Aztec Goddess: Well, you know the drill. I babble a little at first, and then the chapter starts. It's like freakin' magic. Man, this is the longest chapter I've ever written! Look at the scroll bar! Gasp!

Winter Formal

Is anyone wondering what Hughes has been up to? Well, since Roy was sent home, he went straight to HQ to check up on the place. He was greeted by Elysia at the door. She held out her hand to tell Roy to stop. "You've gotta say the password first!" she said.

"What for? I work here!" Roy said.

"No you don't! Daddy's the only one working here and he said this place can be my playhouse! So you need to say the password to enter!"

Roy rolled his eyes. "Lemme guess . . . Elysia?"

Elysia pouted. "Fine! You can come in, but you're not allowed to touch anything!"

Roy entered and was horrified at what he saw. Pictures – billions of them! They were stapled all over the furniture and the walls. And they weren't all pictures of Elysia. Most of them were altered pictures of the Military: Hawkeye's face on Armstrong's body, Fury hugging Havoc, and Roy in a skimpy dress!

"WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THIS!" Roy yelled. He started to rip some of the pictures featuring himself off the wall.

"Hey, stop that!" Elysia yelled. "Mommy, Daddy, and I spent a lot of time making those!"

After ripping some pictures to shreds, Roy asked, "And exactly where is your daddy?" He had this evil look on his face.

Elysia shrugged. "He's probably sleeping in one of the offices."

Roy ran to and barged into Hughes' office, where he found a finely built fort made out of blankets and chairs. "Hughes! Where are you?" Roy started to move aside some of the blankets, and was attacked by a rabid Hughes.

"Leave my fort alone!" Hughes hissed dramatically. He put the blankets back in place. "Only cool people are allowed in it, so go away!"

"Hughes, let's be serious for once," Roy said. "What have you been doing here!"

"Working! It's a lot of hard work to redecorate the entire place and build the perfect fort to sleep in!"

"Redecorate?" Roy repeated. "You mean stapling pictures all over the place? That's vandalism!"

"No it's not, 'cause I own this place now! Oh, and you don't like the new look? . . . Then you probably don't wanna see your old office. . ."

Roy started to run to his office. Hughes went back inside his fort and covered his ears. As soon as Roy opened the door to his old office . . . "AAAHHHH! OH, DEAR GOD! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, HUGHES!" That was followed by a lot of profanity.

Back with Ed and Scar . . .

"You're gonna try to kill me in front of all these people?" Ed questioned Scar.

"Sure, why not? I've got nothing to lose," Scar replied. He took off the red jacket that's part of the uniform to reveal his tattooed arm. This intrigued a bunch of girls nearby.

"Ooh!" the random girls squealed. "Sexy!" They clung on to Scar and started stroking his pretty arm. Ed and Russell could only watch in amusement/disgust.

Then Abel came along. "Hey, what's going on?" he asked his confused brother.

"Hey, the nerd-look! That is so totally sheik!" some of the girls said as the grabbed on to Abel. "You two are coming with us!" And so the girls dragged away the two brothers.

"But this was my chance to kill Ed!" Scar whined as he was being sent away to God-knows-where.

"Why are you complaining?" Abel asked. "Stuff like this doesn't happen every day!"

" . . . That was odd," Russell commented. Then he suddenly stood up from the table and waved at someone. Ed turned to see who Russell was waving at. Envy, of course. "Hey, Envy!" Russell stood up and ran up to Envy.

It freaked him out, but Ed couldn't help but watch Russell and Envy talk. Envy was wearing the female's uniform, which he filled out nicely. Even Ed had to admit Envy looks good as a girl. Ed couldn't hear what Russell or Envy were saying, but they were smiling and laughing a lot.

Then some random person came up to Ed. "Hey, isn't that new guy hitting on your boyfriend, er girlfriend?" he asked. "Wait, what is Envy? And what are you?"

"I'm a guy! Is that so hard to understand!" Ed yelled at the random person. "And Envy, he's my, um . . ." Ed wasn't sure what to say.

"He's my half brother," Envy answered for him. Ed nearly jumped out of his skin from shock. Envy didn't say the almost-but-not-quite-due-to-a-technicality part! And his voice was a lot more feminine. Envy and Russell were sitting next to him, and they have already gone back to talking to each other.

"Oh, wow. That explains a lot," the guy said. "But then who are the parents of that one kid who got expelled?"

