A/N –

Okay so kill me. I know its been forever and I day since I updated, but I mean…come on, I have a life.

Sort of…

Lol anyway, I better recap what happened last chapter, just so everyone knows where we are here…

Sara had been reluctant to lay on the hammock with Nick, but she does. He admits his love to her…again….and she does the same. They get off after it gets dark and decide to go home. They're heading back down the hill and Nick gives Sara a piggy back ride. Once at the bottom, they decide they should sleep together…like literally sleep, and then the whole 'bra' scenario ensues; Nicky boy gets a little too feisty, and Sara freaks. She gets out of Nick's room in a jiffy, leaving both herself and Nick incredibly confused.

OKAY THEN.

Narrator's Point Of View -

Nick watched her leave, her retreating form slowly moving away, closing the door behind her. He flopped down on the bed from where he had formerly been propped up on his elbow, breathing hard. Why….why had he done that?

"aaaaAAAGGHHH!" he screamed, flipping over and slamming his fist into a pillow. Hatred flooded his emotions; hatred for himself. How could he be so stupid? Sara was innocent, fragile, and almost small. How could he be so rough and forceful with her?

Between the obvious lack of control he seemed to have over himself, and the way he had basically set them up for that scenario by initiating the act, Nick knew Sara probably thought of him as scheming, conniving, and manipulative; just trying to get her into bed. Those weren't his intentions at all; he truly loved her. But somehow, he couldn't bring himself to believe she would ever fully trust him again.

"DAMNIT! DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT!" he screamed at the top of his lungs into a pillow, punching the mattress again with all his might. Though the pillow significantly muffled the sound, he screamed with such force it sounded like a normal yell even through the pillow.

His face was damp; sweat and tears had moistened it. Nick knew Sara was most likely crying in the other room, and he knew he had caused it. This was tearing him up inside, ripping him to shreds as he tried to make sense of it all.

Nick had never felt this way before, and now he couldn't even explain it. He felt as though he had betrayed something he loved, insulted the thing he held dearest. For the first time in his life, he had screwed up enough that the one thing he loved the most in the world might never love him back again; whatever that feeling was called, however it was classified, that was how Nick felt.

He stared up at the ceiling, trying to calm down. He had to talk to Sara now; he knew if he gave her a night to dwell on what had happened, things would be so much worse. But his head was throbbing, and it wasn't the only thing; Nick's erection had turned painful from the lack of release, and he moaned into the pillow before flipping over again. His breathing was coming in ragged gasps, and he closed his eyes in an attempt to cool down every overworked system in his body.

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Sara closed the door behind her before plunging onto the bed and burying herself in the sheets. She sobbed uncontrollably into the pillow and tried to sort out what had happened.

She was so stupid; the only person she had to blame for this was herself. She had allowed Nick to take off her bra, she had responded when he started to kiss her, she had only made it worse by touching him and leading him on to believe that she was ready for this when she wasn't

Sara hated herself. Why wasn't she ready? She wasn't a virgin, and she certainly wasn't inexperienced; why was she turning Nick away? He was most definitely the best, closest person she'd ever been in that situation with; she had known him for years, she loved him, and he loved her. She had shared her deepest darkest secret with him. Why should he be denied the thing she had given away almost easily before?

She heard his screams from the other room, and it only made the tears come harder. Her body was shaking; the intense range emotions she had felt in the past hour were taking their toll. Her throat hurt from sobbing, and the well of tears was finally beginning to run dry. Sara's emotions were spent; somehow, despite all that had happened in her life, she had never felt so incredibly empty. She curled up into the sheets, buried her head in her pillow, and closed her eyes as dry sobs overtook her body.

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Nick's Point Of View -

I stared up at the ceiling, wondering what was running through Sara's mind. Glancing at the clock next to me, I realize it's been a half hour since I've seen Sara, and finally, I feel that I am calm enough to face up to her. I take a deep breath, stand up, and walk out into the hallway.

And suddenly, I'm scared. Okay, quite frankly, I'm scared shitless. Her closed door stands in front of me; the sole blockade that separates us. Intense alarms are going off in my brain, and they definitely aren't encouraging me.

But another voice rings out. One that I know stands for truth and love and all good things. It yells to me, easily overpowering the discouraging voice. This voice gives me the courage to open her door.

"Sara?" I call out almost silently, and no answer greets me. I try again, a little louder.

"Sara?" And yet again, no answer. Though the lights are off, I can see her huddled form buried in the blankets. She's ignoring me.

"Sara please…don't do this…I need to talk to you about what happened…" I try to explain, inching towards her. I was halfway across the room now, and her back is turned towards me; she still refuses to speak.

