Disclaimer: Gravitation does not belong to me or anything. I'm merely borrowing its characters for amusement purposes. I don't get anything out of this but… fun and amusement. No, really.
ooo
Cure
Part Two
ooo
It was warmth he couldn't remember feeling ever before, the kind that run down every vein in his body and guarded against the unbelievable cold outside and around him. Huddled beneath the heavy blankets that trapped the warmth their bodies emitted, Eiri held onto Shuichi like a lifeline, wrapped his arms around the other man's slender frame tighter whenever he felt it loosening and clutched at the other's clothing, refusing to let go. The bed was small, far too small for two grown men. It was a far cry from the queen-sized western bed his sister had insisted on buying for him but Eiri was thankful for it, for it gave him more reason to pull the man closer and closer.
Shuichi was warm to hold, to hug, to touch. He'd felt so numb, so spent after his initial breakdown, unable to feel anything else but the growing, gaping black hole within him but somehow, by touching Shuichi, he felt… warmth, understood and a little less damaged. And he craved for that warmth, anything other than the frightening numbness after all form of emotion, the beautiful red rage and anger, self-loathing and deep-hatred that sat to fill that black hole within him, dissipated, finally given the release it was long due, and left him defenseless once more.
"I don't want to go home." Eiri whispered quietly in a weak voice that was void of anything else but the evidence of the ravaging emptiness that reigned within him as he buried his face deeper into the cleft of the older man's shoulder. Shuichi shifted slightly, regarding his statement with a soft sigh that made Eiri want to hold the man closer, as if the sigh indicated a disappointment that would eventually have the other want nothing more to do with him. He knew what he was – a helpless burden that does nothing but insist on his helplessness, unable to do anything more, perhaps even, reluctant to do anything more – but he wanted, no, hoped fervently that Shuichi would find a way around that somehow. A way to break the walls around him he had created but could not breach. He tried to reason to himself, tried to bolster the hope… after all, this man, Shuichi, had gotten him this far, what was stopping him from getting further? And saving him?
"It would be better if you went home." Shuichi stated softly and in Eiri's mind, he imagined the calm, reassuring smile that accompanied that statement.
"They wouldn't want me." Eiri paused and corrected himself, "They don't want me."
"Of course they want you." Shuichi assured and then he shifted, moving about his position on the bed carefully so the hands about his body weren't affected until he was face to face with the younger man. He offered a quiet smile, a simply curving of his lips. Eiri noticed the redness around his eyes.
"I hope you don't mind the position." The brunette whispered lowly, in an almost too cautious manner, before continuing. "If you stay here, nothing will happen." The smile on Shuichi's lips disappeared and his eyes looked grave, filled with wisdom that, Eiri thought, almost seemed like it came from experience. Almost.
"You'll continue to hurt. You'll never know whether they want, or wanted you back. You'll never know unless you go back. Back to your home, your family." Shuichi paused and then smiled, genuinely. "I told you you're not a bad person. I meant it, Eiri-kun." A warm hand traveled upwards, fingers trailing up the smooth skin on one side of Eiri's face in a caress and Eiri felt tiny jolts of electricity were escaping the ends of Shuichi's fingers to his skin.
"Why do you keep saying it?" Eiri questioned and though slightly perplexed, he no longer wanted to resist, to hurt Shuichi any more. He wanted to know the reason Shuichi kept on saying it, despite everything he had done to him that proved otherwise. He didn't know what to think about it, didn't know if he should be thankful about Shuichi being… disillusioned, maybe, and stubborn…
I could have killed him and he'd have continued to believe I was a good person, even in death.
The thought sent shivers down his spine and he unconsciously tightened his hold around the older man as he closed his eyes and concentrated on the unbelievable warmth and gentleness Shuichi's caresses delivered. Shuichi wasn't answering him yet but time was something he knew they both have and could, maybe, exploit for a while. This much fate could give him, at least.
"Your eyes."
Eiri opened his eyes and stared into Shuichi's blue ones curiously. The brunette wasn't smiling, but he wasn't frowning either.
"When people look into your eyes, they know you're not a bad person." Shuichi's fingers traced the dark bags around the blonde's eyes with his fingers, seemingly understanding the reason behind their existence and almost regretting them himself. "Bright blue, slightly shadowed, slightly-jaded but ultimately clear of anything else." Shuichi's voice seemed to turn wistful as his fingers began moving upwards until they were tracing the boy's hairline and carefully running into those soft, golden strands of hair.
"You're good person!"
"You have to be a good person. You just have to be."
Eiri froze, the other person's words rang in his mind suddenly, urgently, rising out of the chaotic memory and demanding to be addressed.
"I want to believe you're a good person."