"Wrath's the secretary's kid, I guess." Ed replied. "And just wonderin' . . . HOW COULD ANYONE THINK I WAS HIS MOTHER! I'M FREAKIN' SIXTEEN!"

"Um, you could have had him when you were six?"

Ed couldn't even respond to that. All he could do was give that guy a disappointed look. The guy looked confused, so he just walked away.

"Hey, I know a good joke!" Russell said to Envy. "Why did the girl fall off the swing?"

Envy giggled a little just by thinking about a girl falling off a swing. He thought about it for a while. "I dunno, why?" he asked. Ed was pondering that question, too. There could be several answers if you think about it. Ed was thinking stuff like: Someone pushed her off. She felt like falling off. Her name was Envy. Ed chuckled at his last thought.

"Because she had no arms!" Russell answered. This made Envy laugh his ass off.

"Did she, ever get, back up?" Envy managed to ask between laughs.

Russell shrugged. "Don't see how that's possible!" Then he joined Envy in his fit of laughter.

Ed laughed a little, too. But it bothered him to see Envy and Russell act all buddy-buddy after knowing each other for only a couple of minutes. He knew Envy was faking it, but he doubted Russell was.

Meanwhile, in the school library . . .

Let's see what the forgotten but somewhat-important characters are up to. Yeah, I'm talking about Breda and Sheska. It was lunch time, so naturally, Breda was eating. But then he remembered he needed a certain book for English class, so he went to the school's library, where he found Sheska buried under a ton of books.

"How long have you been here?" Breda asked Sheska as he helped her out of the pile of books.

Sheska looked dazed. "Hey, that's a good question! But did you know that this library has over five hundred books on things you can do with radishes, and no books on academics? Very interesting, don't you think?"

"Um, sure . . ."

Then Lust entered the library. "Weren't you in my English class?" she asked Sheska. "Everyone thinks you've been ditching these last few weeks.

"You've been here for weeks?" Breda asked Sheska in disbelief.

"Oh, dear! I hope I don't get expelled!" Sheska gasped.

"Did I say weeks? I meant months," Lust lied. "School had already ended. But at least you have a chance to celebrate America's Independence Day for fun before you get kicked out of this country!"

"Oh, that sounds like a wonderful idea!" Sheska squealed. She waltzed to the door. "I'm off to Mexico to get the best and most affordable fireworks in the world!" And that's exactly what she did. Breda didn't have a chance to correct Sheska's misunderstanding. He was too busy reading a fascinating book about radishes.

About two weeks later, the day of Winter Formal . . .

Spanish class was almost over. Envy had been in his female form the entire time, and people have yet to ask him about it. Ed has been trying to ask him about being called simply his "half brother", but he didn't know how to word the question. Were you just being lazy, so you didn't say the entire part? Or was that what you really meant? Or are you just plain nicer around Russell?

Ed's friendship with Russell became awkward. All he ever talked about was Envy, and it really annoyed Ed. Envy's a liar. He can't be trusted. He only does whatever is most convenient for him. And he's so freakin' weird!

The bell rang, breaking Ed's train of thoughts. "Elric," Alvarez called to Ed. "I need you to stay after class for a little while."

"He's talking to you in English!" Envy whispered to Ed. "This can't be good. Heh, sucks for you!" Then he left to lunch, like the rest of the class.

Ed nervously walked up to Alvarez, who was sitting on his desk with a little paper in his hands. A scantron. "I had just finished grading all the exams," the teacher said. "Looks like you had no problems with the first couple of questions . . ."

"Um, can I see my grade?" Ed asked. Alvarez handed him the scantron. He was afraid to look, but he needed to know . . . It was what he expected to get: a big fat F. Thirty-one out of a hundred, to be exact.

"And you're grades on homework could be much better, too," Alvarez said. "You're failing miserably! Can you even speak Spanish?"

". . . No."

"Then you should get a transfer-"

"No!" Ed threw himself onto Alvarez and held on to his legs. "I'll try much harder from now on! You won't understand, but I need to stay in this class!"

Alvarez looked freaked out. "Okay, fine! But don't blame me if you don't graduate! And stop touching my legs! It's creepy." Ed stood back up, and Alvarez continued, "I advise you to get a tutor. Perhaps an A student like Envy?"