"No…please…talk to me…don't you dare shut me out Sara because…because…I need you…" I plead with her, and I can distinctly feel tears welling in my eyes. She hates me, she hates me...it's the only thing that is running through my mind. I'm still ten feet from her bed, and she refuses to turn over and look at me. Anger and hurt and desperation are the feelings that are running through me, and suddenly, I can't stand it any more; I walk over to her and sit on her bed. I begin to argue with her as I shake her shoulder.

"Hey, Sara, c'mon….stop it right-" I continue when suddenly….I stop. She's sleeping. A huge grin breaks out on my face as I realize she wasn't ignoring me, and she wasn't trying to make me leave, she has been asleep the entire time.

I reach out and touch her face with my fingertips, letting them linger for a moment until I stroke her face. Slowly, I scoot closer to her angelic looking form and let a tear fall as she slowly wakes.

"Oh…Nicky…you came back…" she sits up slowly with a grin, and quickly wraps her arms around my neck. I hold her close as we both just relish in the fact that we're once again in each others arms. She is crying lightly, and my heart breaks…again.

"Oh Sar I'm so sorry…I hurt you and I know it…I don't know what came over me. I was such a jerk and…and…" I feel my voice hitch with emotion, "I could've done something- well I might have already done something to break what we have. I don't know if I could live with myself if I hurt you…"

And with that, I fell apart. I started to cry, and suddenly, I couldn't support my own weight anymore, not to mention both my own and Sara's. I fell backward onto the bed, taking Sara with me.

Sara's Point Of View -

I fell with Nick onto the bed, and scooted up so that my head rested in the crook of his neck. As the tears fell from my eyes, I felt an overwhelming need to be close to him. I lay on top of him, feeling that lying beside him wouldn't truly relay what I was feeling. I squeezed him tight, and he held me close to him. I can only assume he's feeling the exact same things as I am.

I broke away for a minute to look into his face. I knew an intense amount of inner turmoil was flying through him right now; he wanted to respect my decision, but he also wanted me in a way that I wasn't offering myself. I had to do something.

I picked my head up enough so I could scoot up on his body. This motion caused a slight groan to emit from his throat, and I couldn't help but smile to myself. I propped myself up above his face with my elbows on either side of his head and locked my eyes with his.

And slowly, I started to kiss away the tear streaks that ran the length of his face. I gently kissed each small tear and let my tongue dart in and out onto his cheek before moving on to the next one. One of his arms wrapped around my waist, bringing my body crashing down against his.

When the tears ran out, I began to kiss around the border of his lips. He would try to flick his tongue to catch me, but I always managed to dodge at the right time. I giggled as I made my way around his mouth, and he whimpered. Finally, I allowed our lips to meet; first in succulent innocence, then onto a fiery, passionate kiss. He groaned in hunger, and I could feel him start to harden beneath me once again. He had completely cupped my butt by now, but I could feel his thumbs dipping into my waistband. I allowed this, and let my hands slip up his shirt.

"Nick…take me…just take me please…" I whispered huskily as he rolled on top of me now. He stopped and stared at me as I asked again.

"You want to Nick…I want you to…please…"

Nick's Point Of View -

Oh God.

I wanted to. So badly did I want to rip Sara's shorts off and just make love to her until she couldn't properly function. But…something was telling me….

No.

I couldn't do it.

I rolled over so that Sara was on top of me, and broke off from her kisses. She looked down at me, confused.

"Sara…I don't want to do this…not when I know that in your heart, you don't want to…I would feel like I was taking advantage of you…which I would be…so I just can't…" I said, avoiding her eye. I felt her hands come to cup my face, and she forced my eyes to meet hers.

"Nick…I…that…" she stumbled over her words as a tear slid down her cheek, "Nick that's the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me. I'm just scared because I feel like I need you so much, and I've been hurt so many times… I wanted to please you…so you wouldn't be unhappy with our relationship, and the do something that…I would regret and I'd like to think you would too…"

"Sara…" I whispered as I brought her head down to rest on my shoulder and rubbed her back, "Do you think I would leave you?"

She slowly nodded her head.

"No!" I whispered fiercely as I held her tightly against me, "Don't you dare think that! Ever! I would never leave you Sara, never. You mean so much more to me than anyone ever has, and I know that no matter what, I can never abandon that. So please, don't let that thought ever cross your mind again…"

She was crying lightly now, and I stroked her back and hushed her. Her body was lightly trembling, and I kissed her hair and breathed in deeply.

"Nick…" she said, breaking the silence and startling me, "I…I love you."

"I love you too." I replied, and she let out a watery chuckle.

"Stay with me?" she asked.

"Always." I said, and I hoped she picked up on the double meaning of my words.

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Well, hope everyone enjoyed that…

See you in the next and possibly FINAL CHAPTER!

Notorious