Aztec Goddess: Sorry it took me an extra day to finish this chapter. It's just that I've been feeling really sick (like coughing and sneezing sick), so, yeah.
Yahualica
Al quit his job at Winis a week later so he could get at least one paycheck. He got paid in pesos and when he went to a store to exchange it for whatever currency they use, it amounted to two dollars, forty-nine cents, and nine-tenths of a penny. "What can I do with this?" Al asked the clerk.
The clerk shrugged. "You can buy a gallon of gas before the prices go up again."
"But we don't have the gas price problem here," Al replied. " . . . And I don't even have a car!"
"Oh, then go get a job!"
The clerk was about to shoo Al out of the store, but then Al asked, "Can I work here?"
"Um, you don't mind working at a nail salon?"
" . . . Of course I don't mind!" Then Al thought to himself, How'd I end up here in the first place?
The beginning of Winter break, at the post office . . .
"I want an ice cream, Mommy!" Wrath whined while tugging at Ed's jacket when they were getting their passports. After this, they were going to meet the others at the airport with only a backpack each for luggage since, well, they don't have much.
"Quit calling me that," Ed muttered to Wrath while trying to talk to the office person. "No, my ID's correct. I am male . . . and so is Wrath."
The office person looked shocked. "Wow! Are you sure? DAMN!" Then she pulled out two little booklets and handed them to Ed. "Anyway, here are your passports."
Ed and Wrath left the post office and headed to the airport, hand-in-hand, of course. Whenever someone walked by, they'd go Aww! Wrath playfully swung Ed's arm back and forth much more than needed. "Can we get some candy then?"
"Wrath, we'll be late if we make any stops."
Wrath stuck out his bottom lip and gave Ed his best puppy eyes.
"Damn, stop doing that!" Ed whined. ". . . Fine, we'll stop for candy!"
An hour later, at the airport . . .
"What took you guys so long?" Envy yelled at Ed. He was still in his female form and wearing another skimpy dress again. He noticed a little bit of chocolate on Wrath's bottom lip. "You went out to spoil Wrath's appetite? Great." Envy took out a napkin and cleaned Wrath's face.
"Sorry, daddy," Wrath replied. Then he stretched out his arms at Envy and went on his tippy-toes.
"You big baby," Envy said as he picked Wrath up.
"Hey, where are Fletcher and Russell?" Ed asked.
"Waiting in the plane," Envy replied as he, while carrying Wrath, walked towards where the plane was. "We have everything sorted out already. All we need is for you to pay for it all."
"Um, okay . . ." Ed said, wondering how much it would all cost. He went to the ticket salesperson to figure out what to do.
"You must be Edward Elric," the lady said. Ed nodded. "Okay, let's see . . . Two children tickets, and three adult tickets, correct?"
Ed shrugged. "Sounds right."
The lady typed stuff in her computer and said, "First class, pleasant service, air conditioning, cable television, a hot tub and bathroom privileges. That comes up to $29990 even." Ed's jaw dropped to the floor. "Yeah, I know. It's the best deal you'll ever find!"
Lucky for Ed he took half of Al's money prize from the Fab Five ($30000), but since he paid for Wrath's snack, he ended up with about a buck or two in his pocket. After paying up, he asked, "How much would this have cost without all the extra stuff?"
"Oh, about $4000," the woman estimated.
Ed did a little pissed-off dance, then joined the others on the plane. It was a pretty damn nice plane, all slick and shiny and stuff. Ed wondered when technology had time to advance so quickly. Then he saw what was written on the side of the plane: George Lopez.
"Hey, did anyone see what was written on the side of the plane?" Ed asked the others. "And WHY DO WE NEED A HOT TUB, ENVY? DON'T YOU KNOW THAT I'M JUST A STUDENT NOW?"
Envy shrugged, already in the hot tub. "I wanted to know what it was! It's awesome!" He stuck his tongue out at the others. "But only girls are allowed in it!"
"Then get out of it!" Ed yelled. Russell kicked him. Ed was about to say something, but the plane started moving and since he wasn't in his seat, and was just kicked, he fell over.
"DORA, NO!" Wrath and Fletcher yelled in unison. They were watching "educational" television. (Aztec Goddess: I don't claim ownership of Dora the Explorer.)
"Is my monkey friend Boots hiding under that angry cow?" Dora asked the viewers. She walked up to an angry cow.
"Boots is up that tree!" Wrath and Fletcher cried. "Don't go near the cow, Dora!"
Dora flipped the cow over. "Cow is vaca in Sp-" She couldn't finish. The angry cow flipped itself back up and kicked the crap out of Dora. Wrath and Fletcher could only stare at the TV screen in horror.
