Disclaimer: I still own nothing : (

AN: I am so sorry for the late update! The pain didn't make it easy for me to write and actually I had planned to change some things in this chapter before I update, but the fearsof the surgery/surgeries totally blocked me...but I just felt as if I couldn't let everyone wait any longer...it will take maybe two weeks until chap 12 can be up...because I will spend the next week in hospital and I don't know if I can write there.

This chapter is dedicated to everybody from the GS Jedi Ritter Club!

Special thanks to Sweetjewel and Teryl! Thank you both so much! I would go totally crazy and insane without you two!

the first

He sat on the sofa, staring on his hands. He was shaking. Great…you should not be that nervous, it's not good if she sees that you are nervous! Damn how much time does she still need to get dressed? She is in the bathroom for about an hour now…I never thought she would be someone who spends hours in the bathroom…I wonder how she will look like…I wish she would have shown me what she bought…I could only see that it was a dark red dress…or something in dark red…but I think she will wear a dress…will it be long? I think she prefers long ones, although she has great legs, she is not the kind of woman who is trying to outline the way she looks…she is not like Catherine. Gladly. But I think a short dress would look great, more than great…I wouldn't be able to take my hands off her if she'd wear a short dress, and in addition to this a plunging neckline…no she would never wear something like this…or would she? And her hair…will she wear it opened? Straight or with curls? I don't know what I would love more…or maybe she pinned it up…that would be great…He swallowed hard. I need a cold shower!

He tried to focus on something else but failed completely, more and more pictures of Sara ran through his mind, he felt his blood rushing to an area south of his belt buckle, he felt his heart beating faster and harder and it wasn't easy to breath. What will happen after the dinner?

He heard how she opened the bathroom door. He held his breath, now he would see her.

But before he could see her, she stopped.

"You have to go out."

"What?"

"Well, this is a date, you have to pick me up."

"This is my house."

"But the man has to pick the woman up…that's a rule…it's an unwritten law…"

"…actually it was written down I think." …oh Gil, can't you just keep your shut?

"What?"

"I mean…there are a couple of…guidebooks out there in the bookstores…maybe it's written in one of them."

"Are you speaking out of experience?"

I knew she would ask this! I knew it! And I couldn't keep my mouth shut! "Sara, can't we just go and have dinner? I don't want our reservation to expire and I don't want to starve either…can you imagine how difficult it was to get a table for dinner at the Picasso? It's the most famous restaurant in Las Vegas."

She didn't answer, but he heard how the front door shut. Behind her? Had she left? Leaving him alone? Was she angry? Had he been too harsh? In his eyes he had not been harsh at all…at least he had not meant to be. For a couple of seconds he sat on the sofa, not moving, not breathing, feeling totally numb.

Then the doorbell rang. He jumped up, almost running to the door, he opened it and stared at Sara. She looked stunning.. She wore a short, dark red dress, that was corseted in the back, silver high heel sandals, a silver necklace and a matching bracelet. Her hair was pinned up, a few strands of hair hang into her face. She was smiling brightly at him, her eyes were shining in the dark.

Dear God! And I thought the way she looked this morning was already the most beautiful way she could ever, possibly look. I was so damned wrong!

"I'm a modern woman.", she said and winked. "If you don't want to pick me up, then I pick you up."

He laughed softly. And I was so scared that she just left!

"Oh and I will take you home too…and I wont ask you if you'd like to see my stamp-collection…because I sold that one to finance my apartment.", she said grinning.

He stepped out and closed the door behind himself. Then he reached for her hand and they walked over to his car.

"So…modern woman, are you going to drive?"

"It's your car."

He gave a faked sigh. Pretended to shake his head in disbelieve and opened the passengers door for her.

She entered the car and he did so too, after she had taken seat and he had closed the door for her.

I should tell her how great she looks, women expect that…don't they? But how should I tell her, the best moment had been the one that I wasted with staring at her. I should have been the one that talked first when I opened the door!

He started the engine, he risked a glance at her, immediately feeling his blood rushing southwards again. He felt her eyes on his body, he knew she was looking, staring at him, watching every little move he made…and this did not make it easier to focus on the street or at not going crazy and giving in to the temptation she was right then.

They remained in silence for a while, he didn't know how to break the silence. He wished she would make the first step, but somehow he felt that it was his turn. She had done more than a lot to get this thing between them to the point it was now. Still it wasn't a relationship…and it would probably need a long time until he could really call it one, but it had been her who had kept chasing him in the last five years, if she would have given up, they wouldn't be here now. He would still be alone, a weird, lonely, depressed scientist. But now he was neither lonely nor depressed, the direct opposite was the case. He felt happy, happy with her near him. Yes there was still this uncomfortable feeling shining through from time to time, and it would take a while until he could get away from that, especially after the events of this morning, but he knew, one day he would have the courage to take this all to a higher level.

