Everyone cheer i have written something half decent :)
I owe Paramount everything :( cough cough :)
Pining
Home. I want to be home. If they could only see me now. The 'great' Captain Janeway; crying, homesick. For five years I have spent this day without my family, I guess today will be no different. 1000 hours. I guess Chakotay will be round soon to see how I am. It's funny that…all the crew know I am never on duty on this particular date of the year and yet they have never questioned it. Not even Chakotay. In a way I am glad they don't but…sometimes…I wish Chakotay would ask, then I would tell him everything and I would be in floods of tears. He would hold me, whisper in my ear and just comfort me till I am ok again; he might even kiss the tears away.
bee-oop
Speak of the devil. That will be him. My mouth turns into a small, sad smile. He's always so predictable.
"Come in," I can only just manage to say the words.
He walks in the room. My breath momentarily stops. Flowers, he's brought me flowers. Concern fills his eyes when he sees that I have been crying. He goes and puts the peace roses in a vase on my desk.
He walks to me and sits down on the sofa next to me.
"Hey," he says while opening his arms to me.
One word and one gesture and I am in his arms. Crying fits come so he just stokes my hair, caressing it, rubbing his other hand up and down my back and whispering comforting words into my ear.
God I love him.
Eventually when my crying stops he pushes me back gently to take in my appearance. Mussed hair and a tear streaked face. He just smiles gently and wipes my tears away. He embraces me again and we stay that way till I fall asleep.
I wake a few hours later in his arms but this time we are on my bed. I suddenly feel the need to tell him what happened all those years ago on this day as his arms start to pull away.
"Chakotay, stay. I want to tell you," it comes out as just a jumbled rush but he understands and we move back to the previous position we were in.
And I tell him. Everything. How Justin proposed to me and then I watched him and daddy die the next morning. How I could have saved one of them but didn't for fear of regretting not to choose the other. He just listens stroking my back and a fresh flood of tears come. This time he kisses them away with gentle feather light kisses. I stop crying out of the shock. Not because he's kissing my tears away but because of the feelings that stir inside me. I want to kiss those lips. I want him with me for life. Thinking these thoughts I suddenly remember something that I thought about earlier before I fell asleep. 'God I love him'. And I do.
Both of his arms are round my waist. I slowly move his hands down onto my ass. I see his eyes register a small shock and then realisation. My eyes widen in shock. He knows how I feel about him.
"Are you sure?" he asks me.
"What," I say not fully putting two and two together.
"Are you sure you want me? You won't want me now and then later act as though it never happened?"
"No. I want you and I want you for life," I say fervently looking into his love-filled brown eyes.
"Computer dim lights," he orders just before his mouth descends on mine and he carefully pushes me down beneath him as he continues his claiming of my lips.