Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden. i cannot own Oscar Wilde as he is dead. tear

Pairings: sb(plus)rl, jp(plus)le, rl(plus)le

Summary: Lily and Remus have some bonding time while the other Gryffindor Forth Years act like "normal" teenagers.

Okay, someone needs to tell me if Remus is getting too angsty.

As for Lily. I like her, and I hope you like my characterisation of her. Girls know all, so she figured it out. Meh.

audi

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Sixteen
In which there are social norms.

'Moony!' James whined. 'How could you do that?'

'Were you honestly going to ask her?'

'Yes… I… No… Well,' he stuttered, 'that's not the point!'

'Besides, it's not like I asked her,' I protested, 'the girls plotted against me!'

'Moony, you did this on purpose!' he fumed.

'James,' I whispered, 'you know with whom I wanted to go, and that I don't want to go at all.'

'But…'

'Lily doesn't want to go either.'

'LILY?' Okay, bad move. But she had asked me to call her by her given name.

'But she doesn't…' I sighed. 'James, I want Sirius. But I can't have him.' I forced back tears, 'and Jemmying and Kent decided that Lily and I were going to go to the Ball together. I didn't want to contradict it too much lest they know about your crush.'

'Moony, that's not fair!' James reiterated. 'You're being selfish! Just because you won't tell Sirius doesn't mean you can take Lily!'

'Selfishness, James, is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live,' I quoted, 'that's Wilde by the way.' I shook my head and grabbed my scarf. 'You know why I can't tell him, James, and you know how much it hurts me.' I wrapped the knit garment around my neck before heading out of the hall and into the courtyard. I crunched in the snow as I crossed from one side of the school to another, back to my room.

At least James knew enough to not have that conversation in front of Sirius and Peter. James knew about my obsession. At least he intended to keep it secret. For the time being.

We were Forth Years, and there were three and a half years left of Hogwarts, seven terms. We were halfway through, yet only just begun. So much had happened since I walked in the doors of Hogwarts. My life had changed, for the better. I barely resembled the poor, lost boy I was at eleven, and I remembered him less. But then, no British wizard lives until he goes to Hogwarts. The first eleven years mean nothing, the next seven mean everything. I didn't know why I was chosen for Gryffindor, I wasn't, as Malfoy had pointed out, brave or courageous, but I was glad that I did. I mean, I felt I shoud have been in Ravnclaw, but the Hat didn't, and the Hat was never wrong. Of course, if I were a Ravenclaw, I wouldn't be a Marauder. And being a Marauder gave me a reason for living. Merlin, that makes no sense!

I was not at all surprised to see Sirius sitting down running a brush through his hair. He was dressed in emerald green robes that matched his eyes perfectly. I stopped at the doorway and just watched him for a moment, he didn't notice; he was too busy looking at himself (and talking to Peter). I felt a hand on my shoulder and spared its owner a glance. James. He smiled at me, a small smile filled with pity.

'Sorry, mate,' he leaned down to whisper in my ear, 'I didn't mean that, I was just upset. I know you don't like her. We'll make him come around, I promise.'

'James, you said you wouldn't tell,' I hiss, my gaze once again locked on Sirius.

'Marauder's Promise,' James agreed. 'But you two were made for each other. It will work out. I know it will.' He squeezed my shoulder before brushing past me. 'Still getting dressed, Sear?'

'Of course, Jim,' he glared, 'and I see you've not even begun.'

'And you should with that hair of yours,' Peter chimed.

I relaxed, 'there's not a charm invented that can tame the Potter Hair of Doom, it has a life of its own.

'And then some,' James smiled, 'besides, only girls and the peacock here need three hours to get ready.'

'Just because I want to look good for the dance…' Sirius started.

