Aztec Goddess: Last week of school for me! Man, I'm so anxious! Anyway, I do not claim ownership of any of the songs mentioned here.

Spanish 101

Hughes went to work not long after he dropped Ed off at school. He was a couple hours late and still in his pajama bottoms, but he was the only one there, so it didn't matter. He saw this as a nice chance to redecorate. First stop: Roy's office.

"This is what you get for not being interested in my beautiful stories about my daughter!" Hughes stapled dozens of pictures of his daughter all over Roy's office. Then he took out a pink marker and drew pretty flowers in any empty space between his daughter's pictures. And in a big empty space on Roy's desk, he wrote Roy x Ed in a big heart. Next victim: Riza.

"This is for stealing my beloved rubber band!" Hughes wrote on a wall in huge letters RUBBER STEALER. "Whoa, that came out wrong . . . Oh, well!" He took out some more markers and drew random stuff on the wall like Riza in a skirt with hairy legs, Roy in the background throwing up, and Armstrong falling out of a tree.

Hughes did similar things to all the other offices. When he was done, he looked over his work and said, "Man, I am so screwed when they come back here!" To get his mind off things, Hughes turned on the radio and flipped through the stations.

A very odd Spanish song caught Hughes' attention. He tried to figure out what it was saying. "Um . . . it sounds like the singers really like gasoline . . . How would a cat start a mower? . . . Oh. Ew!" Then he came to a realization. "Wow, I learned so much Spanish in high school! I could, like, be a Spanish teacher!" Then Hughes jumped atop a desk, danced to the reggaetton beat, and sang along: "A mi me gusta la gasolina!" Then in a girly voice: "Dame mas gasolina!"

Translation: "I like gasoline!" "Give me more gasoline!"

Meanwhile, back in Kelly High (third period) . . .

"How'd you manage to be late again, nene?" Envy said to Ed. They sat right next to each other, as usual.

"None of your business!" Ed spat. " . . . So, did I miss anything?" It pained him to have to ask Envy for something, especially the second time in one day! But it was either Envy, or the person sitting in front of him: Gluttony. He was busy chewing on the desk with that same retarded look on his face anyway. Ed glanced around the room and noticed that all the homunculi – except for Sloth, of course – were in his class.

"You don't deserve to know," Envy replied. Then he turned his attention to the teacher, Mr. Alvarez, who was ranting like crazy in Spanish. The entire class – except for Ed – suddenly burst out laughing.

"What? What'd I miss?" Ed asked Envy, who was laughing hysterically, barely able to hold on to his desk to not fall to the floor.

"You suck, nene! . . . You saying . . . you don't understand . . . any Spanish?" Envy managed to say between laughs.

"I don't even know what nene means! I just know it sounds creepy!"

Envy stopped laughing. "Whoa, then what are you doing in Spanish Literature, the most difficult Spanish class in school?"

Gluttony turned around to point and laugh at Ed. "Even me fooant at Spanish!"

Lust, who was sitting diagonally from Gluttony, patted him on the head. "And we are so proud of you for that!" she said as if she was talking to a baby.

Ed, felling stupid, tried to defend himself. "But I know some Spanish words! Like, um . . . burrito!"

"You know what that means?" Envy asked.

"It's chicken wrapped in a flour tortilla! Hey, I know the word tortilla, too!" Ed declared triumphantly. The three homunculi burst out laughing. "What? What's so funny?"

"A burrito is a little donkey, you dumbass!" Envy laughed. The other homunculi and other random people within earshot nodded in agreement. Ed hid his face in his arms.

"Feeling embarasada?" Envy whispered to Ed. Ed hesitantly nodded, which made Envy laugh some more. "So, exactly how does it feel like to be pregnant?"

Ed angrily lifted his head up. "Shut up already! I'll show you – I'll be the best Spanish speaker in the world by the end of this year!" Envy snickered, and muttered something in Spanish under his breath. "I hate you so much . . ." Ed growled.

"Igualmente!" Envy replied. Translation: "Same here!" "Can't you just admit I'm so much better than you?"

Ed looked at Envy a bit confused by the first part. "Okay, so you're better than me in one insignificant subject! But that won't last long 'cause I'm gonna be the best at everything!"

The bell rang. Envy walked with Ed to English, and there was nothing Ed could do about it. "You think you can be one of the popular peoples?" Envy asked Ed.

