Disclaimer: Gravitation does not belong to me or anything. I'm merely borrowing its characters for amusement purposes. I don't get anything out of this but… fun and amusement. No, really.

A/N: It's nice to know people actually read this thing. (laughs) At least, since I don't really have a lot of reviews for this thing, I should take the time to address them and thank them : 3! This is the last and final part of the actual fic; I wrote an Epilogue part a few days after I decided it was 'finished', though, I'm not sure it's worth posting with this or anything. It was part of my attempt to show I… really meant for them to somehow pop into their more IC selves. I'm not sure if I succeeded or just made Shuichi all the more whacked. X3

I hope everyone enjoys, despite the massive OOCness abound. I like to think I had Tohma, Ryuichi, and Hiro at least… vaguely… in tact. X3

Much Thanks to London Girl, DeMoN4EvA, Goddess G, Shirubaa Kitsune, NightstarAngel, and Anon (my longest Gurabite reviewer for this fic? X3) for reviewing :D! To answer some questions about this fic; Eiri would be about 16, 17 in this fic – I never really thought about his age – and Shuichi is older, around Eiri's age in the anime. And, Anon, I've actually told this could be an original fic… it probably should be (lol) but…. Well, I guess I know what characters I had in mind when I wrote them and I was thinking… what if Shuichi was put under these circumstance? How twisted would he come out? .. …I admittedly have a fascination with grilling Shuichi so... um yeah. And as for Shuichi being clairvoyant? I don't think I really meant that literally, but... I've thought about Shuichi having either amazing luck and.. yeah, being in some.. weird, unexplainable state after his.. shock. X3 (Translation : I like to let my brain and hands do the thinking while I stay up late for them and get drunk on lemon tea.)

ooo

Cure
Part Three

ooo

He tried to remember where the apartment was, looking through his memories in search for landmarks and tiny details that would help him find it. It took time and little persuasion from his part so he could be granted freedom to roam around Tokyo freely. He had no plans of running away ever again, he assured them, but he needed the space, the freedom to see the world outside. Of course, Tohma had an inkling of his true reasons for asking for the freedom though he never voiced it out. The blonde executive would give him knowing looks, sympathizing looks before offering a calm smile.

He would give Tohma the same calm, sometimes blank, look in response every time the Executive did this. Deep down, however, this subtle form of support oddly kept Eiri's hopes up. Though not too much and certainly not without a dash of reluctance.

Eiri began his search for the old apartment he had been taken to, and Shuichi himself, the very afternoon Tohma gave him his permission of sorts. The first time he'd stepped afoot N-G records and took in the expensive-looking lobby filled with, mostly, smiling beautiful people, he found himself unable to picture Shuichi in their midst. Shindou Shuichi, performer or not, had been quiet, calm, and almost disturbingly akin to his blonde brother-in-law though more subdued and… desperate.

Eiri remembered, all too clearly, how desperate those eyes had been as they looked up to him with welling tears; as he strangled their owner with his bare hands. Eiri also remembered his voice, the quiet desperation it carried, and the will to believe something that might not be necessarily true.

Now, as Eiri stood in front of the door he'd hardly paid attention to the first and last time he stood in front of him, he felt apprehension. He feared. Licking his dried lips and ignoring the biting cold, he dug his gloved hands into the pockets of his leather jacket and pulled out an old key. The landowner had been kind enough to give him a copy of it, having, somewhat, an understanding of the situation.

A few nights before, in the height of the case regarding Shindou Shuichi's disappearance, they had found irreputable evidence that lead to a glaring possibility the young singer was suicidal. There were no suicide notes, no personal admittance from the singer's colleagues. Just one cold, hard fact; his previous manager, now sitting in house arrest, had tried to rape him and murder him the night he disappeared. They had caught it on tape and an edited version had been fed to the mass media. Tohma, who had been sitting quietly beside him while it aired on local TV, quietly informed him of how the former had not been a failed attempt at all and how they had kept a considerable amount of footage under wraps.

