Chapter 14

She pulled herself out of her reverie and looked up as he pulled into the hospital parking lot. He passed the emergency room entrance and slowed down to look for a spot nearby to park, and then he heard the back door sliding open. He turned just as Donna jumped out of the minivan and ran full speed towards the hospital.

"Donna, wait!" he yelled, but she was already around the minivan and heading for the automatic doors into the emergency room.

He shook his head. He couldn't let her be standing there alone, afraid and helpless when… if some doctor, some nurse told her Josh was dead. He had to be there, whether she'd want him there or not. He'd told him he'd protect her, and he would.

He threw the minivan into park and opened his door. "Park," he shouted to Ned as he ran after her, again.

He followed her inside to the information desk and she ignored him, speaking to a young woman who was on the phone. "I need information on someone brought in from the riot."

The woman looked up at Donna and held a finger up, motioning for her to wait a minute, then focused on the call again.

"No," Donna said, interrupting her again. "This is an emergency."

The woman looked displeased as she looked at Donna again and covered the phone with her hand. "This is an emergency room. Every case is an emergency. Please wait quietly."

"Donna, just give her a minute," he said quietly, touching her elbow, which she ripped out of his hand.

"I don't care about the other emergencies," she said frantically to the woman.

"Well I do," the nurse said pointedly, looking at Donna for another few seconds before uncovering the phone and continuing with the phone call.

He looked around and saw a nurse walking towards the seating area with a clipboard in her hands and walked up to her quickly. "Excuse me."

The woman looked up and smiled. "Yes?"

"We need information about someone brought in from the riot," Donna said, hurrying up behind him.

"Sure," the nurse said politely. "The information desk is right there; they can help," she said, pointing to the desk they'd just come from.

"No," she said shaking her head. "She's on the phone. She won't tell me anything. I need to know now. I have to know now. Right now. I can't wait. Please," she pleaded, tears starting to slip down her cheeks.

The woman looked to Matt and then back to Donna, putting her hand on Donna's shoulder. "Ok," she said in a comforting voice. "Let's see what we can find out."

He watched Donna take a deep shaky breath. "Thank you, Anna," she said, looking at the woman's name tag.

The three of them walked back to the information desk and Anna started typing into a computer. "What's the patient's name?"

"Joshua Lyman, and he would've just come in. We were only a few minutes behind them," he said to her.

The nurse continued typing, then turned around and looked through more files like the one she'd been holding when he saw her. Finally, she turned back to them. "I don't have a Joshua Lyman here."

Donna's eyes got huge and she all but screamed, "They said they were bringing him here! They said Skyline. This is Skyline, isn't it?"

Matt and the nurse both looked at her and Matt wondered if this was it. If she was finally going to lose it. After the hour and a half she'd had, he wouldn't be shocked, and he certainly wouldn't think any less of her. He might want to lock her up, but he couldn't deny being impressed with her passion and determination.

"Yes, this is Skyline," Anna answered in a soothing voice. "He's probably just not in the system yet. Sometimes it takes a few minutes to get the information plugged into the computer. Let me go back into the exam area and see what I can find out."

"Now? Can you find out now?" Donna asked, near hysterics.

The woman nodded and walked around to her from behind the desk. "Why don't you two go sit down and I'll come right out and tell you what I find."

Donna shook her head. "I'll come with you."

She shook her head and smiled. "You can't go back there."

"But…."

"You can't. I'm sorry."

Anna looked at Matt and he turned to Donna, quietly. "We're wasting time. Let her go check."

She looked at the floor, but after a few seconds, nodded. Then she looked back up at Anna. "We'll wait right here. You'll hurry?"

"I'm going right now."

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

He leaned over on his right hip as much as possible so the paramedic could reach into this left front pocket for his phone. The man pulled it out and looked at it. "It's off," he said.