He pulled the car into the parking lot and stopped. Taking a deep breath before he opened the door and left the car. He walked over to the passengers site and helped Sara out. She stood close to him, he could smell the sweet scent of her perfume, he felt her breath on his skin and he looked deep into her eyes. "Sara…you look…stunning.", he whispered.

A bright smile flashed over her lips. "Thank you.", she said softly, her cheeks were blushing, she tried to look somewhere else, probably she couldn't take the tension between them either. He wanted to kiss her, passionately, more passionate than he had ever kissed someone before and more passionate than she had ever been kissed…he wanted to pin her against the car and kiss her impetuously…but they were in public, on a parking lot and everybody could catch a look at them. Think rational!

He took her hand into his and softly dragged her to the entrance of the restaurant.

They had taken seat at a table near to the windows, they sat facing each other, candle light and music formed perfect a romantic atmosphere. His fingers caressed her hand, both were looking at their hands for a while. He liked this picture. Feeling her soft skin made him feel a safety that he had never felt before. And the silence between them didn't feel uncomfortable anymore either. He enjoyed it to be with her.

They ordered dinner and drinks and waited for it to be brought.

"So…tell me something about you.", she said softly.

"There is nothing interesting to tell about me."

She laughed softly. "I so don't believe you…c'mon you know so much about me, I know nothing. Tell me something about your childhood…a little story…something funny that happened."

He sighed. "Okay…but, be warned."

"Warned?"

"When I was 8 years old, our neighbour's cat died, because of…"

"…you? Don't tell me you killed a cat!"

He shook his head grinning. "Let me finish my sentence. It died. NOT because of me…but I was the one who found it. And…I was very interested in science, and I had dissected mice and birds before…but never a cat, so I was curious…I didn't tell the neighbour that I had found her cat, but…carried it home in my satchel."

Sara grimaced.

"I took it home, my mother had a doctors appointment, so I was all alone there. And…I borrowed our kitchen knifes and tried to find out what the COD was."

"Did you find out?", she asked still with a little disgusted expression in her face.

"No…my Mom returned home…I had to hide that cat and…I put it into one of the kitchen cabinets because I knew that she never used some of them…end of the story is that I forgot about the cat and my Mom was almost driven insane by the smell. She asked me where it came from, I said I wouldn't know…and I really didn't know, because I had totally forgotten about that cat…I had found some birds and was occupied with dissecting them."

"What happened then?"

"When my Mom finally found the source of the smell…it wasn't difficult for her to count one and one together…bad thing was she thought I had lied to her…but the worst thing was, that she thought I had killed it. She sent me to the neighbour and wanted me to tell her what I had done, I refused, because I really hadn't killed that cat. So my Mom grabbed me by the earlobe and dragged me over to that old woman's house. She made me tell …I think her name was Miss Garber, she was the librarian of our school's library, …she made me tell Miss Garber that I killed her cat. Whenever I wanted to borrow a book from the library she wouldn't let me, and if I borrowed it while her colleague was working instead of her, she would find some ripped out pages when I brought it back and made me pay it, and I tell you, that woman was the one who ripped the pages out!…I guess half of library books had been paid by my mother by the time that I left school."

Sara laughed softly. "Did you do that often? Dissecting dead animals?"

"Well…actually, yes."

"And your mother let you do that?", she asked unbelieving.

"She never found out.", he said smiling softly.

"Well, now I know why you love your job that much…you have been a geek from your birth on, have you?"

He nodded. "Probably."

"Who was the first woman you fell in love with?"

"Uhm…what?", he asked unbelieving. Did she just ask this? Is she simply changing the theme from innocent to …sex? From comfortable to extremely uncomfortable? Why is she interested in this?

"Well, your first crush…how old were you? Who was she?"

"Why…do you want to know that?"

"I'm nosy."

That's not new to me. He thought smiling.

"So…will you tell me?"

"You know that there is a difference between physical attraction and 'love'."

"What does this have to do with the question I asked?"

"I don't want you to think that I have never been together with a woman until I actually fell in love for the first time.", he sad softly, staring down on his hands. It didn't feel good to tell her this, it didn't feel right, not now.

She looked into his eyes and he looked into hers, and he knew that now she knew what he had tried to tell her.

"I shouldn't have asked.", she said softly, absentminded staring on their hands, her eyes following the motions of their fingers while they were caressing each others hand.

"It's okay."

"Do you honestly mean that?"

He swallowed hard. "Could we talk about this somewhen else?", he said hoping.

