Aztec Goddess: (does the last day of school dance) I'm free! . . . For the moment. Now I'm gonna make it my goal to update three times a week! Just so you know - this chapter is mainly here to build up suspense.

The Price of Manliness

Ed needed to come up with a good comeback plan against Envy and Roy, and quick! First, he spent most of the rest of the day in the library reading Spanish books for infants. "Hm . . . so nene means baby boy?" Ed finally realized. He shuddered. "This is what Envy's been calling me all this time! Urg, don't think too much about it, Ed. He's only trying to screw with your head."

Ed walked back to his apartment finally remembering that he had no clue what he had for homework. Well, except for Calculus and Economics, but he finished those in class. But he didn't allow himself to worry about it. Tomorrow, everything would be fixed. He'll find some blackmail against Envy somehow, kill Roy, and all would be right with the world. Yes, Ed saw no flaws in this.

He woke up the next morning in a much better mood. This made Al a little uncomfortable. While Ed was finishing up breakfast, Al asked, "Brother, what are you thinking? You've got this crazy look on your face!"

Ed's eyes widened. He rushed to the nearest mirror. "Oh, crap! If I get acne now-"

"I didn't mean that," Al said. "What's going on? You didn't even tell me what happened in school yesterday!"

"Guys don't talk about their day! It's unmanly!" With that said, Ed grabbed his backpack and headed out the door to Kelly High. Al would have usually been hurt by that remark, but it pissed him off instead.

"My own brother has questioned my manliness!" Al gasped. "As soon as he comes back home, this means war!" Al took down all his pictures of kittens off the wall and replaced them with puppies. "Wait, that's not any better!" He finally decided to have nothing up on the walls. Then he painted all the colorful furniture black.

As soon as Al finished redecorating, the door bell rang. Naturally, he opened the door. Five odd looking guys and a camera man came in. "Hello! We are the Fab Five!" one of the guys explained to Al. "Aztec Goddess doesn't claim ownership of us. Wouldn't that be odd? Anyway, you have been chosen randomly to get a queer eye for a straight guy!"

Al was as freaked out as a sane person would be if they were reading this. "What the hell! Get out of here, you . . . you people!" Al tried to shoo them out of the door, but the little fairies pranced out of his way and into the living room.

"Goodness!" one of them said. "This place is so plain! You must allow us to fix this place up!"

Al groaned. He was outnumbered and a little too scared to argue.

Meanwhile, in Kelly High (first period) . . .

Ed picked up his new uniform before school started. He was still a little nervous though. What if people remember that I was wearing a skirt yesterday? he thought. But at least he was ready to face Envy. He had a plan that sounded like a great idea last night, but now . . . well, you'll see.

"Good morning, nene!" Envy greeted Ed in the beginning of Calculus. "I saved you a seat in all your other classes right next to me!"

"Jeez, when will you give up!" Ed said loud enough for the entire class to hear. He sat down on his chair. "I told you already: NO, I will not go out with you! I don't swing that way!" That got all the other students' attention.

Envy quickly caught on to what Ed was trying to do. He's trying to make me look like an idiot? Humph, what a novice! "What are you talking about, nene? Weren't you wearing the girl's uniform just the other day?"

"Get off the crack! I wasn't even here yesterday!"

Envy nearly laughed. "You seriously expect anyone to believe that?" Everyone in the class gave Envy an odd look.

"I didn't see that guy in class yesterday," a student said.

"Yeah, neither did I," some other students agreed.

"Fine, whatever!" Envy yielded. He quieted down and started doing the work Borland had assigned. Ed started doing the same with a snug smile on his face. Looked like his half-baked plan was working! But he didn't feel so proud about the fact that no one noticed him enough to realize that he was really in school yesterday.

In the middle of class, Envy whispered to Ed, "This isn't over yet! I'll beat your ass in homecoming!" Ed gave Envy a started look. "What? Did you already forget about that? You don't have a date, do you?"

"I'll get one soon enough, so shut up!" Ed whispered back.

Calculus ended and Ed sped towards Economics far ahead of Envy. He met Riza in the halls. Well, this was his first resort. "Um, Riza? Can I ask you for a favor?"

"If this is about homecoming, I already promised Roy I'd go with him." Ed could only gawk at Riza. "Don't look at me that way! It's not like I like him, but he promised me a repair kit for the rubber band I broke!"

Was that adult talk, or something? Ed thought. He didn't want to ask, so he just made his way to Economics class. He found his second resort there: Maria.

"Um-" Ed was about to ask.

"Denny," Maria replied, not having to hear Ed's question.

Okay, this is gonna be harder that I thought, Ed said to himself. Then he noticed Roy talking to Fury as if there was absolutely nothing going on.

"Roy!" Ed slammed his automail fist on Roy's table, making a nice big dent. Roy just looked at him casually.

"What's wrong?" Roy asked. "The boy's uniform isn't to your liking?"

"You've prolonged your fate for too long! After school; in the parking lot! Don't be late!"

"Haven't you outgrown play dates yet?" Roy yawned. "You're so immature. So I made a mistake on your forms – get over it already!"

Johnson made his way to Ed and Roy. "Is there a problem here? . . . Good God! What'd you do to the desk, Mustang!"

Before Roy could open his mouth, Ed said, "That's what I'm yelling at him for! He's destroying school property!" Ed clapped his hands and used alchemy to fix up the desk.

"Wow, impressive!" Johnson said. "What's your name? I don't remember seeing you yesterday."

"Edward Elric."

"Hey, that's the same name as that one weird girl! How convenient!" Johnson wet back to the front of class.