Eiri took a deep breath and slipped the key into the keyhole. He turned slowly and pushed the door open while his heart beat with anticipation. The sound of a lonely guitar tune carried to his ears before stopping abruptly.

"Shuichi…? Is that you?"

Eiri frowned and stepped into the apartment. "No." He answered truthfully, while his eyes scanned the apartment's interior in search of the voice's owner. He closed the door behind him quietly and shortly after and a man with long chestnut brown hair emerged from one of the rooms in front of him. The longhaired brunette held an old guitar in one hand and stared at him flatly.

"Who are you?" The man questioned warily and Eiri quickly noticed the dark circles around the man's eyes. Eiri closed his eyes and bowed deeply.

"I'm Uesugi Eiri." Eiri said quietly, "I take it… Shindou-san isn't around?"

A frown marred the man's features and he broke into a small laugh, "You're looking for Shuichi too, huh?"

Eiri nodded, "I… I thought he lived here. He.. he brought me here last time."

Surprise flittered across the brunette's face. Eiri watched the other man chuckle to himself before running a hand through his hair. "So that explains the mess the place was in…" The brunette whispered to himself, Eiri thought though he heard the words clearly, "…that Shuichi… never knows to clean up…"

Eiri kept his silence, finding it appropriate to do so even while a small part of him thought otherwise. After a short and thoughtful pause, the brunette turned to him and began to finally introduce himself. "I'm Hiro, Nakano Hiro." The brunette told him as he walked across the room and set his guitar on one of the sofas. "I'm Shuichi's best friend." He paused and ran his fingers across the aging surface of the guitar, "Or was his best friend. I'm not quite sure myself, you know?" Hiro laughed lightly and turned to Eiri once again.

"What are you to him, ..Ue..sa-"

"Uesugi-san," Eiri corrected quietly and Hiro chuckled amusedly.

"So what are you to him?" Hiro continued and then he folded his arms and leant against a sofa. "His lover, his boytoy," Eiri tensed, "his new manager or some new 'band member'? Take your pick, Uesugi-san."

"You're certainly harsh on him." Eiri found himself saying quietly. Hiro smiled, though not in a derisive way at all, and began shaking his head.

"I have to be." Hiro told him, "Shuichi… needs someone to keep his feet on the ground. Head flies up to the clouds too much."

"Or needed to." Hiro corrected himself quickly before Eiri could open his mouth and question. The brunette looked melancholy and the voice he spoke with was wistful and… clipped. Eiri could almost feel whatever emotion Hiro was keeping privately to himself underneath that calm poker face. "Well, what are you to him? And, why are you looking for him?" The brunette produced a pack of cigarettes from the old faded brown jacket he wore and within moments he was smoking a stick.

Eiri grimaced when the thick, pungent, smell of smoke wafted into his nose. Practically half of his family smoked (that half being his father, his older sister and even Tohma though that was a rare event) and he was used to breathing in air mixed with the mixture of his father's cigars and his sister's brand of women's cigarettes over dinner without even a slight wheeze. The smell that came from cheap cigarettes was a very different story though; they emitted a thick, pungent smell that almost literally clung onto your skin and clogged your lungs. It made him swear solemnly he'd only smoke a certain, pricey-brand (like Alfo) and nothing else even if somehow his family went bankrupt and he was forced to scrape dirt off streets for food. It was a grim thought but, nevertheless, it was a possibility.

"I'm…." Eiri hesitated at first and swallowed hard, "a friend…" Realizing his answer had been too vague and Hiro could easily take that as an abstract equivalent to 'boytoy', he hastily added, "a platonic friend."

Hiro's eyes narrowed slightly as he blew smoke into the air and he watched Eiri closely before taking a drag from his cigarette and sighing. "A friend, huh?" Hiro said in a somewhat disappointed tone before looking away into the distance. "He brought you here before, huh?" The brunette asked again in the same tone and Eiri nodded automatically even though he wasn't quite sure if the brunette was watching him in any way at all.

"Hmn." Hiro breathed and removed the cigarette from his lips. He strode towards the coffee table beside the sofa and left his cigarette on the ashtray. Then, he sat himself on the sofa and folded his arms crossly across his chest.

