AN: this chapter is probably long….. : ) I hope you like it anyways….thousand thanks to inlya! She helped me with the idea for this chapter! Thank you so much!...and sorry for the late update, I had a huge writing blocade...and well...simply tried to avoid to think of fic to find new ideas...

First steps

Shift was over, getting away from the lab was all he wanted now. It wasn't the fact that Sara had that soft grin on her lips, that let the memories of yesterday return, it was more the fact, that each time he saw her, he had to think how she had looked in that track suit…or better said, the memory of the low zipper and the memories of what he had thought were torturing him…not the fact that these thoughts of a woman existed in his head, it was that bad because he had those thoughts of her. It was hard working with her all night when all he wanted was doing something inappropriate with her.

He was about to leave his office when he heard footsteps behind him. Don't let it be her, please don't let it be her. He knew it was her, but maybe praying would turn her into Warrick in the last second…hell, this shouldn't happen in one of my dreams at night, he thought grinning softly, would be the worst nightmare I ever had.

"Hey.", the sound of her soft voice send little showers of sensations down his body. He turned around.

"Hey…still here?"

"Yeah…I had to finish a report…you're on your way home?"

"Yeah…was about to leave."

She nodded softly, biting down on her bottom lip.

She looks so cute when she's doing this! No, don't think this…if she starts playing with that strand of her that's….

Sara bent her head softly to the side, beginning to twist a strand of her around her finger subconsciously.

…hanging into her face…great!…

She brushed her hand through her hair.

…not again…does she know how crazy this drives me? If she's doing this deliberately I am going to…no I can't punish a woman who is…so beautiful…he sighed softly. "I really have to go now."

She forced a soft smile. "I…I wanted to ask you something."

She wants to ask me something? Please not about something that has to do with yesterday! Or worse something that has to do with me…what was the worst question she had ever asked me?…If I want to sleep with her? Well she meant this as a …metaphor…and it was easy to get out of that…If I want to have dinner with her….yes, this was the worst…I couldn't get out of that one without hurting her feelings…somehow it seems that I will never get out of that weird thing that is between me and her without hurting her feelings…I know that I should tell her that I have….feelings….for her…but….this would mean that…I would have to tell her…about my feelings…he swallowed hard.

"Did you finish thinking?"

"What?", what the hell does she mean with that? About what does she think I thought? How did she knew I was lost in thoughts again?…okay I didn't say anything for a while I guess…so…me lost in thoughts again would be an easy guess.

"Can I ask you now? And believe me…it wont be as horrible as you probably thought…not the worst case scenario you just made up in your head."

How does she know I was probably thinking about what she might ask me…or was this just a joke?…does she actually joke? I mean she is a humorous person, isn't she…she makes jokes often…maybe what happened yesterday was just a joke too…his eyes widened, did she leave that zipper opened on purpose!

"Grissom?"

"Yes…yes…ask.", he said turning around at the same time to lock his office door.

"It's about yesterday."

NO, it was as if a voice in his head was shouting it…NO!

"More precisely about the magazine…I wanted to know if you can borrow it to me."

A weight fell from his shoulders. Thank God…she only wants to borrow that damned magazine…for what does she want to…she wont copy that article and…comment on it in front of the others, would she? She wouldn't make notes on a copy and…pin it on the message board would she? Notes like…notes that might reveal something personal? Even if it's just for fun? She wouldn't do this, would she? She doesn't make such kind of jokes, would she? She…she likes those jokes…you have to think of something else Gil! She is a criminalist and scientist, she's probably only interested in reading the whole magazine.

"Sure…I have it at home…I'll give it to you tomorrow."

"But I wont be here tomorrow…remember? I took the day off because I have this doctors appointment later this day and…"

Doctors appointment? And the need to take off a day afterwards? Is she ill! Is something wrong with her! Is it something serious! It must be if she has to take a day off afterwards! Oh my God!

She recognized the shocked and worried expression in his eyes. "They are going to pull out two of my wisdom teeth…nothing serious…but well the dentist said I shouldn't drive and work afterwards…because of the anaesthesia…but actually I already told you this about two months ago."

