Spiffy Symphonia Chapter 6: Air Force Dojo vs Butter Pants, a tales of symphonia fanfic

Author's Note: This chapter came up from the last chapter and the thought, "Would the Grand Cardinals make a good boy band? No, but still it's worth to laugh at..." Okay! Take it away Disclaimer!

Disclaimer: Angelglory does not own anything appearing in the chapter. I'd be surprised if someone owned Boybandia.

Now, time to reply to mah reviewahs:

BrokenAngel,ForgivenDevil: Glad you like teh fic.

Twisted-Galaxy: Me like, as well!

cyberwolfmk: It'd help if I knew who they all were. I only remember the Fonz.

Zelda's Fox 38: I must give you credit for this chapter's plot. Thank you.

The Zelda Master: The 'Passionate Sex' part was my personal favorite joke.

Gcn-Sayian-Elite: PLOThOle……….

Chibi-Sheik: Thanks for loving it.

SnowCrystal: I AM using Mithos.

Avini: Hmm…(plotting…plotting)

treekicker: Yes, Oh Snap indeed.

me: Maw ha ha ha! My fanbase keeps growing!

psychobreadfish: Glad you're a fan!

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Chapter 6: Air Force Dojo vs. Butter Pants ((a.k.a. Boybandia))

It was a pass the Omelets kinda day, and our ToS heroes were indeed passing the Omelets. After last chapter's hijinx, there's nothing to do…except…

"No… Just no." Kratos said sternly.

"Aww, come on, why not? We'd make a great boy band!" Lloyd claimed. "We have enough guys here, so we can do it! Please?"

Colette clapped her hands together. "Come on, Kratos, you'll be great." She squealed.

"It's not open for discussion." Kratos finally said, walking away.

Lloyd whined and turned to everyone else. "But I wanna be popular!" he exclaimed.

"Even if we got Kratos in on this…we'd still need a fifth guy." Yuan remarked.

"But we have…" Lloyd began.

"Regal doesn't count… and the brat's to young for this kinda stuff." Zelos said, casting a glare at Regal and Genis.

"I'm so unloved." Regal commented, a single tear running down his face.

A stupid, as usual, idea popped into Lloyd's head. "HEY! Maybe we could disguise one of the girls as a guy!" He squeaked.

"…"

Lloyd is then beaten to a bloody pulp by all of the female party members except Colette, who was chasing butterflies.

"Flutterbys! Eeeee!" Colette squealed.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

MEANWHILE, The cast of villains were playing four square, I mean, discussing evil. Martel stood in the middle of the group.

"Roll call!" She shouted. "Everyone remember their new names? OK! Four Seasons?"

"Here!" Forcystus called out.

"Magnolia?"

"Here! vErMiN!" Magnius said.

"Prozac?"

"Myeh, here." Pronyma gurgled.

"Caviar?"

"That would be me." Kvar claimed.

"Radish?"

"Heeeeeeeeere!' Rodyle creaked.

"Mentos?

"Why am we even alive? I though that idiot Lloyd smite'd us all." Mithos commented.

"He did, but you should thank the plotholes. Anyway, everyone just call me…Motel for now." Martel answered.

"Motel, how exactly are we going to destroy those stupid ToS heroes anyway?" Forcystus asked.

"Simple, Four Seasons, after reading the above text, I've come up with the perfect plan!" Martel chimed.

"Which is?" Mithos asked.

"They're making a boy band. And if us villains beat them at that, we'll be better!" Martel shouted.

"…"

"That's it?" Kvar asked.

Martel slapped Kvar like a walnut on Easter Sunday. "Of course that's it! After we defeat those losers, Lloyd will be all mine!" she yelled.

"Cradle robber…" Mithos mumbled.

Martel cast a death glare at Mithos. "Emo…" she muttered. "Anyway, let's get going. We depart to…that way!" she shouted, pointing upways and to the left.

And so the villains flew away. Offwards to…

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"...Boybandia?" Sheena asked, reading the sign overhead.

"Welcome to Boybandia!" said the sign. "Where every girl's need to obsess over a bunch a guys who have no coordination whatsoever is fulfilled."

Dull silence…

"Cool, I was looking for a place like this." Sheena spoke up.

Everything in known existence stopped whatever it was they were doing to look at Sheena in disbelief.

"W-What?" Sheena asked.

"C'mon, let's go in!" Lloyd shouted gleefully.

As the ToS heroes approached the entrance to Boybandia, Random Pedestrian #3462 halted them.

"I'm sorry, only boy bands and screaming girls are allowed in," said Random Pedestrian #3462.

"But we are a boy band!" Lloyd pleaded, pointing back to the other male members of the party. "And…they're…our groupies." He continued hesitantly, pointing to the girls. Zelos can be heard saying "Schweet," in the background.

"Are you sure they are?" asked Random Pedestrian #3462.

After a short pause, Raine quickly slapped Colette's hands closed, crushing the butterfly she caught. In response, Colette started screaming her head off.

"My Flutterby!" She squealed/screamed/cried.

"That's her favorite song." Raine remarked.

"Okay, you're in…Wait a second. This guy…" Random Pedestrian #3462 pointed to Regal. "He's to ugly to be in a boy band. He can't come in."

"Why must you all hate me so?" Regal whined.

"Wait, Regala is a girl, a very ugly girl. She's the representative of all of the ugly people that love us." Zelos explained

"Oh yeah, I forgot about those people," replied #3462.

"Exactly, now just let us in, I'm feeling sleepy." Yuan whined. Everyone just looked at Yuan for a second. "Just playing the part." The angel grumbled.

