Title: Do I Know You
Rating: PG-13 (for language only) For this chapter for some sexual stuff.
Summary: If you really wanna know, check out my other chappies.
AN: Sorry bout the hiatus, for those of you that are actually reading my story. The song is Broken by Seether f/ Amy Lee. I love it so much. It's soooo tragic. You must listen to it. Thanx a noodle. SlayerChic503.
One day, Buffy was being wheeled about school as usual when she began to cough. As they got to class, her coughing wasn't lessening, so Willow got her some water. Buffy took a long draught that gave her momentary relief, but kept coughing after she caught her breath. All of a sudden red spots appeared on her Kleenex, and kept getting bigger with each cough. "Oh my God. She's coughing up blood. We need to get her to a hospital now!" Willow ran to the teacher's phone and called an ambulance and Dr. Gregory. Willow, Oz, and Xander went with Buffy to meet the ambulance. Buffy tried to stop her friends and tell them she didn't want to go to the hospital, but they would hear none of it.
She was in the hospital and her coughing had stopped, but her protests hadn't, "Please let me go home. I don't want to be here." she pleaded with Dr. Gregory.
"Buffy your health is getting serious. You need to stay here so we can continue to treat your symptoms." The doctor tried to reason with her.
"Look, I get what you're trying to do for me, but… I know that I'm dying. I don't want to live that last of my life being poked and prodded. I want to go home and be with my husband and friends."
Gregory gave her a resigned look and nodded. As he left to do the paperwork for her release, her friends came back into the room. "Hey Buff. What'd the doctor say?" Xander asked.
He's letting me leave." Buffy attempted to get out of bed on her own, but Willow was at her side in an instant to make sure she didn't fall.
"Alright. Boys, out, now. We'll be out in a minute with a ready to go Buffy." Willow shooed Xander and Oz out the door while Cordelia got Buffy's clothes.
Buffy stopped going to school after that, mostly because of Angel's insanely over-protectiveness. Angel carried Buffy everywhere around the mansion when she needed it and made sure he was by her side whenever she was awake. Sometimes she'd get irritated with his hovering, but didn't fight him on it because she knew he was just worried.
Suddenly it became very difficult for Buffy to get out of bed, even with Angel's help. It hurt Angel's heart to see his wife and soulmate so fragile and close to death. It was late at night when he thought this while he was watching her try to sleep. He reached over and brushed a strand of hair off her face. He let his hand linger on her face and swore he could almost feel her ferocious spirit dying. He was staring at the ceiling when he felt her stir next to him. He turned toward her as her eyes slowly fluttered open.
"Hi." Buffy whispered, "Hmmm. You have serious thought face. Spill." Buffy turned gingerly to face him better.
Angel smiled at her and started playing with hair, "Nothing important. Are you okay?" By now it was second nature for him to ask her how she was. He knew it tended to get on her nerves, but he was far from caring at that point.
Buffy was now playing with the neck of his wife beater. Angel noticed the unbearably sad look on his wife's face. He cupped her neck with his hand and gently rubbed his thumb along her jaw line, "Baby what's wrong. You look so sad."
Buffy smiled sadly, "Just thinking about all the things that I'll never get to do." Tears began to leak out the corners of her eyes, "I'm not feeling sorry for myself it's just that I am really gonna miss all the time I would've had with my mother, my friends, and… you. I wanted to see the world with you. For you to show me some of the places you'd been. I wanted go to college. See my friends be happy, get married, have kids. I thought maybe one day we could've adopted a baby. I wanted to get old and wrinkly, as weird as that sounds." Tears continued their trail down her face, but they were more tears of longing than sadness. A longing for a life that she'd never have and never know. Angel hugged her as if his very existence and her life depended on it. He wiped away her tears with his thumb and looked at her as if he were memorizing every inch of her face. Buffy looked him square in the eye and said, "Make love to me."
"Buffy, baby, are you sure you're strong enough." Angel wanted to more than anything but didn't want to cause her any more pain than she was already in.
"Please… just please. I need it to remind me of what we've been fighting for." Buffy pleaded with him.
Angel saw need in her eyes and decided that it would hurt her more if he said no than yes, so he kissed her with all the love and passion that he knew would have to last him until he saw her again. She helped him take his shirt off as he did the same for her. They both quickly lost their boxers and Angel rolled on top of Buffy, careful to support the majority of his own weight, and took her with such gentle force that Buffy couldn't remember a time when she felt more loved than in that moment.