"You're delusional." Eiri whispered harshly, though his eyes looked hurt. Feeling the numbness grow in strength once more, he unwrapped his arms around the brunette and distanced himself from the older man, unsure of what else to do. He frowned deeply, "You're not even sure. You just want to believe in these…things." He paused and then suddenly engulfed the other in a tight hug.
"You're the only person…. The only person… but you're not even sure!" Eiri grit his teeth and hissed, "I want to believe you… I want to believe you but you're not even sure yourself…."
Small hands pressed against his back and Eiri felt Shuichi press himself closer, until his head was carefully rested on his chest.
"Go home, Eiri-kun." Shuichi's voice was small and quiet. "Go home… to people who are sure. People who have been with you all your life and know who you are." The fingers behind his back were clutching at the fabric he wore and though the warmth of their bodies was almost unbearable it still seemed bitingly cold.
"They'll know if you're bad or not. They'll know." There was a pause, "And I'm sure they know… and will want you back. So just go home."
Go home.
The words repeated in his mind, hollow, cold void of the warmth Shuichi's voice used to carry. No words were exchanged after that, each person unable to say anything more, refusing to say anymore. But they continued like that, their bodies staying in a warm embrace while a deep and constantly widening rift stood between their souls.
When Eiri woke the next day, Shuichi was gone. There was a note on the drawer beside the small bed and it contained the two words that hadn't left nor stopped sounding in his mind since yesterday.
GO HOME.
ooo
Eiri breathed in deeply, ignoring the dryness the cold air left in his throat, as he slowly lifted his head and looked upwards, to the huge, wooden doors that lead to his tiny little world. The perfect little world where everything could be changed at the snap of a finger, but whose own perfection was in itself, a flaw. A world without the beauty of coincidence, a world of monotonous, perfected existence. He stood motionless for a while, except for the slight movement he made with his lips as he took slow deep breaths, basking in the freedom he'd attained and stood to lose. He could begin to figure out the power that drove him, eventually, to this decision. All he knew was that when Shuichi told him to go home, he felt compelled to do nothing else but do so.
When he thought about it, it felt as if Shuichi had drawn him out in the first place, like a siren, and when freewill could not be found in him, sent him back, away, to where he belonged, breaking the enchantment cast upon him. Everything from that morning was a blur, Eiri couldn't quite remember what Shuichi's apartment looked like, how his laptop's keyboard felt under his fingers with its worn keys and the noise it made when hit, and how he felt in his arms. The warmth was at the back of his mind, a word but never a feeling. It was warm, his brain told him when he tried to remember, but he could never remember how it truly felt. Adjectives, adjectives, and more adjectives – those were what came to his mind when he thought about Shuichi, but never the actual sensation.
And even without the sensations, he couldn't help but think harder, deeper, if only for more adjectives that failed to justify. It was an uneasy, unsettling, feeling he could not shake off – Shuichi had made an impact, burrowed deep into his shell and touched his soul in a way… in a way he could not explain.
Eiri.
Go Home.
Eiri.
A sharp jolt wracked his body and when his eyes refocused, he found himself staring at pair of red-rimmed brown eyes. Disoriented, he tilted his head sideways, unable to focus on anything else until he realized a pair of hands was clutching at his shoulders then he looked up again dazedly.
"Mika." He whispered softly and moments later he was in a tight embrace, feeling a warmth he felt he could never feel again.
"God, Eiri, you worried us." He heard her older sister cry into his shoulder as she hugged him even tighter, as if fearing he would dissolve into thin air in her arms if she didn't, "You were gone for so long, we were worried – we looked for you everywhere and… and you had to show up like this, dazed and…" She broke the embrace and began sizing him up and down, "Nothing happened to you, right?" She stopped and embraced him again, "Don't scare us like that anymore."
Eiri closed his eyes, exhaustion finally catching up. When did he last eat? Sleep? He couldn't remember suddenly.
"We were this close to calling the Police to comb every inch of Japan for yo—Eiri? Eiri…""Eiri"
ooo
His footsteps echoed across the dim hallway, light and muffled as he was wearing socks. He lifted a hand to trail his fingers lightly on the wallpapered walls as he went further, deeper into the hallway. There was an open door and a thin shaft of yellow light oozed from it. He walked faster, his heart beat gradually increasing as the distance between the door and him lessened.
"Eiri."
He heard it, a small rasp whisper, that made him stop and his blood freeze within a beat with its sickening familiarity. He exhaled slowly and then took a step forward, peering into the room with a deep feeling of dread interlaced with deadly curiosity.
"Yuki-sensei."
His body moved on its own accord before he could even conjure the thought to run away, far back into wherever he had come from. Peering into the crack in the door, he found a mirror of his own image, seated quietly, albeit, uncomfortably on a blue computer chair while a tall, handsome brunette, who easily towered above him, bent down and wrapped strong, lanky arms around him.