"Before I let you all in, I need to know your boy band's name." Said Random Pedestrian #3462.

"We're…uh…we're…" Lloyd stuttered.

"Air Force Dojo!" Genis shouted happily.

Dull silence…

"O…k, have a great day." #3462 said confusedly, opening the gate and letting our ToS heroes inside Boybandia.

And so as the heroes entered, the villains approached the gate. Of course, they were stopped by #3462. "Hold it, only boy bands and screaming girls are allowed in."

"They are a boy band." Martel said pointing to the male villains. "And my gothic friend and I are screaming girls." She pointed to herself and Pronyma.

"But, four of those guys are freakin' ugly," deduced #3462.

"DAMMIT! LET US IN NOW! WE'RE THE FRIKKIN' VILLAINS! SO STOP STALLING AND OPEN THE GATE!" Martel screamed.

#3462 lay curled up in a ball crying afterwards. "I just…need the boy band's name."

"VerMiN! We never thought of a name." Magnus claimed.

"Calm down, Magnolia. I have an idea." Mithos said reassuringly. Turning to #3462, he said, "We are Butter Pants."

Dull silence…

"O…k, first Air Force Dojo, now Butter Pants. What next, the cast of Happy Days?" asked #3462, opening the gate to Boybandia.

"Eyyyy!" went the Fonz, appearing out of nowhere.

"He's with us." Martel said quickly, grabbing the Fonz and pulling him along with the villains as they entered.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Lloyd was happy to just get inside. Everyone else, though, was not as happy.

"What exactly are we supposed to do here?" Genis asked the rest, as he looked around Boybandia.

Lloyd shrugged his shoulders, with his usual dumb-founded look on his face. "I dunno. I never really thought about that." He admitted.

Kratos, after so long not losing it, lost it. He wrapped his hands around his son's neck and started to strangle him. "Why you little…! You made us come all the way here for nothing!" he yelled.

Raine slapped Kratos and yelled, "Don't hurt the puppy!"

"(Whine)" whined Lloyd, similarly to a Noishe whine.

Raine then began strangling Kratos. "You hurt the puppy!" she screamed.

Sheena suddenly began to strangle Zelos. "Argh! Why're you…(cough)…choking me?" Zelos managed to say as the summoner continued her assault.

Sheena stopped choking the redhead for a second, but then resumed her act. "Stupid Chosen! Need a reason for strangling!" she yelled.

Meanwhile, another pedestrian approached our heroes. "You're up next," claimed Random Pedestrian #9145.

The entire group immediately became confused and responded with the same, "Dwha?"

#9145 held up a piece of paper. "I got it right here, the next battle…song…thing. Air Force Dojo vs. Butter Pants." He claimed.

"What? We have to sing? That wasn't what I agreed to! I was only told I had to have no coordination!" Yuan exclaimed, tripping over his own feet although he was standing still.

But before any could care about Yuan's predicament, Lloyd was already running onto the stage. "YAAY! We get to sing!" He squealed.

The rest of the members of Air Force Dojo reluctantly followed the over-excited swordsman on stage, with Kratos having to drag Yuan because he kept falling over. As they reached the stage, Air Force Dojo came face to face with Butter Pants for the first time…kinda.

"You!" yelled everyone onstage, as they pointed at the group across from them.

"Mithos!" shouted Lloyd.

"Kratos!" yelled Mithos.

"Kvar!" shouted Kratos.

"Magnolia!" yelled Kvar.

"Vermin!" shouted Magnius.

"Mithos!" yelled Genis.

"Genis?" questioned Mithos.

"Macadamia!" creaked Rodyle.

"Gazebo!" yelled Yuan.

"Bulbous Bouffant!" screamed Zelos.

"SHUT UP AND SING ALREADY! SHOW THOSE STUPID HEROES WHO'S BETTER!" Martel demanded.

"Martel!" growled Raine.

"What's her face!" Martel growled back.

"Motel!" gurgled Pronyma.

"My flutterby!" Colette squealed, as she accidentally let her new butterfly go.

"Colette…" Sheena grumbled.

"Squishy!" Raine shouted with glee, huggling Sheena.

The screaming fan girls were getting impatient. "Sing already!" they screamed.

Lloyd thought for a second, "I got one! Follow my lead!" he proclaimed.

The other members of Air Force Dojo were hesitant, but they nodded.

Random techno music started playing and Lloyd spoke up, starting the intro for this song he just came up with. "Gather 'round boys and girls. Today, we learn about the days of the week!"

There was a pause, followed by Lloyd yelling/singing out the next part and onward. "Days of the week! There's seven of them. Unless you're in school, then there's only five!"

"Flonase Monday!" a booming voice yelled.

"The day of nostril high! Snort and sniff towards nasal bliss!" sang Lloyd.

"Toaster Tuesday!" yelled the voice, as Lloyd pointed to Kratos.

Kratos stammered for a second but then joined in and sang, "Uh…Waffles, Pop Tarts, whatever the food. It's all one toasty smorgasbord!"

Days of the week! There's seven of them. Unless you're in school, then there's only five!

"Tylenol Wednesday!" yelled the voice again, as Kratos slapped Yuan on the back.

Yuan joined in as well, after falling over a few more times. "Tylenol! Oh yeah! It solves everything! Even world hunger!" He sang.

"Lumberjack Thursday!" yelled the voice.

Genis jumped forward excitedly and sang, "Screw Arbor Day! I like log cabins, how about you? Lumberjacks cut down your stupid giant toothpicks! So what're you gonna do?"

Nothing!