Close to an hour later they came together and fell back into a semi-peaceful sleep. Buffy slept the best she had in many weeks.
The next day Buffy felt she needed to talk to her friends and mother. She had already helped Angel deal with what was about to happen, if just on a subconscious level, and now it was their turn. Buffy arranged to have everyone over for dinner. Her mother came early, so she decided that it was best to talk to her one on one instead of with the group.
When Joyce arrived Buffy was already situated in the living room and Angel led her in. The women hugged and Angel slipped silently from the room to give them some privacy. Buffy decided to speak first, "Mom you know that I love you, right."
"Oh of course honey. That has never been in doubt." Joyce had a vague motherly notion as to what this discussion might be about, but she let her daughter get to it in her own time.
"I know I haven't exactly been the best daughter," Joyce opened her mouth to protest but Buffy cut her off, "No it's okay. I know it hasn't been easy for you having a daughter that's the slayer, but I've accepted that I did the best that I could and I know that I tried. I just… I just wanted to make sure that you understand… that what happened to me was nobody's fault, and I understand that this is how my life was meant to be. I need to make sure you are going to be okay after I die. I know the guys are going to take it hard and they're gonna turn to you to help them understand. I hate to put this burden on your shoulders, but I wanted to warn you."
"Buffy, honey, I love you so much and I guess that I understand all of what you've said and… well, that I have to accept it as well. I know that your friends will miss you, though no more than I will, and I'll do my very best to try to help them accept it as well." Silent tears were streaming down Joyce's face as she hugged her daughter fiercely.
"I think Angel might need your help the most. Not with accepting, but with staying connected. I don't want him to get cut off from you guys because he could definitely help with helping the gang to understand. I love him so much, and I know that this is going to hurt him more than he's telling me. Boy am I gonna miss him." Buffy looked over her shoulder in the direction she knew he was in, it was just one of those things with him.
Not twenty minutes later the whole Scooby Gang was at the mansion. Everyone was chatting and eating happily. Buffy decided that she wouldn't spoil the moment with her morbid talk. She waited until her mother left (Buffy didn't want her mom to have to go through that discussion twice) and everyone was settled in the living room. It had been such a draining day that Buffy was being supported by Angel sitting next to her, so he wasn't able to give them privacy this time. Buffy closed her eyes to reign in her strength to have this discussion for the second time.
"Hey Buff. You okay?" Xander's worry was starting to rise higher.
"Yeah Buffy you really look terrible." Cordelia's usual uninhibitedness shining through as always.
"Thanks Cordy." Buffy said with a wry smile, "I'm not doing so well you guys. I really just wanted to tell you all how much I love you and how much you mean to me. You all mean so much."
Willow was the one to interrupt, "Buffy please don't talk like that."
"I guess I just want you to understand that I'm at peace with what's happening to me. I've accepted it. I want you all to know that everything's going to be okay and that… well… life will go on. God could I be anymore cliché Dali Llama… I want you guys to experience everything. Everything that I won't be able to." Buffy couldn't continue and looked down at her hands. When she felt able to look at her friends again she saw all watery eyes and said with tears in her eyes herself, "Well, don't I know how to kill a mood." She tried to lighten the atmosphere, but failed.
Realizing that their time was up, each of the Scoobies rose from their seat and gave Buffy a hug and kiss. Xander and Willow each lingered a little longer than the rest for obvious reasons. When it came time for Giles to say goodbye, (he had been Señor Silent all night) he knelt in front of Buffy, took hold of her hands, and bent his head over them. Buffy placed her hand gently on his head.
Angel felt like he was invading something private and personal, but there was no chance in hell that he would leave Buffy when she was this weak and so close to leaving him.
Giles finally looked at Buffy with some serious waterworks brewing. Buffy's heart broke. "It was nothing you did as a watcher. It is just one of those things that happen. You have been more to me than Hank ever was. You have been the best father to me and I love you so much. I'm going to miss you more than anything." Both were crying openly at this point. Buffy leaned over and hugged the closest and best thing she had to a father. He stood and brought her with him. They stood there and hugged her so tightly Giles thought she might snap, but for the life of him he couldn't stand to let her go. Reluctantly he set her back in Angel's able and waiting arms. Angel kissed Buffy and stood to walk Rupert out. Before exiting, the two most important men in Buffy's life shared a brief hug.
