Aztec Goddess: OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! Over two hundred reviews! (dies of heart attack) . . . Okay, now I'm back to go on with the story!

Spring Break

Al woke up extra early since he promised Havoc that he'd get him a girlfriend before he breaks down into another five minutes of unmanliness. Needless to say, Havoc's family strongly dislikes those dreaded five minutes.

But there was a little problem Al had to face first: Winry was already watching TV and the only way out the door would be to walk between her and the TV. Al took an imaginary deep breath, then did a little sprint to the door. But he wasn't fast enough.

"What the hell's your problem, Al!" Winry yelled. "I could have missed a very important millisecond of my show! How dare you think you can get away with this!" Al got freaked out, so he dashed out the door. Winry chased after him with a huge wrench in hand. "Don't run away from me! You'll never get away! I know where you live!"

Al jumped down all the stairs and Winry tumbled down after him. "Winry, you're obsessed with Oprah! You need help!" Al yelled back as he ran out of the apartment for dear life.

"I am NOT obsessed! You don't know what obsessed is!" Winry yelled back as the two of them ran down the street.

"But that's all you do! It's like Oprah's the only reason you came to live with us!"

"Well . . . 'cause it is! Freakin' Grandma kicked me out of the house when I wouldn't stop watching Oprah!"

Al stopped abruptly and Winry ran into him. She fell to the floor, bleeding a little. "Wow, that's sad," Al commented. "But since when do you have a TV?"

Winry got up and rubbed her forehead. " . . . I don't remember. But what's important is that you and Ed are nice enough to let me freeload off you guys!"

Then Al noticed that they had stopped right in front of Havoc's house. How convenient! "Hey, I know a place where you can freeload as long as you want without pissing your old friends off!"

"Really? Oh, that's awesome!"

"But there's a catch."

"What?"

"YouneedtobeHavoc'sgirlfriend," Al quickly replied.

"Yeah, I guess I can make friends with a hammock!"

"Okay, so it's settled then!" Al walked Winry up to Havoc's doorsteps, rang the doorbell, and as soon as the door opened, Al shoved Winry inside the house, then ran as fast as he could to his shoe store.

A couple weeks later, back at the apartment . . .

Envy, Ed, and Wrath haven't had a good sleep in weeks. They have every waking moment trying to make sense out of the reports to have maximum leisure time in Spring break, but already half the break has flown by! It was late one night when the three of them made quite a shocking discovery . . .

Ed threw up his arms in distress, then fell flat on some of the papers. "None of these things are adding up!" he whined. "If George Lopez really does have the stone, then why the hell isn't he acting all powerful and stuff?"

Wrath was sleepily looking through some of the other papers. "Says here he doesn't have any credentials, so how is he a principal, and why?"

"He doesn't do much as a principal," Ed commented. "Maybe it has something to do with money?"

"He's loaded. And . . . look at this." Wrath handed Ed a newspaper clipping from the other side.

Ed read the clipping out loud, "Neighboring countries have disappeared. Police are baffled. . . . What the hell?"

"I guess the police from the other side aren't that different from our own."

"No, Wrath, that's not the weird part. It's just that I remember reading that George supposedly duplicated countries from wherever the hell he's from, but if they've disappeared from their original place, then . . ."

"Equivalent exchange?"

Ed was started by this realization. " . . . But then that would mean that he doesn't have the philosopher's stone! . . . No way! That's impossible! He told me that I could borrow it once I graduate!"

"But where's the proof that he even has the stone?"

Ed groaned. "Maybe if we look harder, we'll find something."

At the moment, Envy had made a hand puppet out of a paper bag that came out pretty good. He slid the puppet onto his hand, and moved its mouth as he spoke in a funny voice, "So far, we know George Lopez is Mexican, has lovely wife Ana, and has head twice the size of a soccer ball. This don't help us crap. Only one solution . . ." Envy picked up a conveniently located sick with his puppet's mouth. "We whack reports with stick!" And so Envy commenced to violently whack the reports with a stick.

