Disclaimer: I own nothing : (

AN: This chapter is dedicated to the GS Jedi Ritter club...and I want to thank everybody who reviewed this story so far. Thank you, you encourage me to write on!

Chapter 8: out

He entered the bar, looking around to find the others. He knew Sara had told them that he would come there too, but he was scared that except for Sara no-one else wanted him there. He could finally spot Sara. She looks so beautiful!

Sara wore a beige blouse and dark blue jeans. Her hair was pinned up, her make up was light as always. She is naturally beautiful! She is the most beautiful woman in the world, and I have the chance to spend this evenng with her! I am so glad that I came here!

He walked over to them, somehow he felt more than stupid. Sara and Nick were playing pool billiard while Warrick, Greg and Mia sat at a table and had drinks.

When Sara saw him she smiled brightly. "Hey you. You are really here."

"Did you doubt it?"

"Somehow.", she said laughing softly. "But you are here now…take a seat.", she pointed at the free chair.

He nodded and sat down. "Hey guys." I still hate it to be with them! I know that they are laughing about me! They make fun of me!

"Hey Grissman!", Greg said with a bright grin on his face.

"Greg.", Gil nodded. It took all his strength to not strangle him.

"No man, for the ones that spend the nights with me I am Greggo…or the Gregman."

Grissom threw an asking look at Sara.

"He already had four drinks.", she said grinning.

He didn't feel comfortable at all. Warrick and Mia were talking about something that happened a few weeks ago at a night out, Greg, Nick and Sara were talking about other guests of the bar and seemed to have a lot of fun with that.

Why can't I have fun? What is wrong with me? He couldn't take his eyes off of Sara. He watched her drinking her cocktail, he watched her brushing a strand of her out of her face, then she noticed that his eyes were almost eating her up. She smiled brightly at him. She leaned over to him. "Hey…you're not really enjoying this, are you?"

"It's not that I…I just don't…"

"WHOA! Party time!", Greg shouted out loud.

Grissom raised an eyebrow.

"Wait ten more minutes and he'll start ripping his shirt into a million pieces."

"Do I want to see that?", he asked forcing a grin.

"I hope not."

"EY CARAMBA!", Greg screamed into Grissom's ear.

Hell can't this guy just shut up? And why is Sara laughing? She does not really call this fun, does she? How can somebody think that's funny? …maybe she had a couple of drinks before too…maybe I should get one too.

"Hey, you okay? Or are you already deaf?", Sara's cheery voice broke his thoughts. For a second he thought that he should have told her about his otosclerosis, then she would stop making those 'deaf' jokes…he hated those, but she didn't know, he couldn't blame her for that. One day I will tell her…one day, maybe. He looked up to her, she had left her seat and stood in front of him.

"You want a drink? I wanted to go over to the bar to get myself one…can I get you something too?"

I should really get a drink. "I'll come with you." Everything is better than sitting her near Greg and sitting here with the others…I know what they think all the time they see my face! 'he has dreams about Sara'… 'he's a weird scientist who has kinky dreams about our friend' …I could kill Greg!

A smile flashed over her lips.

He left his seat and followed her to the bar. When they reached it she took seat on a bar stool, he leaned against the bar with his back, looking at the groop of his co-workers, who were still in the best mood. "Can you recommend anything?", he asked her, wondering what he could drink. He wasn't the cocktail drinking kind of person.

"Lemon Drop."

"What's that?"

"Vodka, lemon juice, triple sec and ice."

Okay…lemon's are good…and I need some alcohol to be able to survive this evening! "Then I'll take that."

She nodded, then turned to the barkeeper and ordered two Lemon Drops. Grissom watched her while she did so. I love it when she talks…she has a beautiful mouth, her lips are so beautiful…I wish I could kiss her! I wish I could feel her soft lips on mine…I wish I could be with her, all alone, kissing her…her lips need to be kissed by me…hell Gil! It's not as if this woman would just wait for you! She is young, beautiful, desirable…every man wants a woman like her! Why should she want me? Why should she want to be kissed by me? Me, a weird scientist, about whom she knows that he has dreams about her, a man about whom she knows that he keeps a picture of her in his bedroom…a man about whom she thinks that he is emotionally unavailable…why should she want to be kissed by me? After all that I did, after all that I did not do…why should Sara Sidle still want to be with me?