Eiri followed him with a steady gaze and his eyebrows furrowed slightly when Hiro seemed to be studying him again. This time, the look on the brunette's face was a lot more serious, more intense. "We used to live here, y'know? Shuichi and I." Hiro said suddenly in soft voice that completely took Eiri off guard. He had been expecting something curt or rash from the brunette, something that reflected the first impression he had gotten from the older man. "We began renting this apartment after graduating from High School. We lived and breathed the same air for so long. We dreamt the same things; he was like the younger, clumsy brother I'd never had." Hiro laughed and Eiri suddenly had the urge to take a seat. He scanned his surroundings and when he found a simple stool in the small kitchen area of the apartment, he strode towards it and half-dragged, half-carried it back to where he stood before.

"I ditched Medicine for him. We wanted to make it big, together, as a band." Hiro continued and seemed amused by the fact that Eiri was so interested by his little storytelling session. "We'd been dreaming of this since we were twelve. And then it was there, we were so close, we were getting noticed. He was getting noticed."

"They recognized the raw talent he had and saw me as the obstacle for being such the smart-assed voice-of-reason for Shuichi." Hiro snorted disgustedly, "So they told Shuichi to ditch me. And he did."

The brunette took a deep breath and then leant forward, burying his head in his hands tiredly. Eiri was interested but at the same time, he wasn't sure where this was going. "I was mad at him. Enraged, even That he'd had the gall to leave me behind like that after all I've done for him… The next day, I took the earliest train to T-University before Shuichi could wake up and beg for forgiveness like he always did and re-applied for a Medicine course. I'd passed my first entrance exam before so they were only glad to have me reapply again. I never looked back ever again." Hiro broke into a laugh suddenly; not light but bitter and heavily laden with regret. "I like to think I never looked back again but I was hoping for a mention, a sign that Shuichi missed me, something on one of his songs that said 'I'm sorry, Hiro.' But there never was anything. Or at least, that was what I told myself. Looking back, I was being stupid. Being childish."

"I let him go this path." Hiro rasped out and Eiri was beginning to realize he was hearing a plea for forgiveness that may never reach the ears of the wronged, or the victim. "I never argued. I was too mad, too mad at him for ditching me for his dream where I wasn't included. I was mad at him for disregarding me… for not thinking about the hell I went through for him when I decided I wasn't going to University. I let him go there; let him fuck whoever and whatever he pleased. I should have told him to stop, should have kept him down to the earth… and now he's probably," Hiro seemed to choke and then he chuckled. He spat the single word bitterly, "… dead."

Eiri took a deep breath and held it without even realizing it and Hiro looked up to him. "I hope you find him, Uesugi-san." Hiro said quietly, "I don't know him anymore, don't know where he can be…. Don't even know if he likes Pocky anymore," The brunette smiled a bit here; it was a bittersweet recollection of days past, "but… find him. Alive, please. And tell him I'm sorry."

And as he released the breath he'd been holding, Eiri seriously wished he could bring Shuichi back.

You're a good person, Eiri-kun.

Eiri realized why Shuichi had been so desperate on making him believe that; because Shuichi had gone into the dark end and needed a foothold… hope and forgiveness. And if a person like him could be good, deep down, and be saved then… so could he.

He certainly picked the right person for help, Eiri thought darkly as he got up from the stool he had been sitting on. He sighed and dug his hands deep into his jacket pockets and calmly addressed Hiro. "Nakano-san," he said and the brunette lifted his head up and regarded him questioningly. Eiri continued, "I wasn't that kind of friend to Shindou-san. We just stuck together; I don't know anything about him. I don't know if I can even find him for you. Alive." Eiri was being honest and he knew no matter how desperate he could appear in front of his family, he doubted they would answer a request from him to help find some nobody on a whim. They had money and power, but they were not Gods. They couldn't save anyone, didn't have that power though their ancestors from the years gone by have claimed to be capable of doing so.

They were idiots blindly relying on powers they couldn't see, couldn't hope to understand and they made everyone else believe on them just as blindly.