When Angel returned he found Buffy looking so tired. He gently picked her up, and her body felt so light and limp that it made him dread more what was coming. When he laid her down in bed, Buffy didn't fall asleep immediately, as per usual. Buffy's breathes came ragged and shallow. Angel laid next to his beloved and tried to hold her, but when he touched her she cried out in pain. Tears fell horribly down his beautiful face.
"No please hold me. I don't want to be alone. It's getting colder. "Buffy began to shake and sob. Angel brought her to him and he clung to her as if she were breath. "Please don't leave them. They…(sob)…will need… your help. Don't… desert them…please. Promise… me."
"I will. I swear. I won't leave them. I love you… (sob)… please. Don't leave me…please. I need you." Angel begged through the river of tears.
Buffy arched and screamed in pain. "I…love you…so much. I don't want… to leave you. Please. I need… more time. Please…it's not enou…enough time." Buffy's sobbing began to abate slowly, along with her breath. Angel cried harder as he stared into her eyes and watched as the life was draining from them. Then she stopped moving and he died again; this time it was more painful. "NOOOOO! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME. I NEED YOU SO MUCH. I LOVE YOU! PLEASE!" Angel was sobbing and screaming now. Now he started yelling at the ceiling, "YOU CAN'T TAKE HER FROM ME! I NEED HER! SHE'S ALL I HAVE!" Angel collapsed sobbing on his lost wife. His head on her stomach.
Eventually he fell asleep, when he wasn't sure, but he woke feeling the worst he'd ever felt in his excruciatingly long life. He got up, not bothering to change, and started making calls. First was to Joyce, whose silent tears could be heard through the phone. Next was Giles who let out a strangled sort of sob and hung up. Last were Willow, Xander, Cordelia, and Oz. Then he called the funeral home and made all the necessary arrangements for the funeral, which would be that night.
I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away, you don't feel me, anymore
Everyone stood around the gravesite crying as the minister continued to speak. Joyce and Angel stood at the front; heads bowed, Joyce took Angel's hand in hers and gave it a gentle and knowing squeeze. He almost managed a smile.
The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain awayThere's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
Angel sobbed silently as he realized that the one woman that he would ever love was being put into the ground. The thought of her lying there for eternity was one of the most horrible thoughts to cross his mind. Eventually they all left and left Angel to mourn his wife in privacy. He fell to his knees and put his head on the freshly dug up earth.
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore
Sensing the sunrise approaching Angel reluctantly got up and left…her. He couldn't bring himself to think the g-word anymore. He suddenly remembered a place underneath the Sunnydale Post Office.
Angel entered the chamber of the Oracles. He was told of the place, but had never entered before.
"What have you brought me?" the female asked in an amused voice. The male just glared at him.
Angel hadn't been warned of the gift aspect, he realized he was wearing a watch, took it off and threw it to her.
She giggled as she examined the offering, "What a lovely thing, time. There's so little and so much of it."
"What do you want lower being?" the male demanded, irritated.
"Bring her back. She doesn't deserve it." Angel was emotional and upset, and barely standing.
"What he asks is a matter of the flesh and insignificant." The male sneered.
"NO! She was… is the most important person ever. She's the Slayer, without her the Hellmouth is unprotected. She's needed." He pleaded with them. He kept eye contact with the female; she seemed to have sympathy towards him and his plea.
"You are a foolish insect." The male barked. "Another will be called, as usual the balance will be restored. What is done cannot be undone." He motioned to expel Angel, but the female stopped her brother.
"Your grief is comforting. She is safe where she is. Do not worry. You will see her before long on this plane once more." She moved to touch his face and was expelled backwards.
Angel blinked and was back under the post office. "NO! What do you mean by that? Tell me." He yelled at the wall, but nothing changed. He decided that he wasn't going to get anywhere else so he used the tunnels to get back to the mansion. He laid on his back on his bed and stared at the ceiling thinking on what the female oracle had said to him. That thought would stay with him the better part of the next two centuries.
Well there it is! Finally. It's taken me forever to finish that chapter. I hope to update sooner. Laters, SlayerChic ;)