"You hate being here, don't you?", she had turned to him, looking at him, biting down on her bottom lip.

"I don't hate being here, it just takes some time until it stops feeling awkward."

"They weren't talking about you…if that's what you're afraid of."

He sighed.

"No-one made fun of you…they would never do that. Grissom we are here to have fun and not to make fun of people we like. You are,… even if you would deny it, you are our friend. We don't make fun of our friends…and except for Greg we are all adults…in the first few moments, getting to know such a secret may be funny…but we are not that stupid that we don't know, that this is something very personal and…that we shouldn't make fun of something like this, not only because it would hurt you…it's just not right to make fun of this."

Oh my God! I could kiss her right now for this!

She smiled softly. "Stop being concerned about this…try to have fun."

"I really tried to Sara…maybe it's just the lack of alcohol in my blood that keeps me away from thinking Greg's actions are funny, but…I really doubt that I can…"

"…we're working at the lack of alcohol at the moment…and if one drink doesn't work, have a second one.", she said grinning, handing him the cocktail.

"How many did you have?"

"Just one…I'm already used to Greg.", she said and winked at him. "Oh and don't worry, I will walk home."

"Alone?"

She laughed softly. "Are you afraid that I could find someone to join me in my bed or are you afraid something could happen to me?….oh wait, answer that question when the vodka kicked in.", she said laughing.

He took a sip of the cocktail. It's both that I fear! I don't even want to think of her being with somebody else…I still shiver when I think of that horrible paramedic she dated!

She was about to walk back to the others, without thinking about it he reached for her arm to hold her back. "Can we please stay here for a few minutes?"

She looked surprised, but nodded, stepping closer to him. The expression in her eyes was warm, her voice soft when she started speaking again. "Still not in the mood to be near him?"

"Still not able to overcome the urge to kill him."

"You should maybe try to see it from his point of view."

"How should that help?"

"Well if you would overhear that Warrick would tell Hodges that he had an erotic dream about him, wouldn't you tell everybody, wouldn't you laugh your ass off in the first moments?"

"First, I thought you were on my side. Second, you can't compare this! I mean, I'm thankful you compare me to Warrick in this situation, but you are definitely not Hodges…and now I can never get the thought of you being like Hodges out of my head anymore."

"Oh my Gosh! Grissom you…", giving a loud snort of laughter Sara had probably just imagined this.

For the first time this evening Grissom caught himself laughing, it might have been the vodka that had just kicked in, on the other hand he was sure, that if there was somebody with whom he could have fun with, then it was definitely Sara Sidle.

"That's not funny."

"It is funny."

"Ha! Now you just admitted that you have fun tonight!", she said laughing.

"Yeah, probably…but only as long as I am with you." Have I just said this? I shouldn't drink alcohol! ...But it's the truth. I want to be with her, I love it to be with her…

"I'll see that as a compliment."

"It was one.", oh my God! Shut up!

A bright smile flashed over her lips, she tried to not look at him, obviously hoping she wouldn't blush. She looked down to the cocktail in her hand, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Hey…I didn't intend to shock you."

She looked up to him. "Probably I should have thought of making you drunk before.", she said grinning.

"Isn't that a man's trick?"

"But it works so good with you."

"Probably."

She tilted her head a little to the right, a bright smile on her lips, her eyes shining. "I am glad you are here.", she said softly. "I…I mean…you needed to have some fun."

He couldn't help but smile. It wasn't what she said, it was more the way she said it, that let his heart beat harder and faster. I have two options…finally allow these feelings for her to myself, show her what I feel and how much I love her, or I will continue with denying the love I feel for her and keep on living as the depressed man I am.

"Hey guys…what's up? We could need some help with Greg.", Mia asked out of breath.

Sara laughed softly. "Hell how much did he drink tonight?"

"Too much if you ask me."

"Tell Warrick and Nick they should bring him home…or at least order him a cab.", Sara offered.

"He says he wouldn't go home without you Sar.", Warrick joined.

"Oh come on, I took him home the last thirteen times! It's your turn now.", Sara protested. "And Grissom just arrived, it's too early to leave!"

"We have been here for two and a half hours now, and Greg drank more than five cocktails…and we all have to work tomorrow. Nicky and me have to be at work in a couple of hours…you four can sleep four hours longer than we can."