"Eiri…kun." The brunette bent lower and he saw the brunette's lips open slightly. He felt the warm breath from those lips as if he were there and not outside the room, in the relative safety of the darkness. "I love you." The brunette whispered, his voice a display of fake sincerity as he buried his nose into his hair.
Breath in, breath out, breath in his smell.
Eiri shuddered violently as the man's hand began traveling downwards to his mirror self's pants until those nimble fingers were working on the zipper of his pants. Eiri screamed as that hand slipped under his underwear and began stroking him and he cried for the man to stop over and over until his voice was raw.
"Please stop! STOP! STOP!"
STOP!There was a moan, mixed with a choked sob that was so familiar and disgustingly alien at the same time and when he opened his eyes he saw himself naked on the floor, straddled by his brunette tutor. By Yuki.
Yuki Kitazawa.
The name reverberated in his brain, slowly at first and faster, louder until it felt like it was cutting through his brain with each.
"Stop it." He whispered quietly even as his own cries sounded in his ears over and over like a broken record. Eiri didn't want to hear this, didn't want to remember this, didn't want to see this!
"SENSEI! STOP!"He screamed though he was sure it was his other self, not him. There was a pause. His world was suddenly silent, like time had stopped. Then there was a loud, exploding gunshot. It tore through that sacred silence with sheer brutal force.
Everything was red, so bright red as he saw himself beyond that door covered in warm blood. Red and sickly yellow mixed together beautifully in a display of morbid beauty. His white shirt was soaked in it and bits of Yuki Kitazawa's brain, or what was left of it, hung on his shoulder as he stood overlooking that hollow and bloodied shell.
Eiri screamed; loud, guttural, agonizingly. The adjectives danced through his brain.
His legs collapsed from under him and then he began crawling into the room, helplessly, crying over and over even when voice stopped coming out of his mouth.
Just over and over.
Eiri-kun.
He collected Yuki's body into his arms and began cradling him and began chanting "Please be alive" over and over like a mantra, as he closed his eyes and prayed and rocked the blood-covered body in his arms like a pitiful child.
"Please be alive."
When he opened his eyes again, he found himself staring at a pair of distinctively blue eyes instead of the chocolate brown eyes that had continuously haunted him in his dreams and a different but all-too-familiar face.
Shuichi.
Eiri screamed long and hard.
ooo
Eiri's breath hitched and his eyelids flew open, revealing bloodshot eyes that darted back and forth, searching for a hidden demon behind the shadows that clustered together ominously in the dark corners of his spacious room. His door was slightly open and the little line of bright light that filtered through the thin opening immediately caught his attention, making his heart beat twice as fast for a moment before a surge of relief, not calm, finally swept through him as his mind finally told him where he was.
Wearily, he sat up, scarcely taking note of the dull pain in his joints which was, surely, the cause of sleeping far too long, and ran a hand through his dampened blonde hair. Eiri took long, deep breaths that echoed hollowly across the room as he struggled to compose himself while his frame shook slightly with each breath. The room was dark, save for the weak yellowish light a small antique lamp – one his mother, when she was still alive, bought many years ago in France – gave out as it sat on the small, wooden chestnut table beside his bed. The thick curtains above his room's windows were drawn tightly, preventing any form of light from spilling forth into it and it made it impossible for Eiri to know what time it was. But then, it was not like he cared.
The world had become substantially grayer after that incident, and though he found small pieces of himself with the little freedom, and maybe, exploitation he had allowed himself to indulge in he was still far from being whole. That much, he knew.
"Aniki?" Eiri could practically see the fear and apprehension behind that quiet voice, as it shook ever so slightly.
He turned to direction of the door and squinted when his younger brother gave the door a slight push, letting lighter pour into the room. And for a moment, he felt like a creature of the dark, burnt by the bright, holy light. Shuichi came to his mind.
"Tatsuha." Eiri whispered flatly in response, ignoring the dryness of his throat while he slipped out of his bed and into the fluffy black and white sleepers beside his bed. His younger brother watched him carefully with, what Eiri imagined to be, fear-filled eyes. And, he imagined, those eyes no longer being able to recognize him. He had been changed so much, too much, for anyone to ever look at him without a mixture of pity and concern, even fear. Even he himself could not be sure what he had become…
Shuichi's blue eyes suddenly came to his mind, the way they looked in contrast to the yellowing white of an old bathtub, while he wrapped his digits tightly around the older man's delicate neck with the intent of squeezing the life and the false sincerity out of him.
He had become a monster and that was, at least, a given.