She bite down on her bottom lip and nodded. She sighed again.

They didn't speak, they just sat there, looking at each other from time to time.

They both enjoyed the silence. She seemed to be lost in thoughts and so was he. He wondered what she was thinking, what she was thinking about him, about tonight, about what had happened this morning.

When something broke the silence between them, it had not been neither her nor him, but his cell phone. He refused to answer it with every cell of his body. It rang twice, once more…and everybody in the restaurant was looking at them, staring, throwing angry looks at them.

Sara laughed softly. "Answer it…probably it's important."

"I don't want anything to disturb…", he couldn't finish his sentence, Sara had reached over to him and had taken his cell from his jacket, now she answered the call.

"Yeah…oh hey… Uhm…no you did not dial the wrong number, he's here, gimme a second.", he handed the cell over to him. "It's Warrick."

Work! Not now! Why now? "Yeah.", he know he sounded irritated, but he didn't care. Sure, Warrick didn't know that he was just disturbing their first date, but it was his day off, why was Warrick calling him?

"Hey man, we need your help."

I figured. Damn it! "With what?"

"A case…corpse has been found in the desert, a lot of bugs and larvae and stuff like that has been found and…you're the only entomologist in Vegas I know."

He sighed. "I actually…don't have time right now."

"But we need you Grissom."

And I know that there is no time when it comes to entomological evidence…why, why now? Why? "Okay…we'll meet at the lab."

"Actually we would need you at the scene."

"Call me again in ten minutes, okay?"

"Yeah man…hell I don't want to know what you two were doing.", Warrick said laughing and Grissom knew what the young man probably thought. And he didn't like that at all, but he hated it even more, that he had to leave.

He looked at Sara. She threw an asking look at him. "I have to go."

"I figured.", she said and sighed. "Well…if you have to go, then you have to go."

"Sara I…I wish I could stay I…"

"…it's okay. Really. The job comes first.", she smiled, but it was obviously faked.

"No Sara, the job does not come first. And I wish I could stay…"

"…Gil, I know how it is…I'm a CSI too…those things happen."

But I don't want them to happen! "Sara…I…"

She rolled with her eyes. "Gil, it is not the end of the world."

"But the end of the evening…and I really don't want…" His cell rang again. He answered the call, sounding angry. "What?"

It was Warrick again. "Hey man, I know ten minutes didn't pass by yet but…"

"…Warrick I am on my way…so stop going on my nerves." He closed his cell. And took a deep breath. He took his credit card out his wallet and handed it to her together with twenty dollars. "Finish dinner, take a cab home…and please don't hate me."

She laughed softly. "I could never hate you."

"I will make it up to you."

"I know.", she said softly.

He left his seat and grabbed for his jacket. He walked over to her and placed his hand on her cheek. He wanted to kiss her, but was it right to kiss her now? This wasn't what he had planned for their first real kiss. But now he had to do something, she was looking into his eyes, she was expecting something to happen. He took another deep breath, then leaned forward and softly kissed her on her forehead. Forehead is better than nothing. He thought hoping she wasn't too disappointed.

"See you later then." , she said softly.

He nodded, his thumb striped her bottom lip and he felt that she shivered softly. "I will make it all up to you.", he whispered, then turned away and left, not able to stand the tension anymore. There was a battle going on inside of him, he hated himself for leaving her there, with every step he made he hated himself more. And on the other hand he knew that he had to leave, it was his job to solve crimes and this job had been his life for a long time.

He tried to remember the moment when it had stopped being his life, the last months had been full of happenings that had changed him. These changes hadn't been as clear as now for him before. He wondered what he should think of this. Just a few months ago he had always told himself that he was not allowed to change. And now I changed. I stopped telling me to not give in to my feelings, I stopped pretending, I stopped forbidding me the feelings for her to myself…it's weird. I never thought somebody could ever mean that much to me that…she could change me, totally change special parts in me, that she could revitalize my heart.

I never thought Sara could ever mean that much to me…she was the first woman I ever fell in love with. She is the first woman that gives me the feeling that I can totally be myself, no matter what I do, she will always be there for me. She will always care for me. I have to show her that I feel the same! If I can't tell her into her face then I will have to show it to her, at least I have to do something! I don't have to be afraid, she loves me as much as I love her, but if I am not going to show this to her she might leave me. It's not that she would stop loving me, but I hurt her with what I do, and one day she will realize how much I really did wrong. And then she will leave, because I still didn't make the next step. It's my turn to do something…and a kiss on the forehead is just not enough.

TBC

thanks a lot for reading : ) I really hope you liked this chapter! And please don't hit me for anything I wrote :pleads: