't want to feel, but he couldn't deny it. Not any longer. Somewhere in the distance a howl arose on the night air; it's haunting undulating cadence was an echo to the disconsolate cry within his soul. At his side, one fist clenched and he bowed his head in frustration. All his life, he had relied on control, prided himself on the ability to think calmly, clearly, without emotional interference. Yet here he stood, crippled and lost, feeling as if he were drowning ...He snorted then, a small exhale, at the irony of his situation. Shaking his head, he turned back to the fire and sank, cross legged, to the ground. The next few hours he spent in contemplation, and more often than not he found his gaze straying to Aerith where she slumbered. As the first slivers of light crept across the horizon she awoke, her eyes fluttering slowly open to focus first on the remains of the fire, and then onto him. A faint tinge of color arose in her cheeks as she looked suddenly away; he knew she was recalling the events of the previous night. She straightened into a sitting position, attempting futilely to smooth her tangled, knotted hair into some semblance of order. He watched, vaguely amused, until she gave up and brought her gaze to his, almost expectantly. He said then, "We'll reach the Golden Saucer by noon."
"And then?" She asked."We'll stay the night there. Our next destination will take more than a day, and I will arrange for some method of travel to get us there."
"Where is it?" She asked, and he could read the underlying anxiety in her tone. "What is our next destination?"He remained silent for a moment, studying her, gauging her reaction. Finally he said. "Come. We must go."
She rose to her feet abruptly, turning away, but not before he'd seen the mingled apprehension and irritation flicker across her face. He stood as well, kicking the ashes of the fire to scatter them. She stepped past him and began walking resolutely in the direction he had indicated. For a moment he lingered, wanting again to assure her that she wouldn't be harmed, that she would be all right. He forced the urge away and shook his head slightly before starting after him. He couldn't blame her for still being anxious around him; their new alliance, if it could indeed be called that, was too new, too tenuous. He would give her time, as much as he could afford, to come to terms with everything that had just happened. He couldn't help but wonder what her reaction would be to his claim of affection; would she accept him? He didn't want to think of it, and so he pushed the doubt firmly into the back of his mind.By the time the sun had risen to hang, blinding, directly overhead, they were within sight of North Corel. Sephiroth, who had been following Aerith until that point, moved up to walk beside her. She looked at him then, and then quickly looked away as he returned her glance. It was evident she was uncomfortable with him now, and most likely what had transpired the previous evening. He was feeling rather awkward about it himself, and thought he'd never felt awkward in his life before, he didn't care for it at all. They entered North Corel soon after. Aerith slowed her pace as they passed through the pitiful gathering, seeing in this place a resemblance to the gloomy slums she had called home. The townspeople appeared haggard and worn, and watched the unlikely couple pass through their midst with mild curousity and indifference. If any of them recognized Sephiroth from his past, they didn't show it, and so they left North Corel without incident. From there he led them on to the Ropeway station. The Ropeway car was a behemoth of metal and propellors which Aerith eyed dubiously while Sephiroth paid their way. They were the only passengers on this trip. Aerith took her seat on the bench and immediately fastened her gaze on the small window as the car lurched, and than began it's upward journey. As the ground fell away, Aerith caught her breath at the sight. Rising all around them were mountains, snow capped and towering in their majesty. The mountains were then replaced by a remarkable sight; the Golden Saucer, rivalling the mountains, it seemed, in sheer size. She stared in awe at the massive structure, at the myriad of lights that sparkled and beckoned, at the frenzied movement that even from this distance she could make out. Sephiroth, seated opposite her, watched as surprise and delight lit up her face. She smiled, something he had never seen her do, and turned to him.
"It's amazing." She said. "I've always heard stories of the Golden Saucer."He nodded. "My reaction was somewhat the same the first time I saw it."
Her attention had once again moved out the window, to the site before them. The ropeway car coasted into the entrance of the Saucer, engines softening to a dull hum. It shuddered slightly before halting, and the door slid open. With a gesture, Sephiroth indicated that she proceed him. As she stepped into the blazing lights of the ropeway bay, her eyes widened. Her senses were assailed with music and colors of the like she had never before seen. Her blatant curiousity was amusing to Sephiroth, and as he left her for a moment to purchase their entry tickets he allowed himself a slight smile. He handed her a ticket upon his return, which she inspected before tucking into her dress pocket."It's so ... loud ..." She said, glancing round the bay, at the various people mingling there.
