Aztec Goddess: Second to last chapter! (cries) It's so close to the end! And I believe this is now the longest chapter I've ever written. Oh, and a little note to Iwin Ulose: You're the third person to read my mind! Even though that makes me all paranoid, you deserve a cookie for your mad skills!
Happy Break
Hughes woke up from his desk one afternoon and took a good look around himself. The wallpapers were peeling like crazy, reports and dirty laundry replaced whatever the floor once was, and a crazy homeless lady was sleeping in a corner. "Wow, since when did things get this bad?" Hughes whispered to himself as he silently crept out of his room, being extremely careful to not wake up the stranger.
As Hughes made his way to a bathroom, a very angry Gracia blocked his path. "Maes Hughes, how much longer do you expect us to live in this dump?" She had her arms crossed and was impatiently tapping a foot.
"Hey, we can go back home anytime, but don't you think it's much more fun living here?" Hughes made a very good point. There wasn't much to do at their house.
Gracia rolled her eyes. "We need to at least clean this place up. What if some of your friends graduate? Isn't this still going to be your guys' HQ?"
"The only guys still in high school are Ed and Roy. Wow, this is gonna be one sad military." Hughes laughed at this. "What am I talking about? It's gonna be great! Roy's gonna finally be the Fuhrer and I'll be right below him!"
Gracia slapped her forehead. "You're missing the point. No work will ever get done. We'll all have to depend on those stupid cops for everything."
"But I'll still get paid for what little work I do!" Hughes declared triumphantly. "Hey, let's throw a reunion party! It might be the last time the former military will be able to hang out, so please?" He clasped his hands together as a hopeful plea.
Gracia's face softened and she sighed. "Okay, go ahead and throw a reunion party. But I want this place cleaned up beforehand. And we also need to look for Elysia. I can't seem to find her this morning through all the mess!"
"Eep! Elysia!" And so Hughes commenced to clean up all the mess he has made in the past several months.
The things you can find while cleaning up are simply amazing. Under Fury's desk, Hughes found the torn rubber band Hawkeye borrowed and Hughes knew it was his because he wrote his initials on it. Not wanting to know what the rubber band was doing there, Hughes simply dug a hole under the desk and had a little funeral for his beloved rubber band. Well, the hole just made another mess Hughes had to clean up.
Even when Hughes was cleaning out his own office, he made a few discoveries. The neon pink pants he thought he burned to hell must have come back from the grave and was perched on a lamp under several other tacky layers of clothing. The homeless lady had made a nest out of crucial reports concerning the homunculi. Hughes felt bad for having to kick the lady out, so he let her keep her nest.
Since Hughes had crashed one of his cars into Roy's office, he had to start building a new wall. Amidst the totaled wall, Hughes found a sleeping Elysia all cuddled up in that pink fluffy stuff you find inside walls. He moved his daughter aside and rebuilt the office good as new with papier-mâché.
Hughes felt like he had accomplished enough for two hours, so he went to the entrance hall to watch some TV. He flopped onto the couch, grabbed the remote, never wondering how technology advanced so suddenly, and got ready to watch his favorite show Non-Metal Normal Guy, but it was tragically replaced by breaking news.
"Aw, why today?" Hughes whined. But he watched the breaking news anyway since it's probably on every channel. Plus, the background caught his attention: Kelly High. People were screaming frantically in the background and even the news lady looked freaked out. In fact, she was crying. How unprofessional of her!
"Sorry for the tears, but . . . we are witnesses to . . . the death of my boyfriend!" the news lady sobbed. She pointed a finger at a certain blonde and bloodstained teen that was having the crap beaten out of him by cops and some of Greed's girlfriends. "That . . . BASTARD named Russell Tringham is to blame for the unhappiness of so many women in Central!"
The news lady held her microphone out at a student that witnessed the attack. "It was crazy!" he said. "Russell wouldn't stop beating the shit out of that guy! He was really pissed about losing his girlfriend. Geez, I learned to live with that problem!"
"And . . . the attack took place right here?" the news lady asked.
The student pointed to the main entrance of Kelly High, which was also bloodstained. "Right at the entrance. Some of the fight took place inside the school, but I didn't see that. But then I saw Greed try to escape and that's when Russell jumped him and rammed Greed's face on the concrete. It was sick, man."
"But I didn't even touch Greed!" Russell cried as he was utterly defenseless at the moment. "AH! He beat himself up! He killed himself!"
"You take us as idiots!" Envy shrieked. He was doing a great job pretending to be just as devastated as everyone else. He kicked Russell on his side. "His blood's all over you!"