Wrath clapped and giggled at Envy's little show. Ed, on the other hand, was not amused. "What the hell have you been doing all this time, Envy?" he asked.

Envy answered in his normal voice. "I started working on my Theater project. How 'bout you?"

"Oh . . . crap. When did the teacher assign another project?"

"Right before Spring break. We're supposed to come back with a little puppet theater."

"But – but what about all this crap Dante gave us?" Ed whined.

"Mr. Puppet has a point," Wrath pointed out. "This don't help us crap! Plus, I think we should get some good sleep one of these days. But, y'know, it's been too quiet around here . . ."

Wrath was right. It's been uncomfortably quiet the entire time they were working on the reports. Sure, Al came in and out several times a day, but there was still something missing. Something very annoying and talkative was missing . . . The trio turned to the TV, and it was OFF!

"Holy crap!" Ed yelled. "Since when has the TV been off?"

Wrath looked around the room. "Could it be . . .?" he asked himself as he stood up from the floor and walked around the living room. "Yes! The Oprah lady is gone!" he cheered.

"Wow, and all this time I thought she was stuck to the couch!" Envy replied.

Ed scratched his head in confusion. "You think she's been gone for a long time?" And that was their shocking discovery. Pretty sad, huh?

At Havoc's house . . .

Jean Havoc still had no clue on when or how some random blonde chick ended up living with him, but he was not one to complain about something like this. They actually got along pretty well since Havoc got addicted to Oprah in one of his prior five minutes of unmanliness. But it was still hard for him to keep a conversation going with her.

"So, any other interests besides Oprah?" Havoc asked Winry during commercials.

Winry thought for several seconds. "Hm, I know I used to really be into something before I got a TV, but I can't really remember. . . . I think it has something to do with Ed's-"

Havoc jumped to the back of the couch. "Ed? Where? You saw him in here?" He asked, all paranoid.

"I don't think so, but urg! Now this is gonna bug me! Why can't I remember my old hobby?" Winry scratched her head with the wrench she always carries around.

Havoc sat back down next to Winry. "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll remember one day," he said in a sweet voice.

"Aw, you're so nice, um . . ."

"Jean Havoc. And um, you are . . .?"

"Winry Rockbell! Nice to finally know your name! I've been living here for the past couple of weeks!"

"Yeah, I noticed." Havoc scooted closer to Winry. "Um, Winry, I think I – oh, wait! Oprah's back on!" And so the almost-couple harmoniously watched the rest of Oprah.

Where Scar and Abel are at . . .

The last time we saw these two Ishbalian brothers, they were in Yahualica where they were rescued by Ed from the Foreign Lovers Club. Well, they still haven't left Mexico. Now they're lost in a desert.

Abel was holding the map. "Let's see . . . that guy from the bar said that there should be an airport somewhere beyond this desert. And according to this map, we should be running into a little Mexican dog pretty soon."

"What? Lemme see that map!" Scar took the map away from his brother. "I don't see a dog. What the hell were you looking at?"

"It says Chihuahua right next to the word Desert!" Abel pointed to what he was looking at on the map.

"That's because this is the Chihuahua Desert," Scar explained.

"Nuh uh! There's no Chihuahua Desert! Chihuahuas are little Mexican dogs, so quit lying! Why do you always lie? Quit lying to your own brother! You're such a liar!"

Scar whacked Abel over the head with the map. "A dog has the same name as a desert. Get over it already."

"But that's so . . . tacky!" Abel whined.

"Yeah, I know. But we'll have to deal with it until we find a way out of here. That is, if our food and water supply don't run out 'til then." Scar and Abel only had enough money to bring along a box of gum and a bottle of water. They would have had so much more if they didn't blow all their cash on illegal fireworks and all you can eat buffets for every meal when they were back in Yahualica.

After a couple more minutes of walking, Abel declared, "I need to pee and there aren't any trees or bushes around here!"

Scar thought about Abel's statement for a while then asked, "Hey, I've been wondering something for a while. Ever since you lost your, um , y'know, how do you pee?"

"They grew back after a while!"

