Aztec Goddess: Europeans don't celebrate Thanksgiving, right? I don't see how they could . . .

New Students

Wrath woke up bright and early Monday morning to greet his homunculi friends before school. He quietly crept into their apartment room, remembering the promise he made to Ed: find out what's up with Envy. Wrath found Envy in the living room talking to Pride.

"Can't you use your all-seeing eye to tell me what to do?" Envy asked Pride, sounding really pissed off.

Pride wasn't paying much attention to Envy. He was busy sitting on the couch, reading the Radish Times, the school's newspaper. "I see . . . you're going to do something about it," Pride replied.

"Wow, sometimes your vast knowledge frightens me!"

"Why, thank you!"

"I was being sarcastic."

"So was I."

Wrath came to the conclusion that he missed the most important part of the conversation. He was as confused as a donkey trapped inside a piñata. Then Sloth came by behind him and blew his cover.

"Yo! Where you been?" Sloth playfully shoved Wrath from behind – a bit too hard, though. Wrath tumbled to the floor.

"I thought you were over the acting-like-students phase," Wrath said as he got up.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Sloth picked up Wrath and cradled him like a baby. "I can't help it sometimes. So, where have you been? I was worried sick over you!"

"Next door," Wrath replied. Then he remembered his objective. "Hey, Envy! How've you been?"

Envy didn't answer Wrath's question. He picked up his backpack and said, "I'm going to school now, okay?" So he left.

Wrath jumped out of Sloth's arms and sat next to Pride. "What's going on? What was Envy telling you?"

Pride put down the newspaper and scratched his head. "Let's see . . . what's the best way to explain it to you?"

"Just tell me!" Wrath pouted.

"Okay, so when a man – who can also theoretically be a woman – meets another man-"

"Use names!"

"Fine! So, Envy meets Ed. Envy tried to accept the fact that he and Ed are almost-half-brothers-but-not-quite-due-to-a-technicality. But this causes everyone else in the world to get the wrong idea."

"And that's why people are now thinking Envy is my dad and Ed is my mom!" Wrath finished. "Wow, that sounds so retarded when you think about it."

"Exactly," Sloth said. "And that's what angers Envy so."

"When did this rumor start?"

"I'm not sure, but people were already saying stuff about them a little before they joined Theater."

Wrath thought for a while. "Hm, so that would be after homecoming, right?"

"Right when Roy came back to school."

Just then, Lust, Gluttony, and Greed entered the living room, looking utterly exhausted. "Why didn't you stay up late to study for the huge Spanish exam?" Lust asked Pride.

Pride only had to point at his eye. The other homunculi muttered, "Lucky bastard."

Then Greed realized something. "Wait! The Spanish exam is TODAY?"

"That's what you get for going out clubbin' with Kimblee," Lust remarked.

"Aw, no big deal. It's not like I suck at Spanish like that guy next door."

At Kelly High, first period . . .

Ed had never noticed how often the other students stared at him and Envy before. Moon-Shoulders was right; almost everyone in school believes all that crap . . .

"I would like you all to welcome the new students," Borland said as class began. Three new students walked into the classroom, one of which almost made Ed scream. He hid under his desk in hopes that the new student didn't see him.

"What's wrong? Had an accident?" Envy asked Ed. He's been acting bitchy all morning.

"Their names are," Borland continued, "Russell Tringham, Abel, and Scar. Sit wherever you see an empty seat." Then Borland muttered to himself, "What's with all these students with no last name?" (Aztec Goddess: I call Scar's brother Abel since I don't know his real name. If anyone does, please tell me!)

Oh, crap, Ed thought. There's an empty seat right in front of me! Ed heard someone sit in the aforementioned seat. Please, don't let it be Scar. Don't let it be Scar. Ed sat back on his seat and, lucky him, it was Russell who decided to sit in front of him.

"Hey, Ed!" Russell said. "Looks like you still haven't grown an inch!"

Ed ignored Russell's comment. "What are you doing here? You work?"

"I'd like to one of these days. You know, before Fletcher and I become homeless and stuff. So, how's this school like?"