"That's 'cause you freakin' shoved me on top of him!" Russell yelled back.
"How could you accuse me of anything, you monster!" By then, Envy had managed some fake tears. "Why do you have to be such a horrible person? First, you wouldn't stop pressuring me for sex when we were going out! Then you wanted to get back at me by going out with some random girl that happens to be one of Greed's girlfriends! And now THIS! What the hell is wrong with you?"
Then Ed ran out of the high school. "Hey, what'd I miss?" The first things he saw were Greed's bloody body getting treated by paramedics, a bunch of rabid cops and women beating the crap out of Russell, and Envy crying. " . . . Holy shit. What happened here?"
"Nene!" Envy ran up to Ed while wiping away his fake tears. "It's horrible! Russell killed Greed!"
That word again. So far, it has made Ed offended, confused, neutral, disturbed, and now . . . happy! That's because he now knows that Envy truly sees him as a half-brother without the almost-but-not-quite-due-to-a-technicality part. There was no more hate between them, just an occasional strong dislike. And with Al and Wrath in the picture, he had a complete – yet odd – family! Aw!
Ed looked around at all the blood and gore going on. "Um, let's go home, Envy. You've got some explaining to do."
At the apartment, several minutes later . . .
Ed, Envy, and Wrath saw the rest of the breaking news on TV. It was announced that Russell's trial will be held on the weekend and the presence of any witnesses would be greatly appreciated.
"What? My pimptastic brother is dead?" Wrath cried. "I never even got to say goodbye!" He clung on to Envy and cried in his chest.
"Are you forgetting that he's a homunculus?" Envy asked.
Ed just realized that, too. "But then how's the idea that Russell killed him gonna work when Greed is probably fully healed by now?"
"The fact is that Russell technically did kill Greed," Envy pointed out.
"Oh, yeah. So lemme see if I got this right: You're the one who was beating up Greed, and you basically killed him . . . so how did the real Russell end up with Greed's blood all over himself?"
"The other side of the main entrance was really crowded, so it was easy to change back to normal, grab the real Russell from the crowd, and fling him at the dying Greed. No one even noticed me! That was great. Too bad that wasn't Roy though."
"Got any plans to get him expelled?"
"I have some vague ideas so far. But what about you? How hard have you tried to get him expelled?"
"I tried very hard in Winter Formal! We flipped a coin and I almost won!" Ed defended himself, even though that statement wasn't very effective.
"And you ended up back in a skirt because of that," Envy retorted. " . . . But what would have happened if you won?"
Ed smiled at his remembrance, then got a disturbed look on his face when he actually imagined it. "Roy would have had to come to school naked and write George Lopez sucks on a wall."
Wrath giggled at this. Then he saw the intrigued look on Envy's face. "You're not really thinking of doing that, are you Daddy?"
Ed looked even more disturbed. "Oh, crap. Why'd I even tell you?"
"Hey, I have shame!" Envy declared. "I won't do that, but that gives me an idea!"
Three days later, with the Hughes family . . .
In merely three short days, Maes Hughes had completely fixed up HQ all by himself! It was remarkable to see everything in its place and shining out of cleanliness once again. And it was a Friday, the best day for a party! Tons of tables and food were already set in the entrance hall.
"Aw, I am so proud of you, honey!" Gracia squealed as she hugged her husband. And do you know what she was doing the entire time Hughes was cleaning? Eating bonbons and watching Oprah.
"So can I have my little reunion now?" Hughes begged.
"Have you sent the invitations already?"
"Um . . . I'll go invite everyone personally!" And so Hughes rushed off to all of the former militarists' homes.
No, Hughes didn't go on foot since that would take too long. He simply rode his car around and quickly stopped by at the houses to tell them about his reunion. So far, everyone that got expelled or didn't even go to Kelly High in the first place thought that this would do them some good. After all, they were only being lazy bums the entire time.
But Hughes had a problem with getting Roy to come. First of all, no one was opening the door. Hughes thought that the right thing to do was to break through one of the windows. But no one was home. "Oh, well," Hughes said to himself as he climbed back out the window. "I don't have time to look for him. Hey, I'm almost done! Only Ed and Al are left!"
It was easy for Hughes to find the right apartment room since the door was wide open and the Elric brothers could be heard complaining about something. It was possibly directed to the old stranger lady standing by the door. "Graduation is next week, and none of you have heard from the principal yet?" she asked in an annoyed voice.
"Why do you keep on coming over here?" Al whined. "I pay rent so it's my apartment!"
"Geez, you're too impatient. Why do you need the stone anyway?" Ed whined.
