Author's Note: This does NOT follow true canon. This is just something that was in my head. Please keep that in mind when you read it. I may rewrite it at some point to actually fit into canon just to have a little something closer in relation to the anime. . .maybe. That said:
This is just something that NEEDED to be written. It spoke to me damn it. LISTEN to what it says? xD Yes, the words speak to me. eerie music And the best news ever? My ANGST is back.
Back to where it all started. Thought I'd never return here again. Never wanted to; if truth be known I never wanted to come to this damned desert city in the first place. None of us did. Okay, some of the more ruthless warmongers did, but not us regular Joes and Janes. We didn't want war; we didn't want to have to kill to serve. I know I didn't, but it was my duty, my job. So I was a killer for the all mighty military.
I suppose I shouldn't complain much as I walk the streets of the ruined city. I wasn't really in the thick of things until the end dredges. That was the only perk of being a sniper. Never too close to the action. Just close enough to get the job done. Didn't matter the target, they were all taken down one bullet at a time. Sometimes. . .sometimes I wonder if I really was the lucky one. Being so far from the carnage that makes up war somehow desensitized me to the horror of what I was really doing at the time. Even now I can't really appreciate what I've done nor feel the kind of guilt that I should. I'm depraved.
You, on the other hand, were right here. In the thick of things and laughing all the while. I knew you then. Don't forget who shared your bedroll more than once on those frozen desert nights. You enjoyed the war. You couldn't get enough of the destruction, the death. One more body going up in smoke clutched in your palms, just one more kill. It was never enough, you always wanted more. And this place provided it for you. Long days of scorching heats that made even the bullets sweat you were down here, in this, looking for your next victim and laughing. Always laughing. Condescending fucker that you were, always laughing.
Finally I see it, your body. Yeah, you're still here. We never thought we'd make it out of here alive yet we both did. Of course I didn't know you were still alive until after you escaped, but you survived. Did you know I actually smiled that day? I know I always smile in the face of adversity but. . .I smiled for you. I'm smiling now as well. It's twisted but I'm both glad and heartbroken that you're dead. You broke my damn heart. Bastard. And in your honor I'll even say it exploded and spread to the four winds.
Your body's still here. Pale as death and devoid of life's blood. It's all seeped into the dirt by now. But you're still here. Death doesn't bother me anymore. Never has actually. . .and you're decomposing body doesn't either. You're still here. You broke my heart and I can't help but feel warmth spread through me that you're still here. Well, looks like I lied. You've still got blood seeping from your mouth and some drying into your uniform front. The last bits of you drying away in the desert wind.
Maybe I'm more twisted than you were, but I can't help but pull you upwards as I bend down and give you one last parting kiss. I expected the foul stench of your death to fill my nose or maybe the flies that buzzed around the entire place to be swarming your face. . .I didn't expect soft lips and the lingering taste that had always been you to greet me. You broke my heart.
I came here looking for absolution. I hope you've found yours.