"Starting tomorrow, that's my plan," Ed replied. "And I would appreciate it if you would stay as far away from me as possible."

"Yeah, like that's gonna happen," Envy snorted. Then a smile swept across his face. "So, you really think you can get a date by next week?"

Ed gave Envy a disturbed look as if he was watching someone beating a frog with a stick. " . . . What for?"

"Homecoming, duh! All the popular people go to the dances!" Envy couldn't help but widen his smile. "If you ask nicely, I think I can persuade Roy to go with you!"

"YOU SICK MONKEY LOVER!" Ed screeched. "What gave you the idea that-"

"Lust said she saw Roy grope you during passing period," Envy paused for a while. "Damn, I got so much sht on you, it's gonna be too easy to ruin your life forever!" Ed stopped walking. "What's wrong with you now?"

Ed gave Envy the evil eye. "You and Roy are gonna regret the day you met Edward Elric," he said in his most pissed off voice. Then he started walking the other way. "This school day's lasted too long. I'm ditching."

Envy shrugged. "That's just another thing I can get you in trouble for." Then he called out so Ed can hear him loud and clear, "Seems like you've got a lot on your to-do list! Don't worry nene; I'll make sure none of it happens!"

Ed paid no attention to Envy's remark. He went into the nearest boy's bathroom and changed into his normal clothes. Then he walked back to the place he was staying at, which is . . . an apartment! So, Ed and Al are living in some apartment in Central. Yay, I filled up a plot hole!

Ed slammed the door of the apartment open and stormed into the living room, where Al was watching TV. Just by the look on Ed's face, Al could tell Ed didn't have a good first day. He was also about three hours early, which meant . . .

"Brother! You ditched? Is high school really so horrible?"

"Considering Envy's in all my classes and Roy purposely messed up on my forms, horrible is an understatement!" Ed grumbled.

"Oh, I see," Al replied. Then he suggested, "Let's visit Mister Hughes! He's probably bored to death all alone at work!"

Ed cheered up. Maybe Hughes was having a bad day too! That would make him feel better. So the Elric brothers walked over to work. As soon as they opened the main door, loud booming music could be heard. They advanced cautiously, thinking that maybe some rowdy teenagers took over the place.

"HUGHES!" the brothers called out. "CAN YOU HEAR US?" They wondered around, noticing tons of scribbles and pictures on the wall. It looked like a battle zone. "HUGHES! ARE YOU OKAY?"

Then Hughes came out of nowhere. Using a marker as a microphone, he was singing along, or rather screaming, to the song playing on the radio: "I WANT A FREAK – A MONSTER IN BED! THE LAST THING I NEED IS – oh, hi Ed!"

Ed and Al were like two birds that ran into a glass window. "Um, Hughes? Are you okay?" Ed asked.

"What happened to this place?" Al asked.

Hughes quickly hid his marker behind his back and came up with a brilliant story: "Uh . . . that freakin' cat from across the street did all this! I tried to stop it, but that crafty feline somehow got me to start singing! I couldn't stop! It was like I was possessed!" He hugged Ed. "Thank you! You saved me!"

Ed and Al grasped on to every word Hughes said in utter horror. "Goodness!" Al said. "I would have never imagined a cat being so evil!"

"Um, don't make a big deal about it, okay?" Hughes said. "No one would take State Alchemists seriously if they found out we were outsmarted by a cat!"

"Yeah, let's never speak of this again," Ed agreed.

Aztec Goddess: Whee! Four chapters already! Man, at this rate . . . there are gonna be a lot of chapters. I bleeped sht because I don't know if I can use that word here. Remember to R & R!

To Angel-of-Music1331: Wow. The Johnson in my school looks like Armstrong. (looks around suspiciously) It's a conspiracy!

To nadisrad: Heh, I wonder if that's possible . . . Well, at least I don't have to worry about that now! I'd imagine getting my ass kicked that hard would hurt a bit!

To iamdeath: No, I wasn't being sarcastic! Man, if I get a grade like that on my finals, I'd be the happiest little Aztec freak in the world! (that wasn't sarcasm either)

To naGami cabAsa: Wow, new adjectives! Amusing and lovely! Thank you!

To Paola: I'm planning on making him a teacher later on. There. Ed got out of the girl's uniform. Hm, Alvarez looked happy in fourth period. But I guess it's because of the retarded letter I wrote. He was laughing!