"It is that." He agreed. He pointed through a gigantic archway into a circular room beyond. "The hotel is that way."She didn't reply, still glancing around. It occurred to him then that she may be contemplating escape in the same manner as she had in Junon. He grasped her arm then, gently albeit firmly, to propel her forward. She didn't protest, still overwhelmed by the surroundings. They entered the map room, where the ports to all the various branches of the Saucer were arranged around the circular perimeter. He led her to the one which read "Ghost Hotel", and pointed to it. She cast one last glance around before jumping in without hesitation, and he followed close behind. Upon reaching the Ghost area, he again took her arm and led her up a set of winding stairs to the door of the actual hotel. The moment they stepped through the entry way, a horrific wail went up in the air as something dropped down to hang before them. Swallowing a scream, Aerith jumped backwards before realizing this was, in fact, a member of the staff. Schooling his face as not to show his amusement, Sephiroth proceeded to register them for one room. The creepy puppet, suspended from the ceiling, handed him a key before ascending again to his post above door. They climbed the stairs then, to reach a hallway decorated to resemble someone's nightmare. Aerith frowned in distaste at the garish, bloody theme. Their room was at the end of the hall, on the right. Sephiroth unlocked the door, and she stepped past him to enter. As he allowed the door to close, she realized she was alone with him again, isolated, and couldn't help the way her heart abruptly accelerated.
He said, as she turned to face him, "You'll need something more practical to travel in, from this point on. I'm going out to see what I can find. I'll have it sent up to the room for you. I'm sure you feel the need to bathe, do so now. I'll return in an hour."She said nothing, merely nodded, and watched as he opened the door again and closed it behind him. She didn't move until she heard the key turn from the other side, and his footsteps receding down the hall. She let out a breath she hadn't been aware of holding, and felt her nerves relax. The effect he had on her was alarming in its intensity. She was bewildered at the change in his behaviour; while it seemed sincere, she couldn't help the way she feared him. The night before her, when he'd held her, she had been forced to acknowledge that she was attracted to him, and had been for sometime. How it had happened, or why, was beyond her, but it was terrifying all the same. With a heavy sigh, she turned and entered the bathroom at the end of the room. It was decorated in much the same manner as the rest of the hotel. With some eagerness she discarded her worn, tattered dress and stepped out of her over large boots. She untied the ribbon which held her unruly hair in check, and tried without much success to comb through it. It was tangled and knotted quite badly, as it hadn't been properly combed and washed for many days. Her materia, which had made it through her fall in the Mythril Caves secured in her braid, she placed gently on the pile of clothes on the floor. She hadn't used it in a while, didn't want to. Her desolation and anger were all that kept her going, or so she felt, and she knew that if she were to commune with the Planet, with life, that they would take those emotions from her. She no longer wanted an awareness with the life around her; she didn't know what she wanted. And until she was certain, she would take care to avoid communing with what had once been her method of receiving comfort and calm.
The shower was large, overly so. She stepped inside and turned the nozzles on full blast. Instantly she was hit by the warm, refreshing spray, and sighed again as it soothed her aching muscles. Her neck still pained her; a bruise in the shape of a rope had formed overnight; a grim reminder of what she had - almost - done. She tilted her head back to let the water beat against her throat, to soothe it, before turning and let the water soak her thick mass of hair. Using the shampoo supplied, she washed her hair thoroughly three times, combing through it with her fingers until it was again unknotted and somewhat smooth. She rinsed then, and finished with some reluctance, knowing that Sephiroth would soon return. As she stepped from the shower, dripping, she listened intently to discern whether or not there was anyone in the other room. Nothing but complete silence met her ears, and so she wrapped her hair in one towel and her body in another, and cracked the door open.The room was indeed empty. Lying on the lone bed in the corner was a bundle of what appeared to be clothing. Sephiroth was as good as his word. She quickly left the safety of the bathroom and darted across to the bed, sitting down and unfolding the fabric. There was a shirt, long sleeved, as well as some breeches, both tan in color. She shed the towel and swiftly clothed herself in these. The pants were too long, but she remedied this by rolling the cuff several times. She lifted then a long, mahogany colored bundle, which, upon being unrolled, revealed itself to be a long coat quite similar to Sephiroth's own. It was made of firm leather and was lined with soft fur for warmth. She slipped it on, one sleeve at a time, to find that it was almost a perfect fit. She did up a few of the clasps, and left the others open, and reached for the boots on the floor at the foot of the bed. They were smaller than her own, which had been several sizes larger than desired, and were also leather with a thick sole, made for travelling. She put them on, lacing them firmly, and took a few experimental steps. They too were almost a perfect fit.
She sighed. It was good to be clean again, clad in clean clothing. She unwound the towel from her hair, and set about binding it again in it's braid. She returned to the bathroom, bundling up her old clothing and placing it in the garbage, and slipped her materia into one of the many interior pockets lining her new coat. With nothing now to do but await her captor's arrival, she moved to the only window in the room, beside the head of the bed, and stared out onto the sight before her. Dusk had fallen; the mountain range bordering the Saucer was tinged a deep purple, hidden partially in haze. She could see from here the lights of the Saucer shining as though to mock the stars that had yet to appear. Minutes passed, and Aerith found a deep calm settling over her. She wondered then, where her friends were. Had they made it Costa Del Sol, as Sephiroth had predicted? Where they headed to the Saucer now? Or did their journey lead them elsewhere, somewhere far away from here?Did they miss her?