Ed shuddered at that thought. He still owed Envy two favors, so it wouldn't be a good idea to be tutored by him anyway. Ed wanted to learn Spanish on his own, so he planned to study his ass off the second he got home. But something came up . . .

"Hi, Ed!" Winry greeted Ed at the apartment. "Just thought I'd check up on you to see what you've been doing!"

"Oh, okay," Ed said. Then he headed towards his room to study.

"Hey! Where are you going? I haven't seen you in a while! Let's hang out!"

"Take her to Winter Formal," Wrath demanded rather than suggested. "Or at least get her out of here! She scares me!" Wrath hid from Winry behind Al.

"Hey, that's not a very nice thing to say," Al said.

"You're too cute to be true!" Winry squealed at Wrath. She dived to try to catch him, but he moved out of the way right in the nick of time.

"I don't wanna go anywhere!" Ed whined. "I need to study!"

Winry stood back up. "Winter Formal sounds like fun! Let's go!"

Ed didn't stand a chance. It's not like he can turn his blade against Winry, so he let her drag him to the outside of the apartment. Winry looked around. "So, where's this Winter Formal being held at?"

"At the Home Town Buffet down the street," Ed replied. (Aztec Goddess: That's yet another thing I don't own.)

So a mysteriously hyper Winry and a reluctant Ed went to the aforementioned Home Town Buffet. They were the only ones wearing casual clothes there. Man, Ed was still in his school uniform!

"Why didn't you tell me this was gonna be formal?" Winry whined at Ed.

"Wasn't that kinda implied?"

"Huh? Whatever do you mean?" Winry thought it over. " . . . All this thinking is making me hungry. Where's the food?"

"Are you feeling okay, Winry?"

Winry ignored Ed's question because she found where some of the food was "hidden": right next to her! And she also found where all the plates were stored: right next to the food! It was a very proud day for Winry.

Ed left Winry alone and wandered around the restaurant to see if anyone he knew was there. But it was very hard to move around since half the school was stuffed inside a single restaurant. Okay, so not everyone there was inside the restaurant; the people that wanted to danced were forced to go to the parking lot; but there were still tons of people.

Ed thought he saw Gluttony, which seemed a little suspicious. If Gluttony was there, then Lust had to be around. (Note: Ed doesn't know that the homunculi were at the other dance.) He tried to follow the freaky-looking homunculi around, but crashed into someone in his pursuit. Russell.

"Hey, Ed," Russell said. "Didn't expect to see you here."

"Oh, hey, Russell," Ed said awkwardly. He glanced around. "Envy isn't here?"

"Of course she's here! You don't recognize her?" Russell pointed out a really hot girl getting some desserts not too far from them. Maybe if you look really closely at her face, you can tell she's Envy. But Ed, and several other people, found it very hard to look at Envy's face. He gave himself some dangerous curves and a revealing black dress.

Russell slapped Ed over the head. "Quit staring at her like that! You have no respect for women, do you?"

Russell was being serious. Now Ed was worried for him. Then Envy walked to them holding a bowl of ice cream. He handed it to Russell and wrapped her arm around Russell's free arm. Ed felt sick.

"I think I saw Roy in here somewhere," Envy told Ed. "You better keep your promise." She turned to Russell. "Let's go, nene." And so Envy and Russell disappeared into the crowd.

Hey! Ed thought. Envy used to call me that! I'm being replaced as a person he lies to! Wait, what am I complaining about? Ed felt confused. No, wait, he still felt sick. GAH! I was staring at Envy's cleavage! He calmed down rather quickly. Okay, now to look for Roy. He searched his pockets to see if he had anything to use against Roy. He found a quarter. This gave him an idea.

Meanwhile, in the parking lot . . .

Lust, Greed, and Pride sat on the sidewalk and waited for a certain someone. "Are you sure she's even coming?" Greed whined at Lust. He was extremely bored.

"Yes, I made sure everything will go to plan," Lust replied. "Even ask Pride!"

"Yeah, she's coming," Pride said. He pointed at something in front of him. "She's over there."

It was Sheska wearing a sombrero and a colorful poncho. She was dragging along a huge box covered with dozens of warning stickers written in Spanish. "Hey, Lust!" she said. "Um, are you sure this is the best place to set off illegal fireworks?"

Greed was intrigued. "Ooh! I wanna see what's in the box!" He ran up to the box of mystery and started opening it. He pulled out something that looked like a little missile attached to a really long pole.