You know his eyes never looked at you that way…Tatsuha took several steps forward, his sock-clad feet making dull noises on the carpeted floor as he made his way towards him. "..Aniki…" His younger brother called out meekly once more and Eiri responded with a slight nod.
"What is it?" Eiri asked quietly, not intending the slight tone of irritation that had somehow come out with it. Tatsuha flinched visibly and Eiri suddenly felt hard pressed to tell his brother he was in no way irritated with him.
"I'm sorry…" Eiri whispered quietly in a tone that was a tad monotonous though he was sincere. He padded towards his brother and placed his hands on the smaller boy's shoulders. Then, he pressed his forehead against his brother's. "..I didn't mean it, Tatsuha."
"I know you didn't…" Tatsuha said in a small voice, "'Neesan said you'd be like this…" He sounded hopeful and Eiri's breath hitched when the smaller boy's arms wrapped around him. "I miss the older Aniki... but you'll do.. She said you'll get better… won't you?"
Dark eyes looked up at him questioningly and Eiri was suddenly at loss for words. He hung his head and sighed deeply.
"…I hope I do." Eiri breathed sincerely.
ooo
Days later, Eiri found himself slipping into a state of pseudo-normality in an attempt to appease everyone. He didn't want them to feel sorry for him, to worry for him. He didn't want them looking at him differently and, most of all, he sincerely wanted to get better. To go back, if he could. The natural solution his mind came up with was to try to go back into old routine, to do as he would before, to watch his temper and to force a smile whenever needed.
It wasn't so easy but it was working. Very soon, they weren't treating him like fragile china and it was a breathier from what he had been subjected to before. They were still careful with what they said and exchanged concerned looks but they were less concerned about a wrong answer destroying him completely.
It made him feel… better, or at least convince himself enough that he was on the road to getting better. Something felt wrong and he felt incomplete. It took days before he finally accepted it deep within himself that he wanted to meet Shuichi again, to find him and to…
…he wasn't even sure what he wanted to do when he found Shuichi. And when he did think about it he remembered, vividly, strangling the older man on the floor.
Shuichi's eyes, his voice, his words… the way his skin looked as he strangled him, the tears, the desperation; all those things would not leave him. They haunted him, chased him into the morning light, where his nightmares with Kitazawa would go no further, and remained.
Go home.
Despite all… You're a good person, Eiri-kun.
Eiri's lips dipped into a frown as he toyed with the peas on his plate, prodding at the small green vegetables with a fork disinterestedly. Mika, his older sister, was quick to cast him a concerned look, which he caught at the edge of his sight. He forced his lips upwards into a smile and turned to his sister.
"I'm fine." He said quietly, albeit a tad pensively. Mika was not pleased but she managed a smile, as if it was her own way of telling herself everything was fine. Eiri decided his sister's long suffering was certainly an admirable trait of hers.
He decided to change the subject; "So when's Tohma coming around?" He paused and popped some of those peas in his mouth. "He's usually around, isn't he? Or is work hindering him?" There was a hint of sarcasm in Eiri's voice when he spoke and he knew he didn't need to say anything more to state the obvious.
The obvious being the fact that Tohma, Mika's husband, had an unnatural obsession with him and his well being. Whether it was truly platonic or not, as Tohma claimed it was, Eiri never got to asking about and neither did he have any wish to do so. That was a matter between Mika and Tohma, besides he already had his fair share stinking suspicions regarding the matter.
If his instincts were anything to go by, he was sure, Tohma held more than platonic fatherly love for him.
For a few seconds, Mika's lips were thin and grave and then she spoke in response to his query. "He's being held up at work but should be here with us soon enough—" Mika, bestowed with the Uesugi clan's notorious cunning that led to its survival through out the passing eras, swiftly changed the subject, "He's also bringing Ryuichi to dinner tonight, 'tousan."
The clan patriarch smiled at his daughter from his seat at one end of the long dining table. "That's good, Tatsuha always loved being around that man." The elder Uesugi chuckled deeply and Eiri felt a slight shiver as his father's eyes fell on him. "Which reminds me, Eiri's never met Sakuma-san, has he?"
"No, 'tousan." Eiri whispered. Tatsuha, who was seated beside the older Uesugi son, propped his elbows on the dining table and grinned at his father.
"Nope, 'tousan, because Aniki doesn't like music and I only meet him at the studio!" Tatsuha beamed, "Ryu-chan's all nice and doesn't mind when I ask for autograp—" The mahogany doors to the dining room opened suddenly and Tatsuha stopped, snapping his head quickly to the direction of the door as he waited in anticipation. Eiri ignored him and decided against reminding his younger brother about his manners.