"I thought that." Hiro said quietly, visibly disappointed. He stood from the sofa and lifted his guitar from it. Eiri thought the brunette was going to go back to whichever room he had been in and leave him to do whatever he wanted. And Eiri couldn't have that. He felt he still had to know more.

"But if I find him, Nakano-san." Eiri spoke loudly, enough to draw the attention of the retreating man. "I'll have you say sorry to him yourself." He paused and Hiro turned to stare at him with disbelief. "I don't do those kind of things." Eiri added flatly in answer to the look Hiro had given him. He frowned when Hiro said nothing and continued staring at him.

"Nakano-san, if I'm to look for Shindou-san… where…" Eiri was at a loss for words, overwhelmed by a feeling he couldn't name suddenly as he swept his eyes across the room and took in its furnishings for the first time ever since he'd run away from it on Shuichi's order. How long had Shuichi stayed after he left? Had he even stayed at all? If not… then, where did he go?

Can I ever find him?

Why do I even want to find him?

"Do you think… how long… was he gone from here?" Eiri finished and Hiro smiled at him sympathetically, as if he understood.

"I don't know." Hiro answered and then laughed slightly, hollowly, "When I came here, the place was a mess… but no Shu-chan—" Eiri's eyebrows furrowed at the endearment, "..I spent a while cleaning the place up. But I don't know… honestly, how long he could have been gone." Hiro took a deep breath and ran his hands along his hair again before sighing dejectedly.

"God, Eiri, please find him. Tell him… tell him…"

….You're a good person.

"He's good." Eiri finished for him quietly and then there was a silence.

ooo

Eiri scaled the apartment complex's old rusty stairs with his head hung down, in defeat, as he made his way back down to the street where Tohma was waiting with their car. The blonde executive watched him carefully, eyes narrowed, as he stood beside his car. Clad in a heavy, black feather-lined overcoat, and a matching black Quaker hat, Tohma looked every bit an imposing entrepreneur but when he met Eiri's gaze, all that was left was a concerned brother-in-law. Eiri wanted to scoff at him for how different he looked in the midst of the people he cared about, just to spite him, but he was too drained, too defeated.

At this rate, they would most likely find Shuichi under an old bridge, a corpse long dead for days. Not alive. Not breathing. Dead. Eiri hated the thought of it but whenever he looked back into his time with the mysterious man, he came back to the present with renewed, if not doubled, fear of not finding Shuichi in time and finding his corpse instead. How long had it been, even? The days had passed so quickly; it was the same bitter cold afflicting them now with winter having a few months yet but the days had gone in and gone out, becoming nothing more but time wasted.

"I had a feeling you'd be waiting for me." Eiri said quietly in a strained voice as he greeted his brother-in-law with a slight but strained bow. Tohma smiled at him, disregarding the dismissing tone in the younger man. He reached a hand out and placed it lightly on the younger blonde's back as he led him into his car.

"In this cold, I thought I should follow you." Tohma explained a matter-of-factly as if it was perfectly normal to follow someone when they never did tell you where they were going to begin with. Eiri never told Tohma where he was going to, specifically, but he knew Tohma had extensive sources.

Tohma's ways were the last thing in his mind right now, however. He let himself be led into the back seat of the car and said nothing as Tohma closed the door beside him. The blonde executive was on the driver's seat within minutes and Eiri fastened his seatbelt before the other could ask. So when Tohma did ask, he stopped in mid-sentence and smiled with understanding, even bemusement. Eiri dismissed him and let the blatant display of his brother's unnatural obsession towards him play out.

Tohma was, afterall, the last thing in his mind at the moment.

The car started and Eiri, who had propped his elbow beside the window and leant his head on it, looked out disinterestedly. He watched the houses pass by slowly; idly aware of where they were going but at the same time not caring about it. He felt stuffed, like he could hear, see, and use all of his five sense but… not to the uttermost. He couldn't think clearly, couldn't think about what to do now. What he had done for the past few weeks, week – it didn't matter how long anymore – had only served to heighten his curiosity, his need, to meet Shuichi once more. It never helped him in the actual problem and the questions remained. Where was Shuichi? Where on Earth could he possibly be?