'Sirius, they want to see you with as little clothing as possible,' I told him sadly, hoping he didn't notice my tone, 'there may be a line of them waiting to dance with you at the Ball.' James spared me a glance. I ignored him and went to my trunk to dig up my own robes. Quin and Rian insisted that I get some, even though I wasn't planning, even then, to go to the Ball. They were fairly simple, inexpensive, and black. I pulled them on quickly, without really caring. I went over to the mirror and ran a brush through my hair. The tawny mass had grown a little longer than I usually wore it, but I liked it. I wouldn't let it get as long as Sirius' but I did like it. My amber eyes stared back at me, yet another reminder of my lycanthropy. My reflection whistled and it gave me some flirtatious remarks about my appearance. The other three boys looked up at me.

'Looking good, Moony,' Sirius chided, 'I may have a new rival.' He rested his hand on my shoulder and I looked at the reflection of this in the mirror before stepping aside. Damn him anyway.

The Hall was done up in frills and the like, all of the Forth Years entered cautiously, knowing we belonged there but feeling like we didn't. Lily and I danced, a little bit. Not enough to make anyone think we were a couple but enough to tell everyone else that we weren't interested in them. For the most part we stood off to the side and watched everyone else. We had fun poking fun at the frivolous outfits some of the other students were wearing.

Lily herself was in a simple white blouse with a delicate, dark green skirt that stopped just short of her knees. She told me that it was dressy-casual by Muggle standards. At Muggle balls, she told me, one dresses more ridiculously than some of the bizarre robes we saw that night, and she wasn't about to do that. I thought her outfit was cute, and I told her so. She wasn't the only one wearing Muggle clothing, but there weren't really that many. And she definitely got the attention of one James Potter.

'The look on the girls' faces when he chooses a boy is priceless,' Lily laughed.

'Almost as priceless as the one on the boys' faces when he chooses a girl,' I added. Sirius had been alternating through the night, never staying with one for more than a single dance, and never stopping for more than a minute to cool down. James had been spending most of the night with a Fifth Year by the name of Ellie Yilks, and Peter was dancing with Kent (good for him).

'And I thought Saint Valentine's was bad.'

'Just wait, Lily, Sirius didn't have as many followers last year. I really don't want to see him come Saint Valentine's Day,' I groaned.

'Jealous?' I cocked my head and gave her a confused look. 'Remus, are you jealous of him?'

'No.'

'But you're jealous of her,' she pointed at the girl Sirius that was currently dancing with him.

'No.'

'You like him.'

'I love him.'

'Then you are jealous.'

'No.'

She raised her eyebrows.

I sighed in defeat. I knew the redhead enough to know that she wasn't going to relent. 'I don't want that. I don't want just one dance, just one date. I want forever, Lily. I want to have him forever. I want Sirius to be mine alone. But he wants that,' I gestured to him dancing; 'he likes the attention, the coddling.' I shook my head. 'I love him, Lily, but I can't share him.'

'When he's done with this…' she began, 'if he realises your feelings?'

'I'll wait as long as it takes, Lily.'

She wrapped her arms around me in a comforting hug. We stood there for a moment, 'it'll work out, Remus. If only because you deserve it too.'

No. I don't deserve it. À cause du loup.

The two of us left the dance a bit early, walking slowly back to Gryffindor Tower. We figured that we were forced to go to the Ball, so we took it upon ourselves to leave early.

'I take it that you won't send him a Saint Valentine's Day card?' I stopped then and looked down at my shoes. 'Okay, maybe not. Well, he is a boy, I, er, well a normal boy, maybe you should just tell him outright?'

'But I don't want him to know,' I reminded her. 'I can wait. And I'll wait until he's ready. If he's ever ready.'

She smiled, 'that's sweet. One day he'll notice. Hopefully when he's done being a hormonal ball of testosterone,' she shrugged, 'but I doubt that will ever happen.'

'Probably not, but that's part of his charm, only a small part, mind.'

We laughed as we let ourselves in. The common room was empty and we sat by the fire, continuing to talk, continuing to bond. Unlike with the Marauders, I could talk to her about more in-depth things. Sirius and James, especially of late, had been more and more out-of-whack. And Lily was good company. I don't actually remember treading up the stairs to my room, but I did. And the night was over and it was time to watch my roommates finish their hol-homework and time for a new term to start. It was time for life to continue.

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