"Tell the old lady to go away, Daddy!" Wrath whined at Envy.
Hughes didn't recognize Wrath's voice, so what he said confused him. "Um, is this a bad time . . ." he started as he walked up to the door and stood next to Dante. "Who's this lady?"
"She's an evil, annoying, old lady!" Wrath replied. He was quivering behind Envy, another unfamiliar face to Hughes.
"Well, if that's the case . . ." Hughes took out his wallet and showed it to Dante as it unfolded, revealing a hundred pictures of Elysia. "Have you met my daughter?" he squealed.
Dante backed off. "Oh, no. I've heard of you!" She rushed out of the apartment, screaming for help. No one took her seriously though. She's pretty damn old, so she could have been hallucinating for all everyone else knew.
Envy tilted his head at Hughes. "You look oddly familiar . . ."
"Really? I don't believe we've ever met," Hughes replied as he folded the pictures back up into his wallet. "Anyway, I'm here to invite you all to my reunion at HQ tonight! Bring as many friends as you want! There's always room for more!" With that said, Hughes headed back to HQ to make more preparations.
"Wow, that guy scared Dante!" Wrath gasped. He seemed terrified. "Can we trust him?"
"Of course!" Al replied. "Mister Hughes is one of the nicest guys in the world!"
"But can we afford slacking off?" Ed asked, worried about school. "I wanna do well in the finals. What if I get really drunk?"
"Then you'll do so much better in Spanish class," Envy pointed out.
"Oh, that's right. Then let's buy some beer and head over to HQ!" Yes, what a very common thing for a militarist to say.
At the reunion party, a couple hours later . . .
It seems as if everyone that came to the reunion brought a six-pack or two. They must have forgotten that Ed's a minor, or they most likely don't even care. Before everyone got hopelessly drunk, there was about an hour of reminiscing.
When Ed met up with Winry and Havoc there, he asked, "So when did you move out anyway? And who have you been living with?"
"Oh, I've been living with Jean Havoc ever since Al blocked the TV from my view." Winry replied. "He's great 'cause he shares my love of Oprah!" She wrapped an arm around Havoc, but he seemed unfazed. He just kept on giving Ed a blank stare.
"Are you feeling alright, Havoc?" Ed asked as he was about to wave an arm in front of Havoc's face.
"Ah! Don't touch me!" Havoc squeaked as he sought refuge behind Winry.
"He's afraid of you for some reason. What'd you do to him, Ed?" Winry asked.
This caused Ed to remember what Envy said about Havoc: Don't ask. Ed supposed he didn't want to know the answer, so he shrugged it off and went off to see more of his old friends.
Some of the female militarists had invited Greed to come, so he was there on a couch, surrounded by dozens of women. They kept on begging him to retell his epic story of struggling to come back to life for the sake of so many women. And they also enjoyed talking shit about Russell.
After talking to just about everyone else in the room, Ed realized something odd. "Hey, Hawkeye. Have you seen Roy?" Ed asked the pissed-off Hawkeye sitting at a table, already getting drunk. Ed got his own beer and started drinking, too.
"Not since he stood me up at Homecoming," Hawkeye spat. She took a chug of her beer. "And I heard that he bought himself a little girlfriend a while back. I'LL KILL THAT BASTARD THE NEXT TIME I SEE HIM!"
Envy, who was scolding Wrath for trying to sneak a drink not too far from Ed, heard what Hawkeye said, and that delighted him. "Hey, if you wanna kill Roy tomorrow, you can see him in court at noon!" he declared triumphantly.
"What did you do, Envy?" Ed asked, having a good idea that Envy must have gotten Roy in trouble to try to get him expelled.
"Something so simple –" Envy's sentence was cut short by the sound of a heavily drunken Hawkeye collapsing on the floor. "Aw, she won't remember what I told her now!" he whined.
"But what did you do to Roy?"
"I disguised myself as a Mexican and told him really crappy jokes. That made him say something bad to a very powerful person . . . You'll see tomorrow right after Russell's case, so just go ahead and drink your ass off while you have the chance."
The next day . . .
The odds were more than against Russell, they were crushing him. As the defendant, Russell sat in the stand in the courtroom to state his plea. "I didn't do anything." That's the best he could do considering no one wanted to be his lawyer and he had no evidence to support himself.
Greed's lawyer (probably another girlfriend) rose up from her seat and asked, "Then why do all the other witnesses claim otherwise?"
"I dunno! Damn, this is so stupid!" Russell pointed an accusing finger at Envy, who was sitting alongside all of the other witnesses. "She, he, whatever, set me up!"