Or was he dead?

He closed his eyes and when he opened his eyes, the houses were replaced with streets jam-packed with people and the darkening skies. He had dozed and it was getting late; that fact slowly seeped into his mind but he shrugged it off, unconcerned. It didn't matter and Tohma was being quiet, very, very quiet.

No, correct that, it was very, very quiet – almost deafeningly so and even the voices in his mind stopped tormenting him and bombarding him with the hopeless questions he couldn't even begin to have the answers to. It felt like even the voices in his mind had found it futile to push him onward when there was nothing left to reap, to save.

"Tohma." Eiri said quietly, opening his mouth and finding them parched but he said nothing about that. "What time is it?"

The older blonde craned his neck slightly to his direction, regarding him with a warm, almost uncharacteristic smile that he was sure nobody but him and his sister were privy to. "Oh, you're awake, Eiri-kun?" Tohma said quietly, a smile in his voice.

Eiri grunted in response. "Time." He said monotonously, reminding Tohma of his question earlier.

"Eight." Tohma replied quietly and Eiri nodded. "Upset, Eiri-kun?" The executive asked softly after a few minutes of silence. His brother-in-law merely grunted in response, eyes transfixed onto the window beside him.

"Yeah." Eiri, normally, wouldn't have answered Tohma and indulged him like that. As it was, though, he felt so cut off, so very... emotionally... in need. "I don't know… where he is." Eiri said in a low voice, barely audible even in the near-deafening silence inside Tohma's expensive car.

"You don't have to find him, Eiri-kun." Tohma explained quietly. "If you don't, then you don't. Don't let it affect you so much."

"I don't why it's affecting me so much, Tohma." Eiri's attention was caught by a duo in the crowd when their car came into a halt; two boys that reminded him, somehow, of Hiro and Shuichi. "I don't know why I'm drawn. Why I have to." Eiri continued in a somewhat desperate tone, still watching the people in the crowd. The two were trading jokes, apparently, slapping each other's back, laughing, smiling… In his mind, the words kept on coming… I don't know why I have to find him. Don't know why I can't let go, can't forget his voice, his eyes, the pain… Don't know why I wish I could make him come back and feel better and…

"I understand. Ryuichi…" Tohma's voice cut off in his inner thoughts, taking Eiri completely off guard. He waited for the older man to say something more but he didn't and it only made Eiri even more uncomfortable. Incomplete. He kept his eyes into the crowd and was disappointed when the two boys he had been watching disappeared into it. Gone.

The car continued moving.

"I want to find him." Eiri whispered under his breath and turned to his brother-in-law. For a few moments, he stared at his brother-in-law's back, wondering if the older man had heard him and then he turned back to the window beside him once more.

Why did he want to find him? That was a question he had asked himself so many times before. It had many possible answers though none of it was ever fitting. He wasn't gay, not really, it wasn't like how things had been between his ex-teacher and him. He didn't love the man. He didn't even know the man. It was ironic because he wanted to know the man. It provided a healthy distraction from his guilt but the bottom line was there; he didn't know what was making him do these things and maybe, maybe, if he found Shuichi he'll know.

"Shuichi." Eiri whispered breathily, reveling in the fact that he'd never once called the man in such a way and couldn't even remember calling him by his first name. The action made him feel unnaturally warm and it was embarrassing. It reminded him of whenever Tatsuha would whisper his singer-friend's name in sleep; breathily and longingly.

Eiri-kun. Shuichi's voice echoed at the back of his mind and as he vaguely thought about how his name – his name alone – would sound in the older man's lips, he caught a something to his right. He wasn't sure what it was or, even, where it had come from but it made his instincts jump. Run wild. Go haywire. He knew then, that it had to be it and that this was his chance and after this…. After this he wouldn't be getting anything else…

"Stop the car, Tohma!" Eiri yelled suddenly, without thinking. A scant second after Tohma did, he bolted out through the door and lunged forward into the crowd, blindly following his instincts.