"So much for educational shows in Spanglish," Russell commented. (Aztec Goddess: Yep, I spelled that right.) "Change the channel, Ed."
"Yeah, and when I have my back turned, you and Envy are gonna start doing stuff," Ed retorted as he picked himself off the floor for the millionth time in my fanfics.
Naturally, that statement gave Russell some naughty ideas. "Whadaya say, Envy? Can I join you in the hot tub?" Envy shook his head, submerged himself in the water, then came back up and, well, just use your imagination. "You tease."
Ed felt sick again. To get his mind off things, mainly Envy's female body, he asked, "So, does anyone know where in Mexico we're going?"
"Yahualica," Russell replied with a fairly good accent. "There are dozens of corrals there. We should be able to find one that will let us stay there for free as long as we do some work."
"And what if we can't find one?"
Envy and Russell exchanged glances, then shrugged in response.
Yahualica, Mexico . . .
I'm giving the characters a break, so, yes; they did find a corral they could work at. The owners are a young couple named Petra and Cheseto.
Everyone except Ed knew how to introduce themselves properly. Envy explained to Petra and Cheseto their situation, and the couple gladly gave them two bedrooms in their house to share and a crap load of work. The five peoples were led to the corral and given instructions.
Ed was just mindlessly looking around in the meantime. Damn, so many animals, Ed thought. I wonder if I can name any in Spanish . . . Burro! Yay! And, um, chickens are pollos! And peacocks . . . hee-hee. PEA COCKS! I bet that's taken literally in Spanish!
"Lalo!" Petra was saying. "LAH-LOH!"
"What's she saying?" Ed whispered to Envy. It looked like Petra was looking at Ed.
"That's what Eds are called in Spanish," Envy replied. Then he went off to the chicken coop to feed the, well, chickens. Wrath and Fletcher were washing the piggies, Russell was feeding the cows and donkeys, Cheseto was inside, I guess, so Ed was left with alone with an angry Petra.
"Pavo real!" Petra kept on repeating to Ed.
Ed held a finger up. "Wait, I know this! Real means real and pavo means . . . turkey! You want a real turkey!"
Petra raised an eyebrow at Ed, then pointed to the peacock roaming around the back yard. Then she gave a bucket full of water and a rag to Ed and said, "Lávalo." Then she went back inside her house.
"Okay . . . that's either another way to say my name," Ed said to himself. He looked at the stuff Petra gave him. "But she probably wants me to wash the peacock . . . or myself. GAH! Why is Spanish so confusing? Well, I'm not taking a bath out here, so I'll wash the peacock."
Ed walked up to the peacock and the peacock gave him the evil eye. It knew this meant war. Ed didn't think much of this bird, so he tactlessly came up to it with a wet rag. He was sent flying seconds later. The peacock let out a battle cry and charged at the fallen Ed. "Why do I always get the hard stuff?" Ed whined.
Then Ed remembered something. He clapped his hands, touched the ground, and formed a cage around the peacock. "You stupid bird!" Ed laughed as he stood above the bird and poured the bucket of water all over it. But the bird looked happy. In fact, it was laughing at Ed as it rolled around in the dirt and got a hell of a lot dirtier. "Crap! Stop that!"
Ed jumped into the cage he made and tried cleaning the peacock off with the rag. It was a long, painful battle, but Ed managed to make the bird look no dirtier that how it was in the first place. It was very late and everyone was already inside the house, so Ed decided to call it a day.
Wrath met Ed in the main hallway. "Um, why are you bleeding?" he asked.
"Peacocks suck," Ed replied. "So, do I get a bed or something?"
Wrath walked Ed to their room. "Well, it depends. Envy gets his own room since he's a girl right now, so the rest of us have to share the other guest room and there are only two beds."
"We share with Fletcher and Russell?" Ed asked, sounding a little disgusted.
They opened the door to the guest room and it was, well, pretty plain. Who'd spend time making a guest room look nice anyway? Fletcher and Russell sat on one of the beds, talking to each other. Wrath jumped onto the other bed. "Am I sharing a bed with Mommy?" Wrath asked cutely.
"Why does he call you that?" Russell asked Ed.
"I guess he thinks it's cute," Ed replied. He said to Wrath, "Okay, but don't get used to it."
The next day . . .
Ed gave in to the inevitable. He had his first Spanish lessons from Envy that day. They were alone in Envy's room.
"First of all," Envy said, sounding all professionally, "you must know how to pronounce all the letters. Recite the Spanish alphabet."
Ed sounded horrible: "Ahh, beh, seh, deh-"
"You've already messed up!"
Ed thought Envy was just being an ass. "Quit lying for once! Just teach me Spanish already!"
