Disclaimers: I don't own it.
I have no idea what this really is, but it's pretty much Kotarou in… some lingering between life and death. And Misha from Haven. What will happen now?
000
Chapter Four: Nothingness
Are you ever truly alone? Do you really believe that we walk on this earth with no one by your side?
Is that what you really think?
Is that all you can say?
Why is it? Why did it have to be this way? It doesn't seem to make any sense.
Do you know what I'm trying to say? Do you understand the meaning behind it all?
… You want to be alone? Is that what you want to say?
Why is it?
Why is it so hard to understand?
Darkness. That was all that could be seen. Nothing in front of him. Nothing behind him… just… an emptiness in it all. Like everything was still and not there; like no one else was there to bring a sense of presence.
It was a hollow feeling.
Alone.
No one else was there.
Kotarou took a sharp intake of breath, trying to calm himself down as he tried to make sense on what had happened. Where was he now? What had happened? Why couldn't he remember at all!
A blinding light, a sound that was loud enough to make you deaf… it was a sound that he dreaded so much… one of the few fears that send him toppling off the edge of sanity.
He could almost feel his mind go numb as he realised what had happened.
But was it for real? Was he truly dead and gone? Out of existence? Away from his friends and family?
And what about Misha? Did she know? Could she have even prevented it? Why was it that now he was in a void that led to nowhere, was nothing, and didn't seem to be of any sort of true existence? He felt horrible, almost like he really wanted to go to the bathroom because of the threatening nausea that was building up within him. It couldn't be true… how could it be true? It was just a nightmare to him; there was no way it could happen in real life.
…Right?
The purple-haired teen groaned in pain – or lack thereof, to be precise – and he clutched his head. But if this was the reality… then how come he could move? Could he feel pain? Remorse? The fact that if he truly were dead then there should have been a path open to him? He didn't know anymore and he was so scared.
Memories of friends and family was all that was left for him. He didn't even know if he was alive anymore.
"Okaasan… otousan…"
… Why had it happened in the first place?
…
'Misha-san…'
000
A place full of serenity and happiness; joys and peace. It was like no other, with the colours contrasting against the few darker shades of hair and eyes, but other than that, there was nothing more than a sense of calamity.
And yet, there was one angel who was not enjoying the scenery.
Curled up and a good distance away from the other angles, Misha watched the mortal plane below, unable to shake off the feeling of uneasiness that she felt for a few days prior. It was never like this before, and she couldn't place the feeling, nor understand the meaning behind it. All she knew was that she was worried, and that the worry was focused on one person.
Kotarou Higuchi.
She knew that he missed her, but it was something much stronger than that. There was an unseen darkness, an unseen evil, but then again… could she really know what it was? Even as an angel, there were many things that she could still question, and being what she was, and hanging around in the mortal plane for some time could also muddle up her judgement.
She needed to see him. The back of her mind was practically screaming it out to her, but would she be allowed to go? Permission was one thing that took a lot longer than it should have, and that was the one thing that might have tried her patience more than once.
What could have happened to Kotarou?
No one noticed how distant she had become from the others, but then again, it wasn't like they were burdened with the link between a single mortal and cared about them that deeply. Misha was like that and she couldn't change it, no matter what.
The feeling wouldn't leave her alone either. And no one was paying her any attention. She was an accepted angel now, so she was expected to live up to the name she was given and what she truly was.
Getting up and brushing back a strand of pink hair, the angel looked down at the surface world again, and then came to a firm resolution: it didn't matter if she got told off afterwards, and it wasn't like she was doing anything remotely wrong either. She had to check in on Kotarou.
And no one was going to stop her from doing that.
Spreading her wings, Misha prayed with all her heart that the boy was okay; she cared about him deeply and it just couldn't be if he was hurt in any way. Sure, getting heartbroken and falling into arguments hurt the boy as well, but it was part of mortal life, and that was fine. But if it was something more… something that could truly scar him and the people around him…
It was like what had happened to his mother. He had loved her and she was taken away from him.