"Whoa, awesome!" Scar held out a fist at his brother. "You deserve some props, man!" Abel complied by hitting his own fist against his brother's.

Scar and Abel became in a much lighter mood, but that didn't change the fact that they were utterly lost, and have been that way since Winter break. They've missed like four months of school!

Back at the apartment, the last day of Spring break . . .

"What a fantastic way to waste our last break from school," Ed retorted as he worked on his puppet theater only hours before school would start again. But he got smart this time around: he used alchemy to make perfect puppets out of paper bags and a cardboard box to make the set. He was done making the props in a matter of seconds, but still needed a script. "All we did was work."

Since Envy had already finished all of his homework, he went back to looking through the reports to see if they missed anything important. Wrath was asleep on the floor next to him. "Quit whining. Wrath and I had to do a ton of pointless work, too."

Ed started writing down his script. He went as far as writing his name and seventh period Theater, then asked, "Hey, Envy. What was your script about?"

"It was about a guy asking for help on his homework, and never receiving it," Envy replied sarcastically. He faked a sniffle. "It's such a sad story." Then he started throwing some papers around in hopes that he'll find whatever the hell he's looking for that way.

"C'mon, don't you think you owe me something? I mean, you're freakin' freeloading off me!"

"Correction: I'm freeloading off your brother. He's the one with a job." Then Envy found what he was looking for. "Aha! Hey, listen to this. It's something George wrote to his wife: Hey, good news! I don't need the operation, so your kidney's safe! Remember Paco, that thing I've been telling you about? Well, I got the idea to put it next to my kidney, and just like that, I felt like I got a new one! Man, there was this red light and stuff. I should have taken a picture."

" . . . Red light?"

"Sounds like the philosopher's stone, right?"

"But it could be one of those incomplete – wait no. Incomplete stones wouldn't be strong enough to move around countries. Hey, this is great! It finally sounds like we're not on a wild goose chase anymore!"

"Yeah, so if you get expelled, I'll kill you, okay?"

Ed shrugged. "Sounds fair, considering I won't get expelled!"

Aztec Goddess: Well, since Scar and Abel haven't been going to school, consider them expelled. That leaves Ed, Envy, Roy, and Russell left. And just in case you're wondering: yes, there is a Chihuahua desert in Mexico.

To sexylucifer (ch 19): Yeah, I know. Now I feel so bad for putting my favorite character in son much pain! (cries for Envy)

To Everto Angelus: Yeah, there are so many possibilities when it comes to what Roy can do to Ed once they're back in school. But Ed doesn't need Roy to be in hell in this story!

To sexylucifer (ch 20): I always go easy on Al because he's so freakin' nice! I can't put him in horrible situations like his brother!

To MetalWing Alchemist: Heh, I only hope this ends way better than my last story! I seriously didn't know what to do in the last one, but I'm a little prepared this time!

To Angel-of-Music1331: Poor Abel didn't stand a chance. Hope to hear from you as soon as possible!

To Nayru: Considering Ed's luck, the chance of him surviving seems slim, but you just never know! And, hmm, Russell doesn't seem in any danger. I should change that.

To nonesofar: Um, the only thing I was able to read was I GO KILL EVIL COWS I LIKE. (gasp!) Are you admitting that you like cows? Don't worry; it's only natural to love animals with so many stomachs! Praise the cows!

To CowNapkin: Oh, I guess I'll never be able to see that show. That's weird, though. I thought I've seen every crazy show Fox has ever come up with. Maybe it was on WB? I'll check it out on the net when I have time.

To Lil-Kudo: Wow, that's crazy! Hey have you ever said something and then you hear the exact same thing on the radio? That used to happen to me so many times. I thought people were out to get me!

To Iwin Ulose (ch 19): Thanks, but I don't think ALL my chapters are that great. Man, I fell like I can't seem to beat my first chapter, but whatever. So have you seen all the episodes of Married With Children? Do you know how it ended?

To Iwin Ulose (ch 20): This is basically how much my cousin and I found about the movie: type 'Hagaren' in Google, and most of those Japanese sites should lead you to some trailers. But trailers are all we can find so far! (cries)