Aztec Goddess: It's weird that anyone would even think of suing. They won't get any money . . . unless they're the ones who own FMA. But what are the odds of that? Anyway, big thanks to all my reviewers! You've made me so happy! (cries dramatically)
First Days Always Suck
Ed was getting ready for his first day of school. Yes, his very first day since Aztec Goddess doesn't recall any episodes that show Ed in school. Lucky for Ed, he will be a senior since he's smart like that. So if he can go through this one year of high school with no problems, the retards that came up with the No Stoopid Peoples Act won't be able to kick him out of the country.
Ed wasn't even at school yet, and things were already looking pretty bad. First, he had a battle with his butter toast. That tasty bastard left more crumbs on his black shirt than in his mouth! Maybe if Ed wasn't in such a hurry, he would have been able to properly order his hand to lead the toast specifically to his mouth.
Then, as Ed was zipping up his pants while brushing his teeth, he accidentally pinched something very dear to him. "AAAHHHHHHH!" His screams could be heard from Mexico.
Al was worried for his brother. He wasn't going to high school since he doesn't work and he was afraid to see what kind of wreck Ed would be when he returns. Al knocked on the bathroom door. "Brother, are you okay?"
"Yeah, everything's just fine!" Ed squeaked. He wobbled out of the bathroom, panting. "Am I gonna be late?"
"Well, if you leave right now, maybe you'll only be . . . ten minutes late?" Al guessed. "Where's this school you're going to, anyway?"
Ed's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "OH, CRAP! Freakin' Mustang never told me!" He dashed out of wherever the hell they were staying without a backpack or even a paper and pencil. Man, he's well-organized, isn't he?
Lucky for Ed, he nearly got ran over by some guy in a car. It turned out to be Hughes in his new expensive-looking car. It was shiny. It blinded Ed, so he fell on his ass due to dizziness.
"Hey, Ed!" Hughes said. "It's dangerous to stop traffic like that! Lemme give you a ride!" So Hughes dragged the confused Ed to the passenger seat. "So, where you heading?"
"Um . . ." Ed thought for a while. "To the closest high school, I guess."
Hughes gave Ed an odd look as if Ed was a dead monkey falling off a tree. " . . . Okay." He shifted his gear and drove about a couple of yards, then came to a complete stop. There was a huge high school right in front of them. "This is the high school I went to! How people never noticed me, I will never know. Good luck!"
Ed got out of the car and Hughes drove away. How could he have never noticed this high school in Central? It had a huge sign that read in red letters: Kelly High School – Home of the Fighting Radish. There was a picture of a big red radish sporting white boxing gloves in the bottom. No one was around. Ed figured he must be very late, so he ran inside the building.
Ed was greeted by a staff member in a red blazer. "I suppose you're one of the new seniors forced here by the No Stoopid Peoples Act?" the woman asked Ed.
"Yeah," Ed answered. The woman motioned for him to follow, so he did. She led him to an office.
The woman sat on her desk and asked, "Name?"
"Edward Elric." Wait a minute! His head screamed. I didn't even register yet!
She went through some files, then pulled one out. "Ah, here you are. Another student named Roy Mustang came early and filled out your forms already. Be sure to thank him, or karma will bite you in the ass, okay?" She handed Ed an ID card and his schedule. "You need one more thing. Wait here." She left the room.
Ed was as disturbed as someone watching Armstrong work out. "That woman said Roy Mustang filled out my forms?" Ed asked himself. He sensed something terribly wrong was going to happen. He looked at his ID card. His own picture and all the right information was there. He looked at his schedule. He had all the hard classes, which is what he would have wanted. Then he looked at his file on the woman's desk.
Ed read the information out loud: "Name: Elric, Edward. Age: 16. Sex: . . . FEMALE? Oh, hell no! I'm gonna fry that Flame Alchemist's ass!"