Two young men, one a redhead the other a blonde like Eiri, entered into the dining room. Eiri knew the blonde to be Tohma and instantly assumed the redhead to be Sakuma Ryuichi; Japan's current number one vocalist and bachelor. He knew close to nothing about Japan's pop music scene and preferred traditional opera and orchestral music himself but the bold colors, the flashy shades, and sheer amount of vinyl on the man screamed whore. And whore translated to pop star in Eiri's vocabulary.
"RYU-CHAN!" Tatsuha squealed, bolting from his seat to launch at the redhead. Eiri watched disdainfully as the pop star met his younger brother with open arms and began hugging him. Alarms went off in Eiri's mind as the innocent hugging translated into heavy petting in his eyes. Without realizing it, he had stood up from his seat and fixed a pair of glowering eyes on the two. He was about to march up to them, to break the two off, to make them stop tainting his little brother when Tohma's soft voice filtered into the cloud of hatred in his mind, bringing with it rational thinking.
"Eiri-kun."
Eiri froze on the spot and slowly turned to his brother-in-law who looked very, very concerned. He tried to ignore what he had almost done and hoped Tatsuha and his… friend (the word sounded so dirty in his mind) hadn't noticed him because within Tohma's eyes he saw pity. Pity of what he had become.
"Tohma." Eiri said quietly, acknowledging the older man's arrival. He bowed deeply and spun on his heels, sitting back into his chair like a robot under explicit orders. He felt their eyes on him; his sister's, his father's. His only solace was the fact that his brother was still excitedly catching up with Sakuma at one corner of the room.
Ryuichi was indulging him. Readying him for the kill, a whisper suggested in his mind sinisterly.
Eiri did not protest against the whisper, knowing what it said could be true.
"Uesugi-san, I apologize for the delay." Tohma bowed deeply, removing the quaker hat nestled on his head. "Ryuichi, this is my family—" he smiled, "of course, you know Tatsuha-kun already but this is my wife…"
Eiri ignored them and their voices, choosing to keep his eye on his brother while tuning out the useless chat about him. He'd gotten good at it after doing it for a while; ignoring the idle chat about him in the hallways, the kitchen….
"…Shuichi…" the name filtered into his mind, crisp and clear, screaming for attention. Eiri's breath caught but he eased moments later having successfully convinced himself it was just his imagination.
Were you worried about your family asking the public to bring their prince back? Shuichi's voice flittered through his mind bearing the very same near-mocking quality it did the first time he heard it. Eiri merely ignored it and lowered his eyes to his plate."…haven't found… him… Shuichi…. dead… hope not…"
The fragments danced about his mind, tauntingly, and without realizing it, he was biting his lower lip it drew blood. Finally, he snapped his head up and turned sharply to the, by now, seated Tohma.
….yone knows anything about his current whereabouts, please contact us.
"What… what about Shuichi?" Eiri quietly questioned while making eye-contact with his brother-in-law. Tohma arched an eyebrow, visibly surprised and he exchanged quizzical looks with his wife and father-in-law before meeting his gaze again.
"And since when were you interested in my work, Eiri-kun?" Eiri-kun. Tohma questioned back amusedly. Tatsuha giggled behind Eiri, equally amused.
"I'm just…" Eiri lowered his eyes, clearly embarrassed. It couldn't possibly be the same person… but… "…curious."
"Oh." Tohma shrugged and gave Eiri a calming smile, "Well… Shuichi's just one of the singers I recently signed into my company." Tohma signed and sat back, giving Ryuichi a look before continuing. "That was several weeks ago but shortly after our deal he disappeared, creating one big media hell. I've been working overtime to keep things in check, Eiri-kun."
Ryuichi nodded from his seat across Tatsuha, "Shu-chan was talented, no da." He turned to Eiri, "But lately, all the clues the police have found lead to his former producer…who seems to have either made him disappear or killed him."
please contact us…. please contact us…
We were this close to calling the Police to comb every inch of Japan…Eiri stared blankly at Ryuichi. "Oh."
The redhead laughed animatedly and turned to Tatsuha, "Look's like your brother really has nothing for pop music, ne? Tatsu-chan?"
..this close to calling the Police..
..his current whereabouts..
Eiri caught his younger brother smile beside him and the younger Uesugi leaned forward and planted his elbows on the table. "He doesn't even know you, Ryu-chan! How's he to know Shuichi?" Tatsuha giggled, "But yeah, Aniki likes listening to all those weird things that sound like people moaning and..…"
"How does he look?" Eiri blurted out suddenly with a tone of urgency in his voice. The dining room was suddenly silent as they all turned their eyes on him. Worry. Pity. Surprise. He felt all of those within their gazes.
"Eiri-kun?" Tohma looked about ready to rise from his seat to see for himself what was wrong with his brother in law.