He heard Tohma's voice behind him, barely against the suddenly near-thundering crowd he had thrust into, but he ignored him. He ignored him and continued on, blindly going forward to the direction that felt right, even if deep down he wasn't sure if it was right at all. All that mattered then as his heart thundered against his ears and he ran and ran without thinking and direction was that he had a chance.

A chance.

And that was all that mattered.

ooo

Eiri didn't know how he'd caught up with him and not in a million lifetimes would he probably ever have the answer to that question. He didn't care though and as he stood on the cobblestone path of a park he wasn't even aware he'd run into, jacketless and freezing in the biting cold because someone had accidentally grabbed onto his jacket while running and he just let it go, he stared at the calm, smiling and suddenly pained face of a man he thought he'd never see again.

Shuichi looked different, more vulnerable perhaps, but he was smiling at him in a way that told Eiri how he had done right in not hesitating. Because, had he hesitated, then he might have been too late for anything and both of them knew that. The park was silent, providing them the time and space, the privacy they needed.

"Eiri-kun… you'll get cold." Shuichi said finally in a soft voice that was void of the reservation Eiri remembered it once had. It was lighter, so much more… so very, very different. It was like meeting another Shuichi. Once, before, he had spoken his name with a sense of… emphasis. Eiri felt it had been Shuichi's way of putting him down and telling him where he stood but the way he spoke now was so… natural. Like finally, they were on the same level.

And Eiri felt they were on the same level. They were both tainted, both seeking out salvation in the only way they knew how; by finding someone else to save and save them.

"I know, I left my jacket... somewhere." Eiri answered quietly and watched as Shuichi carefully laid his bag onto the cobblestone path and began removing his overcoat, revealing slender arms lined with a number of fresh and fading cuts and band-aids haphazardly slapped onto them all over. Under his thick coat, Shuichi had been wearing a simple black tank top and matching jeans; hardly the type of clothing for winter and Eiri imagined Shuichi either left home in a hurry or had a death wish. He probably had both.

Eiri didn't wince at the sight of mutilated flesh and watched, mesmerized as Shuichi walked over to him and quietly placed his coat over his shivering body.

"There." Shuichi whispered with both of his hands still on either side of the younger man's body. He smiled and looked into the younger man's eyes. Purple; under the right light, Shuichi's eyes looked unearthly with an odd slightly-purple hue that easily reminded him of the silly, flamboyant and drawn out descriptions of the hero or heroine's eyes authors easily put into their trashy romance novels.

"I told you to go home." The smaller man said quietly in a flat voice and Eiri shook his head.

"I did."

How is it that something he had been thinking about for so long, something that haunted him in his dreams, something that had felt so urgent could end like this? It was surreal. Eiri felt that it couldn't be happening but then, as he reached out to grab the smaller man's wrist in his hand and felt the dull warmth in them, he knew this was real and he had found Shuichi. It was so... anti-climatic. He was thankful for it, though, and at the same time, he hated it.

Shuichi took one glance of the hold Eiri had of his wrist and then turned to him wordlessly before slipping away, easily, out of his grasp and stepping away from him. Eiri didn't stop him and in a silent daze watched as Shuichi turned his back on him and began walking away. It was goodbye; the anticlimactic ending where there was nothing left to do but say their goodbyes and let the credits roll. What could he possibly do, after all? What did he have to do? If he made Shuichi stay, what was there left to do? After Hiro begs for his forgiveness then what was to happen?

Hiro. His mind whispered; he had to stop him because of Hiro but after that… what?

Just make him stay. Make him feel, make him believe….

He lifted his gaze, slowly, and watched Shuichi's retreating form with a slight frown. He breathed in and out, slowly, and watched Shuichi through a veil of white smoke, his breath.

"Shuichi." He breathed and then he was moving, pushing one leg after another in a swift run towards the older man. "Shuichi!" He was yelling with his heartbeat thundering in his ears as he ran. He vaguely registered Shuichi stopping in his footsteps and turning to him in surprise before the two of them fell down to the hard, humid ground with a loud thud.

