Disclaimer: I own nothing.
AN: I wish I would know what to write as AN but…well…just enjoy reading : ) Oh and I really hope you'll like that chap : )
Chapter 2: black coffee
She walked into the café, ordering a coffee to take out. She leaned against the counter with her back, while the clerk was preparing the coffee. She glanced around the room and suddenly spotted a familiar face. A soft smile flashed over her lips. When the clerk handed her the coffee she paid it, not taking it out, but walking over to Grissom.
He was focussed on the magazine he read. Not even noticing that she sat down on the bench in front of him.
"Hey.", she said softly.
He glanced over the top of the magazine. What is she doing here? What? Can't she just leave me alone? Doesn't she know that I hate it when somebody disrupts me while I am drinking my coffee and reading in my magazine! No…how should she know…I never tell anything to anybody. "Hey.", he hoped she hadn't noticed that he had looked up to her for a second. "It's your day off…why are you awake at 7 AM?"
"Coffee was out…and…well actually I was too lazy to buy some and cook some and…so I went here…it's not more than a minute afoot away from my apartment…and they make the best coffee ever here…so…I thought it would be the best to simply buy some coffee here."
He smiled softly, putting down the magazine. His eyes wandered over her body, overlooking her. She wore a dark red track suit, her hair was back in a ponytail, she wore no make up, but looked incredible beautiful. Don't even think that Gil! You are not allowed to think that! She is your subordinate! You are not allowed to think something like this about her. Hell…that zipper of her jacket is low…a few centimetres more and…no don't even think about how… the image of her bare chest flew through his mind. ..okay, great…now you better don't stand up…he cleared his throat. "So…you stand up early?"
"I actually couldn't sleep all night.", she said, taking a look on the magazine.
I better had never laid down this God damned magazine! Then I wouldn't have had to look at her. Then I wouldn't be in that situation right now! Hell if she is not closing that zipper soon I can't guarantee for anything anymore! Hell Gil, stay strong! That's disgusting, you're sitting in a café, with your subordinate, you shouldn't think of things like this! You shouldn't….imagine her without wearing any clothes…lying in your bed…and…Oh my God…Stop thinking this! Stop! He tried to focus on something else. But the thoughts of her, lying awake in her bed all night that ran through his head now weren't really helping him.
She now held the magazine in her hands, flicking through the pages. "What were you reading?"
Oh thank God! Thank God for giving Sara Sidle her interest in science magazines! Thank God for making her change the subject! "I read…the article about…", oh no! You read an article about the exploration about sexual maturation of insects! She will start talking about Bugsex and….
"Gil?"
Did she just call me Gil? Why is she not calling me Grissom? She never calls me Gil! She never did! What does she want to reach with this! He looked up from the table, his eyes automatically looking at the zipper again. He swallowed hard, forcing his eyes to look up to her face. "Yeah?"
"Are you going to finish your sentence?"
He cleared his throat again. "Well….yeah…I read the article on pages 36 and following.", he said softly, hoping she wouldn't ask anymore questions, praying she wouldn't look up the page and read the article.
"What was it about?"
Great…She looked at him, waiting for an answer, realizing that he probably was lost in thoughts again she flicked through the pages of the magazine until she had reached page 36.
No! No please don't do that! Don't read that! Don't start talking about it!"Is this article about…", she made a pause. "…bugsex?"
Great! I hate my life! Now I have to talk about this with her! Okay…Gil find the easiest way out of this…she should be used to that. "I don't think so."
"Well but here it says …I quote 'the sexual maturation climax of this specific species is reached in the second third of it's life…from then on they are able to procreate…there is no sexual activity before the point of climax in their maturation.' …sorry but this sounds pretty much like bugsex for me."
Did she really have to read this out loud? Did she really have to turn a mouse into an elephant? Did she really…put me in such a damned embarrassing situation!
"Somehow this makes me glad that I am not a bug…I mean…just imagine! The average human being reaches the age of 76, the female ones, and the male ones are about 72…and…I mean…just imagine you wouldn't able to have sex until you are 42…hell this would be horrible."
Did she just say this!"Just imagine this! Horrible!"
"Well…for them it works."
Her eyes widened, she stared at him. "Oh my God Gil…you have had sex before you got 42 didn't you!"
DID SHE JUST ASK THIS! "I am not going to talk about this."
"Don't tell me you are still a virgin!", she said laughing.
Okay…this wont work. Not talking wont work. "If you really want to know this, I lost my virginity when I was 16." Great, now you told her something personal, you told her something about your sex life, what's even worse…but the worst is now she will start talking about this even more.
"Huh…I was already afraid that you were really a virgin."
"Very funny."
"No…I honestly mean this…I mean I have sex since I am 17, I would not die without it …but…it's something every person needs….I mean not necessarily to survive…but…it's important…you know what I mean."
No, no, no! I didn't want to know this! I really didn't want to know since when Sara Sidle is no virgin anymore! I didn't want to know that!
"And these poor bugs can't have sex before they reached the third part of their lives…that's so sad."