She bowed her head. She missed them fiercely, enough that it gave her a terrible ache in her chest. And Cloud ... she missed him a great deal. Her feelings had once been so clear where he had been concerned. But they were torn now, as much as she wished they weren't, and the reason for that was the very man who held her captive. Her attraction to him was undeniable, and unthinkable. It also scared her in a way she was unprepared for. She'd never known the touch of a man, never even kissed a man before now ...... And that man was Sephiroth.
She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against the window pane. This confusion, this bewilderment; she wished she could shove it away, thrust it out of her mind. There was no remedy, she acknowledged with resignation, for this malady. She contented herself by thinking of Cloud, by remembering the way he looked, the way he spoke. He was decent, he was mortal, so why couldn't she fall only for him? The answer was not forthcoming, and in frustration she whispered, "Cloud."-----
He'd returned exactly one hour later. He'd made sure that the hotel attendants had sent the clothes he had purchased up to the room for her. He'd passed the time in the lobby, sitting unmoving in one of the chairs, trying to think of anything but the girl. After one hour had passed he stood, and climbed the stairs. He paused at the door to their room, listening, but no sound was to be heard. He silently entered the key into the lock and pushed the door open.She was standing in profile, her head pressed against the glass of the window, her eyes closed. She was clad in the clothes he had purchased, he was satisfied to see. Her hair, still wet, was again bound in the heavy, tight braid which fell to hang past her waist. He took one step forward and was about to say something when she whispered one word that stopped him in his tracks.
"Cloud."Strife. His hands tightened into fists at his side at the sound of that name, his name. Irrational, unfamiliar jealously surged within him, and he clenched his teeth at the strength of it. He'd known she'd had feelings for Strife, had known all along. Hearing his name on her lips, however, was infuriating. As though attuned to his anger, she whirled around to find him standing before the still open door. His eyes were blazing again with an expression much like the ones she had learned to fear, and she fell back a step. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and when they opened again they were still fiery, but less so. He said then in a taut voice, "The clothes - they fit you?"
"Yes," she replied softly, hesitantly. "Thank you.""It was no problem." He raised one hand dismissively. She was still staring at him as though expecting him to launch an attack, and in an effort to put her at ease he said, "Are you hungry?"
"A little." She replied."I will have food sent up to you, then. Is there anything else you require, for the night?"
"No. Nothing. Thank you."He nodded once. "Very well. Get some sleep. We leave early in the morning."
As he turned to leave again, her voice stopped him. "Where are you going?""I shall wander this place until dawn. You forget, I do not need sleep."
"I didn't forget." She said. Something in her tone prompted him to turn to face her. The expression on her face was stricken, as though she'd just realized something she wished she hadn't. She asked then, "Why are you leaving?"He told her the truth. "To give you peace."
She laughed, a harsh, bitter sound. "To give me peace. There is no longer peace for me. I'm tormented when you're near .... and I'm tormented when you're away."He said nothing, but waited for her to continue.
"You said -" here her voice faltered, and she swallowed before going on, "You said you hated what I'd done to you, the way I affected you. Well, I hate it too. I think I hate it more. This attraction, this affection for someone like you ... it's not me. It's not right. I," she said with heated emphasis, "hated you. I want to hate you now. Maybe I do. I don't know. I don't know what I feel anymore. Whatever this - this thing is, " she brought her fist to her chest, and held it there, "I am afraid of it. I'm afraid of you."He exhaled slowly, a breath he'd been holding since she'd begun to speak. "I told you, you no longer have anything to fear from me."
"How can I believe that? How can I trust someone who's done what you've done?"He replied slowly, "You can't."
She nodded, a little wildly. "I can't. I know that. But I still feel what I feel.""That, " he said softly, "is not such a bad thing."
She stared at him, her eyes swimming with confusion and pain and fear. "But it is."Her answer bothered him, disappointed him. "I will let go then, and leave you to your rest." He turned again, and opened the door.
"Sephiroth."He halted at the sound. It was the first time he'd heard her say his name.
"Don't go."Exultation. Jubilation. He turned again, and walked the few steps to where she stood, wide eyed and shaking. He reached for her, but she stepped quickly out of reach.
"I - hold me. When I sleep. That's ... that's all I want."It was enough.
Later that night, as she lay tight in his embrace, he reflected on all she'd said, and all she hadn't. She'd come willingly to his arms, and wrapped her own around him, and the way it made him feel was astounding. It felt right to him. She murmurred something in her dreams, and shifted, and he pulled her even closer so that her warmth was all he could feel. She quieted then, fell back into peaceful slumber.Yes, he thought to himself, content for possibly the first time ever, it was enough.