Eiri-kun.. despite all
"Stop calling me 'Eiri-kun'," Eiri all but ground out He balled his hands into fists on his lap and refused to meet his brother-in-law's worried gaze. "How does he look?"
There was silence for a few long moments. Eiri heard his heart beat loud in his ears. And then, there was the sound of someone shifting in their seat. He looked up and found his younger brother's pop star friend had leant forward and fixed his eyes on him. There was a mischievous glint in those, he realized, clear blue eyes. The pop star's eyes looked dangerous and exotic, then familiar. They looked like they were not that of a normal human's.
Eiri found he had been holding his breath and he sighed before finally finding the strength to glare back.
Ryuichi merely smiled and lifted a hand to point at his face.
"He kinda looks like me, no da. Eiri-kun."
Eiri stared at the man dumbfounded but soon, by some trick of the light he reckoned, he found himself staring at a grinning, predatory Shindou Shuichi. Stunned like a moth who'd gotten too close to the fire, almost to the point of getting its wings burned, he blinked away from the man's gaze and hung his head.
He stared back at his plate.
"Oh." Eiri whispered dully and acted as if he had already lost interest with the topic.
ooo
Eiri found he couldn't sleep the following night and lay in his bed staring at the ceiling blankly, as if the dark shadowy patches on it would grow and swallow him if he looked away even for just a second. His hands clutched at the blankets tightly, like a lifeline, while he made it sure it covered him wholly, leaving nothing but the upper part of his face.
"Eiri-kun." The ghoulish whisper floated in the air, a sound so soft and bare, yet distinctively there. Eiri's breathing hitched and he began gasping for breath as his gaze was suddenly directed at the source of the voice.
"No." he whispered weakly as he pulled the blanket tighter around him. Hidden by a vale of shadows, Shuichi stood at his doorway, carrying the luggage he carried the first time they met. He was smiling.
Eiri wished he would just go away.
"What's wrong, Eiri-kun?" Shuichi whispered softly, "Can't sleep?" The boyish man sighed softly and bent down to leave his luggage on the floor beside the door. He straightened back up with an odd creaking sound that made Eiri freeze and then he stepped out of the shadows. He was chuckling lightly with bright, mischievous eyes.
The light from the moon outside the open windows, which Eiri distinctly remembered closing before drawing his room curtains tightly closed, eagerly illuminated Shuichi's slender frame. It lent his skin an oddly vivid blue hue.
It also traced every scar, laceration, cut and blood on his face and neck.
Eiri heard a gasp and realized it was his own. "Shuichi," He managed to breathe out as the older man sauntered closer to his bed.
Shuichi gave him an odd look and then seemed to hesitate. He lifted a hand, dripping with blood, to trace the bloodied lines on his neck and Eiri noticed the fading blue marks of a hand on it glowing in the moonlight. "It hurts a bit, Eiri-kun," Shuichi muttered and then continued giddily, reminding Eiri strongly of Ryuichi. "And the blood is a bitch to take off but… otherwise, I'm fine!"
The brunette grinned impishly at the fearful look on Eiri's face before plopping onto the boy's bed and laughing giddily. "What's wrong, Eiri-kun?" Shuichi's eyebrows met and his eyes narrowed, "Afraid of me?" A thick trail of blood began trailing down from his damp hair to his forehead and he lifted a hand to wipe it away with his fingers. He sighed exasperatedly, "Really, you get your hair done in a high-class salon a few days ago and it's all ruined after you lie in a pool of your own blood…"
"Why… why are you here…?" Eiri hissed, his jaw tight as he edged away from the man, consciously making sure the blanket protectively covered him. Shuichi cupped his chin and thought, so it looked, for a few long, pregnant, moments before smiling amusedly at him. He leant forward and made eye contact with the boy.
"Because I want to be here, Eiri-kun." Eiri glared at him and Shuichi grinned. "Or because I simply have no choice…" Shuichi turned around, revealing a gaping, bleeding hole at the back of his head where a fraction of his skull was missing. The brunette shook his head slowly; thoughtfully, Eiri's mind supplied.
"You killed me." Came the soft, thoughtful whisper from the brunette and Eiri saw him lift a hand to trace the dark marks on his neck. "…tightened your fingers around my neck.. so tight.. so tight until I couldn't breathe…." A light breathy laugh floated across the room hauntingly, "Until I saw stars, Eiri-kun. Have you ever seen those stars? They die… they call out to you as they go out one by one sparkling red.. blue.. yellow… and then black… die.. die.. as oxygen is drained from your lungs--"
"What are you talking about…." Eiri trailed away, and, out of impulse, threw his blanket at the man. "I didn't kill you!"
Shuichi laughed, deeply, deeper than he had ever laughed before. Distantly, Eiri heard a memory of Shuichi's laughter and wondered… just wondered if he had actually heard it.