Ed made his way to his seat. Envy was already there and he started whining to Ed, "How can people not realize that YOU were that weird girl!" Then he smiled. "Looks like you got lady's luck!"

"Shut up, you burrito!"

Envy laughed. "You need to say it with an accent; otherwise you sound just plain retarded!"

Before they knew it, it was time for Spanish. Ed was about to ask Lust to go to homecoming with, but all he had to do was look at her, and she replied, "Greed."

"You're getting desperate, aren't you, nene?" Envy snickered.

"Quit acting like you've got a date!" Ed growled. Hm, he seems to growl a lot around Envy. Tsk, tsk. That's unhealthy.

Envy gave Ed a sly smile in response. "All you have to do is ask, and I'll help you!" Envy said a bit too happily.

"At the cost of what? My soul?" Ed retorted.

"I was just looking for a free lunch, but that sounds much better!"

"Jeez, you think finding a date is easy?"

"I bet I can find you the perfect date!" Envy held out his hand. "How 'bout a truce? I help you; you help me?"

What choice did Ed have? He couldn't think of any other girl he could go with. Before he shook Envy's hand, he asked, "Exactly what do you need help with?"

"You'll find out soon enough," was all Envy said.

" . . . Whatever." Ed shook Envy's hand. He felt a chill go down his spine as if he were selling his soul to the devil. He saw Gluttony whisper something to Lust. Lust gave him an amused look, glanced at Ed and Envy, then patted Gluttony on the head. What had Ed gotten himself into?

Ed had no time to wonder that in Spanish class. He had to focus all his attention on Alvarez to even have a chance in understanding half of what he said. He heard the words exam, study, and . . . sports bra? Oh, well. He didn't need an A in every class, right?

It was time for English. "Who do you have in mind?" Ed asked Envy there. "For my date, I mean."

"I can't tell you! It'll ruin the surprise!" Envy replied. He kept quiet about homecoming the rest of the day.

Lunch came and went. Twenty-nine minutes isn't enough time to eat! Why can't the freaking school make it thirty minutes! Those retards.

Not much happened in Psychology or in Business. Ed whined with all his might, but Envy still wouldn't tell him anything. Ed gave up.

The bell rang, and Ed raced to the parking lot. Roy wasn't there. "Damn that chicken," Ed mumbled. He waited a few minutes, and instead of Roy, Riza came.

"Roy couldn't make it," she said. "But he wants me to deliver a message to you: Leave me alone, you annoying little girl. I don't want a midget like you to ruin my rep."

Ed was as pissed off as a Mexican going to a party where there's no carne asada. "Did he seriously say that!" Ed yelled.

Riza nodded. "I'm as surprised as you are! I thought you two had a little something-something going on!" Ed was getting angrier by the second, so Riza decided to leave right away.

Ed headed home. He ran into Envy and Wrath on the way. Wrath looks so cute in uniform! They were talking in Spanish but Ed heard the word nene a couple of times.

"Hey, what are you guys saying about me?" Ed demanded to know.

Envy finished up his sentence, and Wrath started giggling. Then Envy turned to Ed. "I told you already! I can't tell you!"

"I'll go ahead," Wrath told Envy. He started running to where the other homunculi were, I guess. "Have a great time at homecoming, Ed!" he called out.

Ed glared at Envy suspiciously. Envy made a zipper motion over his mouth. "Fine, I won't ask anymore," Ed sighed. "But . . . um . . ." He needed to tell Envy something, but was afraid that he'll fall in even deeper crud.

"Hm? What is it?" Envy gave Ed an innocent look, which intimidated Ed.

" . . . I have another favor to ask of you," Ed said awkwardly.

Aztec Goddess: What have the Fab Five done to the apartment? Will Ed ever get back at Roy? How trustworthy is Envy? What will happen at homecoming? What's the other favor? Most of these questions will probably be answered in the next chapter of Operation Graduation!

To iamdeath: Thank you! Man, I better get good grades! I studied my ass off! . . . While I was typing this, watching TV, and listening to some CDs . . . (nervous laugh)

To GoodCharlottegrl (ch 3): I understand palm tree, but pineapple? Hm, maybe if Envy puts on a lot of weight. But I think he looks pretty the way he is!

To Angel-of-Music1331: Yes, Ed's a burrito when it comes to Spanish. Hee-hee! That sounded funny! Anyway, what Spanish are you in? My school goes up to Literature, which is like Spanish 6. (I just finished Spanish 3 since I was a freshman.)

To sexylucifer (ch 3): LOL! No, I don't think Ed would have to shave there! It doesn't look like he's gone through puberty yet!

To sexylucifer (ch 4): That song is meant to stick out. I just felt like being random when I was writing it.

To nadisrad: Thanks, that's a huge weight lifted off my shoulders! Okay, I'm gonna try to make the next chapter as funny as possible.

To GoodCharlottegrl (ch 4): I've been wondering that my entire life. This is the explanation I came up with: The dumbass who discovered the burrito has never seen a donkey before, but he has read stories about one, and somehow came up with the conclusion that donkeys look like chicken wrapped in a tortilla. . . . Or maybe burritos are made out of donkeys! Hm, I prefer my first explanation.

To no one's friend: I'm not sure if anyone's gonna really die here, but there will be a lot of people getting expelled! Will Ed be one of them? I dunno.

To Paola: Alvarez is so nice to you guys! But, oh well, my class ain't that great. I bet he's gonna miss you guys. That's probably why he sounded sad. Why would a teacher get sad for getting their overhead jacked? Unless he has to pay for it. Man, that'll suck. My mom threw away the piece of glass I took from his broken window. I wonder if the cops ever found the people . . . At least they have blood evidence. Man, that was so sudden!