"Most animals don't have sex for fun Sara…they do it to keep their race alive…and it was meant to be the same with human beings." He leaned forward to take the magazine out of her hands, but she refused to give it back to him, shifting her weight on her elbows, she was pressing her breasts closer together, so that Grissom got an unmeant insight into her décolleté. He swallowed hard, trying to get his eyes stop looking at her, trying to block those thoughts of her out of his head.
"I didn't finish that article jet…so don't disturb me from reading."
He sighed and leaned back against the back of the bench. Never taking his eyes off of her while she was reading. Hell…did this really happen? Could I embarrass myself like this? If she's going to talk about this to anyone…oh my God! I mean she told everybody when Greg lost his virginity after she had found out…and I guess Greg is less interesting for the rumors kitchen than the supervisor is! I will have to pay her hush-money or something like this…just asking her to not tell anyone wont be enough…okay, at least loosing my virginity with 16 is average…I'm not as bad as Greg…no way they can make fun of me because of this…but…hell I should have never told her…but then she would have told everybody that I never lost my virginity….would be even worse…damn it, she looks so cute in that track suit…but she'd look better without it….oh no…don't think of this! …17…she was 17…guess she was one of those girls who wanted to wait for the 'right guy'…if I would have waited for the right one I would still be a virgin…and I would probably always be…did that zipper just open even more? Don't look there Gil! Try to look somewhere else! He stared into his coffee cup. Taking a sip, trying to focus on it.
"What are you thinking?", her soft voice ripped him out of his thoughts once again.
"Zipper." Damn it! This is not what you wanted to say!
"What?"
"Sip…I intended to say that…I need another sip of my coffee…and that I probably should order another one." …great….the Oscar for the lamest try to get out of a horrible, awkward situation goes to Gil Grissom.
"Yeah but you said 'zipper'."
"You got that wrong."
"I don't think so…so whose zipper where you thinking about?"
"I didn't think about any zippers…hell…", he glanced around for the clerk, then signalised the woman to come over.
She arrived and threw an asking look at Grissom. "Can I help you sir?"
"A coffee please…black."
"And the lady?"
"The same.", Sara grinned.
The clerk left.
Grissom reached for the magazine, this time Sara didn't notice that he took it away…he opened a random page of it and pretended to read. Knowing that she was observing everything he did. Why did she come here? Why did I come here? 'They cook the best coffee in town'…why do I like coffee that much that I had to go here? It's just coffee…hell! I should have cooked my own at home, or I should just have left…taking the coffee out…not sitting around here and…I should have known she might come here! It had been her and Greg who told me about this café! Damn it! And now she is looking at me…I can feel her eyes on me. I should make an excuse and leave…I shouldn't have ordered that second coffee…that was just stupid! I mean…I could have said that I have to go…and then I could have just stand up and leave my seat…but No…No Gil Grissom had to order a second cup of coffee…why do I never think of something like this? …and she ordered a second coffee too…that means we will, again, have to spend about as much as time together as before…I will have to spend that time with her! He swallowed hard, accepting the coffee the clerk handed him.
His eyes were caught by Sara again, she took a sip of her coffee, grimacing. "Szhit …that'zs hot."
He chuckled.
"That'zs not funny! My tongue hurtsz."
"Sorry but….you sound so sweet.", she really sounds sweet…and she looks so sweet…so beautiful, so…wonderful…please don't think this Gil! You can't think of her that way…you can't!
"Sztop laughing! Or I will tell everybody about our little szecret!"
"Our what?"
"Szecret!"
Grissom was laughing so hard that he was unable to control his breath.
"You are an idiot!…Just wait…and see…everybody at the lab…oh hey…I can talk normal again…s ssss….", she grinned.
He grinned too. Feeling his heart beating fast, feeling butterflies in his stomach, thinking about how cute she was, thinking about her and him…how much fun he could have with her…how happy he might be. The pain caused by the fact that he knew that he could never be with her soon took over and ended his good mood phase. He stared down on the table.
"Hey…don't worry…I wont tell anybody about this…as long as you keep your mouth shut about this too."
"It's not that…sorry…but I think I have to go now."
"Oh…okay.", she nodded softly.
He saw the disappointment in her eyes, he wished he could have stayed, but he knew that…staying here with her any longer would hurt even more, every single second of happiness with her caused hours of pain in that he had to realize over and over again, that there would never be a chance for him to be really happy with the only woman that he
probably ever had feelings for.
"Something is wrong isn't it?"
"No Sara…everything is alright."
She shook her head and left her place. "No Grissom…nothing is alright…why do you always give me the feeling that…you don't want to be near me…what…please tell me what did I do wrong?", she sounded desperate.
"You did anything wrong…I just…have a lot of work to do and…"
"You know what... I should maybe not care…this is your business, not mine and…you don't want other people in your life…I will have to accept that…I doubt it will be worth trying it any longer but…I wont give up.", she forced a smile and left.
One day I will have to tell her the truth…one day I will have to tell her the truth about the way I feel for her…but today is not 'one day' and I hope 'one day' will never ever come…she wont understand me…I know that she wouldn't be able to understand it…I can't even understand it completely…why should she?…She wouldn't understand any of the thoughts that run through my head while drinking an innocent cup of black coffee with her…she wouldn't understand.
TBC
I would apreciate some reviews : )