Did she?

"I guess you were 'lost in thoughts' when I did so…like always…", she sighed. "…maybe you…should change this being lost in thoughts thing…because…I'm not the only one who's pissed off."

Pissed off? Why? I mean, she's the only one who…she is the reason why I am lost in thoughts all the time…doing something about this would mean I have to fire her…I bet she wouldn't like that at all…I bet she would be even more pissed off.

"So…is there any chance I could get that magazine earlier…I already read all the stuff I have at home and…Discovery Channel usually bores me after a few hours."

How can one be bored by Discovery Channel? They show great things about bugs and insects sometimes…he cleared his throat, What did she mean with getting it earlier? Does she want me to drive home and bring it to her apartment! That would mean that I'd have to see her after shift, that would mean I would have to go to her apartment…to her home…to her…

"I could…come around at your house and pick it up.", she offered.

Sara coming to my house! Sara Sidle coming to my house! No way! Never!

"If you disagree then say something instead of having this panicked expression in your eyes."

"I…sorry I…", now she's angry…I don't want her to be angry!

"…it's okay…I will tell the cab driver to stop at the library…maybe I find a book about science I didn't read so far…we can always dream right.", she said with a huge portion of sarcasm in her voice.

"Taxi driver?"

"Well….my car is in the garage…there's something wrong with the carburettor and the v belt."

Okay…she did that on purpose…she talked about going home by cab on purpose…I am an asshole if I'm not offering her a ride home…but if I offer her a ride home she'll probably interpret too much into this…and…this wouldn't be…good. But…I can't let her go home by cab…she's already angry…I mean…come on Grissom, you should be a gentleman, she deserves it to be treated like a lady…okay I should not think about this, this is definitely not the easiest way out of this whole thing with her…but… "Listen, I will give you a ride home, on the way to your apartment we will stop by at my house, I will get in, bring you the magazine and then I'll bring you to your apartment."

Her eyes widened. Grissom know what she was thinking 'Did Gil Grissom just offer me a ride home!'

"That would be…nice.", she smiled brightly.

Just hold on a minute I have to kick myself in the ass for being stupid enough to offer you a ride home… "Okay…my car is at the parking lot." Sure it is there you idiot! Where else should it be! The roof! The cellar! On a tree! Flying around in the air! God! Know he knows you are nervous…it's the worst to let a woman know that you don't know how to act in those situations! The worst, the absolute worst thing to do!

The smile on her lips was warm, as warm as the morning sun that threw shadows on the parking lot. It was as if her smile threw shadows on his soul…the more I cheer her up, the more I will hurt her later. I shouldn't have said anything!

When they entered the car and he started the engine a loud sound let them wince. A heavy metal song resounded from the radio. Grissom blushed, he turned out the radio.

"Now it's official, I'm deaf!" she joked.

"Don't make fun of something like this."

She threw an asking look at him. He realized that his voice had been really harsh.

"Sorry…didn't meant to…", he cleared his throat. "…I was listening to a CD yesterday…some classical stuff….", I hope she doesn't think that's idiotic…she doesn't seem as if she'd like classical music at all…she's more the person that listens to the same kind of music like Greg does I guess…hell why do I care what she thinks about my taste of music!

"Which piece?"

"What?"

"What were you listening to?"

"Mozart…Piano Concerto no 23,A major."

"That's a great one."

"You know it?"

"Who doesn't!"

A bright smile flashed over his lips. Sara Sidle, sitting next to him in his car, talking about classical music…telling him that she liked his favorite piece of classical music…let the butterflies in his stomach let fly around even more. Gil, don't think of this! You know that nothing may ever happen between you and her! You know the results it will have! It will not lead to something good! You are not allowed to loose control! You are so not allowed to loose yourself in something like love!