"Don't go." Eiri hissed angrily, biting hard into his lower lip as he sat on Shuichi's prone body and glared hard into the other's eyes. Shuichi said nothing at first and then closed his eyes. He spoke in a soft, quivering voice, "Why?"

Eiri breathed in sharply and leaned down until their breaths mingled and he could practically see the tiny lines in Shuichi's eyes. "You told me to go home." Eiri hissed slowly and then unconsciously pressed Shuichi harder into the ground, "You told me to go home but what about you. Aren't you running away, Shindou-san?"

Shuichi turned his head away and sighed. "I'm not like yo—"

"Yes, fuck, I'm not like you, Shuichi. I'm not like you; I didn't abandon my best friend and whore myself up to fame." Shuichi stared at him incredulously and Eiri hung his head, continuing in a defeated tone. "I killed the one person that understood me, murdered him when I thought there was no way out."

Eiri swallowed and glared at Shuichi, "I ran away and you… you told me not to." He took a deep breath and pressed his palms against the older man's neck. "But aren't you fucking running away too?"

"Don't have anywhere else to go." Shuichi whispered underneath him. The singer titled his head upwards, allowing himself a little comfort against the warm hands on his neck. "Eiri­-kun… I screwed up bad." He laughed then, quietly and it was almost a giggle only it was hollow and dripping with bitterness. "I… I lost sight of things. … I… lost sight of my priorities and… and…"

Eiri watched as beads of tears began rolling down the older man's cheeks and he gritted his teeth before grounding out, "Is that why you picked me? So you could save me? Because you fucking aren't worth saving anymore and you thought you could screw someone's mind for the greater good?" For some reason, he felt betrayed.

"It was the eyes, Eiri-kun." Shuichi whispered quietly in a vague tone before Eiri's fingers tightened around his neck in a familiar way that didn't surprise Shuichi anymore. He gasped for air while Eiri looked down at him, indifferently.

Neither said anything this time; Shuichi didn't beg, didn't scream for release and Eiri remained indifferent as his fingers continued wrapping themselves tighter around Shuichi's neck. The silence was filled with a mixture of calm, even breaths and loud gasps for air as Shuichi surrendered himself completely to Eiri.

"Eiri…" Shuichi rasped out quietly in between gasps, on the verge of passing out and, maybe, dying. His eyes closed in an act of resignation and waited.

"Do you think… dying is the best way out, Shindou-san?" Eiri whispered quietly, removing his hands from Shuichi's neck and tracing the dark marks his fingers had left on it with his eyes. He frowned deeply and watched Shuichi's eyes open to stare up at him dazedly. Eiri read the message in them easily; I'm not dead yet.

Damn right you're not dead yet. A voice cried angrily inside his mind but he kept silent and continued watching Shuichi.

"You have a friend who wants forgiveness," Eiri eyed the cuts on Shuichi's arms closely as he spoke, wondering what the older man had used to inflict them. Probably the army knife he'd mistaken for a gun in paranoia. "If you want to die, die after you've forgiven him." He paused and continued in a slight whisper while he met Shuichi's eyes seriously, "I'll kill you myself."

"Eiri-kun…" Shuichi breathed and then the silence became deafening. If they were in a park then why, Eiri wondered, was it so silent? Why couldn't there be anyone around to break the tension between them? Why was he even here? Why did he even bother

"Why?" Shuichi asked again and Eiri felt like screaming and clawing his hair out. Why? Why? Why? Why ask questions he couldn't possibly answer? Why?

But, for once, Eiri realized had an answer. It was vague and probably wouldn't satisfy but, for Eiri, it was enough. It was, also, the only answer his mind could offer.

"Because I want you." To live. To be with me. To be alive and not dead. To stop hurting. The possibilities were endless but that answer was enough for now. For now, Shuichi had to be satisfied with that and… and for a reason Eiri couldn't possibly begin to comprehend even, Shuichi's lips spread out and upturned to a small smile.

Thank you.

Shuichi didn't have to say it and Eiri nodded to tell him just that.

ooo