Aztec Goddess: Okay, this is the first Expulsion chapter. There are probably gonna be three or so. Well, now let's see who the first people to get expelled are!
Expulsion 1
'Twas two nights after homecoming in the homunculi's apartment room. Greed has made a Precious Memories photo album about homecoming that he would like to share with readers.
"NO! Screw you!" Greed yelled at the narrator.
Greed! What have we discussed about screwing people?
" . . . I don't wanna say it."
Well, then you're going to need to share with everyone your photo album.
" . . . Fine," Greed growled. So he pulled the photo album from his special place under his bed and opened it to the first page. He pointed to the first picture: him and his friends posing with the mariachis. "Here's the first picture. Happy?"
C'mon, you've gotta get more into it!
Greed gave the narrator a hand motion that would have to be pixilated if it wasn't just written. But he continued nonetheless. He pointed at the second picture: Fury unknowingly pointing Hawkeye's gun at himself. "This is the little dumbass who almost killed himself."
He's cute though, isn't he, Greed?
Greed lowered his eyelids at the narrator. "Shut up or I'm not going to continue." The narrator remained silent. "Okay, so anyway, he didn't kill himself. Hawkeye took the gun away in time, which leads to the next picture . . ."
Greed turned to the page and pointed to the third picture: Hawkeye standing on top of the table, flailing her gun around. "She got really drunk, stood on the table, declared herself queen of the Swap Meet, then started shooting at the air." He pointed at the fourth picture: the other State Military people looking amused and clapping. "These are her friends cheering her on."
Greed pointed to the fifth picture: an unconscious Wrath on the floor with several empty cups around him. "Wrath couldn't resist the temptation of alcohol. He slept like a baby last night! But he came to school today with a terrible hangover, so he was expelled. I suppose Kelly High is strict about abstinence. The poor idiot has to stay here all day now."
Greed pointed to the sixth picture: Lust and Sloth posing with some cops. "The cops were only trying to enjoy their day off. But some people were complaining to them about Hawkeye and her gun. They ended up arresting Hawkeye for attempted homicide and Fury for attempted suicide. Also, the State Military was charged with alcohol abuse. Wrath's a minor, so-"
Pride, since he has to share his room with Greed, sat up from his bed and threw a lamp at Greed. "Who are you talking to! I'm trying to get some sleep!"
Lust came into their room. "What's all that noise about? Greed's got an imaginary friend? Cute."
"You've got a problem with imaginary friends!" Wrath's whining could be heard from the living room, which is also his bedroom. "I need to sleep! Come now, Pancho the pony! Fetch me a sweet dream filled with sugar and cow stomach!" (Those are the main ingredients for marshmallows. Scary, huh?)
" . . . That was disturbing," Sloth said from her bedroom, which she shares with Lust.
Gluttony's eating could be heard from the kitchen, which counts as his bedroom.
"ARE THESE WALLS PAPER THIN, OR SOMETHING!" Envy yelled from his bedroom. Envy doesn't need to share 'cause he's cool like that.
"It probably has something to do with the fact that there are seven of us and we're sharing a single apartment room," Lust explained. She headed back to her and Sloth's room.
"Yeah, how'd we get so cheap?" Greed asked.
"It's because I'm the only one with income around here," Sloth answered.
"Oh, this sucks. WRATH! Get a job! You have nothing else to do!"
"DON'T WAKE WRATH UP, IDIOT!" Envy yelled. "He's still a little kid! He'll be all cranky in the morning and stuff!"
Wrath woke up and started to cry.
The next day, back at school, during lunch . . .
Envy was in a fowl mood; one worse that how he was last night. It was all because of Roy Mustang. Roy's speedy trial was held yesterday, the judge filed the case as inconclusive, so Roy was set free with only a warning. And a really stupid warning: Look both ways before you cross the street!
It pissed Envy off so much to see Roy in his second period. He was so angry; he couldn't even bug Ed all day. "I was supposed to get Roy expelled!" Envy grumbled under his breath. "How could I fail at something so simple?"
"Nene!" Envy yelled at Ed, who was aimlessly searching for a place to eat in the cafeteria (far from Envy and Roy).
Ed stopped in his tracks and groaned. "You weren't talking all day. Why did you have to ruin that?"
"I still don't feel much like talking right now," Envy replied. "But it's time you pay me back for one of the favors I did for you: get Roy expelled."
Ed was a bit stunned by this request. He was expecting something more of a pain in the ass from Envy, but he wasn't going to question Envy. "Gladly!" Ed replied.
"Good, but don't expect this much mercy from my next favor." With that said, Envy left the cafeteria. "I need to get my mind off thing," he mumbled.
Where was Envy going? Ed didn't care, so he met up with some of the State Military people: Armstrong, Brosh, and Ross.
