Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Furthermore, this was written in accordance to the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code Article X and brings no harm or hex to the reader before, after or during the reading of the piece. However, it was not written in accordance with the Ministry of Magick's Public Fiction Code ILII which states that, beyond holding hands, relationships between two men or two women are strictly forbidden.
Pairings: sb(plus)rl, rianxquin
Summary: Poor Remus, poor, poor, Remus
It's short, sorry.
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Chapter Twenty-One
In which letters are exchanged.
I became silent and withdrawn. Everyone viewed it as being depressed. Maybe it was. I was hurting. Moony was hurting. Seeing is believing. It was one thing when I knew Sirius was fooling around, it was quite another to see him. Especially only months after the… dare I say disaster at the Ball. After I saw Bircriu in Sirius' arms in the hall, that's all I could think about. I saw Sirius holding him, kissing and… and… then it progressed to more. It sickened me. But what was worse was Sirius' continued association with Bircriu. There was about three weeks between the Event and the end of the year, and Sirius was with him often. Okay, granted, I had stopped talking to Sirius… almost pretending that he didn't exist. To regret one's own experiences is to arrest one's own development. To deny one's own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one's life. It is no less than a denial of the soul. Oscar Wilde. But they stayed together whenever they could; there was little to do after taking the OWLs.
I was eager for the train to come. When it did, I went to the prefects' carriage, ignoring James, Peter… and Sirius. James had been being incredibly nice to me. Peter, too. Being snotty to an angry/depressed werewolf is not a good idea. James knew what was going on, of course, and I think that Peter suspected. Lily, too, was treading carefully around me. She didn't bother talking about Sirius around me any longer. On the train Lily was sitting next to me, cuddling up against me. I liked the contact and so did she. She was chatting on about people and the summer and whatever. James changed, as I said he would. And Lily liked the change – she told me that I was not, under any circumstance to tell him that. The other prefects were talking about whatever and it didn't matter to me.
Quin and Rian noticed my melancholy mood upon seeing me and offered me some vanilla-strawberry cake. It didn't work. I went to my room and didn't come back down.
There was a knock at my door, I didn't answer. 'Remus, I'm coming in.' Quin entered my room, a cup of tea in one hand and a slice of cake in the other. I didn't move as he sat on my bed. 'So, what's up?'
'Nothing,' I mumbled.
'You haven't been sending letters recently and you're practically dead now. What's wrong, Remy?' I sighed and summarized the cause of my problems. He hugged me. 'Just hang in there, that's all I can say. Oh, and eat some cake.' We're here for you, and we'll do whatever we can.' He squeezed my shoulder. 'I'll leave you now, eat the cake and drink the tea, and think happy thoughts.' He left. I did what he said to humour him and then cried myself to sleep.
About a week later a letter arrived from James. I was still holed up in my room. Rian brought it up to me;
Moony,
Padfoot is here. He ran away from home. Well, it was a little less dramatic than that. He took a load of Galleons from his father's purse and then packed his things up and flooed over here last night. He said he's not going back. Dad said that he was okay with housing Padfoot for as long as he needed, seeing as he's only here during the summer. You've upset him, you know. He's afraid he's morally offended you and that hurts him. I've very nearly told him the truth, just to shut him up — don't worry, I won't. I think, though, that there was something deeper behind his actions at the Ball. That hurt him, too. Not just the rejection of someone he wanted at that moment, I've seen that, remember Baxley? No, I've a notion that he might actually like you. He certainly cares for you enough. You don't have to listen to me, but at least hear him out. Talk to him, Moony. Write him a letter. Something. Anything. Please? He needs it. It's bad enough that his family hates him. He knows what I think about his… activities. You mean something more, though. Somehow, I think, you two are closer than we ever were. Best mates, Moony. I want the best for you and I want the best for him. Of course, you know that I'll never let him hurt you. I don't need to threaten to hurt you if you hurt him. But I will threaten him. Moony, hang in there. Write back, I need to know you're okay. And write to Sirius, too.
Prongs
I couldn't do it. Writing him a letter… I would fail. Sirius didn't give me that chance. I got a letter from him later that evening, it was sealed and heavy. There was a chain inside, a heavy, white gold, braided chain with a crescent moon charm on it. Attached was a note:
Moony, I'm sorry for hurting you.
I scribbled a short reply:
Padfoot, what are you playing at?
And the exchange started thus:
I found something that was almost as beautiful as you are. You may hate the moon, but every time I see it, I think of you.
Padfoot, stop it.
Stop what?
I won't become another conquest of the Gryffinwhore. Go to Bircriu, he's willing enough. Or someone else that wants you.
Sorry you feel that way, Moony.
You don't know what you want, Padfoot. Don't pretend that you do.
I wiped my tears away. The letters stopped then. I put the chain on, despite my mind telling me not to. It was from Sirius. I cherished it. Rian and Quin understood me. They wondered, like Lily, why I wasn't even giving him a chance, but they knew my motivations. À cause du loup. I couldn't 'play around' with him. It was all or nothing. And I couldn't do that to him, not as an experiment. And Sirius obviously didn't understand commitment.
I made prefect again, so I slipped into the carriage without seeing Sirius. It gave me a few more hours to contemplate my reaction. Bellatrix spent the trip gossiping about Sirius' removal from the family tree. Lily, Perri and Conner tried to comfort me. Moody, moony, loony Lupin.
I got to school and the real problems began.