"He's only saying that 'cause I'm his ex!" Envy blurted out.
The lawyer raised a hand to signal silence, for she had another question for Russell. "Sir, is it true that your other girlfriend is now one of Greed's?"
" . . . Yes." Russell answered.
"Is it true that you were angry enough to give him the finger?"
"Yes."
"So couldn't you have been angry enough to kill him?"
"Objection! He's not dead! He's sitting right next to you!"
"So?" Greed shrugged. "I was still legally dead."
"I have reached a verdict," the judge said. "Russell Tringham, you are charged with first-degree murder. You are sentenced to twenty years in prison." He finished the verdict by hitting the mallet thingy to his desk. "Case closed."
Fletcher jumped out of the moving crowd and ran up to the judge. "But that's so long! What will happen to me?" he whined.
"You can join your brother if you like. I've heard that the prison here isn't so bad since the personnel are so nice."
"Um, okay . . ." So Fletcher was escorted out the door by some guards with his cussing brother.
Pretty soon, everyone in the courtroom was gone except for the judge, some guards, Envy, and a sleeping Ed. Envy nudged at Ed and said, "Wake up, you drunkard. You're gonna miss Roy's trial."
Ed lifted his head up from the chair next to himself. "No, mi licuado de leche es mejor que el tuyo!"
Translation: "No, my milkshake is better than yours!" (I don't clam ownership of that song)
"I didn't ask you to speak, just listen."
Ed rubbed his eyes. "But I can speak! It just that I had a weird dream . . . Hey, where's Wrath?"
"He stayed at home with Al since you let him get so drunk last night."
"It's not my fault!" Ed got all defensive. "I thought you were watching him!"
"He was with you the entire time! I took my eyes off him for a minute and the next thing I knew, the both of you were so drunk, man, you even found that Armstrong guy attractive!"
Ed looked like he was about to throw up. "I didn't do anything . . . bad, right?"
"Nah, you couldn't even stand up half the time."
Ed sighed of relief. As Envy and Ed were talking, the room had already filled up with a bunch of other people. Roy had been escorted to the stand by cops and it looked like he couldn't get a lawyer, either. The plaintiff sat next to Ed. She was a chubby, young-looking woman.
"So are you gonna tell me what you did?" Ed tried to whisper to Envy, but it came out rather loud. Envy shushed him in response.
"The case of Roy Mustang against Ana Serrano will now begin," the judge declared. He turned to Roy. "Your offence is very serious. How do you plea?"
"Um . . . what is my offence?" Roy asked, utterly dazed.
The judged turned to Ana to show that he wanted her to answer. She stood up and said to the audience, "Mister Roy Mustang came up to me and said Mexicans are not funny." After all the gasps and cussing at Roy calmed down, she continued, "And that is beyond offending to my husband, George Lopez." More gasps from the crowd commenced.
"Oh, dear God," the judge said. "George Lopez? The man who has been trying to harmonize this world with the other side? This means at least a month's worth of community service."
Roy looked really freaked out. He cursed under his breath. "I'm sorry! I didn't know that you were his wife!" he pleaded to Ana. "I . . . I meant to say that Cubans are not funny!"
"I'm Cuban," Ana replied.
"Really? You look white!" Ed blurted out. That's what he gets for drinking too much the night before. The entire courtroom became dead silent. No one knew it was Ed who said that; they just looked at the general area around him. Ed looked around curiously, wondering why no one was saying anything.
Envy hid his face in his hands. "You dumbass," he muttered, mostly to himself. "And we're so freakin' close to graduation . . ."
Ana looked at the people around herself. "Who said that?" she demanded, sounding really pissed.
Ed was too freaked out to respond. "If no one responds, the entire courtroom will go on trial," the judge said.
Ed knew what he had to do. He slowly raised a quivering hand, but then Envy stopped it and raised his other hand. "I said it," Envy said. He looked around the courtroom. "Um, sorry?"
The judge banged his mallet thingy again. "I have had enough of this case. You," he said to Envy, "you, will do fifty hours of community service. And you, Roy," he said to Roy, "you will do two hundred hours of community service. I hope this teaches you two to not offend George Lopez's wife! Case dismissed."
"But I don't have time for that!" Roy whined.
"Yeah, what about school?" Envy whined.
"You two simply won't be able to graduate since you'll be too busy to be present on the last week of school. Plus, George Lopez is your principal. He most likely wouldn't want people like you two as students in his school. Oh, and community service starts tomorrow morning at the library."
Ed was pretty much sober when he and Envy were walking home. They were walking in silence until Ed said, "You didn't have to do that, y'know."