"It's okay, I guess. But they're retards when it comes to out-of-school stuff. I mean, they're having Winter Formal in the middle of November. And I heard that club socials are in hospital parking lots." Ed stopped since he noticed that Russell's eyes were wandering. He was glancing around the room a lot but his gaze always fell in Envy.

Envy noticed this. He gave Russell a confused look, and Russell quickly turned away. "So, what were you saying again?" Russell asked Ed.

" . . . I forgot," Ed lied. He was too disturbed to continue. This made him feel annoyed for some reason. Russell's interested in Envy? That's just not right, no matter what the reason is. But maybe he shouldn't jump to conclusions . . .

The student sitting next to Russell whispered something to him. Russell gave the student an odd look, glanced at Envy again, then shook his head and started doing the assigned work. Okay, that had something to do with the rumor.

Second period came. None of the new students were there with Ed and Envy. Roy was blocking the door and he greeted them. "So, how have you two been?" he asked with a big smile on his face.

Envy shoved Roy out of the way without a word. Roy turned to Ed, still smiling. "What's wrong? Been mistreating your man?"

"You don't know what you're getting yourself into," Ed growled.

"Threats are all you have, huh?" Roy started to walk to his seat.

Then something came over Ed. He yelled, "HOW DARE YOU GRAB MY ASS, YOU PERVERT!"

The other students and Johnson gasped. Since they were all convinced that Ed is a female, and since violating a girl is a big deal at this school, Roy had just gotten in big trouble. "Roy, is this true?" Johnson asked.

"Wha – no! You all know Ed's crazy!" Roy said. "Ed already has a son, remember?"

"That's beside the point," Johnson said. "Violating a girl is an automatic three-day suspension. That's not gonna look pretty on your permanent record."

"But you have no proof-"

Envy raised his hand and said, "I saw it, and I know other people who did, too."

"But I didn't grab Ed's ass today!"

"So that means you've done it before?" Johnson said. "That's a double suspension! To the principal's office!"

Roy knew he was defeated, so he went to the principal's office to face his fate. Ed wasn't very happy about everyone thinking he's a girl again, but at least he got Roy in trouble. Maybe this would be the only way to get Roy expelled. He had to keep on getting Roy in trouble like this.

Ed took his seat. "I'll deal with the rumor," Envy told him. "But I expect you to finish off Roy." How was Envy planning to deal with the rumor? That question will be answered soon enough.

It was time for Spanish class. Once Ed and Envy took their seats, Envy said, "You don't look worried. I'm assuming you studied hard for this exam?" Ed could only gawk at Envy in disbelief. "Oh, never mind then."

"Exam! Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Ed cried.

"It's been on the board for over a month. And the teacher's been constantly reminding us to study."

Gluttony laughed at Ed's stupidity. "You're screwededed!"

Before Ed knew it, there was a scantron and an exam as thick as a Harry Potter book in front of him. (Aztec Goddess: I don't own Harry Potter.)"Okay, Ed, calm down," he told himself. "It's no big deal. You can do this!"

Twenty minutes later . . .

Ed had successfully found the right place to write his name, date, and subject. But then again, the scantron was written in English. He was still stuck on the first question of the exam. He had finished reading a short story on the exam which he was pretty sure was about a man going to war and being turned into a cow by a tree . . . But he had no clue what any of the questions were asking for.

Envy was almost half-way done; Ed could see that from the corner of his eye. No, I mustn't cheat! Ed thought to himself. Turn away! I can't cheat off Envy! That's just plain wrong! But it was too late. A, C, C, D, B, A, A, C, D, B, C, B, damn it! Why couldn't Envy wait a little before turning the scantron over!

Ed couldn't believe himself, but he wrote down the answers he got from Envy. So he had twelve done. Only eighty-eight to go!

Ed wasn't even half-way done when the bell rang. He heard Alvarez say something, but of course, he couldn't understand a single word. "He said if you're not done," Envy translated for Ed, "you have to stay here until you do finish."

Five minutes to lunch . . .