"We need to wait until nightfall," Lust said. "And we are not the ones that are going to set them off."

"Hey, I should be able to set some off!" Sheska whined. "I bought them!" Then she thought over the entire situation and looked at her surroundings. "Oh, wow. This place is really crowded. I don't think this is a good idea . . . Plus, these are illegal. They're practically bombs that shoot up in the air – at least most of the time . . ."

Back with Ed . . .

Success! Ed had found Roy sitting with the other Military people. And Winry was there, too, but just to bug. "Drinks go on the left side of your plate, you freak!" Winry yelled at Roy. She pushed Maria out of the way to sit next to Roy and fixed his mistake.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Roy yelled at Winry. "We're busy here! You have no right to listen to the Military's affairs!"

"Hey, how 'bout me?" Ed asked, pissed off because he was being left out.

"You're an enemy now," Roy replied. "'Cause you have one of the enemies living with you!"

Ed looked disturbed. "You mean Wrath? But how do you even know that?"

"Um, sorry, Ed," Brosh said, scratching his head due to nervousness.

" . . . We've been doing a lot of undercover work," Havoc explained.

"The homunculi are trying to get us expelled," Roy said to Ed. "And we have reasons to believe that you are working with them–"

"That's crazy talk!" Ed yelled. "You've been giving me far too much crap all year, and I'm sick of it! I challenge you to a game of wits and skills!" Ed showed his quarter to Roy. "The loser will have to do one thing the winner tells him to do! So, heads or tails?"

Roy thought it over. "Okay, but we'll all have to jump you if you use alchemy to your advantage. If I win, you have to wear a girl's uniform until winter break. I choose tails."

Winter break. That meant an entire month. But Ed had full confidence in himself. It's about time he'd have some good luck. "Fine, but if I win, you'll have to come to school with a spray can – stark naked – and write George Lopez sucks on the walls, okay?"

"See? You are trying to get me expelled!"

Ed didn't reply. He flipped the quarter up in the air and let it hit the floor. It spun around, gradually becoming slower and slower, but still swaying between heads and tails . . . Heads . . . tails . . .

Aztec Goddess: Wow, this is way longer than I'm used to, but I mustn't forget about review responses!

To nadisrad: It's the Radish Times because Kelly High is home of the fighting radish! My school's the fighting Irish. I decided on using a radish just because it rhymes. Plus, it sounds funny!

To Everto Angelus: It's okay if you don't know him . . . unless you live in California! It's pretty hard to not know him around here. I tried as hard as I could to make this chapter long. I'm surprised I actually finished in two days!

To nonesofar (ch 11): Oh, I see now . . . I think. And milk is our friend! Do not dis da milk! Maybe if you're nicer to it, it won't imprison you when it finally does rule the world!

To nonesofar (ch 8): Milk is good for you! Poor Ed hates milk. That's why he's so short and got so freaked out when he grabbed Psiren's boob. Now he can never be normal.

To Iwin Ulose: I'm trying to get used to romance, and . . . LOL! Man, I could just imagine Russell saying that! But then Ed would run away crying. (I think I fixed that typo already.) Ed: I am NOT gay! . . .(mumbles) Except in every other fanfic.

To Dark Dreamer xXx: Don't worry, you'll never have to wait long! I'm learning how to type faster (I REALLY suck at it), but I get things done no matter what anyway.

To Peter Kim: Wow, you're the first to ask that. Bradley (Pride) is a student, so he has nothing to do with it. And Dantae, well, you'll see later. But the right answer is waaaayyy simpler than what you came up with.

To Angel-of-Music1331: I wanna read your FMA fic soon, but I haven't seen the ending yet, so, yeah. Poor Ed never stood a chance on the Spanish exam.

To demonik: Hey, if Ed is really a girl homunculi, then he and Envy were meant to be! Ooh, but think of the children . . . they'll look so cute! And they'll live happily ever after and visit your newly painted room to get high! Aww! Now THAT'S romantic!

To sexylucifer: Well, Roy is a pervert. I wouldn't be surprised if he did naughty things to Ed in the anime while they're off screen . . . O.o. Poor Envy's all left out.

To Paola: Hm, I thought I fixed that mistake already. (shrugs) Oh, well. Eric Cartman's mom is . . . Riza Hawkeye! Don't you think they look alike? But seriously, I have no clue. His mom is . . . his mom, I guess.