"You forgot the letter che," Envy explained. Ed was confused, so Envy elaborated, "Che comes after seh. There are four extra letters in Spanish: che, ll, ñ, and rr."
Ed was as amazed as a little kid seeing aluminum foil for the first time. "Wow! How'd you roll your R's like that?"
Envy lowered his eyelids at Ed. "Are you saying you can't do it?" Ed nodded. Envy sighed and demonstrated how to roll R's several times before Ed had the courage to try it himself.
So, Ed did what he was told: he put his tongue on the roof of his mouth, and blew. No noise came out. Envy slapped his forehead. "It's not like whistling, idiot!" he yelled. He demonstrated again: "Rrrr!"
"Nnnn!" Ed tried to copy.
"Not nnnn, rrrr!"
"Nnnn?"
God only knows how long Wrath was in the room, but he started laughing his ass off. "You guys look so funny!" Wrath laughed. "Ed, you're sad. Anyway, Petrrrra said that we're going to town right now to do some trading and stuff."
"You're hopeless," Envy said to Ed. Then he left the room with Wrath.
"Nnnn . . ." Ed said to himself, not even trying to roll his R's. "I'll just avoid using words with that kind of R," he decided. He went to town with all the other peoples, but then went off on his own because he also decided that the best way to learn Spanish is on his own.
He spent all day at a bar. After listening to several peoples' conversations, he concluded that about every word with the che sound in it was a bad word. So he learned to listen to every other word. It got pretty boring, so Ed asked for a beer. In fact, Ed didn't eat or drink anything but beer that day. And he didn't realize it was beer until he felt dizzy and found himself giggling at every bad word the people were saying.
The bartender asked Ed to pay up, and Ed told him to put it on his tab. Then he realized something. "Entiendo! Entiendo!" Ed hugged the bartender then ran out of the bar for dear life. He pranced around the street saying, "Nomás necesitaba la cerveza! Y ya puedo hablar español!" Everyone clapped and cheered for him.
Translation: "I understand! I understand!" "All I needed was the beer! And now I can speak Spanish!"
Ed ran into Envy on his way back to the corral. "Guess what!" he said. "I figured out the secret behind speaking Spanish!"
Envy, of course, didn't believe Ed. "What secret? Lemme hear you speak Spanish."
There was a slight problem: Ed was already sobering up. He replied, "Ay ya! Soy muy caliente!"
Translation: "Oh, enough! I am so horny!"
Envy scratched his head and gave Ed an odd look. "Well, as long as you know what you said."
Aztec Goddess: After a lot of hard work, it seems like Ed is on the road to learning Spanish! Yay! Good for him! Let us celebrate!
To Angel-of-Music1331: Don't worry about that bad review. Everyone has a different sense of humor, so you can't make everyone happy. Plus, man, that person wrote a LOT. To me, it seems like that person just felt like bitching to someone, and that unlucky person was you.
To nadisrad: Thanks for commenting on my fanart, but you should write in my blog since I'm practically abandoning my xanga. I'm practicing on drawing Envy right now. I want him to come out perfect 'cause the first time I drew him, I was like: WTF? Who the hell is that?
To Lil-Kudo: Oh. I don't know much about Inuyasha. And, y'know, I didn't realize how wrong the whole wini thing sounded until probably late elementary school. I'm used to hearing it being used all casually and stuff. But then George Lopez once said, "Get the winis! The ones that get big when they're hot!"
To Everto Angelus: Your beautiful speech cheered Ed right up! Now he has hopes that in the future, I won't torment him as much for being the target of so many perverts! But poor Ed still has to deal with so much more in other fics . . .
To nonesofar: Well, you would have to drink a crap load of milk for that to happen. Plus, that'll give the chubby people the right to say, "I'm not fat, I'm just big boned!" See? Milk is your friend, no matter how you see it! And the sugar is in my stomach. It's been proven that sugar doesn't cause hyperactivity at all.
To Iwin Ulose: I'm still deciding in the next fic . . . My mind's blank right now. Wow, it's 10:20pm right now. I took waaaaaaay toooooo long to write this chapter. Sorry!
To notshorty329: So . . . what do you think of the rest of this story. Sorry, but I think the first chapter is misleading because it's probably the craziest.
To Kierrn Saro: YAY! Wow, when I started fanfiction, I never thought that I would be good at humor, but it looks like my stories are successful. Thanks for reading!
To Kagome Tendo: Hm, I forgot if what Roy did to Ed was intentional . . . (thinks very hard) I guess I never decided on that. Anyway, Roy does so much to Ed in this story; I'm almost feeling bad for him. . . . No, not quite.