"But you did, Eiri-kun." Shuichi turned back to him and grinned, suddenly possessing another's face on his head. Yuki Kitzawa's face.
Eiri paled, turning white as sheet, and stood on the bed, pressing himself thin against the bed-board and the wall in an attempt to gain as much distance from the dead man as possible. "You're supposed to be dead!" Eiri paused while Kitazawa laughed bemusedly at his reaction, "I… I…" he broke into tears without realizing it, "I killed you!"
His former teacher grinned toothily at him and ran a hand through his hair only to end up tracing the suddenly present and gaping hole on his forehead. "Eiri-kun," Kitazawa began in the gentle, parental tone he used to use on him while he continued, curiously, fingering the gaping wound on his forehead. "Didn't I tell you; you killed me?" He sighed and finally gave up on the wound, using his hands instead to support his body from behind. "And… I look pretty much dead, don't I?"
Kitazawa's lips curled into a smirk and he threw his former student a probing look before breaking into throaty laughter. "You're scared like shit, aren't you, Eiri-kun?" He whispered mockingly before rising from Eiri's bed. The former teacher turned to face his student, arms spread as he bestowed the boy a look of pity. "Can't handle what you began, can—"
"SHUT UP!" Eiri yelled, throwing the nearest thing his hands came in contact with, which was the tall glass of water he kept on his nightstand. The glass sailed into the air, towards Kitazawa's direction, before hitting an invisible barrier in front of him and shattering into hundreds of pieces. Several of the glass' larger fragments found rest on the late teacher's handsome but bloodied face, tearing through unyielding skin like paper. Rivulets of blood began flowing down from the fresh wounds but the teacher was unfazed and unfeeling. Without flinching, he plucked the pieces out one by one and tossed them aside to join its kind on the carpeted floor with a dull clank.
Eiri breathed in sharply and leapt of the bed, dashing towards the wall farthest from his former teacher. "THIS A DREAM!" He screamed as if the realization would eventually translate into salvation and he would wake up in his bed, unharmed and alone. Kitazawa rolled his eyes, revealing the blood-speckled whites of his eyes and tsk'ed while he shook his head disapprovingly at his former student.
"Eiri-kun tsk tsk… wouldn't you want this to be a dream?"
"This is a dream." Eiri spat angrily as he continued edging away to compensate for the movements his former teacher was taking. "You're dead. Dead people stay dead."
Kitazawa licked his lips and smiled, "I'm not staying dead, am I? Eiri-kun?" He sighed, "See, Eiri-kun… killing someone has…unfortunate … side effects." He paused and smiled, adding as an afterthought, "Consequences."
"Shut up."
Kitazawa laughed again and then his eyebrows shot up, in surprise. The teacher's mouth opened, "Oh, watch Shuichi-kun's bag, Eiri-kun—"
Shuichi-kun.
Eiri stopped moving and looked down, eyes falling on a familiar black bag on the floor. It zipper was not fully closed, revealing a small circle of… black that, as much as he didn't wish it did, piqued Eiri's curiosity.
"Curious, aren't you, Eiri-kun?" Kitazawa whispered in his ears, suddenly appearing beside him. Eiri jumped and by instinct, edged away sharply while Kitazawa laughed at his reaction.
"Want to see more of your handiwork?"
Eiri glared, warnings going out all over in his mind, he opened his mouth to say 'no' but Kitazawa had already picked up Shuichi's bag and began unzipping it.
"Never ask a child an important question," Kitazawa said in an eerily quiet voice, "Eiri-kun… you know that…" His lips curved into a smile and Eiri watched as his former teacher's hand disappeared into the bag.
"Take a deep breath now, Eiri-kun," The former teacher murmured with amusement in his voice while he watched Eiri through narrow, slitted eyes. "You might not like your own creation."
Eiri ignored him, knitting his eyebrows as his eyes fixed onto the hand in the bag. He wanted to turn his eyes away and to run as far away from the man as he could but his eyes remained fixed on the hand inside the bag. It refused to heed his most fervent mental wish to look away and his whole body followed suit with the rebellion. His former teacher noticed this and smiled knowingly at him. Tauntingly.
"What are you doing to me?" Eiri managed to hiss.
His teacher stopped 'rummaging' through the bag to look at him in speculation. He smiled and then pulled his hand out of the bag, revealing long, damp strands of reddish-brown hair. Using his fingers, he began demonstrating how soft and silky they were to touch.
Eiri's eyes widened.