Why was fate so cruel? Why did life just take away the people others cared about the most? Why was it always this way? As an angel, maybe it wasn't in her place to question the decision of karma, but she couldn't help it. The people who were hurt… she knew their pain like it was her own, and it hurt so badly.
'Please let Kotarou-kun be alright…'
Please…
000
There was no one here. Nothing. Empty.
He was alone.
Complete and utterly alone. No one was there for him, to talk to him, to be there for him. No one.
And that scared Kotarou more than anything else.
Despite the way he acted at times, he appreciated having his friends around him, and even when Misha was an annoyance of sorts, she was still there. Shia, too, gave him more comfort from being there than not, and even if she was gone as well, he just hoped that she was there watching him as well.
But now there was a void. A nothingness that should not have been there but was.
It scared him.
Why was it? Where was he? He didn't even know where he truly was? Why? Why did it happen?
Was he being careless? Was the driver not looking where they were going? Was he well and truly dead; and if so, what kind of plane was this? Nothing like heaven or hell, so then…
Was he stuck in between? Was that it?
Not knowing was what going on, Kotarou gave a small, choked up sob.
Why wasn't anyone coming for him?
Was it meant to be this way? Were you meant to be born to get hurt? Or is the fear in your heart much more stronger than any other force that was more positive than others?
Did you mean this to happen? Did karma and fate not like you?
What did you do to deserve this? It isn't supposed to be this way.
I'm so scared…
Someone… anyone… please…
I need you… I don't want to be alone…
000
Misha had witnessed the accident, yet was unable to do anything about it. And even if she had known ahead of time, would she have been able to prevent it? By the time she had arrived, all that could be heard was the crash… and screaming.
As an angel, she was merely instructed to make other people happy, not prevent an accident that could destroy a life. It had been so horrible to watch, but even if she couldn't do anything, she had to find a way to be by Kotarou's side no matter what.
The crash had been horrible… was he going to die?
Tears welled up in her eyes as she tried to keep her composure; he couldn't die. Not after he knew that there were people who cared about him. And they would be worried sick. It just couldn't happen. She never wanted it to happen!
The ambulance had been called and they were there a lot faster than what one would have expected. Some passer bys were watching, in a state of shock, while other people seemed to cry at the fate of the poor boy who had been caught in the middle of it.
Blood. There was so much of it.
Although she knew that if she stayed any longer, someone from Above would notice her absence, but she couldn't leave Kotarou now. Her heart was much stronger than her sense of duty, and that was what she intended to do; stay by his side, no matter what.
Floating next to the unconscious boy, she took his hand in hers, and prayed. Prayed that he would make it and that it would all be alright.
He didn't deserve this fate.
No one did.
000
Kotarou looked up.
Someone was there.
Who was it?
But whoever it was, he was grateful.
A vague feeling of warmth surrounded him; it was weak, but still there.
And for that he was grateful.
000
Where was he exactly? Lingering on the path between life and death? Was there any other way to get him out of it? Or was it too late for him now?
No. Misha would refuse to believe it, no matter what. He had a life now, a life with friends and family that cared about him terribly. He couldn't just leave now! When he was finally given a chance it was taken way from him! She could not let it happen! It was just too much!
So where was he?
Deep in the nothingness…
Why was it this way all the time? Why was fate so cruel to us? Couldn't there be a time when everyone was happy? When people could have joys and sorrows with another who would understand?
When did it change?
I don't know.
But it's so different now…Don't let him leave now.
Please…
000
Short, I know. But I couldn't think of anything else, really. And there will probably be one or two more chapters after this to clear everything up… and find out Kotarou's fate. So yeah, not long, really.
Kidai: Thanks for the reviews, I really appreciate it and all. His mother died that way, and he was there to witness it, so it's only natural that he'd be scared. It hurts, I know, and it really hurts those who care, huh? I may have never experienced it myself, but still… thanks again.
j6girl: Yeah, Kotarou would have to be some form of being afraid, right? Like the one time he had that nightmare when his mother died… army of angels? Why would they come after me for writing such a sad story…? Anyway, here's an update. Thanks.