Envy shrugged. "What use would I have with a high school diploma? It's not like I planned to get a job."
"But this just adds to another thing I owe you!"
Envy sighed. "You dumbass. Real brothers don't expect to get paid back all the time!"
Ed's eyes lit right up. "Brother!" He jumped onto Envy's back.
"Hey, what the hell?"
"I'm still dizzy. Carry me home!"
"Fine, but you owe me for this!"
Graduation day . . .
Ed woke up that morning, feeling great for once. It's because he has forgotten how it was like to have crappy luck all the time. The finals were over, and he was completely confident he did well on every subject. And he was mighty proud that he's gonna be the one and only graduate other than Hughes in his group.
At the beginning of the school year, Ed would have never dreamed that he'd associate himself with any of the homunculi. But now he has a motherly relationship with Wrath and a brotherly one with Envy, and he couldn't be happier. Plus, this is the day George Lopez will present him with the philosopher's stone! Ed thought nothing could possibly go wrong.
But on his way to school, he tripped over a sidewalk crack and hit his head on an inconveniently placed newspaper stand. "You think you can ruin my day?" Ed yelled at the newspaper stand. "Well, think again 'cause . . . oh, hell no . . ." Ed read and reread the front page and could still not believe what he saw. "No, it better not be . . . Why now?"
Ed kicked the newspaper stand and headed the rest of the way to school in a much different mood. No, it wasn't anger or sadness. It was anxiety. Exactly what did Ed read?
Local Educator Dies of Sudden Kidney Failure
Aztec Goddess: And Ed's the winner when it comes to who graduates! But what's gonna happen in the last chapter?
To Everto Angelus: Yep, Ed's slow. Ed: (twenty minutes later) . . . Hey, I am not!
To Spearette: Damn, that'll be the longest Harry Potter book ever! Especially if each chapter equals to thirty pages. Whoa. Hey, I'm gonna try to find a fic like that! I probably won't be able to read it, but I wanna know if it exists!
To MetalWing Alchemist: You can look at my profile for an elaborate explanation on nene. And as for the biting your thumb thing, I have no freakin' clue what that means. I just know that it led to a swordfight in the beginning of Romeo and Juliet.
To Nayru: Well, there you have it. Russell didn't make it to graduation day!
To Ghostlyfire: What happened to Hoganson should be crystal clear in the next chapter, which happens to be the last chapter. Op. Grad. is just about over!
To nonesofar: That makes us like twins! Except for the fact that you hate milk.
To The Blimp Alchemist (ch 1): Hopefully you didn't write this just to be mean, but just so you know, my story is like this because this is how I decided to write it. And that's all there is to it.
To The Blimp Alchemist (ch 2): I think you're too hardcore for your own good. If you wanna write for fun, then why don't you let others do the same? Now that I know your rep. on it's pretty damn hard to take you seriously. Gotta say sorry for that, too. I pity you.
To AnimeCrasherz: No Ed x Envy! It's just that I know a lot of people who call younger relatives nene or nena just because they're younger. And that's why Envy calls Ed that. And it also makes Ed sound small! XP
To Lil-Kudo: I was hoping that someone would understand the Shakespeare part, 'cause that confuses me, too! It's annoying when you can never fully understand something. Damn you, Shakespeare! Oh, and you can see my profile about the nene thing.
To sexylucifer: Yay! And here I was thinking that you were gonna take another long break!
To nadisrad: Thanks, I am proud now! And I'm gonna start doing some black and white fan art soon since coloring is such a pain in the ass. I'm also back with using xanga (AztecGoddess) and I've been trying to go to yours, but I guess you have a lot of pics up since my computer acts retarded when I try to go there. I'll try again later.
To CowNapkin: Yeah, poco means little, but that's not talking about height. It's like: Ed has little luck in this fan fic.
To Iwin Ulose: See? You read my mind! How? (checks under lamps and couches to see if you're around here) Aw, I don't know how you look like anyway. Maybe I'm just obvious like that. (shrugs then checks behind the TV) Aha! Oh, wait, that's just my bunny.
To Kitsune Freak: Oh, I didn't know you had a fic up already. I always review to reviewers unless they're writing about something I don't know about. And you don't need a Spanish dictionary. You've got the internet, and once you learn the basics, chug some beer and poof you're fluent!
To rya-tabry: No need to beg 'cause I love writing this story! Too bad it's just about over though . . . Now I need to come up with a new storyline.
To ooOAnimeChildOoo: I believe Hawkeye was the very first person to get expelled, so she doesn't get too many appearances here. But she had a little one in this chapter!