"You better keep your guard up," Ross warned Ed. "From what I can remember about homecoming, some people are trying to get us State Military people expelled."
Brosh was deep in thought. "Hey, what really did happen in homecoming? Were you even there, Ed?"
"No, I got, um, sidetracked," Ed replied. " . . . Oh, crap! I spent the entire time only learning only about food from Spanish speaking countries! And my sensei already left! How will I ever learn Spanish now?"
"No need to worry!" Armstrong declared as he ripped off his shirt and pink sparkly thingies floated around him. "The Armstrong family is revered for being bilingual! Sopa de pollo para el alma!" Translation: "Chicken soup for the soul!"
"What the hell is you problem!" a custodian yelled at Armstrong. "This ain't a strip joint! To the principal's office!"
Armstrong was sent to the principal's office, and was never seen on school campus again. "Oh, no!" Ross said. "We lost another Sate Military person! See what I told you, Ed? Someone's after us! This is so weird! Who would hate us so much to get us expelled?"
Ed gave Ross a funny look. "Um, no I don't see. That was Armstrong's own fault, wasn't it?"
Ross and Brosh gasped. "You're turning against us, too!" They sought shelter underneath some tables.
"They're just being paranoid," Ed told himself. "Nothing weird is going on." But in fifth period, he knew he was wrong. Envy was still eerily quiet and he didn't look pissed off anymore. In fact, he was smiling, and it wasn't an evil smile.
"What's up with you?" Ed had to ask.
"Improv. is fun!" was all Envy said. Then he went deep in thought.
What was Envy talking about? Improv. as in improvised? As in an improvised play? Of course. But Ed couldn't figure that out. He's not very artistic. His drawing of Envy in one of the anime episodes proves that.
School soon ended and Envy rushed out of sixth period. He literally shoved some people to the floor to be the first one out the door. This caused Ed to want to know what Envy was up to. So Ed followed Envy around the crowded hallways, up some stairs, and into a classroom Ed wasn't familiar with. It had a stage, spotlights, and a bunch of chairs facing the stage. Ed couldn't quite put his finger on what the room was supposed to be like.
Twenty or so students crowded an eccentric-looking teacher below the stage. He was a guy and he was wearing flip-flop, spoke like a valley girl, yet had an adoring wife back at home. His name is Mr. Hoganson, the Theater teacher.
"Like, one at a time!" Hoganson said. He pointed at Envy. "You, pretty-boy. . . I think." Envy walked up to the center of the stage. "You, like, know how to B.S. different emotions, right?"
"Damn right!" Envy replied.
"Then say some part from Romeo and Juliet. Like, what's your name anway?"
"Too easy," Envy smirked. Then he began in the best bull shitted sorrowful voice:
"By a name
I know not how to tell thee who I am.
My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself,
Because it is an enemy to thee.
Had I it written, I would tear the word."
Envy glanced at Ed a couple of times when he said that, which freaked Ed out, but then again, Envy looked at everyone in the room. Envy bowed, jumped off the stage and added, "By the way, my name's Envy and it's a freakin' awesome name!"
Everyone but Ed clapped. "That was great!" Hoganson said. "You definitely have a place here!"
"For doing what?" Ed snorted. "All he did was memorize a couple of stupid lines that don't even make sense!"
"You didn't like it, nene?" Envy asked, sounding hurt. "I thought you came here to cheer me on!"
"I came here to make sure you weren't trying to murder a certain someone!" Ed yelled.
"Hey, you're great, too!" Hoganson said to Ed. "It must take like, a lot of skills to pretend to not like this Envy guy!"
"Pretend?" Ed repeated.
"Of couse! I insist that you and Envy show up for seventh period Theater from this day forward!"
Aztec Goddess: Okay, here's a recap: Wrath, Hawkeye, Fury, and Armstrong are all expelled. And, um, everyone else remains.
To Everto Angelus: I like what the Fab Five brought to this story, too! Keep the Victoria's Secret gift certificate in mind. I wonder where that funny as hell saying comes from, too.
To Angel-of-Music: I tried to do the math in my head and got 36 hours. Then I realized days are 24 hours long! Man, I feel stupid. Thanks for hoping my summer gets better.
To Monique: Or demonik. Really? She's married? Hm, well it doesn't matter. It was just homecoming. It's not like they got married. Wouldn't that be odd?
To monik: There's someone else that uses that name, you know? Log in, demonik! Heh, I knew you'd like this chapter the most.
To Paola: I already explained the peoples to you earlier, so there's no use in writing it here. Hm, I guess people don't think Spanish isn't important here even though we're the biggest minority in the US. You hear that, Asians! We beat you! Okay, I'm done.
To FatCat: Oh, sorry for the nightmares, but I'm glad you think this is funny! But please don't die!
To Azira: Eek! You mustn't die either! You must read the rest . . . please?