The woman came back. She was holding a red backpack and a school uniform. A girl's school uniform. She handed those things to Ed. "I'll let you change here. I'm only going easy on you since this is the first day of school, but you better not be late again. And don't forget my name. I am the secretary, Mrs. Moon-Shoulders." (Aztec Goddess: There really is a teacher in my school named that!)
Ed bit down on his lip to not laugh. Mrs. Moon-Shoulders left the room, but he didn't laugh like how he expected to. He became too pissed off at Roy. But he changed into the skimpy red skirt and white blouse in fear of getting in trouble for not wearing a uniform. The mistake could be fixed later. He didn't want to be even later for his first class: calculus! Oh, joy! "Maybe no one I know will be in my classes," Ed told himself. The uniform also came with long white stockings than covered his automail leg perfectly. He actually looked pretty good. He stuffed his other clothes inside the backpack and headed for his first class.
Ed barged into the room and said in a girly voice, "Sorry I'm late, Mr. . ." he glanced at his schedule to see the teacher's name, "Borland!" Man, where are these people from?
"You must be Elric," the teacher said. "There's an empty seat in the far left. You'll find a text book under your chair. You can ask a fellow student for further instructions."
"Thank you, mister!" Ed started to walk to his assigned seat. But then he saw something that made his jaw drop. His heart froze, his legs turned to jelly, and he probably would have peed if he was any younger. Sitting right next to the empty seat, in a white shirt, red pants, and a red jacket, was Envy. And he had the biggest and most sinister smile on his face in the world.
Note: Envy calls Ed nene (baby boy in Spanish) in my story just because I think it sounds cuter than chibi-san. But keep in mind that there will be no romance in this story!
"Oh, I didn't know this about you, nene!" Envy sneered. "Can't wait to tell the others!"
Ed gave Envy his best glare, then took his seat. "Don't call me that. It's more . . . creepy than anything." He pulled out the text book from under the seat, then asked coldly, "What's the assignment?"
"Pages 6 to 11," Envy replied. He covered his mouth and snickered quietly. "Oh, this is just too perfect!"
"I'm warning you, Envy," Ed growled. "If word spreads about this, I'll . . . I'll-"
"Kill me? Good luck with that!"
Ed chose to ignore Envy. He searched through his backpack to see if he had some paper. He found a folder with a note attached to it. I took the liberty to get you everything you need for the year. Give me your first year's pay after we graduate and I'll call it even. Roy Mustang.
"I'm not gonna pay you crap," Ed muttered under his breath. He opened the folder and did find everything he needed. Paper, pencils, a ruler, etc. He began to work on the assigned work.
"Hey, nene," Envy whispered. Ed ignored him. "Nene, nene . . . nene!"
"What?" Ed hissed.
"Jeez, why are you so pissed? I was just gonna tell you that your boxers are showing."
Ed pulled down his skirt. The people behind him started whispering. He wanted nothing more than to turn his arm into a blade and start a massacre. Calm down, Ed told himself. First days always suck.
Some more than usual, huh?
Aztec Goddess: R & R! Please tell me if there are some parts I need to fix. If you're wondering, nene is pronounced with both e's being the same as in the word met.
To nadisrad: Yay! I'm still funny! I though I used up all my good ideas in my last fic, but maybe not!
To arynna: You've given me a lot to think about . . . How'd you know I like cookies and goldfish crackers? That was crazy psychicness right there, man!
To blackfirewolfX: Yesh! Even my philosophy is funny! Hughes shouldn't be dead. That was so messed up!
To Angel-of-Music1331: I update twice a week. Hopefully, all will remain great.
To White-Destiny-Pure-Snow: Hee-hee. That's one of my favorite parts too!
To Nikki: There are a couple other high school stories out there. But, yeah, I think mine's the only one like this. Glad you liked it!
To Hoshi Akarui: I take it that you enjoyed the first chapter? Yay!
To sexylucifer: Yeah, I wanna focus on similes in this story. They're fun to write!
To Paola: What if Abe never reads? Or what if he decided he wants to read when it's too late? Tis so suspenseful. Hope this story turns out just as good as the last one.