"Aw, screw this," Ed said to himself. He still had about thirty questions left. He practically guessed on all the others, so completely guessing wasn't going to affect his grade much. He was going to fail Spanish no matter what. It hurt Ed to realize this, but it wasn't completely his fault. He should be in Spanish 1, but . . . Roy put him in Spanish Literature. Passing this class would really show Roy, but that didn't seem possible.

Ed bubbled in random answers, handed his scantron and exam in, then rushed to the cafeteria. Trying to think in Spanish left him staving. He ran into Russell along the way.

"Hey, Ed! I've been looking for you!" Russell said.

"What's up?" Ed asked.

"I've been meaning to ask you some things. First of all, the whole thing with you and Envy having a kid isn't true, right?"

"Of course it's not true! Only a dumbass could believe that!"

"Whoa, then there are a lot of dumbasses in this school. Anyway, how well do you know Envy?"

"Why are you interested in Envy?" Ed didn't mean for that sound wrong, but Russell didn't seem to notice.

"Just thought I'd get some background information, 'cause guess what? She asked me to go to Winter Formal with her!"

First, Ed was dumbstruck. Then he came to the conclusion that this was probably part of Envy's plan to get rid of the rumor. Then he realized something else: "Wait, did you call Envy a she?"

"Yeah! She's awesome! She can transform into anyone!"

"And you don't find that the least bit odd?"

They were already inside the cafeteria and had sat down at a table. Ed had started eating his lunch. "What's so odd about that?" Russell asked as he took out his own lunch from his backpack. "It just shows that she's got mad skills!"

Then a certain someone came along and interrupted Ed while he was finishing up eating. It was Scar. He stood in front of Ed, cracked his knuckles, and said, "We settle our differences here and now."

Aztec Goddess: So . . . does Scar's brother even have a name? And what's gonna happen between Envy and Russell? Don't worry – not much.

To Angel-of-Music1331: Oh, I hope you feel better soon. I don't want this fic to be an Envy x Ed because I'm trying not to put any real romance in here. This was originally supposed to be pure humor. I also thought it was going to be around twelve chapters, but that's probably not going to happen. Man, I change my mind a lot . . .

To Everto Angelus: OH, MY GOD! You don't know George Lopez! He's the funniest Mexican comedian in the world! His stand-ups are in English and basically the only Spanish words he uses are bad words, so he's easy to understand. He's funny because everything he says about Mexicans is true! Well, at least considering all the Mexicans I know.

To Spearette: I know! I just wanna hug the life out of Wrath! And I could really imagine him in a bunny costume.

To Dark Dreamer xXx: I think Axe smells awesome, too! I use it as an air freshener! It kicks all the girly body spray's ass! Hee-hee. Ed likes smelling Envy. I laughed when I wrote that.

To nadisrad: Hm, cow bones don't sound that much better as cow stomach. Where do people get these ideas? Anyway, when I think about it, Envy and Ed do look like they could be Wrath's parents. Wrath looks kinda like Envy and Wrath is kinda part of Ed . . . Hm, maybe I should do some research.

To demonik: (joins you in happy dance) But Ed doesn't have a pony tail! He has a braid! And Envy has a manly skort! Makes you wonder which one is more feminine. . . Did you sleep in your room while you were painting it? I'd imagine you'd get dizzy.

To Iwin Ulose: Yep, I've been trying to start my romance fic already, and it's so freakin' hard! I guess it has something to do with the fact that I feel sick when I even try to read romance stories. Anyway, yeah, I was just trying to show how much Ed sucks at Spanish. That was pretty sad, though, not knowing no.

To nonesofar: Uh . . . . . . . . . huh? Can you give me a clue on who you are? Have you ever reviewed to me before? . . . Are you my mommy? Wait, I don't say that. I say mamé with a naco accent. Yeah, I'm a naco. Now that I told you a little about myself, tell me who you are!

To Paola: SHH! No one must have a clue on that part! Oh, well. It's gonna be in the next chapter. Hee-hee. George Lopez somehow ended up in the FMA world! Muy chingón! Chile makes a lot of cuts in my mouth, but that's half the fun! It makes everything spicier!