"Off?" he asked. The paramedic showed him the black display panel, and Josh frowned. He'd felt the phone vibrate three separate times; when did the phone switch off? "Umm… ok. Just hold the 'end' button down and it'll turn back on."

The paramedic nodded and held the button down. The phone played music as the power came on, but the music was distorted and the phone immediately went black again. He held the 'end' button down again and the same thing happened. "It's not working."

Josh hung his head. He'd been knocked to the ground and kicked repeatedly, and then he'd fallen when Officer Davidson was shot. Apparently the phone didn't make it. A second later his head snapped up. "Do you have one I can borrow?"

The paramedic shook his head. "We don't bring them on our shifts. It's against policy. Sorry."

He sighed and nodding slightly. "I'll call her from the hospital. She…worries…about me."

The man smiled at him. "Nice, isn't it?" Josh looked at him for a second before nodding and smiling back. "Now…can I take a look at this cut?"

"Yeah," Josh said, preparing himself for the pain. The paramedic leaned in close to him and he felt some liquid on his head that stung worse than anything had up until that point, making him grit his teeth, squeeze his eyes shut, clench his fists and suck in breath.

"It's deep," the paramedic said, sitting up and looking at him. "All this blood yours?" he asked.

Josh shook his head. "No, some of it's his," he said, nodding towards Officer Davidson. "And some of it… there was another officer. He was in the pavilion. He was bleeding… badly. Some of it's his."

The paramedic leaned in close to him again and started poking around his face. "Make sure you tell them that at the hospital. They'll give you some antibiotics to prevent HIV and hepatitis."

Josh's eyes got huge and he thought he might be sick again. "Do you…" he trailed off.

"It's unlikely, but as cut up as you are, you'll want to be safe," he said. Josh continued staring at him. "I don't think it's anything to worry about, really. You can request that they test the officers, if you can find them both."

Josh nodded reluctantly. "Ok."

"Now, some bad news. Your nose is broken, you're going to need stitches for this cut, and you've got an awfully ugly black eye forming there."

"I figured."

"You said your stomach and back hurt?"

"Someone knocked me to the ground and kicked the hell out of me for a minute or two."

"That sounds fun. Any blood coming up in your mouth?"

He shook his head, but then stopped and looked at the man. "I'm not really sure," he finally said. "I've been spitting blood, but I figured it was dripping down my face from the cut."

"You could have some internal bleeding. I'm gonna unbutton your shirt, see what I can see."

Josh nodded and leaned his head back as the paramedic unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it as far down his arms as he could with the cuffs on. "Right here?" he asked, pressing on his side, making Josh jump.

"Fuck!"

"So, yes?"

"Yeah," he gritted out. "Right there."

"Lean forward," the paramedic said to him. He did, and flinched when he pressed on his back slightly.

"And there?"

"Yeah," came out more like a grunt than a word.

He helped Josh lean back again and buttoned a few of the buttons on his shirt. "I'd guess a few cracked ribs and possibly a bruised kidney. There might be some internal bleeding."

"Internal bleeding?" he asked, panic threatening to rise in his voice.

"They'll run some tests. If there is, it isn't bad or you'd be unconscious by now. We're gonna be there in five minutes, let's wait on the doctors for that."

Josh closed his eyes and nodded. "I'm supposed to have dinner with someone tonight."

The paramedic chuckled and went back to work on Josh's face. "Hope they like hospital food."

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

They stood directly next to the information desk and waited for the nurse, Anna, to come back and talk to them. Ned was with them now, but she was still pretty much ignoring their existence. She just kept thinking she'd know what happened if she'd gotten on the ambulance, and she wasn't even pretending to not be angry about that.

She tried to take a deep breath. She needed to calm down and she knew it. She was acting irrational, a totally different Donna than she'd been when he was shot and she waited patiently and quietly in the hospital waiting room without yelling at nurses and shooting looks of death at the people she waited with. She was supposed to be wiser, older, and more mature now, so why was she nearing the edge of reason? She couldn't help wondering what it was about this day that was different than the last time.

