author: Lucinda
rating: pg13
main character(s): Giles, mention of Jenny Calendar
disclaimer: I hold no legal rights to any character from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, created by Joss Whedon
distribution: Jinni, Paula, anyone else ask.
note: Jinni's weekly poetry challenge #7. Set in season 2, just after Jenny's death.
REMEMBER me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
Christina Georgina Rossetti - Remember
* * * * *
Giles sat in his chair, facing the window. His eyes were unfocused, and he paid no attention to the lawn outside his window. He wasn't seeing that anyhow.
His mind was lost in memories. Memories of a dark haired woman with sparkling eyes, a sense of adventure, and the owner of that still baffling little twisting bit of metal. She'd said it wasn't an earring, but he'd never quite got an answer what it was.
Jenny Calendar, computer teacher at Sunnydale High. The woman that he'd been dating, been entertaining hopes and dreams, and fantasies about. Some of those fantasies had proved quite attainable, others... Others had been cut brutally short, rendered impossible by the hands of Angelus. Jenny Calendar, Janna Kalderash... regardless of which name one used for the woman, she was dead now.
He missed her. Missed her smile, her teasing, her soft, almost seductive chuckle. He'd even found himself missing her efforts to convert him to the computer.
He'd been half in love with her, at least. He'd been entertaining thoughts of marriage, of children, of a future together.
But those had been before. Before Angelus had emerged. Before they'd discovered that she was Janna Kalderash, member of the gypsy clan that had cursed Angel, before learning how much she'd been hiding from them all. He'd felt so betrayed just then, sick and furious and hurt...
She was gone now. Killed and left on his bed in a scattering of rose petals, as if in preparation for some romantic interlude. He'd even been the main suspect in her death, because of that little detail. Damn vampire and his twisted games.
She was gone, and he'd never be able to talk to her again. Never be able to tell her that he understood now why she'd kept her heritage a secret, that he understood her fear.
Never tell her about his feelings for her.
Never again would she rile him up with glib lines about bent corners and coffee stains on his old texts. No more dragging him to monster truck rallies or football games. No more cuddling up together in front of a crackling fire with mugs of spiced cider.
Had she known how much she'd come to matter to him? Had she known that he cared before her death? Or had she died thinking that she was hated, reviled by all of them for her secrets, as she had been by Buffy? Had she known that she would be missed?
Why hadn't he tried to tell her? Why hadn't he sought her out, caught her for a moment in the teacher's lounge? Why hadn't he ever told her how she'd crept into him, marking a place in his mind and heart that would always belong to her?
But that question didn't matter anymore. She was dead, and he couldn't change anything. He'd been the fool that hadn't confessed that he cared, and now he'd lost any chance for anything with her again. There would be no chance to rebuild a relationship, no more teasing, flirting smiles. No more Jenny.
He hadn't even been able to say those few words. Hadn't been able to let her know what she meant. He'd been a fool, and now he sat alone with his regrets.
end So Many Things Unspoken
rating: pg13
main character(s): Giles, mention of Jenny Calendar
disclaimer: I hold no legal rights to any character from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, created by Joss Whedon
distribution: Jinni, Paula, anyone else ask.
note: Jinni's weekly poetry challenge #7. Set in season 2, just after Jenny's death.
REMEMBER me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
Christina Georgina Rossetti - Remember
* * * * *
Giles sat in his chair, facing the window. His eyes were unfocused, and he paid no attention to the lawn outside his window. He wasn't seeing that anyhow.
His mind was lost in memories. Memories of a dark haired woman with sparkling eyes, a sense of adventure, and the owner of that still baffling little twisting bit of metal. She'd said it wasn't an earring, but he'd never quite got an answer what it was.
Jenny Calendar, computer teacher at Sunnydale High. The woman that he'd been dating, been entertaining hopes and dreams, and fantasies about. Some of those fantasies had proved quite attainable, others... Others had been cut brutally short, rendered impossible by the hands of Angelus. Jenny Calendar, Janna Kalderash... regardless of which name one used for the woman, she was dead now.
He missed her. Missed her smile, her teasing, her soft, almost seductive chuckle. He'd even found himself missing her efforts to convert him to the computer.
He'd been half in love with her, at least. He'd been entertaining thoughts of marriage, of children, of a future together.
But those had been before. Before Angelus had emerged. Before they'd discovered that she was Janna Kalderash, member of the gypsy clan that had cursed Angel, before learning how much she'd been hiding from them all. He'd felt so betrayed just then, sick and furious and hurt...
She was gone now. Killed and left on his bed in a scattering of rose petals, as if in preparation for some romantic interlude. He'd even been the main suspect in her death, because of that little detail. Damn vampire and his twisted games.
She was gone, and he'd never be able to talk to her again. Never be able to tell her that he understood now why she'd kept her heritage a secret, that he understood her fear.
Never tell her about his feelings for her.
Never again would she rile him up with glib lines about bent corners and coffee stains on his old texts. No more dragging him to monster truck rallies or football games. No more cuddling up together in front of a crackling fire with mugs of spiced cider.
Had she known how much she'd come to matter to him? Had she known that he cared before her death? Or had she died thinking that she was hated, reviled by all of them for her secrets, as she had been by Buffy? Had she known that she would be missed?
Why hadn't he tried to tell her? Why hadn't he sought her out, caught her for a moment in the teacher's lounge? Why hadn't he ever told her how she'd crept into him, marking a place in his mind and heart that would always belong to her?
But that question didn't matter anymore. She was dead, and he couldn't change anything. He'd been the fool that hadn't confessed that he cared, and now he'd lost any chance for anything with her again. There would be no chance to rebuild a relationship, no more teasing, flirting smiles. No more Jenny.
He hadn't even been able to say those few words. Hadn't been able to let her know what she meant. He'd been a fool, and now he sat alone with his regrets.
end So Many Things Unspoken