"You have your day off Rick.", Sara said laughing.

Warrick grimaced. "Hell yeah! I totally forgot that!"

"Well I'll call it a night now…I'm tired. Tell Greg he can come with me, I'll take him home safe…if he prefers going with a woman, you know…maybe he has doubts in…"

"…don't even finish that sentence!", Warrick lurked.

Sara leaned against the bar, not noticing, that she now leaned close to Grissom's chest. Grissom glanced down at her, not having noticed how close to him she really was, before, he now noticed it all the more. The urge to twine his arms around her grew bigger and bigger with every breath he took. Each time he breathed in and his chest lifted he could swear that he could feel her. He could feel the butterflies in his stomach. He swallowed hard. Denying it doesn't help…everybody will get to see the evidence for my feelings for her in a few seconds if I am not going to do something now. NOW! "Guys, I think I will have to call it a night too."

Sara turned around. The disappointed expression in her face almost broke his heart. But he couldn't help it, yes he wanted her to know what he felt for her, one day, but not tonight and not like this.

"But you just arrived.", she said sad.

"Sara we all have to start working again in a couple of hours and…"

"…we should all call it a night.", Nick and Greg arrived at the bar. The two men couldn't have looked more exhausted. Greg, because he was totally drunk and Nick, because he had given his best to keep Greg from performing a lap-dance.

"Then let's go.", Sara sighed.

The others nodded and they left the bar.

Outside the groop split. Warrick and Nick decided to get home by cab, so did Mia and Greg. Sara insisted in walking and Grissom wouldn't let her walk alone.

They walked in silence for a couple of minutes. Grissom's eyes wandered over her body.

"You didn't enjoy it at all, did you?"

"No, it was okay."

"Why did you want to leave then?"

"You don't want to know."

"Would I have asked then?"

"I wont tell you.", he whispered. "But you can tell me something."

"What?"

"You were about to say something when the others entered the break room…before this whole disaster started and…"

"…oh that."

"Will you tell me what you were about to say?"

"I'm not sure."

"Why not?"

"It wouldn't be appropriate."

"Just tell me.", he said softly.

They had reached the entrance to her apartment building. She stopped and so did he. They stood close to each other. She turned to him, looking up to him. Their eyes met. Grissom could feel shivers running down his body. I want to hold her…I want to feel her close to me, now! Without thinking about it any more he put his arms around her waist and dragged her close to him. This feels like the end of a date, the moment before a goodnight kiss… I never felt my heart beating so hard and fast, I never felt butterflies in my stomach that much and I never wanted to kiss a woman as much as I want to kiss her!

"I was about to say, that…I mean I said that you changed and…that in these minutes in the elevator you reminded me so much of…of you back then."

"You said something else."

"If you already know what I wanted to say, why do you ask then?", she smiled softly and tried to throw an asking look at him, but the smile on her lips wouldn't let her.

Because I want to hear it from you. Because I am not able to believe it otherwise. Because I have to know that what I think you wanted to say is right. Because I am scared that I am wrong with what I think you wanted to say… "So many reasons."

"You reminded me of the man I fell in love at first sight with so many years ago."

His heart was literally jumping. I should do something now! I have to do something! I should tell her what I feel! I have to do something! It was hard for him to breath. Looking in her eyes was a pleasure and a torture at the same time, showers of pleasure and fear ran down his body. His hand ran over her back, crossed her arm and then rested at her cheek. He caressed it with his thumb. The feelings inside of him were much more than he could take, but he knew if he'd pull away from her now, he would regret it more than anything else he had ever done, he would regret it for the rest of his life and he would probably never get a second chance to hold her that way.

"I am glad you came tonight."

"I am glad you asked me to join.", he said softly.

And all of a sudden he felt Sara Sidle's lips on his cheek. He forgot to breath, his heart stopped beating, time stood still…

"Sleep well.", she whispered into his ear, then she entered the building and left Grissom standing outside in the light of the sun.

TBC

thanks for reading! I hope you liked this little chapter...and I hope you will like the next one, that will be up on saturday...(if I can finish it until then...still have to reread it and change some stuff)

please let me know what you think of this story/chapter...I am trying to get better with every chapter (I really hope I am not getting worse!)