Was it knowledge, she wondered. Last time she knew what was happening. They were able to explain exactly what was going on; she hadn't been left wondering, her mind jumping to the worst conclusions. Maybe she'd be calm once she knew what was going on.

Or was it that she'd been with friends last time? Mrs. Landingham holding her hand, Mrs. Bartlet sitting next to her. She still remembered CJ's hand on her shoulder and the presence of Sam and Toby. These men were not her friends and she doubted they were all that close with Josh. Maybe that's why she wasn't keeping it together as well.

Of course, she thought, there was another option. Maybe she just loved him more now than she did then. Maybe the thought of living without him for the rest of her life scared her so much that remaining calm simply wasn't an option. She'd been living without him for three months, and she knew there was no way she'd be able to do that for the rest of her life. She never thought she could love him more than she did then, but maybe that was it. Maybe now she loved him that much more.

Anna walked through the double doors and up to the three of them. "How is he?" she asked, surprised at how on edge her voice sounded.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I simply haven't been able to find anything out. We don't have any patients here by that name."

"But…they…they told us they were bringing him here," she said, grasping at straws.

"Is it possible he didn't have id with him or that he wouldn't be able to tell them his name? We have a few patients we haven't been able to id yet."

"Yes," she said quickly, her voice once again scaring her as well as Matt and Ned. "He was unconscious." She looked at Matt. "He was unconscious, right? Maybe he didn't have id on him. Maybe they left his jacket in the ambulance."

He looked at her and nodded. "Yeah, maybe," he said, trying to give her some amount of hope.

Anna nodded and moved back behind the desk to the computer. "Do you know what any of his injuries are?"

"His head," Matt said quietly, biting his lower lip and looking down at the desk.

"Head wound," she repeated while scrolling through the emergency room admits. "Gun shot, stabbing, choking…I'm not seeing a head wound in the ER," she said looking back up at them. "Do you have anything else we could go on?"

"That's all we know," Donna said. "Can I just go back and look around for him? I'll be quiet and I won't get in the way at all, I swear. You can stay with me the…"

"Grey matter," Matt said quietly, interrupting her.

"What?" Donna nearly screamed snapping her head in his direction.

"A police officer on the scene told me there was…grey matter," he choked out, looking at Donna. "They… they didn't expect him to…" he trailed off and looked up at Anna. "Maybe you should…"

She nodded and tried to give him a small smile. "I didn't check that list, I'll be right back," she said quietly. She looked at Donna for a few seconds before turning and walking away.

Matt watched her leave and then looked at a very pale Donna. Her eyes were eerily dry and were opened wide and she stood rooted to her place in the small room. "Donna," he said softly.

She didn't turn or acknowledge him at all and he tried again, this time putting his hand on her shoulder. "Donna."

This time she turned to face him, slowly, and she looked up into his eyes. "You're lying," she said calmly.

He shook his head. "No."

"Yes you are."

"Donna..." he said quietly.

"You knew and you didn't tell me?" she said, starting softly but screaming by the end of the sentence, hitting him hard in the chest with her fist while tears pooled in her eyes but refused to fall. "You knew!" she screamed again, hitting him again. "You son of a bitch!"

She continued screaming, accusing him, hitting him over and over in the chest as he tried to pull her arms down to her side without hurting her. He finally got control of her and pulled her to his chest where she kept screaming "I hate you!" and "You're lying!" over and over into his shirt until her voice was hoarse and she lost the strength to fight him. Then she felt a warm hand on her shoulder and he let his grip on her loosen as she picked up her head.

She stood slightly and turned around, red-faced and shaking uncontrollably and Helen Santos stood quietly. The hand she had on Donna's shoulder traveled down her arm and to her hand, and she pulled Donna into her arms, where she buried her face in the woman's shoulder and tears finally started to fall.