"Such beautiful hair going to waste…" Kitazawa sighed and Eiri caught a glimpse of mischief in his eyes. "Poor Shuichi-kun—" Eiri's eyes widened, "All suffocated in the small bag…" Kitazawa's voice dripped, turning menacing and he suddenly tugged at the lock of hair violently. Attached to the hair was a bodiless head doused in blood but not nearly indistinguishable enough for Eiri as strikingly familiar blue eyes looked out to him through a veil of bloodied hair.
You killed me, Eiri-kun.
Eiri gasped and unconsciously took a step backwards. "No…"
"Yes." Kitazawa corrected him with a calm smile. He carefully began tucking the decapitated head's loose hair into its. "Ne, Shuichi-kun?"
"NO." Eiri repeated, shaking as he took yet another step backwards.
Its eyelids fluttered and its lips spread into a thin line before opening slowly. "You killed me, Eiri-kun." A pause and its lips trembled. Tears mixed with blood began trailing down its soiled cheeks, "Just like you killed him. You killed me. Why!"
You strangled me.
You were supposed to be a good person.
"You murdered me." It spat accusingly before its eyes narrowed and focused solely on Eiri. Murderer.
"NO!" Eiri asserted himself, sweeping hand a cross as if its verbal accusations had turned into deadly, invisible projectile objects.
The sound of rushing water suddenly rushed into his ears and when he spun around, he realized he was no longer in his room but in one big spacious bathroom. The source of the sound was a bathtub whose tap was left to run wildly and pinkish water, water mixed with blood, overflowed from it.
You killed me.
"No," Eiri whispered softly in a trembling voice. "No…" he repeated before invisible hands tightened around his neck, choking him.
Retribution; the English noun rang clearly in his mind and, closing his eyes, he let out a loud agonized scream.
When his eyes shot open, an unyielding ceiling and the fading darkness welcomed him.
He was alone.
ooo
The morning after, he found himself in a hazy daze. He wandered around the mansion with blank expression on his face. His teacher's words from his dream the night before hung at the back of his mind, faint but not enough so that he could ignore it with the silence he had imposed on himself. And the silence, the loneliness, the uncertainty and guilt were eating at him… guilt for not knowing why he was like this. Was there something wrong with his mind? Something so wrong he somehow can't get better no matter how he tried? Was Shuichi alive?
Did he... kill him?
"Seguchi-san." Eiri's mouth automatically opened to form the words when he caught the sight of his blonde brother-in-law's back. The questions became louder in his mind and he found, he had to do something. Anything.
The man in question stopped in his tracks and turned halfway to face his brother-in-law questioningly. A smile was present on his lips but it was strained and if one looked hard enough, if one knew him well enough, they would notice this easily. Eiri did.
"Yes? What is it Eiri-kun?"
They stood in the middle of an open hallway that overlooked their family garden It reminded everyone who went through it of the traditional Japanese patios; only the Uesugi mansion was far from a traditional Japanese mansion with its Western-style influenced structure and interior design.
Eiri swallowed. "I want to know about Shuichi," He said firmly. "Shindou Shuichi."
Tohma's eyes narrowed slightly and his smiled faltered as he spoke, "Why the sudden interest, Eiri-kun?"
Eiri-kun….
"I'm curious." Eiri answered in a clipped tone. The youth clenched his jaws and eyed Tohma seriously, "I need to know" he lowered his gaze, "…about him…"
"Are you keeping something from me?" His brother-in-law's voice was quiet and dangerous, prepared to deal swift judgment… for him. Eiri kept his gaze down, knowing all too well how his eyes could easily betray him against such a man.
"No," He breathed and narrowed his eyes, "I'm just curious….."
"Ah."
Eiri took a deep breath and suddenly felt insecure under his brother-in-law's scrutinizing gaze. Never before had he been in this position; he'd known Tohma was a ruthless businessman, known him for his cunning and the like. Mika had told him enough, he'd seen. Eiri had never had a reason to feel fear in his presence but, for some reason, the way those eyes quietly and very efficiently studied his form made him terribly… bare.
He knows.
"Eiri-kun," Tohma finally spoke, "Why are you afraid?" Footsteps sounded on the wooden floors and then a warm hand was laid on his shoulder. "Eiri-kun," Tohma sighed, "I'm not suspecting you or anything. I'm just…worried. Like your sister."
"This is unbecoming of you, Eiri-kun." Tohma continued calmly and the grip on Eiri's shoulder tightened. "Ryuichi is taking Tatsuha to my studio this afternoon. Maybe you should come, if you like."
Eiri said nothing in response and Tohma cupped his chin and tilted his head upwards. Staring into the youth's eyes, boring into Eiri's soul, Tohma spoke, "If he interests you enough, find more about him yourself, Eiri-kun."
Eiri's eyebrows furrowed and he read into the hidden words his brother-in-law's words carried.
Go find him, Eiri-kun.
ooo