He stopped the car in front of his house, he left it and entered. Okay…where did I leave this magazine…bedroom….yes bedroom. He walked over to his bedroom, entering, glancing around. Okay….where?….where in the bedroom did you leave it? He walked over to his bed, suddenly hearing footsteps in his living room. He winced, turning around to now find Sara standing in his bedroom. A bright smile on her lips. What the hell is she doing here? Why isn't she waiting in the car! Why is she here? Didn't I tell her to stay in the car? Didn't I? What the hell….now she knows my bedroom! I never wanted this to happen! I didn't even want her in my house, my living room….now she's in the bedroom, even worse, so much worse! He swallowed hard, staring at her.

"Hey….nice bedroom.", she glanced around the room.

What is she searching for? Porn? Hidden traces of a sexlife of mine? If she's going to check my sheets for stains I'll kill her….well or I'll…pictures of Sara in his bed flew through his mind ….no I…I have to get this picture out of my head as fast as possible! But oh well…she would look so great wearing anything just….the sheet of my bed around her body and…hell Gil, this will bring you into a situation even worse than the zipper thing last night! Think of something else! Forget her! You can't have her! She probably has someone else anyways! I wish she has someone else! Then it wouldn't be that hard….

"So…this is where all the action happens."

"What? What action?"

"Oh come on…silent waters are deep."

Does she really think of me like….does she see me as a …'playboy'? Does she really think I am that kind of guy!

"On which side of the bed do you sleep?"

Why to hell is she interested in that! He cleared his throat. "The right one." And why to hell did I tell her!

"I always sleep on the left one…"

…oh…we would fit together so….hell don't even think of sharing a bed with her!

"…when I was dating Hank that was really a problem…because he used to sleep on the left as well…"

…okay, why is she talking about Hank now! Why! And why does this make my blood boil! Why do I care about this? First, it's past, second… just a few moments ago I told myself that it would be so much easier if she'd have a boyfriend…so why… am I …jealous?…jealous…she is the only woman that….I was never envying another guy for…being with a woman…but…if someone even speaks out the name of Hank I could…the urge to strangle that idiot is…and he hurt her…if I would…get that son of a …

"…you okay?", he voice was concerned.

"Sure."

"Well, you…just have this look in your eyes as if you'd explode or something and…why do you press your hands into fists so as if…"

"…Sara I am okay.", he turned away from her, reaching for the magazine on the table next to his bed. Then he turned back around to her again, surprised to not see her in his bedroom anymore. Where did she go?

He left the bedroom. "Sara?", no trace of her, He left the house, finally seeing her sitting in the car again. He walked to her, opening the passenger's seat door. "What's up with you Sara?"

"What?…you ask me what is up with me?"

"Yes.", you could have said something else but 'yes'!

"It's nothing…I just felt that you feel uncomfortable with having me around you."

"That's not right Sara…I just…don't like other people in my bedroom…or…well I don't like it when my colleagues are in my bedroom…believe me I know how CSIs process bedrooms.", he forced a smile.

She nodded softly. "Anyways.", she said softly.

Grissom sighed, closing the car door and walking over to the other side of the car, entering and starting it. "Here.", he handed her the magazine.

"Thanks."

In the moment he handed her the magazine he noticed that her hand was shaking. She's afraid…she's afraid of something! I have to ask her what's wrong! Come on Gil, even if you don't feel comfortable with this you have to ask her what's wrong! "Sara…"

"…everything's okay."

"You're shaking."

"I'm not."

He took her hand into his, it was a reflex, like an instinct, he had to hold her hand, he had to calm her down, he didn't want to see her shaking, he didn't want her to be afraid. He squeezed her hand softly. "Hey…tell me what's wrong."

"I'm afraid of going to the dentist.", she confessed.

"Everything will be fine."

"I know that…somehow…but…it's…I have something against needles."

"Me too.", he said forcing a smile.

She softly squeezed his hand back, a little gesture that sent thousand little sensations through his whole body. "Thanks.", she almost whispered.

Was this that hard? No it wasn't! Hell Gil why are you always that cowardly! It didn't hurt to take her hand and cheer her up a little! It didn't cost you your life or pride or whatever to help her, did it! It didn't kill you to do something good for her!

TBC

I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoy writing : )